After roaming the mansion like crazy, desperately looking for her, I finally find her in the most obvious place at this time of the morning, the kitchen.

I saw her from a distance and she didn't notice my presence. She had her back to me so I held back and watched her for some brief moments. Once again my emotions turn jagged and my insides tight.

She was talking to Emma and Kitty and they were seemingly discussing something heavy, something important. There was no chitty chatty nonchalance, they looked serious, concerned. Anna was holding a mug. I can bet she's having her burning hot coffee with milk and sugar, she loves to have it first thing in the morning.

Her hair is longer than it was when I last saw her, the curly strands brushing her waistline. My mind sabotages me, as it always does. I remember how when I last had her in bed, what to me had been two days ago, she was on her fours and in that position her hair would also cover all of her back up to the waist, just like now.

Oblivious to me watching her and to the dirty images my mind was producing, she kept on talking to her friends. What in the world could have gone wrong? Why isn't that woman mine any longer? I take another look at the ring I'm wearing and sigh, despite myself.

Emma notices me and throws a brief uninterested glance at me. Kitty, however, stares at me with her mouth agape. Anna follows her eyes and turns around on her seat to see what she's looking at. I take in her amazingly beautiful looks, her emerald eyes, luscious lips and untamed curls. In the split of a second, my eyes search for her hands, and I instantaneously realize she's not wearing my ring. I wait, wide eyed, heart in my mouth, hoping for kindness. I need a hug, even if it is just words. I need soothing like a child. Instead I get her accusing eyes staring back at me. Oh, and the look on her face… Mon Dieu, what have I possibly done to this woman? It was not a look of hate. I see frustration, hurt. I see it, and I feel it too. Focusing my empathy powers on her alone, I feel it all, the hurt, the pain, the sense of betrayal that invaded her heart. I've terribly hurt the woman I love. How come? After all I did for her, and all I would do if I had to, why can't I see love shining through her eyes like I did in California?

I want to go back and be with her in California, forever and a day. Replay those days until the end of time. But I'd always be a voyer, I'd never be that man again. That love, pure and whole, would never directed at me, never be mine again. I gotta make things right in my own timeline. A moment passes by, our eyes locked, no one dared to say a word. Tension was thick in the air. She stands up and I take one good look at the shape of her and, to my utmost surprise, I notice the tiny bump in her stomach, the rest of her body is great shape. There's no mistaking, but I ask her regardless, couldn't stop the words.

"You're pregnant, chére?"

She frowns and looks around at her friends. Kitty shrugs. Silence remains intact. She looks back at me, furrowed brows and arms crossed over her chest.

"Is it mine?" I ask, genuinely puzzled. Was Bobby playing a prank on me? We're not together, but she's pregnant, she's not wearing my ring. Can it be that she's with someone else? What about the child I tried to save by going back in time. I was going to ask about Etienne, when her hand slapped my face violently. Her eyes are pooled with tears.

"How dare you, Remy? What are you trying to imply here? I'm not you. I don't sleep around." I take it that the baby is mine, then. And my heart is overflowed with love, with longing, with desperate want and need for this woman. She's expecting my child!

"Chére, I'm sorry I upset you with this question, but I really don't know. I don't know what's going on. Can you tell me where we stand right now, chére?" Confusion defines me at that moment.

"Can you believe this guy?" Kitty comments, shaking her head.

"Can anyone answer my questions here?" I ask in exasperation. She brushes past me, storming out of the kitchen. I hold her arm to stop her. "Where's Etienne?" Our eyes lock and I agonize at the coldness coming from hers. Just two days ago, those same green eyes shone with the greatest of loves for me.

"Who the hell is Etienne? You're fucking crazy! Now let go of me." She barks and I did as told, and, for a brief moment, our eyes met once again and there, those droplets of green hit me as hard as a train. They shone bright, a mix of longing, of hurt, of sadness in them. The vision breaks my heart. I feel Emma going past my mental shields and I just let her.

"Next time you come see Oli, I don't wanna see you, Remy. And forget the scans, I don't want you there. You hear me?" And she's out of the door. Oli, is that our son's name then? She made clear to me that night when we met in the cemetery, she named him that because she couldn't give him my last name when she did his papers, so she decided to give him my middle name so he'd at least have one name of mine. It makes sense that she didn't name him Etienne again. There was no need. I was around, this Oli boy probably has my last name. I want to see him, I want to be with him so badly.

"Anna, wait!" Emma calls out. "He's future Remy! He really doesn't know what's happened."

Sheepishly, Anna reappears.

"What?" Her voice is barely there. I notice her breathing erratically and Emma speaks in my head. 'She's had a crush on future Remy. In five years, I know she's never forgotten him and his selfless act of love.'

"This is his timeline. He's the Remy that told you were going to get pregnant, the one you told me about in Cali, remember? About five years ago? For him, that was two days ago. And he's got no memory of what happened since he meddled with your lives."

"Is that so?" She asks me.

