Chapter Thirteen - The Dance Off of Destiny
"DIVE BOMB!"
I cannon-balled into the luxurious baths, two Satan-possessed souls rising from the steaming depths of hell. Damn you, Satan! Why do you never side with me!
"Who gets into a bath fully clothed?" Nami sighed as I floated up from the water's depths, black crosses marking my eyelids.
"You really shouldn't be so insecure," Vivi smiled, patting me on the head. "I realise that looks shouldn't be so important, but I promise that there's nothing you should be worried about. Several Alabastan Lords could probably attest to that."
"Right, you're totally hot," Nami nodded, grabbing at my sodden clothes and tugging at them to make me yelp. "Come on Eve! If Ace saw you like this he probably wouldn't have left."
"Stop! Stop taking my clothes off, Nami!" I shrieked, splashing up a tidal wave in my protests as Nami and Vivi wore twin evil smiles as they stripped me bare, my cheeks flooding with embarrassment as I attempted to perfect my lobster impression.
On the male side of the bath, Sanji collapsed into the water, blood stemming from his nostrils to dye the water red.
"And I don't like Ace any more," I huffed, grabbing a towel to drape across my chest, leaning my head on one of the seats. "If I get the opportunity to see him again, I'm going to pound him in the face for burning up that letter."
"Oh, so who do you like?" Nami grinned, resting a palm on her cheek in question. "Senpaiii?"
"Hmph, my senpai's love is his sword," I snickered, amused by the many ways in which that could be interpreted, "and I have a feeling there will be someone else sailing on the horizon… or submerged below it heh, heh."
Vivi and Nami sweat-dropped as I began to grow doe-eyed, a stream of drool leaking from my mouth as I began to hum a tune about a yellow submarine. A smile sat on my face as I listened to Vivi talk about all the possibilities out there on the ocean blue.
"The sea is so vast! There are giants-"
"You were there for that one."
"-and dragons,"
"We encounter quite a few of those," I nodded, making Nami look downright terrified.
"-and Sakura blooming flowers in the midst of a winter island."
"That basically happened in Drum Kingdom," I shrugged, Nami still stalled over the whole 'dragon' revelation as she stared into the abyss, most likely reconsidering her part in this crew.
"HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?"
My arms floundered, slapping against the water as I tried to cover myself, clutching the towel to my chest as tightly as I could due to the peeking faces on the other side of the wall. I screamed as Nami whipped off my towel, my back hitting the water with a giant splash as the water began to boil and steam.
XxX
Everyone glared at me with piercing eyes as we rode the Duck Troop back to the ship, doing their best lobster impressions (except for Luffy, cus apparently rubber can't be scolded, and me, who apparently is the only person Chopper's miracle hugs work on).
"Why are you glaring at me? It was Nami's fault!" I huffed, trying to avoid the eyes of the now glowing red crew as Luffy snickered.
"Nami! Truly you are the goddess that keeps on giving," Sanji gushed, hearts stemming from his form, seemingly of the opinion that life as a lobster, as well as his recent debt, was worth it.
Satan (the unfaithful slut that he is) was seemingly siding with me today as my shadowed form towered over the cook, eyes gleaming red.
"If you so much as THINK of me like that, I will BOIL YOU ALIVE, LOBSTER-BOY!"
Sanji gulped as Usopp and Chopper screamed like girls, tongues wagging out of their mouths along with the high-pitched shrieks. I blinked. Maybe I was getting a bit too good at channelling Satan.
"Ahh, Chopper don't cry," I panicked, flapping my arms wildly at the sight of the shivering reindeer. "Here, have a cookie!"
I threw the candy floss cookie towards the reindeer, watching as it pinged him in the head, causing him to fall off his duck and roll across the ground like a tumbleweed.
"AHH CHOPPER!"
Then I had to deal with the resulting glares of the crewmates as a light drizzle began to rain down upon us as I cried over my fallen comrade. Screw you, heavens above! Don't get jealous because I like Satan more than you! At least the water did everyone a little good - the rest of the crew weren't still glowing by the time we reached the ship.
