Chapter Eleven - Pikachu, I Choose You!

"Stuck in a cell-" a four tone harmonica solo rang out in the air- "'nuttin to do-" ba-naaah-na-naaah- "Crocks goin' down-" ba-naaah-na- "Baroque Works too! Singin' the- tales of Blue!"

THWOMP!

I clutched my skull with a whimper, almost missing the applause from Usopp and Luffy. Nami was such a bitch. Not that I was going to say that out loud. At least not without a designated exit strategy.

"Hey Eve, want to be our musician?" Luffy grinned, sporting an equally large bump from his Sanji impression as we tried to pass the time in the seastone cage we were trapped in.

"Isn't the Jolly Roger look-a-like supposed to be our musician?" Usopp frowned, his eyes red from laughing (and Nami's abuse).

My eyes narrowed on Usopp.

"Are you a mind reader?" I inquired, stating those last words in a ghoulish manner as I wiggled my fingers.

Luffy, the adorable cherub that he is, slammed his palms against his ears in an attempt to protect his empty thoughts, which lets be honest, probably centered around the 3 F's: food, fights, and food.

"No, I just listen to what you say," Usopp huffed, folding his arms.

"Hmm, smart boy. Alright then, you can be my subordinate," I declared with a nod.

"No thanks," Usopp whimpered, before his mouth hung open slightly, prompting me to lift an eyebrow. "Out of curiosity, what is your position on the ship, Eve?"

"I thought that was obvious." I dead-panned. "I'm the entertainment."

"Yeah right, I get more laughs from a sea king," Nami scoffed.

"Ouch. Right through the heart," I gasped, clutching my chest before collapsing on the floor, right in front of Smoker, who I beamed at, hat extended. "Beli for the show?"

Smoker took one look at the hat and snarled.

"Cheap-skate," I huffed, sitting up to place the hat back on my head.

"Take. It. Off."

"Eh?"

"You're wearing a Marine hat, idiot," Nami sighed, pointing towards the hat in question.

"Oooh… will you sign it for me, Smokey? You've got no bounty poster, so," I shrugged.

Maybe I could steal some Marine files for them to sign… It wasn't like many Marines were going to make the scrapbook, so I could...

"Who the hell are you?" Smoker grunted out, face looking like a smacked ass.

"The name's Savage T. Eve!" I beamed, standing to give a majestic pose with my arms positioned at my hips, whipping my head back as Usopp smacked me in a face with an elastic band and tried to hide it by whistling into the air.

"I know that much, but where the hell did you come from? Everyone in your crew has a history, but you just seemed to come out of thin air," he questioned, eyes narrowed as he took a long drag on his cigar.

I had a minor debate with myself, the insanity beating the ass of reason (duh!).

"Well you see, Smokey, when a pirate and a dinosaur love each over very much…"

"That pirate being Buggy the Clown?"

I cut off with a choke.

"HE IS NOT MY FATHER!" I huffed.

Ugh, stupid insanity, now it was like I had admitted it. Stupid running joke that doesn't have my authority, dammit!

"Are you sure about that? We have a copy of the adoption papers."

"Whaaaa-"

Who the hell. Has Time. To file adoption papers. FOR SOMEONE THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW! My eye twitched, my skin very likely to be an unhealthy shade of purple. Thanks a lot BUGGY, you made me into Barney the bitchin' dinosaur!

"Anyone says a single word, and I will end you," I hissed, glaring at each of my crewmates in succession, before narrowing my eyes at Zoro's devilish glint in the single eye he had cracked open from his slumber.

"Looks like it's official," he grinned sadistically. "Eve the Clown."

Man, that Crocodile liked to monologue! A villain's prerogative I suppose, but the gist of it was Alabasta was going to shit, we had 8 hours to try and stop it, and Vivi really wasn't doing herself any favours to gain my affections. Sanji however…

"Welcome, sir. This is the shitty restaurant."

I could honestly kiss him for the pure trolling he was pulling off right now. Don't tell him that though. Also shoutout to Chopper that was being a lil' badass, strolling past Crocodile out of the streets. Meanwhile, everyone's attention here was on the rising sea levels. Dammit, global warming!

"I don't see what the fuss is about," I scoffed, floating on the water with my hands placed behind my head as Nami, Usopp and Luffy used me as their own personal floating device.