"Oui. Mon Dieu, Anna. Would it be too much if I asked to see our son? I'm dying to see him. His name is not Etienne, then."

"No, his name is Oli. And he's outside with Logan. They are building a tree house."

She doesn't give me any opening, but even so, I throw my arms around her body and press a kiss on her cheek.

"If he's made it, then, that's good enough for me. I don't know why you're so mad at me, but if…"

"Oli" She offers. "His full name is Oliver Raven Le-Beau."

"… if Oli is alive, then, it was all worth it."

The cloud lifts up, I let go of her and she manages a little smile at me, which I return with a much wider and warmer one.

"Come. I'll take you to him."

We walk outside, and through a swirl of sickening fears that took me over comes his mother's voice, the voice of the woman I've loved for such long temps, casual and light, she calls him.

"Oli!"

A boy comes running, beaming at the sight of us. He looks up at us under that mop of brown hair that dominates his face. There are eyes in there somewhere. He had skin the same color as me, that brownish color without the effort of trying to get a tan, not pale white like his beautiful mom. And his eyes are blue. Who knew, huh? Maybe my eyes would be blue if they weren't like this. I feel relieved that he hasn't inherited my fear instilling eyes.

"Daddy!" He shouts out. "I missed you!" What was I supposed to say? I missed you too? I had no recollection of ever meeting him, I didn't know him at all. I was dying to get to know him, though.

"I'm so very glad to see you, little man. You have no idea!" I reply honestly.

I crouch down and open my arms, he jumps into them with such enthusiasm. I let him knock me down and we fall to the grass and the handsome petite garcon roars with laughter.

"Daddy, daddy! You gotta see the tree house we made!"

I look at Anna who watches us with a guarded smile. She shrugs and waves dismissively.

"We'll talk later." She says. I take one of his tiny little hands in mine and let my son guide the way while his mother goes back into the mansion with a pensive expression on her face.

-O-

Emotional pain has a biological purpose, I guess. To teach, to educate us away from unhealthy patterns and relationships. I've been pushing back against pain for so long, medicating it with friendship, with romantic notions, yet it returns in my weaker moments, devastating my mind. To keep repeating this pattern will only prolong it, keep the pain underneath when in truth it must rise. That's why I must break away from it, from the cause of such suffering. But what does one do when they are addicted to pain? What can I do when it comes in disguise, in the most beautiful of packages, pulling me towards him with the force of a thousand magnets?

That's what happened. I couldn't fight the pull. Everyone thinks I'm the stupidest of women walking the Earth. The man leaves my sorry ass to go on an adventure, risking his life for a beautiful woman he'd never met before. And what did I do when he was finally back from Nicaragua, Guatemala, Buenos Aires, gosh, who the hell knows? I, idiot me, fell under his spell and his sweet words one night when he came to bring Oli back to me. He said he loved me, then he goes and sort of loses his smile, the eyes become intense, too intense for me to ignore. There's this animalistic hungry stare of his and good judgement leaves me completely. Next thing I know, I'm panting for breath and the deeper I breathe, the more I come in contact with this sexual energy that involves us both. We are a mess, I know. I just can't resist him, he kisses me in between 'I love yous', lays down on top of me and we make love. I'm mad at him, crazy furious, but that didn't stop me. We spend the night together, making love to each other, unknowingly creating yet another life.

How could I? How in the world could I lay in bed and let him make love to me after what I'd seen? He looked sad, and gorgeous and in a moment of weakness I believe him when he said it was all a misunderstanding, told me how he was only helping that poor woman who needed to save her daughter. I was crazy and aroused and I missed his body like crazy so yeah, I fucked him all right that night. You know, when you're separating, I don't know if it happens to everyone, but I had that one and some other nights of, how should I call it? Relapse! Yes, relapse. Times when I saw him, and I just didn't care, I wanted to fuck him regardless.

But after those nights I'd be plagued by regret and hated myself for being with that dirty cheater. Oh, the cynic he is! He told me they were only trying to survive by cuddling naked, yes, you heard me, fucking naked in the snow. No one told me, I saw it! I tracked him because we were getting all these alerts about a mutant who fit his description. He's my husband, the father of my child, of course I had to go and try to rescue him. It was my duty, right?

Now, what am I supposed to do? Forgive him? Would he believe this survival story if it was me who'd been caught red-handed? I don't believe he would. We've always played it cool around each other but I know he's jealous. He hides it well, but I know better than that. Maybe he wouldn't have freaked out and got all fussy about it, true. Remy, having his Don Juan past, maybe, I don't know, maybe he would let it go. He'd understand love and attraction do not necessarily go together. Well, I'm not him, sex is important to me. You don't just go having it with anyone. You expect your partner to love and cherish what he has with you, and save that for you and you only. Rogue here doesn't share her man. No, partner. I don't!

That image, the image of his body interlaced with hers when I came to rescue him from the mess he got himself into, well, that image flashes in my head every time I see him, and it hurts me. It hurts me to no end.

