Let us not burden our remembrances with
A heaviness that's gone.

The Tempest (5.1.205-206)

Chapter 16

It had been two days since the dinner at Longbourn and one full day since Elizabeth's last volatile morning meeting with Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth spent the day restless as it was the last day for Mr. and Miss Darcy to call on the Bennets as was proper after a hosted dinner. Elizabeth was the only person in Longbourn agonizing over the appearance of the Darcy's, as the whole house had been in an uproar since yesterday for a much more pleasant reason.

Not long after Elizabeth had returned from the heated final meeting with Mr. Darcy did Mr. Bingley call and ask to speak with Jane alone. Elizabeth rejoiced in her sister's happiness while tending to her own wounds. She felt the weight of what she thought was the permanent end of Mr. Darcy's good opinion of her, and it pained her knowing he was in Hertfordshire yet wanted nothing more to do with her. She steeled herself for the icy interaction they would inevitably have.

The Bennet women occupied themselves in the parlor waiting for their callers. Jane and Mrs. Bennet were discussing wedding preparations. Mary and Elizabeth worked on their embroidery. Lydia had taken up drawing during her convalescence for her sprained ankle and was currently sketching a picture of…well, Elizabeth could not tell exactly what she was sketching. Kitty was sighing in exasperation as she struggled to get a new ribbon just right on her bonnet.

It was the closest scene to tranquility the Bennet household could produce, until Lydia angrily scratched out the drawing she was working on, cried out in frustration and flipped the page over to begin anew, and Mrs. Bennet began insisting loudly to Jane she needed at least a month and a half to plan a wedding breakfast suitable for a man of five thousand a year.

Then, Hill announced the arrival of Mr. Bingley, Mr. Darcy, and Miss Darcy. Startled, Elizabeth pricked her finger with her needle. She sucked on her finger quickly to stop the bleeding, just as the guests entered the parlor.

Elizabeth, and her courage, rose. She would not behave in a way detrimental to Mr. Bingley and Jane's happiness, she would not offend Miss Darcy as she had no fault for the troubles between her and her brother, and Elizabeth was determined to be civil to Mr. Darcy, mostly to show him that she could move past their entanglement with fortitude. Their call need only last a quarter of an hour.

Mrs. Bennet was in raptures to see Mr. Bingley, and she motioned for him to sit next to her and Jane to join her in convincing Jane there needed to be at least six weeks for preparations.

Elizabeth was interested to see how the ever-agreeable Mr. Bingley would manage his own desires to wed Jane quickly, whatever Jane's wishes were, and his inclinations to please the strong personalities around him like Mrs. Bennet. Elizabeth could not linger on their conversation long though, as she made room on the couch so that Miss Darcy could sit between her and Mary. That left Mr. Darcy to sit at the chair nearest Kitty's table strewn with ribbons and her bonnet. He looked mildly curious at Kitty's method of forcing ribbon every which way.

Elizabeth caught his eyes. He met her gaze intently, his face wearing the now familiar mask he wore in company, except for the crease on his forehead that grew the longer he looked at her. Elizabeth looked away to Miss Darcy and joined the conversation with her and Mary.

"Mr. Darcy looks at you a great deal, Lizzy," Lydia said, throwing down her sketchbook while joining them on the couch next to Mary.

"Lydia, please," Elizabeth said, her eyes widening in reproach. Luckily, Lydia's attention span was short enough to spare Elizabeth more embarrassment on that front. Elizabeth glanced at Mr. Darcy from the corner of her eye, and to her horror saw Kitty had convinced him to hold the bonnet up so she had both hands free to tie a perfectly straight bow. Darcy looked uncomfortable but not entirely put off, and even said something to Kitty that Elizabeth could not quite hear. Kitty looked somewhere between terrified and surprised that Mr. Darcy would speak to her, and Elizabeth was sure it was the only words he had ever spoken to any of her younger sisters, but Kitty decided that whatever he had suggested had merit, and she began adding a second ribbon.

