The One With the German Laundry Woman
[Scene: Pitch Perfect Cafe, all girls are there.]
Aubrey: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal.
Stacie: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just touched in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a organisms hit you like a... flood dam? Am I right?
Chloe: Come on, girls! Don't embarrass her. Everyone has their moment.
Cynthia: We have? Oh sure we have.
Beca: How much pent up sexual frustration you had before that occurred?
Flo: Their is one girl back to my hometown she died because of excessive sexual pent up frustration and when finally she released she died... due to dehydration I guess.
Stacie: Ok...ayyyyy, you know what blows my mind?We Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you don't get any work done is beyond me. (Stacie grabs her boobs through her thin clothing starts moaning)
Amy: Oh, ok, you Know what you guys are losing my appetite here. This girl is trying to eat here. ( Fat Amy says gesturing to her table which is full of food)
(Long pause.)
Lily: I know how to kill someone by their organism!
(Even longer pause)
Emily: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night!
Beca: No plans, huh?
Emily: Not a one.
Aubrey: Not even, say, breaking up with Jeremy?
Emily: Oh, right, right, shut up.
Jessica: Ems, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just gotta do it.
Emily: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with him, he has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed him the note.
Stacie: Why do you have to break up with him? Be a woman, just stop calling.
Fat Amy: You know, if you want, I'll do it with you.
Emily: Oh, thanks, but I think he'd feel like we're gangin' up on him.
Fat Amy: No, I mean you break up with Jeremy and I'll break up with one of my boyfriend Bob.
Ashley: Bob?
Jessica: Oh, you're breaking up with Tony?
Fat Amy: Yeah, I know, he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me, or his hunger strike, or, I don't know.
Beca: (waitressing) Does anybody want anything else?
Fat Amy: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing. ( Beca gives her a dirty look) Nothing, just, just, I'm fine.
Chloe: (to Beca) What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?
Beca: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.
Chloe: That guy, he burns me up.
Beca: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. Oh, it was horrible. He called me young lady.
Cynthia: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Chloe: Did he give you that whole "You're-not-up-to-this" thing again?
Beca: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended mix version, with three choruses of "You'll never make it on your own" and "you need me"
Flo: (rhythmically) Uh-huh, uh-huh.
(Angelo, a handsome tall man with Spanish accent, enters.)
Angelo: Hi, Stacie.
Stacie: My god, Angelo.
(Angelo takes a seat at the counter.)
Aubrey: Wow, being dumped by you obviously agrees with him.
Cynthia: Are you gonna go over there?
Stacie: No, yeah, no, ok, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too eager. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. That seems pretty cool. (She walks over to him) Hey, Angelo.
Angelo: (casually) Stacie.
Stacie: You look good.
Angelo: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my ass.
Stacie: You don't say.
(Cut to Chloe and Beca, talking next to one of the tables.)
Beca: So, uh, Chloe, what are you, uh, what're you doing tonight?
Chloe: Oh, big glamour night. Me and our girl's laundry at Laundorama.
Beca: Oh, you uh, you wanna hear a freaky coincidence? Guess who's doing laundry there too?
Chloe: Who?
Beca: Me. Was that not clear? Hey, why don't, um, why don't I just join you, here?
Chloe: Why Don't you give me your laundry to me? I mean we all have their turns to do everyone's laundry you know that right and today's my turn.
Beca: Yes, I do Know that. Apparently Their is that German laundry lady... I felt very flustered towards... but I don't like her that way and I really get scared of her that's why I didn't do laundry last time I get there and she was just mocking me so I ran away...Anyway, say, sevenish?
Chloe: Sure.
(Cut back to Stacie and Angelo at the counter.)
Angelo: Forget it Stacie. I'm with Tony now.
Stacie: Tony? I didn't know you also bat for both teams?
Angelo: Tony is great. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. You, you go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actress, but Tony...
Stacie: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too.
Angelo: Yeah, well, sorry, Stace. You said let's just be friends, so guess what?
Stacie: What?
Angelo: We're just friends.
Stacie: Fine, fine, so, why don't the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight? You know, as friends?
Angelo: What four of us?
Stacie: You know, you and Tony, and me and my girlfriend, uh, uh, Aubrey.
[Scene: Bellas Residency, Stacie is there, trying to convince Aubrey to pose as his girlfriend. Her plan is to hook Aubrey up with Angel o's boyfriend tony and then take Angelo back for herself.]
