Monica.

Here we go. I've been preparing for this night ever since Ross and Emily first got engaged; for my mother's continuous comments about how a woman of my age should be married with children, or at least be seeing someone. It's not like I'm happy with my love life or anything - I've wanted a family since I was a little kid. Hell, I've had my wedding planned since I was 14. Just, after Richard and I broke up, I kinda assumed I was repellent to relationships or love and would never be in a relationship with a future.

But, as I'd been doing for pretty much my whole life, I just had to grin and bear it. This was Ross's night, and though he maybe had done all of this before, it didn't make it any less special.

So, here we go...

Rachel, Chandler (who had held my hand the entire journey after he noticed I was nervous) and I climbed out of the cab and met with Phoebe and Joey who were waiting for us outside my parents' house.

Thankfully we got there a little earlier, so we could talk to Emily and Ross before they were busy with other guests.

We knocked on the door and my dad opened it, with a huge smile. He wrapped me in a hug and greeted us. We made our way to the living room and saw my mother, who (like always) was so invested in whatever Ross was doing.

"Hi, mom." I kissed her cheek and she gave only Rachel a hug before she scurried off back to her pride and joy.

"Your mom is always so sweet." Rachel gushed at the attention my mother gave her, instead of her actual flesh and blood. "You know, when me and Ross were dating she once said I was like the daughter she never had."

I looked at Rachel and hoped she understood how that made me feel. Though I was used to my mom's shit, it still hurt.

We walked over to Ross and Emily - she was on the phone to her parents, who had flown over from the UK for the party.

I gave Ross a kiss on his cheek and we each took turns to hug him. Me, then Chandler, Joey and finally Phoebe. Rachel just placed her hand on Ross's shoulder, afraid that once she held him she'd never be able to let go.

"I'm so glad you guys are here," Ross said in between each hug. "People should be turning up soon and then we can open up the buffet." Joey's head immediately started scanning the room looking for any kind of food. Joey's stomach honestly was something else; he could eat and eat like his life depended on it. When Ross recognised his excitement, he directed him towards the dining room and Joey practically ran to stuff his mouth for the 4th time that day.

Emily soon put the phone down and engaged in our conversation, she told us her parents would soon be here from the airport.

I spoke with Emily and Ross while Chandler was occupied with stopping Joey from leaving the rest of the guests with no buffet. Phoebe and Rachel were talking with my dad about god knows what, but I asked Rach to keep my mom busy so I didn't flip out on her. She had already gotten a few of her special insults in and I wasn't gonna take any more.

They seemed ready. They'd only just gotten engaged and already they were planning a date and venue. But hey, I'm in no position to judge either of them, and if they are happy and in love, what's really the problem?

After a while, guests started pouring in. I recognised a few of Ross's colleagues and a couple of our childhood friends we grew up with that our parents invited. Chandler whispered to me and pointed out some of his and my brother's old college friends, who after hearing stories about from Chandler, sounded like even bigger geeks than what they were back then.

We each got to meet Emily's dad and step-mom, who it turns out had practically no brain functionings and Chandler clearly felt the need to tell a joke about it. I tried to hide my laughter and snorted quietly to myself as I dragged him away from making the interaction any more awkward.

"Chandler!" I laughed, as we were tucked away in the back room of my childhood home.

"What? You know I can't stop talking unless someone makes me!" He defended himself, the both of us still chuckling. "How're you doing?" He asked, knowing what my mom does to me.

I nodded, shrugging my shoulders, "well roughly, after an hour of being here, she has found around 10 ways to imply that I'm utterly intolerable and all men hate me." I smiled through the annoyance.

He scoffed, "you shouldn't pay attention to what she says. You're great, and I don't hate you."

"I know you don't," I stroked his arm, "we should get back out there and socialise." He began to walk to the kitchen again but I stopped him. "But hey, none of those jokes again about all of her brain cells being in her breasts!" He laughed out loud as I reminded him of his own joke.

About 15 minutes later, my dad called everybody into the living room where he was waiting to make a toast. We all gathered together and listened to what my dad had to say.