Lydia turned to Miss Darcy. "Tell me about London, Miss Darcy. I am sure you must meet with the most gallant men at grand balls every night there. Papa will not take us to town, and Jane and Lizzy do not share their invitations to our Uncle's—" Lydia took the opportunity to glare at Elizabeth, who was too embarrassed by her speech to do anything but stare.

"I…I do not attend balls, Miss Lydia. I am not out yet, you see," Georgiana replied quietly.

"Not out? But you must be at least my age, and I have been out since two summers ago."

Elizabeth saw Darcy's eyes widen at this, his eyebrows arching upwards slightly. Kitty pulled on the ends of the bow to get it straight, drawing his attention back to their project.

"Patience in abundance is an admirable trait, Miss Darcy," Mary offered. "It is much better to delay the attentions of members of the dominant sex until young ladies are better prepared to guard against them."

"I think that wise, Miss Mary," Georgiana said thoughtfully. Elizabeth glanced at Mr. Darcy, who suddenly looked sad.

Lydia began talking of all the country dances and balls she had attended and the redcoats whose company she most enjoyed. Elizabeth's face colored, nervous that Lydia would mention Wickham and keenly aware of how different Lydia's manners were to Georgiana's. If only Lydia would ever listen to her and Jane. At least Lydia was speaking instead of Captain Denny, who was a great favorite of hers. She heard Georgiana giggle at something Lydia said that caused Mary to roll her eyes, and Elizabeth was relieved. Lydia was not completely offending Miss Darcy.

"I think I would enjoy a ball very much, if there are friends there. Perhaps we may all attend one together in town, when I am out?" Georgiana said shyly. Lydia's screech of delight was very unladylike, but it only caused Georgiana to laugh, and then Lydia began talking of how she would certainly meet a dashing young man to whisk her away from Longbourn if she went to London. Mary looked thoroughly annoyed at the turn of conversation, perhaps equally frustrated by Lydia's behavior, if for different reasons than Elizabeth.

Elizabeth looked at Mr. Darcy, who was now unabashedly watching them. Kitty had relieved him from assisting her to try on her bonnet. He cleared his throat and turned to lean towards the couch. Elizabeth waited for him to retract Georgiana's invitation, as he would have the full right to do, and she actually wished he would do it as the thought of Lydia exposing herself at a ball while in association with the Darcy's was too much for Elizabeth to bear. Instead, Mr. Darcy was looking at his sister with concern.

"Do you wish to be out soon, Georgiana? I had thought, since…well I thought you may need more time." he asked. Georgiana seemed surprised by his question. Elizabeth watched, fascinated. He spoke to Georgiana tenderly, and looked at his sister with such love and affection in his eyes. A look she had been familiar with, she now realized, though she had never read it accurately.

"Yes, brother. Miss Lydia makes them sound much more exciting than you ever have," Georgiana teased, easing the tension his question had raised for those who understood the origin of his concern for her. Mr. Darcy looked amazed, then smiled.

"I need to mind your company more. You are reminding me of Miss Elizabeth, and I receive my fair share of teasing from her as it is," he said. Elizabeth looked at him, surprised at the intimacy of his gentle bantering, but he appeared to regret what he had said, and his smile faded from his face. He rose, excusing himself from Kitty, and walked to look out the window in the far corner of the room.

Elizabeth was not sure what she had expected. He had been civil to her sisters, despite the reservations she knew he held about their usual behavior. She could see his discomfort through the tension in his shoulders, but he bore it well enough. Elizabeth realized with some confusion that this was Mr. Darcy exerting some effort. A great deal of effort, in fact, and she could not imagine why he would do so after the way they had last parted.

Tea had been called for, and Mary and Elizabeth busied themselves with making sure their guests had their tea. Mary had handed Elizabeth a cup, and with a knowing look glanced from her to Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth stared at her and wondered what her sister was thinking. Mary wore a small smile as she turned to speak to Miss Darcy and Lydia again.

Elizabeth held the cup and saucer and called over to Mr. Darcy, who was still paying close attention to his view from the window.

"Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth began stiffly. He turned to look at her, and the look in his eyes unsettled her. He seemed so forlorn. "I do not know how you take tea," she stated simply. He contemplated her for a minute before a slight smile formed on his lips.