Stacie: Aubrey, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you.
Aubrey: Forget it. Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet.
Stacie: Come on. This guy's great. His name's Tony. He's Angel o's... brother. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. Me, I go on three auditions a month and call myself an actress, but Tony is... Look, I'm asking a favor here. If I do this for his brother, maybe Angelo will come back to me.
Aubrey: What's going on here? You go out with tons of guys and don't even start with girls.
Stacie: (proud) I know, but, I made a huge mistake. I never should have broken up with him. Will you help me? Please?
[Scene: Chloe's room, Beca is over.]
Beca: Ok, bye Well, Are you ready? Let me get my laundry and get with it.
Chloe: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've thought this thing through?
Beca: It's laundry. The thinking through is minimal.
Chloe: It's just you and that German laundry lady, just the two of you? This is a date. You're going on a date.
Beca: Nuh-uh.
Chloe: Yuh-huh.
Beca: what? Chloe this is ridiculous. I just got flustered whenever I saw her. she gets into my head. And I'm telling you I don't like her she just got me sexually confused. She is intimidating.
Chloe: Well, first of all you may wanna about your sexuality. This is basically the first time Some lady awakened your inner desire. You should date that women.
Beca: (embarrassed) No.
Chloe: Oh, I knew you were gay. For God's sake your favorite actress is Jennifer Aniston, favorite singer is kesha.
Beca: Ok, ok, now what is wrong with my favorite actress and singer? What, I like Matthew Perry too.
Chloe: There you go.
[Scene: A fancy restaurant, Stacie and Aubrey are there, meeting Angelo and Tony, who Aubrey thinks is Angelo's brother.]
Aubrey: Thank you. So what does this Tony guy look like? Is he tall? Short?
Stacie: Yep.
Aubrey: Which?
Stacie: Which what?
Aubrey: You've never met Tony, have you?
Stacie: No, but he's...
Aubrey: Oh my god, Stacie, for all we know this guy could be horribly...
(Angelo and Tony walk in. Tony is good-looking.)
Angelo: Hey, Stacie.
Aubrey: ...horribly attractive. I'll be shutting up now.
[Scene: Pitch Perfect Cafe, Fat Amy and Emily are there, both ready to break up with their significant others.]
Emily: Where are they? Where are they?
Fat Amy: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us. It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.
Emily: Eww, I don't wanna do that.
(Jeremy and Amy's boyfriend, Bob, walk in.)
Emily: Here we go.
Fat Amy: Ok, have a good break-up.
Emily: Hey, Jeremy.
Jeremy: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.
Emily: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso and a latte over here, please?
Jeremy: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping...(looks through his bags)... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you...
(Emily sees Amy breaking up with Bob. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Emily is amazed how easy it was for her.)
Emily: What?
Jeremy: What?
Emily: (covering) What... did you get me there?
Jeremy: I got you...these. (pulls out a pair of socks)
Emily: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet.
Jeremy: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want. You look cute in anything.
Emily: That's great.
(The drinks arrive, and Emily downs her espresso in one gulp.)
Emily: Well, I'm gonna get another espresso. Can I get you another latte?
Jeremy: (holding the full cup) No, no, I'm still working on mine.
(Emily walks over to the counter where Fat Amy is, and is asking her about the break-up.)
Emily: That's it?
Fat Amy: Yeah, it was really hard.
Emily: Oh, yeah, that hug looked pretty brutal.
Fat Amy: Ok, you weren't there.
[Scene: The Launderama, Beca and Chloe enters. Beca stop abruptly causing Chloe to bump into her back.]
Chloe: Ouch... Beca what the he'll?
Beca: German laundry woman. 2 o'clock.
German laundry Woman: Oh tiny mouse you came early. Guess you can't resist me huh? Now Move please I got to do laundry here.
Beca: Oh, 'scuse me. I was kinda using that machine.
Woman: Yeah, well, now you're kinda not.
Beca: But I saved it. I put my basket on top.
Woman: Oh, I'm sorry, is that your basket? It's really pretty. Unfortunately, I don't see suds.
Beca: What?
Woman: No suds, no save. Ok?
Chloe: I never heard that rule.
Beca:You are physically flawless But that doesn't mean you can took my machine.
Chloe: Really Becs? Is this your pick up line?
Beca: Yeah, NO, Can you please focus on she is trying to stole my machine.
Woman: Well, you know, no suds, no saving.