Luffy had even gone so far as to perch cross-legged on my stomach, while Zoro and Smoker acted like they were being mildly inconvenienced by a puddle.

"Anti-manner kick course!" came a bellow, the crocodile-is-bananas-B-A-N-A-N-A-S getting the stuffing beaten out of him, before crashing into the water to cause a tidal wave, making my body bob on the now turbulent waters.

"Hey, were you waiting?" Sanji inquired, pointing his cigarette towards our cage, as I expertly hid my amused smile. "Nami-chan, do you love me? And I see you smiling over there, Eve-chan!"

My face dropped as he began to wiggle around like a four-tentacled octopus (Koro-sensei?).

"Congratulations, Sanji. You've managed to lose every ounce of respect I just felt towards you," I dead-panned, making the cook bow his head in shame before evaluating the crocodile-is-bananas-B-A-N-A-N-A-S that were eyeing him up like Luffy was eyeing them up.

"Get the third one that just entered the room," Smoker directed him towards the one that had swallowed the fake key.

"What? How can you tell?" Luffy questioned with gritted teeth.

"Are those ears just for decoration? That growl just now is the same as the one that ate the key," Smoker explained, making me give him a dead-pan look.

I coughed into my fist, grunting out 'yeah right', 'cheat, and 'haki' in between, as Smoker resumed his I'm-going-to-kill-this-chump attitude, whilst the crocodile-is-bananas-B-A-N-A-N-A-S coughed up a Mr 3 pokeball. FREEEDDDOOOOMMM, several awesome battles with the crocodile-is-bananas-B-A-N-A-N-A-S and an underwater swim with my Captain in my grasp later, I emerged from the water on the streets of Alubarna feeling rejuvenated and refreshed.

"Alright, I'm pumped!" I beamed before being hit with a geyser of water from a deflating Luffy.

"What are you, part fishman?" Nami whined, watching me as I shrugged and began to stretch my limbs whilst everyone else tried to catch their breath.

I don't think I could survive a discussion about my supposed genealogy in this world. Thankfully, I sensed a disturbance in the force as Smoker sat up and went to lift his err… seastone tipped thing (?).

"Roranoa," Smoker grunted, eyes forward as I met his weapon with two crossed dual knives. "Why did you save me?"

"Don't think you have to thank me. I was just following Captain's orders," Zoro admitted from behind me as there was a chink as Smoker removed his weapon from my own. "It's just him being weird."

"Then… I assume you don't have any complaints if I have to carry out my duties."

"You can't hide from me, Smokey. I know you're a big softy," I grinned, giving him a two-fingered salute as I went to stand next to my senpai.

"Soft?" Zoro grunted, looking towards me with a single eyebrow raised.

"I know how to sniff 'em out," I smirked, watching as he gritted his teeth and let out a 'chuh' whilst turning to look out into the distance.

"Go," Smoker sighed, eyes closed, "Only this one time… will I let you get away. The next time we meet, you're a dead man. Remember that, Straw Hat Luffy."

The crew, seemingly disturbed, paused at those words. I was almost tempted to join them as Zoro began to laugh, but most of all I was just annoyed. Annoyed that my cute eternally lost teddy bear of a senpai had never laughed like that for me. My cheeks puffed out as I began to glare daggers at Smoker.

"Come on, you idiot," Zoro called back, the rest of the crew beginning to run in an easterly direction. "We got a fight to pick with those bastards."

"Aye, aye, senpai!"

"Ugh."

"Something wrong?" Zoro grunted, face darkened as he halted in his lifting of a perverted camel that was balanced on the hilt of his sword.

"I… don't have a good history with crabs," I admitted.

After those devil spawn Sebastians tried to bludgeon me with sea urchins, I had a strangely ominous feeling about sitting on top of what was probably the king crab of douche-dom. I shook my head, letting out a 'blah-la-la-lah' as my cheeks whipped from side to side, trying to get rid of the pit in my stomach, knowing Luffy was fighting Crocodile right now. Well, it was time to distract everyone from their woes, me thinks!

"Right, time for a senpai-subordinate meeting!" I announced, clapping my hands together as Zoro gave me an unimpressed look and resumed his impromptu training.

I turned around, grabbing Usopp by the collar to tug him in our direction so that he cut off mid-sentence with a yelp.

"Alright, now everyone is here, we can begin," I nodded, turning to Usopp as he blinked at me. "Listen closely, Usopp, I will lead the subordinate oath this time, but next time you'll have to say it with me."

