Demetri
I watch through the window as Jasper and Edward square off. Bella told me she chose Jasper because he's the most in control of his own emotions. She hoped his reaction might be a bit less extreme than Carlisle's and Charlie's had been. It doesn't seem to be working. Jasper throws a punch in Edward's direction, which Edward expertly dodges at a speed that would make most vampire envious.
Alexa appears to be concentrating so hard that I'm worried she might explode from the strain she's putting herself under. I wish she didn't have to do this. Being loved by all might sound wonderful, but too much of anything becomes problematic. I see that glazed look in Jasper's eyes, equal parts adoration and fury, as Edward continues to bait him. They have been trying all afternoon. She managed to withdraw her magnetic field once, when Jasper had Edward in a choke-hold, but it only lasted a few seconds and she looked utterly exhausted afterwards. Apparently restraining an ability is much harder than expanding one.
The difficult part is getting Jasper angry enough to incentivise Alexa, without actually saying or doing anything that might traumatise her further. She's already ruled by fear, and her sense of self-worth has been damaged enough. Nobody wants to risk hurting her more than she's already been hurt. Luckily Edward's annoying habit of invading people's personal thoughts is proving to be quite useful. He can prey on Jasper's insecurities while leaving Alexa's alone. It seems the desire to make her happy also comes with a strong need for her approval.
"I don't know why you're getting so worked up about this Jazz, you've know her three days. What, you think you get to be the big saviour again? I bet she doesn't even know your name." Edward taunts, as Jasper comes at him again. This time managing to wrestle him to the ground, and for just a moment everything stops. The dopey look of a teenager in love clears from Jasper's eyes as he loosens his grip on Edward's throat. And we all let ourselves hope that this might be it. Until Jasper's grip begins to tighten again, and his eyes glaze over once more, causing Bella to extend her shield to him finally. He stops what he's doing, confusion and horror gracing his features for just a moment before he shakes it off.
"It's like his brain has been hijacked." Edward says, wrestling himself out of Jasper's grasp. "Like every thought is focused on her, how to gain her trust, how to make her happy, how to protect her. It's like an imprint bond on steroids."
"That's some intense shit." The dog says, coming to stand next to me by the window. I just grunt, hoping he'll go away. The smell is almost unbearable. "Look, I know we don't like each other very much. We don't have to pretend we do. But Alexa seems cool, and she and Nessie appear to be best friends already, so we should probably figure out how to tolerate each other." He adds.
I don't answer right away, not taking my eyes off of Alexa, she's still horrified. But now it's mixed with a look of disappointment. She's disappointed in herself. We're putting too much pressure on her.
"So what exactly is this imprint bond?" I ask the dog, hoping it might be the key to Alexa mastering her ability, or at least a helpful hint.
"It's a wolf thing. It's how we find our perfect match, it's how we know they're the one." He explains, giving me absolutely no useful information whatsoever.
"Sure, but what does it feel like?" I clarify.
"Like suddenly your whole world revolves around her."
"Even after years?" I question. That does seem intense. I know vampires tend to mate for eternity once they find the one, but the earth revolving around each other seems over dramatic. Although I suppose my world now revolves around Alexa. I had nothing left but her.
"Even after decades." He confirms.
"And there's no way to break it?"
"No."
"What if she commanded it?"
"No imprint ever has. It's kind of a reciprocal thing. I suppose if she told me to go away I would. I'd do anything for her. But that desire to please her would still be there, even after years apart, I'd still be anything she needs me to be."
"That sounds healthy." I reply sarcastically.
"I used to have a similar opinion." He admits.
"Until you were brainwashed."
"Until imprinting on Nessie saved her life. Sam's pack would have killed her otherwise, and probably the rest of her family too."
"So that's it then? You're just beholden to her for the rest of your life? There's nothing either of you can do to change it?"
"We're not looking for a way out." He tells me.
"Well thank you mutt, you've been entirely unhelpful." I sigh, turning my head back to the scene outside. I can see Renesmee attempting to make Alexa laugh.
"So much for tolerating each other." He mutters under his breath.