Chloe: No suds? Excuse me, hold on a second. That's my friend's machine.
Woman: Hey, hey, hey, her stuff wasn't in it.
Chloe: Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it.
(The woman and Chloe stare at each other. Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.)
Chloe: (to the crowd in the laundromat) All right, show's over. Nothing to see here. (to Beca) Ok, let's do laundry.
Beca: That was amazing. I can't even send back soup.
Chloe: Well, that's because you're such a sweet, gentle, Short (to which Beca glares) uh...Do you, uh, do you...Oh, hey, uh you must need detergent.
(Beca pulls out a huge box of laundry detergent.)
Chloe: What's that?
Beca: Uberveiss. It's new, it's German, it's extra-tough.
Chloe: German, huh?
(Beca starts to load her clothes.)
Chloe: Becs, do you uh, are you gonna separate those?
Beca: Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts and another machine for jeans?
Chloe: Becs, have you never done this before?
Beca: Well, not myself, but I know other people that have. Ok, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Chloe: Uh, well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle. Ok, um, basically you wanna use one machine for all your whites, a whole nother machine for colors, and a third for your uh, your uh, delicates, and that would be your bras and your under-panty things.
Beca: (visibly nervous. Pointing with finger) Ok, Well, what about these are white cotton panties. Would they go with whites or delicates?
Chloe: (shamelessly holds a pair of panties in front Of herself) Uh, totes delicate.
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Aubrey, Stacie, Angelo, and Tony are seated at the table.]
Aubrey: (to Stacie) He is so cute. (to Angelo and Tony) So, where did you guys grow up?
Angelo: Brooklyn Heights.
Tony: Cleveland.
Aubrey: How, how did that happen?
Stacie: Oh my god.
Aubrey: What?
Stacie: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not.
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Aubrey and Angelo are talking while Stacie and Tony walks outside for smoking.]
Stacie: So, you and Angelo, huh?
Tony: Yep. Pretty much.
Stacie: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about him? That cute nibbly noise when he eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel.
Tony: Huh, I never really noticed.
Stacie: Oh, yeah, yeah, listen for it.
Tony: Aubrey, Aubrey is great.
Stacie: Yeah, but it's not gonna last. She's too much for me in bed. Sexually.
[Scene: Aubrey and Angelo are talking.]
Aubrey: I've gotta tell you, Tony is terrific.
Angelo: Yeah, isn't he?
Aubrey: It is so great to meet a guy who is smart and funny, and has an emotional age beyond, like eight.
Angelo: You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed.
Aubrey: Wow. I never thought anyone could told his brother when he lost his virginity.
Angelo: Huh. That's nice.
[Scene: Pitch Perfect Cafe, Fat Amy is coaching Emily on how to break up with Jeremy.]
Fat Amy: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed. Crush it.
(Emily walks back to couch, where Jeremy is.)
Emily: . Hi, Jeremy. Ok, here we go. I don't think we should go out anymore.
Jeremy: All right. Well, there you go. (he gets extremely wound up, and begins to try and calm himself down) Stop it, stop it, stop it.
[Scene: The laundromat.]
Beca: Ok, I know this is gonna sound really stupid, but I feel that if I can do this, you know, if I can actually do my own laundry, there isn't anything I can't do.
Chloe: That does not sound stupid to me. You know, it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself, after I left Barden? (the buzzer on the washer goes off) I'm sorry, that's all the time we have. Next on Beca...(opens up the washer) Uh-oh.
Beca: What uh-oh?
Chloe: (not wanting to tell her) Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done. It's, uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing. (singing) Uh-oh the laundry's done, uh-oh, uh-oh.
Beca: Chloe, what's the matter?
Chloe: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's done.
Beca: Come on, show me.
Chloe: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink.
Beca: Oh, everything's pink. Everything's pink. It's pink. It's fucking PINK!
Chloe: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone.
Beca: Except it didn't. It happened to me. Oh, god, I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep. What am I doing? What am I doing? My father's right. I can't live on my own! I can't even do laundry!
(The German woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by, and laughs.)
[Scene: The fancy restaurant, Angelo has her hand in Tony's shirt, and Aubrey is very uncomfortable.]
Aubrey: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Stacie, could we check it in the light, please?
(Her and Stacie walk away from the table.)
Aubrey: Oh my god.
Stacie: What?
Aubrey: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... Justin in Acapella.
Stacie: Come on, they're close.
Aubrey: Close? he's got his tongue in his ear.