"What's going on?" Usopp frowned, looking to Zoro for help (hahahahaha).

"Don't ask, I try to block it out," Zoro muttered.

"I pledge allegiance to my senpai, and the eternally lost teddy bear that he is. May he guide me to become as strong and amazing as him, delivering fear and pain to all. All whilst looking really, really cool whilst doing it," I recited through gritted teeth, with a blade pressed in between my teeth.

"Now this is where we go around and ask our glorious senpai's for notes," I informed Usopp, nodding enthusiastically before turning back to Zoro to chirp, "notes?"

I watched senpai in eager anticipation, my head slowly inching forward with every second passed before he sighed (sighing was a sign his virtuous wisdom was upon us!).

"You spent too long taking down each of those lizards."

I let out a whine, sinking into a pit of misery.

"Too long?" Usopp sputtered. "She took them down in-"

"Shush," I hushed him, making his face curve inward as I pressed a finger to his lips, my jaw slack as my eyes fixed to senpai in a feverish manner.

"Good job in the water," Zoro grunted, making me smush my cheeks as I jigged around in glee.

"Thank you, senpai!"

"That's it?" Usopp exclaimed, head flicking from me, to senpai, and back to me again. "She managed to cover our backs from those bananadiles with Luffy in tow and still beat our asses out the water!"

"Oh, stop you!" I beamed, flicking my wrist at him as my cheeks became heated. "Your turn, my valued pupil!"

"Err..." Usopp said, sounding like he didn't want to know, "notes?"

"Keep using that brain of yours Usopp! It's comedy gold and takes out your enemies in such a pathetic manner, you probably break their fighting spirit!"

"Thank you?"

Usopp frowned, eyes narrowed as he tried to work out if he should be offended or not.

"WHAT, THIS CRAB CAN'T CROSS WATER?!" Usopp exclaimed, his tongue lolling from his mouth as his eyes bulged.

I stood up. I cricked my neck to each side.

"My time to shine," I beamed, crouching down and motioning for everyone to get on my back.

"Are you stupid, or something?" Nami shrieked, slamming her fist into my head.

One warp speed by the king crab of douche-dom, fueled by an exotic dancer later…

I launched myself from the water with the majestic grace of a dolphin, drawing my fist back as I punched the man-eating catfish in the head, springing from its body to land in a crouch on it's stomach as it went belly up. I beamed, lifting my head… to blink at multiple Kung Fu Dugongs that blinked back at me. Seemingly they wished to claim this glorious victory as well, having managed to attack at the exact moment I had.

"A pleasure to meet you, subordinates of Luffy," I greeted, watching as they all exchanged looks. "Whilst we disagree on senpai's and I would just love to beat your asses-"

I grinned as the Dugongs fired themselves up for battle, punching their limbs in the air with spirited vigor.

"-ain't nobody got time for that. So I propose a truce and we can kick each other's asses later. Sounds good?"

I blinked as the kung fu creatures before me made some illegible noises. I stared at them intently.

"It's like they're trying to communicate, I just know it."

"They said: 'you're on, but we can prove we're the superior subordinates now by saving your behinds," Chopper translated for me as the Dugongs began to tug and push the catfish towards the other side at a leisurely pace.

"Oh hell no! Usopp, figure out a way to tie me to this thing!" I called out, before adding as an afterthought, "err, please."

"Are you sure about this?" Usopp questioned, now that I was attached to the catfish with some sturdy rope wrapped around both me and the catfish by my trusty subordinate.

"Holding on?" I grinned, making the crew exchange looks between themselves as I dived into the water.

High-pitched screams began to be emitted from on top of the catfish, every single person grasping on for dear life. Most gripped the catfish's fin tightly, while Zoro plunged his sword into the thing to keep him in place, a grin plastered on his face as his skin threatened to peel from his cheeks. The catfish zipped along the water at the speed of light, the Kung Fu Dugongs equally maintaining their hold, with several of them that had been gripping the catfish's whiskers swaying in the wind.

"Looks like we've got ourselves a little two-on-two battle, senpai," I smirked towards the two Baroque Works members that had followed us into Alubarna after we had split up, hoping to conceal Vivi's location.

"Seems you've miscalculated, there appear to be three on your side," Miss Doublefinger drawled, her hips swinging as she 'walked' like a twerk-hazard, "but she only seems to be good at running away."