"Look, unless you have a solution that will allow Alexa to stop feeling terrible about her innate ability to manipulate everything and everyone around her, I don't see a reason for us to talk."
"Except for the fact that I am literally the only person in the world who understands what you're going through." He says, somewhat arrogantly. As if he could possibly understand the bizarre situation I now found myself in.
"You couldn't even begin to fathom."
"What? Had the hots for her mom, thought she was the one, until the daughter's born and suddenly you have a whole new reason for living all tied up in one impossibly perfect hybrid. Stop me when I get to something inaccurate."
"You don't know what you're talking about." I reply, but even I had to admit, he had pretty much hit the nail right on the head.
"I know you're confused. I know that you wouldn't hesitate to kill anyone who hurts her, and I know you lay awake at night wondering if you're not the thing that's hurting her." He says, continuing his uncannily accurate assessment of my psyche.
"Vampires don't sleep." I tell him, trying to shut him up.
"Finally an inaccuracy. Just the one though, right? Everything else was spot on."
"There may be some truth to what you're saying." I admit begrudgingly.
"I've been there. Wondering if I was giving Ness enough room to grow, to become herself. Wondering if she was spending her life trying to become someone who would please me instead of someone who would please herself. Not to mention the images that started running through my head, images that I would have happily disemboweled anyone else for even considering. That Edward nearly disemboweled me for considering." He replies. Perhaps he does have some experience with what we're going through, potentially even useful advice.
"How did you make it stop?" I ask.
"I didn't. Bella tends to have a perma-shield around me when I'm here. It helps keeps the peace. What I did do was give her some space. I left for almost a year. I took a road trip around the states with the rest of my pack, then went up to Canada for a bit. When I came back six months ago, she was different. So much better than I could have imagined. She was, is, the most amazing woman on the planet. And while I like to believe that would have happened even if I had stayed, I know that's not true. She needed to figure out who she was, not who she thought I wanted her to be." He explains. While I see the wisdom in his answer, I'm not crazy about what he's suggesting I do.
"Are you just trying to get rid of me?"
"No, that's just an added bonus." He laughs, passing it off as a joke even though we both know it's not.
"And she still loved you, when you came back?" I ask, surprising even myself. I'm not one to expose my insecurities so easily.
"More than ever. For some reason."
"What are you two talking about?" Renesmee asks, coming up behind Jacob and wrapping her arms around his stomach. Alexa's standing next to her, looking unsure of what to do.
"You." Jacob answers, making me wonder if the imprint also prohibited him from lying to her. Or maybe it's just easier to tell her the truth. I wish the truth was easy for me and Alexa.
"I hope it was good things." Renesmee jokes.
"Yeah, I was just telling him how after a year apart you can't stand to be without me now." Jacob laughs.
"You were apart for a year?" Alexa asks, looking shocked.
"Yeah, and now I can't wait to get rid of him again. When's your next road trip?" Renesmee taunts.
"I can leave tomorrow." Jacob replies
"You better take me with you this time." Renesmee tells him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"That kind of defeats the purpose of getting rid of me." He teases before kissing her. It short and not entirely inappropriate for two people in a relationship such as themselves, but I can see it makes Alexa a bit uncomfortable. But there's a look in her eyes, something deeper. It looks a bit like longing, but I try not to put too much stock in it. I suppose I don't know her well enough to read her mind, or her eyes.
"Are you okay?" I ask her.
"Yeah, I'll be fine." She replies.
"I'll be fine and I am fine are not the same." I say.
"I just wish I didn't have to put people through this." She responds, not looking me in the eye.
"You want to go for a walk?" I offer, sensing her hesitancy to talk about it. I was hoping I might be able to get her to open up a bit more if it's just the two of us.
"Sure." She answers.
"We'll be back later." I tell Renesmee and Jacob.
"Don't go too far, there are wolves out there." Renesmee replies playfully, but I think it's just her veiled way of reminding me that Bella's shield can't protect us if we're out of range.
"We won't, just to the back yard." I respond giving her a quick smile that I hope conveys my appreciation for both her reminder and her clever way of masking it. I put my hand on the small of Alexa's back, leading her outside. I'll never get over how warm she feels. It reminds me that she's full of life, unlike me.