Turns out my mom had written him a script of what to say, which had multiple -but subtle- insults directed at me hidden in it.

I bit my tongue and tried to be happy for Ross and Emily, but as soon as we raised our glasses, I had to leave for the kitchen so I didn't kill my mother!

She noticed and immediately felt the need to join me, probably just to attack me more. I had already drunk my glass of wine and desperately wanted more, so I started pouring another glass up, which caused her approximate 23rd insult (not like I had been counting).

"Good gosh, Monica, maybe if you put the drink down you'd have time to meet a husband." I shook my head in disbelief, and took my first sip of my drink.

"Thanks for being so thoughtful, mom." I said, sarcastically. She must've took me seriously because she told me not to worry and that she's only looking out for me. Yeah right.

I don't know why, but I stayed standing with her, even after she attracted all of her other prejudiced friends and they started gossiping like teenagers.

My mom eventually coerced them into talking about my love life again, so then instead of one 50-year-old woman digging her nose in where it didn't belong, now I had 8, each as annoying as the other.

"Monica definitely isn't involved with anyone right now. If you're confused why then just look at her ears!" She pointed, moving my hair. She had always mentioned how prominent my ears were, but they never bothered me.

"Oh, Sheila, you're so lucky you have grandchildren! I've been waiting for Monica to give me some for too long now! But she's 29 and it may be too late..."

"Do you think he'll want to date Monica? He might find her too difficult but..."

Eventually I stopped listening. It's as if every sentence she said, she really wanted to be saying 'you're a disappointment and I don't love you.'

So I had enough. I don't deserve this from my own mother. I knew I had to find a way to shut her up, but one which didn't ruin my brother's night. That wasn't fair to him. So I had the perfect idea. I looked around and saw Chandler. He noticed me surrounded by all of my mom's minions and began to walk over, worried that I was gonna flip.

"Ever since Monica and Richard broke up, she's so single she'll take anyone she can get!" My devil satan spawn mother laughed to her friends, but this time I laughed with them.

"That's funny, mom, because actually, I am dating someone." I said, pretending.

Her jaw dropped and her cretins started squealing and asking who.

Just as Chandler finally made his way over to stand with me, I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers. "Chandler." I smiled.

He was so confused by me holding his hand, and soon after, all of the old women congratulating us.

My mom, on the other hand, looked more angry. "The doesn't eat Thanksgiving food boy?" Of course that's what she refers to him as.

"That's right, mom. But now it's 'the doesn't eat Thanksgiving food boy... who's dating your daughter!" I squeezed his hand, as his eyebrows shot to the roof and he turned his head in every possible angle.

They started to ask us questions, like how we met and how long we've been seeing each other and how serious it is. But before I started to answer, Chandler spoke for the first time. "Mon, can I speak to you over there, please?" I complied and we left the crowd to find someplace to talk privately.

"You wanna tell me what the hell's going on and why we're dating and how much I'm allowed to touch you for it to be believable?!" He shouted but while whispering. I think he already understood why I'd done what I'd done, and was okay with it.

I giggled a little before telling him to be quiet. "I don't know, Chandler, I was just sick of her bitching so I just lied to shut her up!"

"Couldn't you have said you're seeing some guy from work?" He asked.

Phoebe and Joey found us hiding and jumped out on us. "You're seeing a guy from work?" They asked excitedly. Alike my mother, they never thought I'd date again after Richard.

"Guys, give us a minute." Chandler said.

They didn't leave, instead they began to talk to each other so loud that it was going to give us away to my mom and she'd find us. And I just needed to talk to Chandler without being interrupted.

When they weren't looking, I pulled Chandler upstairs and into my old room. My Paul Newman and Elvis Presley posters were still splurged all over the walls and I had chocolate bars and sweets on my dresser, which were over 5 years old. I can't believe I moved out when I was 20 to go live in Manhattan on my own after finishing college. I remember when I first moved here and I found out that Iridium was looking for a chef. I do not miss that place - Alessandro's is so much better.

Everything seems so long ago. When Ross and I learnt how to be good siblings to one another. When Chandler moved in across the hall after we'd become friends. When we met Phoebe, and when we met Joey. When I rekindled my friendship with Rachel.

