Thanks for the input, dear reviewers. You were very helpful and I changed the last paragraph of the first chapter, so I'd make it clear that it wasn't Rogue speaking, but someone else. Who is it? Who's in Remy's life? Read on and find out. ;)

-O-

I saw him and my past took over in a wild blur of images flashing in my mind. My best friend, my man, my lover, all the love we shared, our baby. Our baby? Of all the things, why would I have to remember that? I hardly ever think of what happened all those years ago. It scarred me so badly, but I healed. I always heal. Why did that thought have to pop in my mind?

I was overwhelmed by those memories and felt I was about to hyperventilate, then I remembered Johnny was there with me and it helped me hold my ground. Remy flashed his lopsided grin at the sight of me and greeted me casually, commenting on how long it had been since we'd last seen each other. I thought to myself 'Damn right, sugar. Too goddamn long for my comfort and I just can't deal with it.' I couldn't and I can't. My life seemed perfect until I laid my eyes on that devil. They didn't call him le diable blanc for nothing, sugar. No, they didn't, I know that only too well.

He touched my hair lovingly and asked me if I wanted to discuss our last split. Seriously? Now it's a split? I thought we had never said a thing about it, there was never a 'goodbye, it's been good but…'. So technically, there had been no split. We just weren't together anymore, and to this moment, I don't know exactly why. Like I said before, we drifted away. But we didn't break up, most importantly, I didn't break, I didn't hurt or bleed, not this time. I just kept living my life in the fast lane and having no regrets, or at least I thought I didn't have any, up to that moment. Then I thought he obviously wanted to distract me so he could get away with whatever it was that he was up to.

His lips were moving again but I didn't pay any attention to what he was saying. The fact that he had impregnated me once was all I could think of, for some fucked up reason, my mind was sabotaging me. And to make matters worse, there were also his eyes, his charm, his lips. I said something silly and puckered up my lips for him to kiss me, just like I had done so many times before. And that's when the lightning struck out, smiling down at me, he placed one of his cards between both our lips and said he couldn't risk being poisoned by the T-mist I had been exposed to early this year.

So he knew about it! He knew and didn't even bother to call me to ask me if I was okay and what's worse, he didn't want to see me because he was a selfish bastard that couldn't risk his good health for a friend, in fact more than a friend. I thought I meant a lot to him, like he does to me. But apparently, that's not the case.

I got poisoned as I was trying to save some mutants I'd never seen before in my life from it. That's what I do, I save people. I put people in need of help before my own self. He used to do the same as an X-Man. What the fuck is wrong with him? I was so shocked at his words that I let him off, I was frozen in place and he escaped the bank with the greatest of ease because I let him. Johnny watched the scene play before him without saying or doing anything at all.

When we got back to the hotel, I locked myself up in my room, had Adele playing on my cell phone. Feeling very sorry for myself, I let myself drown in tears.

"I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness

And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head

But don't you remember, don't you remember?

The reason you loved me before

Baby please remember me once more

When was the last time you thought of me?

Or have you completely erased me from your memories?

'Cause I often think about where I went wrong

And the more I do, the less I know..."

And that's when I heard a shy knock on my door. It was Johnny, Johnny Storm.

"I knew you were not alright, I saw the look on your face when you saw him. But when I realized you were listening to these sad songs, I thought maybe you needed some intervention."

"I'm alright." I lied and it was pointless. My face was all wet with tears, I was still sniffing to stop myself from crying even more. I took a good look at him, he was leaning to one side of my door, and had a weak but inviting smile and he was holding a bottle of wine. Realizing I was staring, he said alcohol cures everything. I have to agree with him on that one. I invited him in and the rest, well I could bore you with the sordid details, but let's just say that I know now where he's got the Human Torch code name from. Fuck yeah, he's definitely good, his body was on fire, pun intended. He made me come so hard that I still had my body in spasms for a minute after it was over.

He's a total womanizer, I know and that was just what I needed, someone discreet enough, cool enough not bother me with insinuations of how he's had sex with me. We can still be on the same team and be totally cool about it. Before he left, I joked about how now his sticker album was almost complete, the album entitled 'Avengers Women I slept with'.

"True, beautiful. You were one of the rare stickers." He then blinked at me.

"Johnny, thank you. Thank you for coming to the rescue when I was down."

"You're welcome. Whenever you need a fix of the Human Torch, all you need to do is ask, pretty." I rolled my eyes at him playfully and closed the door after saying 'goodnight'.

When he left, I wasn't feeling desperately sad anymore. So, it was all worth it. But my heart was still heavy with anguish, disappointment and I couldn't help but think of what Remy had said. It got me thinking of all the things we did for each other. It didn't make any sense. There were so many times when we risked our own lives for each other. So many near-life or death situations and we would always act selflessly whenever the other one was concerned. And now that!