"You know none of this is your fault, right?" I ask her once we've settled in under a tree. The sun is beginning to set behind the mountains, lighting up the sky with pinks and purples.
"It feels like it's all my fault." She answers sheepishly.
"You can't help how you were born."
"Yeah, but I should be able to control it."
"I don't know a single a vampire who has ever been able to restrain an ability like yours. Edward's been reading minds for a hundred years, not once has he even tried to properly control it. You've managed to contain your ability three times already." I tell her, hoping she'll see how incredible she really is.
"Only for a few seconds." She replies, her lack of faith in herself unwavering.
"Take the win Alexa."
"It's not good enough."
"Why? Why do you think nothing you do is good enough?"
"Because it never has been." She yells, tears forming in her eyes, finally admitting what I've suspected all along.
"I'm sorry, I suppose that was an unfair question. I knew the answer. I just don't agree with it." I say gently, reaching out to stroke her hair. Two weeks ago I wouldn't have dreamt of stroking someone's hair, now it just seems to come naturally.
"Then why didn't you visit?" She asks, breaking my heart with just five small words.
"I couldn't. I didn't know where you were." I explain, knowing it's not a good enough excuse. I could have found her if I had just tried harder.
"But you knew where Alec and Jane were in the woods. And then later in Milan. Isn't that what you do, you track people?"
"You're different Alexa. Our abilities, they work differently on you."
"So not only am I a master manipulator, I'm also a freak?" She replies, her tears spilling over now.
"You're not a freak, or a manipulator." I try to reassure her.
"You're just trying to make me feel better." She accuses.
"Alexa, I have spent hundreds of years with the most manipulative person on this planet. If he had your power, he wouldn't be spending his time learning to contain it, he'd be learning to exploit it."
"My father." She's not asking, she knows exactly who I'm talking about.
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Why did he lock me away?" She asks. I hesitate, realising it's going to be one of those conversations. I promised I'd tell her everything, little by little. I suppose the time had come for the next hard truth.
"Because of your ability." I tell her, looking into her eyes and trying to see into her soul, to understand her thoughts and emotions.
"Because he didn't want to be manipulated." She says, as if she's speaking a truth she's known her whole life.
"That, and he didn't like the idea of someone being able to manipulate his guard better than he could." I reply.
"Were you a member of his guard?"
"Yes."
"Did he manipulate you?"
"Yes."
"What did he do?"
"I had a mentor before I met him. We were close. But not close enough. There's another member, Chelsea, she can manipulate relationships. She severed whatever bond we had and bonded me to the Volturi instead." I explain. It had been centuries since I had even thought about Amun. And yet, somehow, in this tiny town of Forks, he seemed inescapable.
"Could she do that to us?" Alexa asks, a look of horror coming over her face.
"No. " I tell her, leaving no room for doubt. "Because I won't let her. And it only works when the bonds are fragile."
"Are we not fragile?" She questions. I suppose we are, in many ways. But not in the depth of my love for her. And hopefully not in the depth of her love for me.
"Not in this sense." I reply, praying she won't continue with this line of questioning.
"So you don't miss him? Your mentor?" She changes the subject, perhaps picking up on my silent prayers.
"No. I think back on our memories together fondly, but when I consider him, I don't feel anything."
"Have you seen him since you joined the Volturi?"
"Only from a distance, seven years ago. Not far from here."
"Ness showed me what happened." She says. I had almost forgotten Renesmee's special ability. I'm surprised she even remembers that day. She was only a few months old at the time.
"She remembers?" I ask.
"We remember a lot." Alexa smiles, revealing more about herself than Renesmee.
"What's your first memory?"
"Your face." She beams, her smile growing and lighting up her eyes.
"How is that possible?" I ask, once again in awe of this amazing creature.
"It's just a brief image, I don't remember much from that day just flashes here and there." She replies, as if trying to brush it off as no big deal.
"What flashes?"
"My father."