"Oh, you're right!" I chirped, bringing up my hand to wave it around enthusiastically as Nami hid behind a building. "HI NAMI! WANT TO HELP ME AND SENPAI KICK ASS?"

"No thanks, I'm good," the girl called over with a sweat-drop.

"Pitiful, to rely on others is a weakness," Mr 1 said in monotone.

"Edward needs a hug, senpai," I advised him, pointing in the direction of the Scissorhands knock-off, "I can hear the weeping of his inner child from here."

I grinned as the twang of clashing metal rang out in the air, my noble senpai blocking the arm that had formed into a sword from a stoic Mr 1 with two crossed swords.

"Good, good," I praised, rubbing my chin. "Anger is the first step, now for acceptance of the abandonment that has led to your trust issues."

"Exploding daisy slash!" Mr 1 barked, his palms spread as the building behind me was dissected into segments, Nami screaming as she ran as fast as she could to escape the sliding segments that threatened to squish her like a bug.

"Stop with the therapy and start slashing!" Zoro growled, teeth sharp as he began to exchange blows with Mr 1, swords against his bladed limbs and digits.

I assumed a noble therapy pose as I rubbed my chin once more.

"Ahh, I see senpai! Sometimes fighting is the best therapy of all. Like with Lab-AHHHH! Sea urchin!" I screeched, dodging the spiked ball that was aiming for my head. "I knew that crab was an omen!"

"Ignoring me may cost you your life," the woman with the blue afro sighed as her other spikes retracted leaving her with twin spiked arms. "Just accept your uselessness and surrender."

I stuck my tongue out as I began to place marshmallows on her protruding spikes. That is a senpai impaling hazard, and I will not tolerate it, dammit! Miss Doublefinger rolled her eyes, outstretching her hand as her fingers began to form long spikes that aimed for my chest. I smirked, grabbing one in my hands and yanking the woman towards me wide-eyed before swinging her round and round as she screamed, before releasing to watch her fly into a building and break through the wall.

"Take that, Sebastian!" I exclaimed, jabbing a finger towards the gap in the wall from which a shadowed form was emerging.

"Looks like there is more to you than meets the eye," Miss Doublefinger grinned maliciously, swaggering out of the rubble and dust as she wiped the blood away from below her mouth.

"Oh, stop it you," I beamed, clenching my blushed cheeks.

Miss Doublefinger assumed her sea urchin form as she came at me. I launched a string of knives, scowling as they were deflected as she increased her rotation. I dodged out the way as she hit a window in the street, shattering the wooden panes and glass. I snatched up a large hunk of wood as she rebounded off the building, digging spiked heels into it to run upward and strike from a height.

"Swing or get stabbed: human edition!" I bellowed, swinging the wood with all my might to hit the sea urchin, it's long spikes embedding themselves in the wood before blinking at the improvised mace in my hand.

My eyes narrowed as senpai was thrown back into a building, Mr 1 trudging towards me, face impassive.

"Stop-" I whacked Mr 1 over the head with my improvised mace which let out a yelp- "interrupting-" whack- "Edward's-" whack- "therapy no jutsu!".

Mr 1 narrowed his eyes on me as Miss Doublefinger retracted her spikes to free herself from the wood, landing crouched on all fours, ready to strike. Mr 1 turned his digits to blades, swiping at me as I managed to deflect them with my dual knives. At my back, the urchin charged, spikes spinning at a rapid speed, only to find her spikes clanging against the outstretched blade of my senpai who nobly charged in to save me.

"Senpai!" I beamed. "Ready to show these two the power of friendship!"

"No."

Yet despite my senpai's words, show them the power of friendship we did as senpai turned his swords to Mr 1. I ducked, twisting to throw a knife at Miss Doublefinger. She clanked it away with a spike, sending it forth to impale my senpai! The spike ran through my upper torso as I jumped in the way, taking the blow in his place.

"Oh look," I breezed, looking down at the spike in my shoulder, "I've been impaled."

"Stop being a wuss," Zoro huffed.

Senpai utilised that moment to slash at the woman like a demon, sending her flying back to hit the ground. Then, senpai yanked me up by my shirt and proceeded to throw me towards Mr 1. I flew through the air, the skin flapping from my face screaming 'I can fly', as I tugged my already tattered and torn cloak to wrap around Mr 1's face. Zoro simultaneously hit the man with a three-bladed 'tiger slash'.