"With one lump of sugar," he replied.

Elizabeth dutifully prepared the tea and walked over to hand it to him. With effort, she ignored when their fingertips brushed against each other and turned swiftly to return across the room to the couch, but his voice stopped her.

"I thank you, Miss Elizabeth. The hospitality of you and your family is most welcome. Truly," Mr. Darcy said, his words carefully chosen, hsi voice low, and Elizabeth could tell his sincerity. She searched his eyes for answers to unasked questions.

"You puzzle me," she said quietly.

"Please allow me to—"

Mr. Darcy was interrupted by Mr. Bingley's voice rising above Mrs. Bennet's. Both Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth were startled, their attention drawn to the other side of the room.

"Mrs. Bennet, I will have to insist on following our wishes. Three weeks is plenty of time, and I am sure a skilled hostess as yourself will rise to the challenge," Mr. Bingley said, smiling rather charmingly at Mrs. Bennet. Elizabeth smiled as Mrs. Bennet was completely taken in by Mr. Bingley, and she could do nothing but concur when presented with such flattery.

"Oh Mr. Bingley, you are too kind. It is settled then," Mrs. Bennet responded. Elizabeth saw Mr. Bingley give Jane a knowing look, which caused Jane to smile. Elizabeth was pleased Mr. Bingley had taken Jane's wishes into consideration and had not been cowed by her mother. It would not do to set a precedent of obliging Mrs. Bennet always, and Mr. Bingley had managed it in his own way.

The moment between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth passed, and Elizabeth sat down before he could continue.

The Netherfield party did not leave until the full half-hour passed. Elizabeth was attentive to Miss Darcy but avoided speaking to Mr. Darcy again, and he appeared to be lost in his own thoughts. Elizabeth sighed and resigned herself to this new dynamic of careful avoidance and civil exchanges when necessary. It was for the best.

OoO

At the first sign of light of the following day, Darcy set out to the base of Oakham Mount, hoping to encounter Elizabeth somewhere along the way. After calling on the Bennet's at Longbourn, he hoped he had done enough to show he was willing to put in effort to be civil to her relatives and softened his opinions about them. He had corrected his error with Bingley, and he knew he had much to do in the way of acting more open with those not in his own family, but at the very least he hoped she saw his willingness to change for the better. One day was not enough, Darcy knew, but it was a start.

He had woken with a jolt that morning, recollecting something important. He had tried to stop it. Losing his memories. He remembered the despair he felt, or dreamt, at the thought of losing her that night. It steeled his resolve to know that he had not given up on her entirely, even on that night. He knew he could not lose her again without a real attempt at mending the fissure between them.

Darcy walked the distance from Netherfield, needing the exercise and time to prepare how he was going to throw himself at her mercy by declaring himself once more. He someone knew he would find her, just as he always had. She was ahead on the path, wearing a coat and a morning dress, with her hair hastily arranged underneath her bonnet.

"Miss Elizabeth," he called once he saw her. She stilled at his voice and turned.

"Mr. Darcy, there are not two people who have less to say to each other than ourselves. I cannot beg your forgiveness anew for being less than forthcoming with you. Indeed, I acted in accordance with your wishes. I do not need to repeat how this situation brought great distress to those who care about you, and we simply need to cease whatever this is," Elizabeth said, motioning between the two of them. "It is highly improper," she stated plainly.

Mr. Darcy opened his mouth to respond, but then closed it as Elizabeth continued. He marveled at her ability to make him the most verbose he has ever been with anyone and also render him speechless.

"There is no more to say. Your visit yesterday showed me that we can endure each other's company for the sake of your friend and my sister, but you have all of Hertfordshire to enjoy for a morning stroll. Leave me this one hill, at least. I bid you good day," Elizabeth proceeded to march up to the summit, moving at a fast pace spurred on by her hurt and anger.

Did she always walk so briskly? His long legs gave him an advantage, but he still needed to move rapidly to pursue her. The ease with which he was catching up served to annoy Elizabeth further, and she picked up her speed.

"Do you count yourself among them?" Darcy asked as he followed her.

"Pardon me?" she replied.