"Oh." That's a memory I'd rather she not have. It may be selfish of me, but I kind of liked the idea that my face was the one she remembered from that day,
"And my mother." She adds, hesitantly.
"You remember your mother's face?" I ask, the surprises keep on coming.
"She looked so happy, and yet, more sad than I've ever seen anyone in my life." She answers, and I can tell by her eyes that she's picturing her mother, looking at her for the first time, dying.
"She was incredible. She fought so hard to bring you into this world, only for her to have to leave it a few moments later." I tell her, hoping it will make her feel more connected.
"You loved her didn't you?" She asks, a small sadness in her voice.
"Very much." I reply, wishing that I could elaborate, that I could tell her it wasn't as much as I love her, that it didn't feel the same. But I can't. Maybe because I don't want to devalue the love I had for Alexandria. Or because I don't want to frighten Alexa. Maybe it's for a different reason I'm not even aware of. But something stops me.
"Am I anything like her?" She wonders, looking at me, the tears returning to her eyes.
"I have a feeling you will be, some day." I smile. It's meant to be a compliment, but she clearly doesn't take it that way.
"Why not today?"
"Because you don't even know who you are yet Lexa. You're still young. You'll figure it out."
"Well if you loved her, I want to be just like her." She says, and I suddenly understand everything Jacob had said much more clearly. If I stay, she'll grow to be the person she thinks I want her to be.
"I want you to be just like you." I tell her, with a newfound fierceness in my voice.
"Why?"
"Because I love you too."
"I thought you didn't know who I was yet."
"I don't, that's the perplexing part." I laugh, hoping it might help alleviate her sadness.
"So what if you stop loving me, once I figure it out?" She's voicing her worst fears. I can tell by the look in her eyes.
"I won't." I promise her, hoping she can hear the resolution in my tone.
"You don't know that."
"I do."
"How?"
"I just do." I say, not leaving her any room to question it, out loud anyway. I can tell her mind isn't totally convinced.
"Metri?" She asks, her voice becoming small.
"Yes?"
"Does my father love me?" She's asking the difficult questions tonight, and I'm not sure which one of us is making the other hurt more.
"No, Alexa. Because he's an idiot." I admit, hoping more than anything that this truth won't crush her, even though I know it will.
"Not even a little?"
"He made Chelsea sever whatever bond he had to you." I tell her, watching her heart shatter.
"Do you think she felt bad about doing it?"
"He told her it was because you had died."
"No one even knows I'm alive?"
"I do. The Cullens do. And more people will." I say, taking her face in my hand and making her look me in the eyes.
"I just have to get this stupid ability under control." She replies, averting her gaze after only a few seconds.
"It's not stupid. It's incredibly powerful, and when you learn to control it, you might be the most powerful being the world has ever seen. You're already the most extraordinary."
"There's nothing extraordinary about me."
"You're half vampire half human."
"So is Nessie."
"You're better." I smile. I know it's my charming smile, the one I use when I'm trying to get what I want, but with Alexa it's genuine.
"You don't even really know her. She's incredible." She tells me. I can see the admiration written all over her face.
"I'm glad you two are getting along."
"She's got the coolest ability."
"Her ability wouldn't stand a chance against Aro."
"You know, there's more to life than fighting." She argues. She's definitely not her father's daughter.
"So they tell me." I joke.
"Is that all the Volturi do? Fight people?"
"We're meant to keep the peace."
"By fighting people?"
"I admit, it seems a bit backwards."
"That's because it is backwards."
"You might have a point there." I laugh.
"I don't think I ever want to fight someone." She's incredible. She has the ability to bring the whole world to its knees, and yet, she'd never even think to abuse it.
"I will do my best to protect you, so that you never have to." I tell her. There are battles that will need to be fought. They're inevitable. But if she doesn't want to be the one to fight them, I will do everything in my power to make sure she doesn't have to.
"You really do love me, don't you?" She smiles at me. She doesn't need her ability to draw me into her supernatural magnetic field, she does it just by looking at me.
"More than anything." I say, taking her in my arms and holding her close. We sit there, wrapped in each other for hours, watching the day slip away into night, neither one of us willing to let go of the moment, or each other.