"WHY DID YOU MAKE ME WAIT SO LONG!"
"Awh, your life partner missed you, Sanji!" I giggled, pressing a hand to my mouth as the man previously known as Mr 2 blushed, having been waiting for us on the ship as per his conversation with us via Den Den Mushi earlier.
"DON'T START THAT AGAIN!" Sanji screamed, teeth sharp.
"LONG TIME NO SEE!" Mr Bon Clay sang whilst twirling majestically, cracking out a wink towards Sanji as I began to howl with laughter. "YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT ME?"
"Sanji was thinking particularly dirty thoughts!" I informed him, making the okama let out a girlishly gleeful giggle as he twirled on the spot in happiness at the speed of a tornado.
"Can't hit a woman, can't hit a woman," Sanji began to chant under his breath, making me turn to senpai, lifting my palm up in expectation.
Senpai flicked his eyes towards the chanting cook, shrugged, and slapped his palm to mine. My eyes gleamed as I stared at it, vowing to never wash it again.
"What's this?" Mr Bon Clay pouted, cheeks sucked in to pull a fishy-face. "Old friends are meeting up and you don't say hello?"
"Who's friend with you? You're an enemy," Luffy addressed the man, teeth gritted.
"Oo-oo me, I'll be his friend! Me, me, me!" I volunteered as tribute, running up on deck, loaded like a pack mule with supplies as I lifted two bags of cookies up to the okama. "Candy floss, or chocolate chip with orange peel?"
"Ooh, candy floss please!"
"'Kay, just watch out for Chopper," I warned, making the okama frown as he lifted a cookie to his lips, a sharp toothed reindeer appearing out of nowhere to chomp it out of his hand before disappearing again. "Told ya!"
Mr Bon Clay blinked at his now empty hand.
"Huh," Luffy said, tilting his head to the side. "Maybe he is our friend if Eve's feeding him cookies."
"Of course!" Mr Boy Clay beamed, giving them all a thumbs up. "I even moved your ship so that it wasn't confiscated by the Marines! They're swimming all over the place at the moment. Even a goose would have trouble escaping."
I let out a low whistle.
"Geese are pretty vicious," I nodded in all seriousness before munching on a chocolate chip cookie.
Don't fuck with geese, guys. Just don't.
"So you moved the ship so the Marines wouldn't get it?" Luffy exclaimed, Usopp's and Chopper's jaws dropping wide beside him.
"Really?"
"Why?" they asked respectively.
"Because we're friends, aren't we?" Mr Bon Clay beamed, tears streaming from his eyes as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
The five of us lined up on deck as we began to do the can-can, celebrating our new-found friendship! Unfortunately, the Marines apparently have something against friendship because they decided to SKEWER MERRY LIKE A SHISH KEBAB!
"Knock it off, ya limp noodles!" I yelled at them with a threatening shake of my fist.
"Somebody think of something!" Nami yelled from the upper deck.
"Eve torpedo?" I suggested with a tilt of my head.
"Might work," Zoro acknowledged with a nod.
"SHE'LL DIE!" Nami screamed.
"I don't think so, but I do have a plan B if you're interested," I chirped.
"I don't even want to ask," Nami groaned with despair.
I mean that was a good of a yes as any, right? Right.
"HEY MOONWALKER!" I shouted across the ocean, a hand outstretched to the hypnotist (formally a pirate, now a marine, the Butler probably did it) as I motioned to 'bring it on'. "IT'S TIME WE SETTLED THIS, BRO! DANCE OFF, YOU AND ME!"
The Strawhats sweat-dropped as I began to bellow out 'EVERYBODY DANCE NOW' whilst twirling on the spot and doing the sprinkler. The Marines sweat-dropped as the hypnotist began bobbing his head and moonwalked across the deck, clutching his hat.
"A classic! But not as classic as… THE MACARENA!"
I began cracking out the macarena with five star sass, as Moonwalker… got hit by a cannonball.
"Holy God."
"Usopp, you're great!" Luffy exclaimed, jaw dropping to the floor as his eyes bulged.