"Do you count yourself among the people who care for me?"

Elizabeth stopped and turned to look at him angrily, "How can I answer that question when I have been the source of your pain, and that is all you seem to remember or care about?" She turned again and ran as fast as her dress would allow her up the mount. Her bonnet fell back and hung from her neck by its ribbon, but she did not attempt to restore it.

He allowed her the head start before walking briskly up. They had an impeccable view of the sun peeking its beams over the horizon. Darcy spoke as he approached her, "If you are angry with me for how I behaved at our last meeting here, you should know I have come to apologize. I regretted my behavior soon after. I did not keep my temper in check, and I was confused and upset. I am sorry for the harsh words I spoke, especially because they are far from the truth of my feelings. I do not regret coming back to Hertfordshire, and I hope I showed that to you yesterday."

Darcy's heart was rapidly beating in his ears as he moved towards Elizabeth, who had reached the summit. She did not turn when he stopped behind her. They were close enough that he would have to lift his arm very little to touch her if he wanted to. And how he wanted to. He continued, heartened when she did not send him away again.

"You are right to be angry. I assure you, the reproaches you can offer are not as great as the reproaches I offer myself. I have behaved selfishly, indeed, I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice though not in principle. I am now trying to correct that impulse. I have come here to beg your forgiveness and to tell you I do not just remember Kent. I remember more and more, Miss Elizabeth. Yes, your rejection of me and the words you said, but I now remember with disgust what I said to provoke your response," he said, speaking rapidly over her as she took a breath in to interrupt, "I remembered my part in separating Bingley from your sister, and I told him after you and I spoke that my observations were wrong then and that I now believe Miss Bennet cares deeply for him," Darcy explained. This caused Elizabeth to turn her head to the side, but she did not face him or meet his eyes directly, choosing instead to look off to the distance.

"And that is why he came to ask for her hand?"

"I believe my words provided a little reassurance, but he acted on his own long-standing feelings."

"I thank you for offering the encouragement to him, sir. As you saw, it has made my sister very happy indeed."

"I do not seek your gratitude, Miss Elizabeth. It would have been difficult for us to begin anew based on what little I remembered at first, but I have since remembered many wonderful things- feelings, moments. I remember our conversations at Netherfield. I remember the way I felt when I saw you arrive to tend to Miss Bennet during her illness." Darcy took an audible breath and smiled as he continued, "Your hem was muddy, your eyes brightened. I do not believe I had ever seen someone so effortlessly lovely as you. I remember your courage at Rosings in the face of the most uncivil behavior from my Aunt." Darcy's right hand slowly reached for her left. Their fingertips touched lightly, and when she did not move her hand away, he dared to take her hand fully in his.

"I remember this. The feel of your hand in mine. I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation of my regard, yet I am certain of my love for you."

He faltered, and then pulled on her hand gently to turn her to face him. She allowed herself to be led and gazed at him through unshed tears as he finished his declaration.

"Mr. Darcy, I am happy your memories are returning, for your own sake more than mine. But I cannot let you continue on. You may have loved me once, for reasons I still do not fully understand, but you are not obligated to me based on the memory of a strong affection."

"Is that what you believe?"

"Yes."

"You believe I do not love you now?" He clarified. Elizabeth starred at him without answering. Darcy realized he had never felt so vulnerable as he did when she looked at him with those bright eyes in the way she was doing now.

"I have been drawn to you since I saw you at Pemberley. My heart ached when I looked at you, and though I did not know why, I now know it was because there was something that bound me to you. Despite my own best efforts, fate has brought you to me and me to you repeatedly, and I thank the Heavens for this fortune. I have sought you out almost every day because I cannot bear to be apart from you. Reading with you, speaking with you, walking with you. Since returning to Hertfordshire, I have chosen you, every single day. Can you not see why, Elizabeth? It is because I love you now, as I did then, as I will always."

Elizabeth's lips parted slightly to respond, but she seemed at a loss for words. Instead a tear began falling out of the corner of her eye. With his free hand, Darcy wiped it away.