"Timber!" I cried as we mustered enough force to cause the bladed man to fall, me pulling him down due to the cloak wrapped around his face, as a ploom of dust rose from the earth as he hit the ground. "The power of friendship prevails!"

Mr 1 sat up, my cloak falling from his face as he revealed himself to not even have a scratch on his form. I ran for my life.

"Ahhhhh, the power of friendship didn't work!" I screamed as I dodged a bladed leg and ran down the street, throwing Nami over my shoulder. "I'll be back for Edward's therapy no jutsu, senpai! Good luck, and don't forget to breathe!"

Zoro sighed as he watched the girl in the blue dancer outfit run down the street, a cloud of dust kicking up in her wake as he began to contemplate the art of breathing. It was time he learnt how to cut metal.

"Let's get down to business, to defeat, Mr 1('s partner)," I sang, totally making it work as I slashed my knives around midair.

"What the hell are you doing?" Nami bellowed from where she was cowering against a wall.

"We're having a training montage, Nami!" I beamed.

"Well cut it out!"

"Nami," I breathed, placing a hand on her shoulder as she took in my serious expression. "I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of pirates fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day."

"Eve, I-" I shoved a finger against her lips, cutting her off.

"This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand! Thief of Orange Town!"

"You're right, Eve! Usopp made me this weapon so I can fight. We'll do it together!" she grinned, eyes stern and focussed.

"Yes," I grinned like a Cheshire Cat, "together."

Nami sweat-dropped.

Savage T. Eve vs. "Cat Burglar" Nami

It's time to du-du-du-du-dudududududu-duel!

Let the battle of wits, begin!

NAMI uses 'two turtle doves'.

EVE cosplays as Santa and gives Ms Doublefinger a present… turns out she didn't ask for a bomb for Christmas.

NAMI gives her flowers as an apology.

EVE has allergies and sneezes in her face.

NAMI fires a gloved fist.

EVE gives it a fist pump with a 'ba-la-la-la-la' and a magical wiggle of her fingers.

NAMI begins blowing bubbles.

EVE gets distracted and pops them gleefully.

NAMI gets stabbed.

EVE weeps like a child.

NAMI becomes a water feature.

EVE frolics in the water majestically.

NAMI uses THUNDERSHOCK - it's super effective.

EVE loses HP.

NAMI uses TORNADO - it's super effective.

NAMI and EVE defeated MISS DOUBLEFINGER.

Winner of Wits: "God" Usopp

Nami was pissed Usopp had won our Pokebattle of Wits. Arriving at the battlefield to rejoin all the other Strawhats, she had whacked him a good one with her Clima-tact.

"Nami! Eve! Mr Bushido! Everyone's safe!" Vivi exclaimed, a small smile of relief sat on her face.

Although Vivi had seriously stretched her definition of safe, looking between the swordsman that had blood dripping from him and his subordinate that looked like she had been chargrilled, her hair sticking up as if she had been caught in an explosion, a tattered marine hat hanging from one of her, err… points?

"How did you get Nami and Eve hurt?" Sanji inquired of my senpai.

"Aren't they alright?" Zoro queried, a thumb jabbed in our direction.

"I don't feel a thing," I beamed as my body spasmed and crackled with excess lightning.

"Sorry I lost to that guy once, but this time I won't lose," Luffy began, eyes shadowed beneath his signature straw hat.

"Hurry up with it," Zoro scoffed as I lifted a flag with 'LUFFY' on it with a twitch.

"-I'LL FINISH IT NOW… ALL OF IT!"

A/N: Pahaha it had been too long since Papa Buggy was mentioned! So two more chapters to go until the end of the Alabasta Arc which is where I've wrote up to. I have been writing... but no promises to more as of yet. But hopefully this was a bit of fun to read :D

The Killer: Naah, she's not insane... just... mentally challenged XD

Lily E. Miller: Ahh, I sense a great fan of senpai. I think they'd be cute together too, but I was trying to keep their relationship purely worshiper/worshipee. Also hopefully, you will love the next few chapters. Lots of Zoro!

Iris my Beloved: Last Airbender is literally my favourite thing ever. I couldn't not use the Sokka quote. Same. Ace is so cute! I must admit I was tempted to write him as interested in the pretty lady but looking at what we know of his character he's actually just really polite in canon.