"As expected of my student! I'm so proud of you, Usopp!" I beamed, slapping him on the back as he began stuttering about everything going according to plan.
"AHH, BLACK JAIL HINA!" Mr Bon Clay shrieked, arms poised into twin swans with his mouth dropped open as it was just revealed who we were facing in combat. "She's the commander of the Marines around here! We better run! She's a tough one."
"As expected of Smokey's girlfriend," I nodded with folded arms.
Mr Bon Clay begged us to head south, turning his back as he muttered about 'treasure' and basically telling us to get lost and go die. Rude.
"We're going there to pick up our friend!" Luffy announced, a hand rested on his signature Straw Hat with a wide smile on his face.
Mr Bon Clay whipped his head around, mouth hanging open as he continued to sweat with fear, in awe of the power of mighty friendship. That was when he revealed his masterful plan, hoping to use himself as a decoy. I looked at 'me' with interest, tilting my head at the man with a bulging stomach currently pulling on one of my spare yellow pom-pom hats. Then I turned my attention to the two green-haired men next to him.
"TWO SENPAIS!" I exclaimed, eyes gleaming as I slapped the palms of my hands to my cheeks and wiggles by but in glee. "I'M SO HAPPY!"
"THAT SMILING IDIOT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME!" Zoro yelled, teeth sharp.
I slunk to my corner of shame, turning my head to blink at the tubby man whose stomach bulged out from under my yellow t-shirt, also sitting in the corner in depression.
"Oh, you're good!"
"HE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE YOU!"
It wasn't long before my twin was sailing away, sailing upon the ocean blue in the hope to prove himself to senpai number two. Tears flowed from my eyes as we watched them depart (and sink), another light shower pouring from the heavens above. Man I was glad to be leaving. Screw you and your mocking weather, Alabasta!
XxX
On a Marine vessel, Tashigi took a seat beside her superior as he smoked his cigar and lounged around. The woman clutched her coffee in her hands wandering how to breach the topic she most wanted to talk about.
"I've seen the posters," she prompted, eyes fixed forward.
"The numbers seem right," Smoker commented as he stretched back in his seat and sucked on his cigar. "His partner? Roronoa Zoro. He killed around a hundred Bounty Hunters at Whiskey Peak, and defeated Daz Bonez in Alubarna."
"Daz?" Tashigi exclaimed, eyes wide. "The assassin?"
"That's his name in West Blue. Here he was known as 'Mr 1'. He was one of the many notorious people Crocodile recruited, but they were all defeated."
"...And the girl?"
Tashigi still hadn't brought herself to breach the subject of the signed pictures she had promised Savage T. Eve with her Captain. Some part of her wished she could forget about it and move on, but how could she call herself a law abiding Marine if she didn't stick to her word? Even if it was to a Pirate.
"It's strange…" Smoker murmured. "She seems to be Roronoa's subordinate. Aided in the defeat of Whiskey Peak, fought Mr 1's partner. At first I assumed she got a bounty because she's a blip in the Marine radar, but according to Hina… Tashigi, do you know Daz's reputation?"
"Daz Bonez?" his subordinate blinked, eyebrows furrowing. "What more is there to an assassin than being cold, ruthless, and without mercy?"
"Pretty much, but when they found him… he was crying."
"WHAT?" Tashigi exclaimed, jaw dropping, "and the girl, Eve, she had something to do with that?"
"When they interrogated him, the guy was a mess. Kept on blubbering about a demon in a yellow pom-pom hat seeing into his soul, and went berserk when the interrogator tried to leave," Smoker revealed, causing his subordinate to splutter as he breathed out a long stretch of smoke. "There's something not right with that girl, Tashigi."
"Is that why-"
"Yeah, the superiors made it quite clear. It's up to us now. It's time we chased after Straw Hat and his crew once more," Smoker commanded, his order clear and without hesitation.
"Yes sir!"