"Elizabeth Bennet, I do not know how I can make amends for my behavior towards you, for the foolishness I attempted in London, or for the past days. The list of the grievances I have committed against you are long, but I give you my word that all I do from this moment on will be with your happiness in mind. I will endeavor to be the man worthy of your affection. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once-"

Elizabeth finally found her voice to interrupt him, "Mr. Darcy, my feelings…my feelings are much changed."

A new emotion flooded him, stronger than the anguish he had wallowed in the day previous. Hope. Darcy wanted to sweep her into his arms and finally feel her lips on his. Decorum held him in place. He locked his blue eyes onto her glistening brown ones. He could see the fiery spirit emerge through her tears, dampened only by some uncertainty in her eyes as she waited for his response.

"Then you offer me hope. I understand my behavior may mean you need time. Will you allow me to formerly court you?"

"A courtship?" Elizabeth said, and then she laughed. He had not anticipated this, though her laughter was always a welcome sound. Darcy looked at her confused.

"Miss Elizabeth, you know I am not to be laughed at," Darcy said, but he was smiling, "What do you find so diverting?"

"After such a grand declaration, an offer of courtship leaves much to be desired. We have had a sufficient, albeit peculiar, courtship as it is, would you not agree, Mr. Darcy?" she replied teasingly.

Darcy smiled at her, marveling at how she could ease the tension he held in his body with one playful expression. "If you are displeased with that, then I must retract my offer, and replace it with what is, fortunately, the request closer to my wishes. Will you do me the honor of allowing me to spend my life with you as your husband?"

"Yes, Mr. Darcy. That would make me the happiest of women," Elizabeth replied. The desire to draw her close to him was far too great.

"May I kiss you?" he kept his voice soft. Her cheeks were already red from the exertion of her walk, but she managed to color further. Darcy's heart swelled as he looked at her. Smiling brightly, she enthusiastically replied.

"Yes, Mr. Darcy."

Her acquiescence was something he could grow accustomed to. In one motion, his right hand let go of hers and wrapped around to the small of her back to draw her closer. His left hand that moments ago had been wiping tears from her eyes now caressed her cheeks, tucking a wayward curl tenderly behind her ears. Elizabeth's grabbed the lapels of his jacket, and she looked up at him expectantly. Darcy returned her smile right before their lips met.

They were at the highest vantage point in all of Hertfordshire, with the countryside sprawling in all its morning glory around them. The world was infinite and intimate at once.

Darcy felt as if he had waited a century and journeyed across all of England, but the reward of Elizabeth's hand and her kiss was well worth it. He enjoyed the warmth of her mouth and the feel of her in his arms, the very things he longed for that had always been just out of his reach. He pushed his lips against hers softly, not wanting to overwhelm her with his passion, but she met him with unexpected zeal. He returned her fervor with his own, and with every movement of their lips, scenes replayed in his mind- watching her from across a crowded room, her slamming her book shut with her wry expression. Handing her into the carriage. When he almost kissed her after his dreadful proposal in the rain. Writing her letters. It was overwhelming. He broke their kiss and brought his hands to her waist. With excitement coursing through his body, he picked her up and spun her around, and when she erupted into laughter, he followed suit.

"Dearest, loveliest, Elizabeth," he breathed out as he set her down. Brazenly, she stood on her tiptoes to surprise him with another kiss, her hands resting on his face. He was happy to oblige her. When they finally broke apart, he spoke first.

"I must speak to your father," Darcy said, kissing her hands as he took them in his.

"If you return to Longbourn with me now, they will be sitting down for breakfast soon. I must prepare you, he will be surprised to see you."

"Does he know of my failed suit before?"

"Goodness, no. Can you imagine what my mother would have said if she found out I had declined a second proposal?" Elizabeth said merrily, holding his hand as they walked down Oakham Mount.

"A second proposal? Exactly how many times have I asked for your hand?" Mr. Darcy replied, flustered.

"Oh, just that one in Kent, sir. I am speaking of my cousin, Mr. Collins. I declined him after the Netherfield ball," she explained.

