"Bonnie!" I cry out, "Where is he? No! You guys have to do the spell again."
"Elena, it's too late. He's here, you can say goodbye now."
I have dropped to my knees wailing. Pleading for Damon to stay. I can feel him near me. My heart pounds like it always does when he's by me. But this time I can't see him, can't touch him, or hear him. Because he's not really here. My sobs are deafening now as tears stream down my cheeks. I'm begging Damon to not leave me, to come back to me. But nothing happens. I keep calling his name but he never comes. Because he is gone. Dead. My chest is tight and it hurts. I can hardly breathe in between sobs. My brain is pounding against my skull painfully and just when I think I've run out of tears to cry, I see his eyes flashing in my memory and it hits me anew. I'm crying until there are no tears and i'm just heaving on the ground. Rocking back and forth-
"Elena?" Damon asks sitting on the bed and rubbing his eyes.
"Damon?" I ask sitting up, my face is wet with tears. I was having another nightmare. Since he died, they've been happening non stop. Every night is a Damon dying torture session.
"I thought I heard you calling me?" he says.
He's probably right, though this is the first time he actually comes when I do.
"I- I was having a nightmare, and I must have called your name in my sleep."
"What were you having a nightmare that includes me about? Did I die or something?" he smirks his trademark smirk.
I look at him. Deadpan. My face is wet from tears. My heart in shreds from the last four months of my life. I can't even muster up a smile and joke. Because, yes I did dream about him dying. And no, it was positively not funny. Me not answering him is an answer in and of itself. He looks at me worriedly and asks," Elena, why are you here?"
"To find my cousin Kat-"
"No, the real reason."
I was never good at lying to Damon. Not since that one time. I devastated him that day and since then, I've always been a bad liar. Especially to Damon. Even when he doesn't know me, his heart still knows me. Maybe even his soul does too. Still, I can't risk telling him my true intentions because he might report back to Katherine and I don't trust that outcome in the slightest.
"Damon, I came here to find a love that consumes me, passion, adventure, and maybe even a little danger."
His icy angel eyes are looking into mine. He smiles at me. The smile I know, his seductive, mysterious, and yet strangely gentle smile. My heart throbs because I miss it so much.
"Well, Elena, I want you to get everything you're searching for. Maybe in the morning, you can tell me about that nightmare of yours."
"Maybe, Goodnight Damon."
He grasps my hand and pulls it to his lips, kissing it gently, "Goodnight Elena."
'I want you to get everything you're searching for.'
That's exactly what he said to me the first time. Maybe he is my Damon all along. Maybe he just doesn't know it yet.
For the first time in four months, I fall asleep hopeful, and for the first time in months, I wake up again not having just had to relive my boyfriend's death.