XxX
Basking in the awesomeness that was one of the most iconic farewells ever, I was practically skipping around the deck in glee now that we had lost those pesky Marines. Meanwhile, everybody else…
"We're lonely," they wept, hanging themselves through the railings of the upper deck with their arms drooped and tears running down their cheeks.
"Don't cry anymore, geez," Zoro told them, his mouth downturned to one side. "Still won't accept Vivi leaving. I knew I should have dragged her aboard."
"Whah? You're a barbarian…"
"Despicable…"
"Devil…"
"Three swords…"
"Wait, Luffy, three swords isn't an insult…"
"Four swords…"
"I still love you, senpai!" I chirped, latching on to his chest to give him a great big hug.
"Forget it, go and cry with everyone else," Zoro grunted, scowling as he tugged at my iron embrace, finding it unyielding.
"At least we're out to sea now."
Senpai stalled, one hand shoved against my now flattened face, still trying to extract me from my everlasting hug.
"Good work."
The crew members went berserk, Zoro reaching for the hilt of his sword with narrowed eyes, Nami clutching her hands to her face in panic, while Usopp raised the alert, screaming into a megaphone ex-machina 'ENEMY ON BOARD'. I wasn't even going to mention the shame that was Sanji's reaction in light of an adorable Chopper 'hiding' behind a mast, most of his body on view for the world to see. Meanwhile, I tugged on a chord, a banner falling down to read 'Welcome, Nico Robin' and releasing balloons which bobbed up either side.
"What… it's you!" Luffy stated. "You're not dead?"
"Don't point those dangerous things at me," Robin breezed, flicking up her arms so that limb replicates appeared on Nami and Zoro, knocking their respective weapons to the ground. "Didn't I tell you that before?"
I dove, catching the sword by the hilt and letting out a breath of relief. Senpai's sacred weapons should never hit the ground! I knelt before my senpai, offering his sword back to him ceremoniously. Robin gave me a curious look as she walked past, retrieving a deck chair and explaining how she had been below deck the entire time, reading a book and taking a bath.
"Did you know she was here the whole time?" Usopp screamed at me through his megaphone, making the skin on my cheeks flap from the force behind it.
"Noooo," I lied, whistling into the air with my back to my banner.
"Please leave the ship!" Usopp continued to bellow through his megaphone. "I am calling the Marines."
"If you get through will you ask them where my signed pictures are?"
"You're really weird, what do you want?" Luffy demanded of our stowaway, teeth gritted.
"Let me… join your crew."
I pulled a second chord that released a second banner underneath the first saying '...and welcome to the crew!".
"Don't just assume she can join!" Nami yelled, teeth sharp as I hit the deck from the assault of her strangely strong beating.
"But she saved Luffy's life," I whined as I sat up, shifting myself into a cross-legged position. "She gave him an antidote to Crocodile's poison so that he would live."
"Miss All Sunday doesn't deserve cookies… but 'Memo Momin' does," Usopp breathed, making me give him a close-eyed smile.
"It was you who made me go on when I wanted to die… it's all your fault and I have nowhere else to go," Robin explained, flicking her dark eyes from me to Luffy as she rested a hand on her cheek. "So let me stay on this ship."
"It's okay," Luffy declared.
"LUFFY!?"
"Don't worry," Luffy beamed, "she's not as bad as you all think! Now let's all welcome our new crew member, Memo Momin!"
XxX
I sat cross-legged by my senpai's side, a smile on my face as the crew kept a watchful eye on our new crew member, or in Luffy's and Chopper's case, became distracted by her devil fruit abilities.
"Psst, senpai," I stage-whispered as Usopp began to question Robin on her background, "do you think she knows we're eavesdropping."
Zoro gave me a dark look.
"Listen, Eve," Zoro murmured under his breath, "I get you have a better perception of people than I do, but I don't trust her-"
"Er, senpai…"
"Just listen," Zoro grunted as I slowly lifted up a finger and winced, "whatever you've seen in the past, or her future, or whatever, right now she can't be trusted-"
"But senpai…"
"I'm serious. Stay away from her. Until I say so, I don't want you showing off what you know, got it?"