God, I can't believe I'm 29 now! I feel so old.

I eventually got out of my head and saw Chandler looking around my room. He'd never been in here before. Why would he have been? I hated him after he called me fat and I sent myself to fat camp after my parents had been begging me to go. I really hated him. Only Rachel knew that.

But after I moved to Manhattan and I bumped into Chandler, we actually got on pretty well. So well that when he wanted to move out of his childhood mansion, I told him about the apartment across the hall. And then Kip became his roommate and all of that went to shit after he and I broke up, but Chandler was surprisingly supportive and even offered to get a new roommate.

I realised I had started digging back through my memories and shook my head to bring myself back to reality. I guess this room just brings it out in me.

"Elvis? Really?" He chortled, looking at my walls.

I shrugged and smiled. He looked at my purple record player and looked through all of the EP's that I would listen to. I sat down on the end of my bed, just watching him get to know who I used to be.

He flicked through them, "Michael Jackson, Madonna, Prince, Whitney Houston, Bruce Spr- you really were basic with your music." He turned around and frowned. "Didn't you listen to anything... you know, underground?"

"Hey don't judge! I had no friends, I didn't know what I should've been listening to. And besides, they're all super good." I defended myself, comparing it to the music I listened to now.

He walked over to my polariod wall next to my dresser. There were a bunch of photos with Rachel, a photo I took with this Ukrainian foreign exchange student that I had a crush on, and some more of me and Rachel. I really didn't have many friends.

"Were you homeschooled or something?" He joked. "Seriously why is there only Rachel on this?"

"Come on, Chandler, did you really expect me to have friends in high school? Little fat, weird, freaky me? Rachel was pretty much my only friend, and I didn't care."

He nodded and kept looking around. I had a guitar with a bunch of stickers on it that I never ever learned how to play, I just liked the look of it. But I had already told him that.

"How come I've never been in here?" He asked, his hands buried in his pockets.

"Well you were Ross's friend, you hung out with Ross. And besides you only visited with Ross a couple times."

"But I slept just in that other room," he motioned with his arm to Ross's room, talking about how he'd sleep over when they visited from college.

"And you didn't like me." I told him.

He scoffed, "I didn't know you. I should've taken the time to." He moved closer and sat next to me.

I smiled at him and he did too.

"You know I became a chef because of you?" I told him. His face lit up and he smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, of course. You don't remember?" I playfully nudged him with my elbow. "Thanksgiving 1987. The year we met. You told me you liked my mac and cheese and that I should be a chef." I recalled.

"I didn't think that was the reason why you became one." He laughed. "Well then, you're welcome."

"I wasn't thanking you." I rolled my eyes, smirking.

"I know." He was so smug. "So you wanna talk about why we're apparently dating?"

"I told you - I was sick of my mom and her shit and she already doesn't like you so I knew if it were you that it would piss her off more. No offence?"

"It's pretty hard not to take offence to that, but for some reason I really really do not care what your mom thinks of me." I laughed and he smiled.

"So if you can just pretend to be my boyfriend? Just for tonight?" I asked, sheepishly.

His mouth twitched and one of his eyebrows flew up. "What's in it for me?"

I scoffed, and shook my head. "So you forgot the time that you spent two whole days whining over the fact that I wouldn't date you and now I am and you want something out of it?"

"You guessed it."

"Fine." I rolled my eyes. "I will kiss you. On the lips! For 10 seconds! But that's it!"

His eyes lit up and the corners of his mouth were practically touching his ears. "I was thinking more like you clean the apartment or you do my laundry! This is so much better!"

I felt my stomach drop, I was gonna have to kiss Chandler. I don't know why I was so nervous, I had kissed him before. Well, he got drunk off Jell-O shots and stuck his tongue down my throat, but it's basically the same thing. "Just don't make it weird." I told him and moved in slowly.

He leaned back and told me to wait a second. "I have a question."

I laughed, "right now? Are you joking?"

"Do you want me to help you get back at your mom? Or should I just go downstairs and tell her you're lying?"

"Ask away!" I smiled at him, my eyes wide.