Laying in bed, I stared at the ceiling. And suddenly, I'm invaded by the memory of Hank towering over me as I laid in a bed in the recovery room. I had been gravely injured in a battle and had just woken up from a coma. Hank looked at me full of tenderness and concern, his eyes were saddened and full of compassion. He informed me that Remy was very worried about me when he heard about my injury, abandoned his own mission, and was coming back to the mansion to be with me, he'd arrive in a couple of hours.

"Rogue, I feel I have to be honest with you, though it kills me to be in this position, to be the one to tell you this."

"What is it, Hank? Whatever it is, I can take it, sugar." If I knew what he was talking about, I wouldn't have said that.

"The baby, Rogue. You lost the baby. I didn't tell Remy, though. I thought it was not my decision to take. You are the one that is in a position to decide if you wanted me to give him the news or if you'd tell him yourself."

"Baby? What baby? There was no baby. Hank, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Sorry if I haven't made myself completely clear, my dear friend. You suffered a miscarriage, Rogue. You were badly hurt and your baby, he didn't make it." At this point, my whole body was trembling as I realized what he was saying. I told him I didn't know I was pregnant. Hank gasped in astonishment, he didn't understand how I hadn't noticed any signs.

This had happened just after we came back to the mansion after spending the lovely time we had in Valle Soleada, California. I had lost my powers and we had settled there. For the first time ever I had the opportunity to know what it would be like to have a solid relationship with someone, built in trust and love. Those were our best days ever. I was his woman, he was my man. We didn't wear rings, but we were as committed to each other as we could possibly be. When our powers came back, we went back to the mansion and four months later, I miscarried.

I asked, no, not asked, correction, I begged Hank not to tell Remy. I didn't want him to know. What good would it bring? I could carry that cross for both of us. He could still be saved, saved from that knowledge, that we had made life and that I let it slip away. I felt guilty, I felt the loss, it was horrible. If only I had realized I was expecting, I would have spared myself, I wouldn't be going on missions. Hank told me I was most probably five months pregnant considering the size of the fetus. Even though I hadn't known I was pregnant, the dates matched. I probably got pregnant after two weeks of getting there and sharing a bed, my body and a life with Remy LeBeau.

I urged to see the baby, Hank didn't want to let me, but I won in the end. He was a boy and he looked like a real baby already, a tiny one, but he seemed to be fully formed. He had these tiny little fingers and toes. I remember it so vividly! I can still taste the salty tears that ran down my face. I didn't want to touch him though. Hank took care of paperwork and helped me give him a proper burial, it was only him and me. Remy was kept in the dark and I thought it was better that way.

But why? Why do I have to remember this now? After years spent in therapy, I was at peace with the loss of my baby. Why did Remy trigger all of that? All those negative feelings that threatened to swallow me whole? Why did he have to be such a jerk?

I want to hate him for what he said to me, but I can't bring myself to do it. Fuck me, I guess I am still in love with him.

What are the odds? Count on bumping into your ex, your eternal love flame, when you finally decide to move on. Now I can't stop thinking of her and how I have put my fucking foot in my mouth. What I said, there's no excuse. I guess this one makes it to my top 10 biggest fuck ups. In all my foolishness, I thought that was the only way I could keep from kissing her mouth, that mouth of hers that I know perfectly fucking well how good it tastes. God damn it, she makes me slow in my head, I was caught off my guard, I tried to act cool, but totally screwed up. She must hate me now. And right on, she should! Who wouldn't?

But what she doesn't know is that yes, I knew she was poisoned, but I also know she was somehow unaffected by it. Otherwise, if she had fallen sick, of course, I'd go to her. I had people informing me of her health, I wanted to keep my distance but I cared too much not to try and learn about her. I also know she's sleeping with Havok. Never thought I'd see a day like that. Also never knew she had something for blonds, but maybe I'm under that impression because she never seemed to have anything for anyone else but me for a long while.

I finish off another cigarette and steal a glance at Joelle sleeping peacefully by my side. She draws me in then pushes me away, that one. Which reminds me of Anna, which must've been why I was attracted to Joelle in the first place. I love myself a challenge. Silly me, we all know that with my beautiful Rogue, it was never only about the challenge. Call it love at first sight, I loved that petite from day one. It's something I just can't explain.

I tried calling Anna yet again but my call went unanswered, like all the other calls before this one. I guess I'll just have to track her down. I can't let her go without apologizing and making things right. She is so important to me, even if we are not together. I just can't live with myself knowing I've hurt her. I laid my head on my pillow, getting ready for another sleepless night.

Author's notes:

Yes, guys, it was Joelle. I just finished reading the latest Gambit solo series so couldn't think of anyone else but her for him to be settling down. For those of you who read it, I don't wanna spoil anything for those who didn't, we all know what happened to Joelle. But, I'm using my writer's license to use her character and be as inaccurate as I can be. LOL

Also, on the original reunion, Red Skull, as Remy, said that awful thing about Rogue being poisoned and all. It was very mean, but I decided to keep it even though here in my story it was real Remy who said that.

Thoughts? Criticism? I'll take anything. Thank you all for reading as always.