"Senpai," I sweat-dropped, pointing to the mast he was leaning against, "there was an ear on the wall behind you."
Zoro's mouth dropped open, his teeth sharpening as he whipped his head to Robin who removed her hand from her chin and gave him a fingered wave before returning to her conversation with Usopp. Zoro's head snapped back, his teeth audibly grinding as I patted him on the back in reassurance. Poor, poor senpai. He could only watch as our defences fell to the ground due to the woman's manipulations, Nami submitting to the bribe of jewels, Sanji having fallen to her charms on account on her gender (accompanied with a sickening dance that made me want to throw up), and Usopp falling at the final hurdle of Luffy's Chopper impression (which was golden, 10,000/10 on the impression of adorable crewmembers).
"So, I assume you already know all about me, Miss Seer," Nico Robin inquired, leaning against the railings of the upper deck.
"Yeah… do you want a hug?" I asked, tilting my head to the side as I sat on top of the railings, merrily swinging my legs.
"I'd rather not."
I sighed, letting out a visible breath as I quirked my lips to the side in thought.
"Want to have a really loud conversation next to Usopp and see who can get the best reaction out of him?"
"What, you mean about all the people I've killed?" Robin announced straight-faced, making Usopp squeak on the lower deck.
"Anything really, the people you've killed… the dead bodies you've excavated… the legions of Marines hunting you down," I smiled back, as Usopp began to sweat profusely.
"The Marines aren't that much of a problem, it's rather simple to restrain them when you can snap their spines with a flick of your wrist," she replied as Usopp assumed a fetal position and began to rock back and forth.
"Interesting, do the spines ever come out?"
"Sometimes."
Usopp screamed, tongue wagging from his mouth as he ran back and forth on deck, streams of tears running from his eyes. I dropped to the deck, clutching my stomach as I rolled about with laughter as Robin watched me with an amused expression on her face.
"You're golden, Nico Robin," I wheezed, still trying to regain the ability to breath through my watering eyes. "Do you want to continue our conversation over tea?"
Zoro scowled as he watched Eve walk down to the lower deck, eyes bright and smile wide as they fixed on the newest member of their crew as they took a seat together. Sanji fluttered over to their table to serve them tea, prompting Eve to redirect his affections to Luffy (who was trying to swipe snacks from their table), much to the cook's chagrin.
"Looks like somebody's got a new favourite," Nami commented in a slight sing-song manner, eyes flicking between them and the swordsman as her face sported a shit-eating grin. "Jealous?"
"Yeah right," Zoro scoffed, picking up a weight as his eyes continued to follow the movements of the suspicious woman, promising himself that he wouldn't miss a thing.
A/N: Ahh, so that is all I've written for now. This has been so much fun and I swear if I get some inspiration I will write more. I think the problem is that the next chapter is the one with Blackbeard and I literally can't see Eve facing him without trying to rip his head off XD Maybe she'll just go on a mini adventure with Nico Robin instead! Anyway thanks so much for reading and especially to those who were commenting every week. That was awesome guys, thank you!
Guest: Do you think so? I see her just below senpai and I thought that was generous! I actually have a joke planned for the bounty, so I'll probably just roll with that.
Zeromk7: Aw, thank you! I hope I keep going too! Have a good week :D
Lily E. Miller: Pahaha yeah, I felt crazy writing that last chapter to be honest. As you can see Tashigi plans on keeping her promise, but it will have to be during their next encounter that Eve gets her signed photos. It will be worth the wait though! Thanks so much for your comments every week too!
Iris my Beloved: I'm glad you liked that, I know I got a good chuckle out of it. I was a bit worried it was too much, but Eve hates it and I like tormenting her, so why not, eh? Again, thanks for reading and sticking with the story!
surgeononlaw: Eve's superpower is her chaotic nature, and it serves her well, even if it doesn't always go to plan. Also considering your username, I'm guessing you picked up on the references to Eve's next love obsession, haha! I hope you approve! Thanks for reading, and for the backlog of comments - glad you approve of mama dino and also want to kick Ace's but! :D