He chuckled and then his face went blank as he prepared to ask his question, "Can I use tongue?"

He's such an idiot. I glared at him which I think gave him my answer.

Just so he wouldn't talk again, I grabbed the back of his neck and crashed our lips together. As soon as our lips touched, I swear I heard him moan quietly, and he placed his hands on my waist. At first I was counting in my head, but after about 4 seconds, I realised how nice it was.

The first time we kissed, he had just kissed Ross and Phoebe before me and all he tasted of was alcohol. But this time, it was good.

10 seconds was definitely up, but I didn't pull away.

We both shuffled along the bed to be closer and practically pushed up against each other. At this point, we were using our tongues, which I just know he was pleased with. He run his right hand through my hair, messing it up, and used the other to hold my neck.

I didn't understand what was going on, but I was enjoying it. Why can't friends just make out sometimes huh?

I jumped on his lap and we kept on kissing, his hands roamed my back until he slid them down to my ass. We pulled apart and he began to kiss my neck. My head fell back before I kissed him and started to unbutton his shirt.

Just then, someone opened the door. "Monica? Chandler?" We heard Rachel's voice, and her gasp when she saw what we were doing.

Our heads shot to the door and saw her standing there with her hand covering her mouth. Shit.

She broke from her trance and shut the door to stop anyone else from finding out.

"It's not what it looks like!" Chandler tried to save us.

"So you and Monica are not fooling around right now?" Rachel crossed her arms. She seemed mad, but I think it was more shock.

"Ok well then it's exactly what it looks like!" He shouted. I scoffed and slid off him, adjusting my dress and hair.

"Rach what're you doing up here?" I kinda changed the subject.

"Looking for you two! Your mom just came up to me looking for 'Monica and her food hating lover' and when I asked who the hell that is... apparently it's you!" She pointed at Chandler. "Why did you tell her you guys are dating?"

"Because!" I shouted, taking her by surprise. "You don't have to deal with it! She's constantly at my throat and I'm sick of it! I just wanted to shut her up for just a second! Okay? I'm sorry but you don't know what she's like." I almost started crying, but I felt Chandler's hand on mine and I almost immediately felt better. He had buttoned his shirt up while Rachel had been speaking and he noticed that I was on the brink of tears. He could always tell.

"Mon," Rachel walked towards me and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I never noticed how bad she was." We pulled apart and I told her it's okay.

"Will you please not tell anyone?" Chandler asked and I agreed with him.

"That you're fake dating or that I caught you guys almost hooking up?"

We both rolled our eyes and said "both."

She clicked her tongue. "Gotcha." She headed for the door and noticed we were going with her. "Oh are you guys gonna..." she winked.

"No!" We both shouted. "We're just gonna talk, tell my mom we'll be down soon."

She nodded and was about to leave until she looked around and smiled. "Wow, haven't been up here in years." She just looked around, stood in the same spot for a while.

"Umm, Rach?" Chandler asked, and motioned for her to leave. She giggled and finally left us to talk about what just happened.

We just sat there, looking at each other, but it didn't feel awkward.

"You know I don't quite think that was 10 seconds." He joked and I chuckled. He was trying not to make it uncomfortable. "You okay?"

"Yeah. You?"

He nodded and smirked. "What're you thinking?"

"I'm thinking... that you're one of my best friends and we just got a little too... out of our heads." I tried to explain the best I could.

He seemed to understand.

He sighed, smiled and held out his hand for me to hold it. "Well then, let's get back out there and show your mom what an amazing couple we are." I giggled and held his hand.

As we stood up, he pulled me in for a hug, "love ya, Mon. You're my best friend too."

"Don't let Joey hear you." He chuckled. "I love ya too, Chanandler Bong." His face dropped and I giggled like crazy. There was still a little part of me that was mad at Rachel when I heard that, how could she have lost our apartment over something so obvious?

We walked downstairs, hand in hand, and saw my mother, who I assumed was looking for us.

"Monica! There you are! People want to talk to you two. What've you been doing up there all this time?"

"Anything but canoodling." Good one, Chandler. This is gonna be a long night.