"Lizzy," Darcy paused to see if he was allowed the appellation, and when she beamed up at him, he continued, "I beg you to be patient with me as I am still piecing some things together, and I am not sure what I should know. To be clear, you have received, if we take this morning into account, three proposals, two of which you declined?" Darcy said amused.

"Generally speaking, one only makes it to three proposals if one has declined the first two, so yes, that is correct."

"I suppose Mr. Collins was not so dreadfully disappointed, as the object of his affections quickly became your very sensible friend, if I am not mistaken?"

"Indeed. I would say he bore the disappointment well, especially in comparison to the alternative path you chose to take after your disappointment, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth teased. Darcy was taken aback and did not respond.

He watched worry cross her face and then Elizabeth spoke, "I am sorry, Mr. Darcy. It is too soon after reaching an understanding for me to tease you so. You seem to have suffered greatly," she said tenderly, squeezing the hand she was holding while patting his arm gently with her other hand. Darcy reveled in their newly found intimacy and wondered how he was ever able to manage without her skin at his fingertips. It would be exceedingly difficult to keep himself away from her in company now. He hoped he could employ Mr. Bingley's tactics in ensuring a short engagement.

Smiling, he stopped walking and brought her hand up to his lips, placing a tender kiss along her knuckles. "I believe you once told me you tend to only think of the past as its remembrances give you pleasure. I intend to do the same, or at the very least, learn to laugh at my follies."

Elizabeth looked at him, puzzled.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I have never said that to you," Elizabeth replied. "While it is certainly one of my life philosophies, I have never had the opportunity to make that known to you."

"At the Netherfield Ball? When we spoke on the terrace…" Darcy trailed off. Elizabeth shook her head.

"We only spoke during our set. And I would certainly not have stepped outside with you."

"Elizabeth, perhaps you can tell me about us as we walk to Longbourn, so that I may better remember and discern memory from dream," he kissed her hand again, a little rattled, and then let her go to offer his arm, so they may walk through Hertfordshire properly.

"If you insist. Prepare yourself, for this tale is not for the faint of heart," Elizabeth began in a dramatically serious tone. She was unable to keep a straight face and chuckled. Darcy smiled in encouragement.

"Our story begins at an assembly…"

With very animated gestures, poor attempts at replicating Darcy's haughty tone, a frighteningly accurate impression of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, a tender and reflective recounting of their blunders, and a few questions from Darcy, they were able to reconstruct much of their relationship. Darcy told her about some of the dreams he remembered from the night he took the potion, and she was riveted by them, especially when she confessed she once dreamt of dancing with him at the assembly. It was certainly a curiosity. This conversation kept them occupied until they were within sight of Longbourn.

Elizabeth stopped. Darcy noticed her sudden agitation. Their meandering path to Longbourn meant they would need to cross a field before reaching the house. The morning fog had evaporated, and the sounds of the wildlife around them filled the air.

"Lizzy?" he asked, worried.

"You can end our story here, now, Mr. Darcy. We are yet unobserved. You do not need to return to Longbourn with me. If you still have apprehensions about my family or yours or me-" she said, quietly.

Why was she giving him an out? Darcy thought, annoyed.

"Elizabeth. For the first time in months, I finally feel as though I am on the path that will restore my life back to the way it was meant to be. With you by my side. It went astray the night I took that drink. But that is behind us. No more delays, no more hesitations." He gestured towards Longbourn, "Our future is before us, Elizabeth, my love. You said you would marry me. Do you need another proposal? I will ask you a thousand times, as many as it takes, until you no longer doubt my constancy, and we are united by God and the law."

Elizabeth was looking at him curiously, as if she was only just seeing him for the first time. He leaned towards her, closing the space between them to rest his forehead on hers.

"I love you, Fitzwilliam" she finally whispered. An overwhelmingly sense of relief and happiness washed over him to hear her finally say those words and speak his name. Elizabeth continued, "I have never been so happy. You must understand, happiness has seemed out of reach for so long."

"I love you," she repeated, this time sounding as determined and brave as Darcy knew her to be. He kissed her forehead.

"Then let us continue our story, my love," Darcy replied.

Walking side by side, they crossed the dewy field together.

THE END

Author's Note: I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter before you move onto the short epilogue!