Stacie: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Chloe.
Aubrey: Stacie, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, it's—not really true, is it?
Stacie: Well, who's to say what's true? I mean...
Aubrey: Oh my god, what were you thinking?
Stacie: All right, look, I'm not proud of this, ok? Well, maybe I am a little.
Aubrey: (hits her lightly) Oh!
Stacie: Ow!
Aubrey: (leaving) I'm outta here.
Stacie: Wait, wait, wait. You want him, I want Angelo. He likes you.
Aubrey: Really?
Stacie: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up.
[Time lapse, Aubrey accidentally spilled her drink on Tony's shirt and is wiping it off. Stacie is making eyes at Angelo.]
Aubrey: I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did this, but I couldn't stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story.
(Angelo is eating chicken wings and making the weasel-like noise Stacie had told Tony about.)
Stacie: Uh, waiter, one more plate of chicken wings over here.
[Scene: Pitch Perfect Cafe, Emily is still trying to ease things over with Jeremy, and there are about a dozen empty Espresso cups in front of her. She is extremely wired.]
Emily: Here's the thing, Jeremy. You know, I mean, it's like we're different. I'm like the junk, junk, junk. You're like the wink, wink, (Emily flails her hand out and hits Jeremy in the eye)... wink.
Jeremy: Ow!
Emily: Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?
Jeremy: Ow. Um, it's just my lens. It's just my lens. I'll be right back.
(he leaves.)
Emily: (to Amy) I hit him in the eye! I hit him in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world.
Fat Amy: Oh my god. (Emily downs another espresso.) How many of those have you had?
Emily: Oh, I don't know, a million?
Fat Amy: Ems, easy, easy. Go to your happy Tasmania with T,T,T,T,T...
Emily: I'm fine.
Fat Amy: All right.
(Jeremy returns from the bathroom.)
Emily: I'm not fine. Here he comes.
Fat Amy: Wait here. Breathe. Do you need my back confidence? Leave it now just watch me.
(Fat Amy goes over to speak to Jeremy. She talks to him for a few seconds, and then Jeremy immediately smiles, hugs her, waves to Emily, and leaves.)
Emily: How do you do that?
Fat Amy: It's like a Australian charm.
Emily: We should always always break up together.
Fat Amy: Oh, I'd like that.
[Scene: The Launderama. Beca is sorting her now-pink clothes.]
Chloe: You got the clothes clean. Now that's the important part.
Beca: Oh, I guess. Except everything looks like jammies now.
(The same German woman walks over and takes Beca's laundry cart.)
Beca: Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart.
Woman: Yeah, well, I had a 24-inch waist. You lose things. Now come on, get outta my way.
(Beca looks at Chloe, who motions to her to get the cart back.)
Beca: I'm sorry, you know, maybe I wasn't being clear. Uh, this is our cart.
Woman: Hey, hey, hey there aren't any clothes in it.
Beca: Hey, hey, hey, hey, quit making up rules!
Woman: Let go!
(They struggle for the cart. Finally, Beca climbs inside of it.)
Beca: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!
Woman: I'd like to but you are so tiny like a troll. Good luck with your trolley. See you later tiny mouse or should I say feisty mouse.
(and then walks away.)
Beca: (to Chloe) Yes! Did you see that?
Chloe: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen.
Beca: I could not have done this without you.
(Beca stands up and kisses Chloe. Both is stunned. A moment of silence follows.)
Beca: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Beca tries to climb off from cart but failed miserably and lands on her butt.) I'm fine, I'm fine.
Chloe: Are you sure?
Beca: No.
[Scene: Pitch Perfect Cafe, all are there. Chloe and Beca enters. Beca walks very weirdly.]
Chloe: Oh, are you sure you're ok?
Beca: Yeah.
Chloe: Does it still hurt?
Beca: Yeah.
Flo: (seeing Beca's clothes) What a neat idea. All your clothes match. I'm gonna do this.
(Stacie and Aubrey enter.)
Aubrey: Hi.
Jessica: Hey, how'd it go?
Stacie: Excellent.
Aubrey: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces for ourselves.
Beca: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way.
Aubrey: (notices Beca's posture) Oh, I'm sorry. Not so sorry.
Ashley: Where's Emily?
Fat Amy: Oh, she needed some time to grieve.
(Emily runs by the window outside, joyous.)
Emily: I'm free! I'm free!
Fat Amy: That oughta do it.