I know that woman totally played him, she said she was after some chemical that would save her daughter's life. And he, he was feeling bored, surely. He wanted an escape, so he left with her. Some mid-life crisis, huh?

He'd been looking for adventure for a long time before that. I guess being a married man and a parent wasn't as exciting as he thought it would be. So this woman seeks him out, saying she had received a message from him five years ago, a message from himself in the future, that said he was the only person who could help her out on that task.

If only! If only I hadn't opened my mouth to tell him what happened when I fell pregnant with Oli. I told him how another version of him, Remy from the future, had come to me, to tell me about the pregnancy. If I hadn't, maybe he wouldn't have believed her. Surely he wouldn't fall onto that trap. But he knew about future Remy, and so it made perfect sense to him. And to me as well. This woman, Joelle is her name, she's the other issue he had to deal with on that time-travelling mission of his. He had told me so. And that's the part that doesn't make sense. He went the extra mile to unite us, how could he go and meet this woman, the woman who could and would ruin it all?

We were in the kitchen this morning, Emma, Kitty and I. We were discussing my hottest problem at the moment: Remy says he won't sign the papers. He doesn't want a divorce, he told me over the phone. He wants me to give him another chance. After all he's put me through he thinks he's entitled to make my life harder by failing completely to respond to the request for a divorce. Then, we're surprised by him, showing up out of the blue. Well, not out of the blue, he wants to accompany me to the scan I'm having today. Someone must've tipped him off. He showed up for training last night and stayed the night in an empty room.

Now he shows up and acts like he's a fucking sleeping beauty, not knowing what's happened to us recently. He acted surprised at seeing my little baby bump and then asked me if the baby I'm expecting is his. Seriously! Has he no love for life? I got so mad I could have killed him right there and then. Then, I learn it's future Remy who's standing right in front of me, oblivious to everything. Everything! Our sweet wedding ceremony, all our life as a married couple, all nights we shared endless love promises while making love, the birth of Oli, our exhausting first years of parenthood, the times when he swore we'd grow old together, only to go and ruin it all, all of it, he missed all of it. Like Jon Snow, he knew nothing.

The revelation of our present had him watching me intensely and that made me nervous. He was the Remy I fell in love with again. He was the guy who risked his life, navigating the uncharted waters that his time-travelling powers are, to save me from depression, us from growing apart and our son from death. I felt my resolve to hate him weakening when I saw him staring at my lips as he spoke softly to me, trying to make me understand, understand that all he knew is that he loves me and wants us to be together, and our boy, to be alive.

I took him to Oli. I let them to spend the whole day together while I thought about it all.

Later, after I put Oli to sleep, he waits for me and wants to talk.

"Where am I supposed to go now, chére? I don't know."

"Now you go back to your woman."

"Am I with her?"

"You're staying in her apartment ever since I kicked you out."

"That's not how it was supposed to go. That's not why I went back in time. Anna, can't you see? Take me back, mon amour. I'm not that guy. I would never, I'd never leave you and our child behind."

"That's the point, Remy. You are exactly that guy and you know it. If I take you in, I'm buying another five years, maybe, until you get bored and go find yourself excitement again. It's a never ending cycle. You love me, I love you, then we do something to hurt each other, I hate you, you come back, then I fall for you, and it starts over. We should break the cycle, we should stop it. What's the point in all this, anyway?"

"I don't want to. Je t'aime, chére. I know I made you suffer and I'm sorry. Your pain, it seeps out in your words and it hurts to hear them, hurts to read them. I sense what is inside that troubles you, yet also there is so much goodness there too, bravery, tenacity and, love. There's love for me there, too. I can feel it! You can't hide it from me."

No words could ever do, tears stream down my face, his eyes look sad, so we simply hug. He then tells me how, in his timeline, he knew Joelle. They were a couple, they were doing okay until he met me by chance and both of us grew obsessed with each other again. Joelle found out, he opened up about his feelings, told her about our child and she was the one who suggested he went back in time to fix it all. She wanted to die, there was no miracle potion that would save her daughter. She was immortal, her daughter was going to die of old age and she wanted to go too.

"She was supposed to get the chemicals by herself. I met her in the past, after I met you, chére. I gave her all the details of the job. She wasn't supposed to go after me. I gave her all the instructions that would make it easier to get what she needed. I don't understand. It sounds awful, but, she was supposed to be dead." He confessed with a serious expression on his face.

"Well, I know you're a smart man, sugar. So you know where you need to go to find your answers." I said coldly.

"Do you know where she lives?"

"Of course, I do. I dropped our son there a couple of times."

I gave him the address, typed in his cell phone for him. He stares incredulously at the words and numbers on the screen.

"That's where my apartment is in my time line."

-O-

Author's Notes:

Sorry, y'all for the delay. My daughter's had an elective surgery, she's all right now, but I was really tense about it. Now I can finally breathe, and write, again. :D

So there you go. The end to the suspense of last chapter's cliff hanger. I hope you guys have enjoyed this chapter. You know I'm a drama queen, so yeah, I love the pain, the drama. Should Rogue forgive him? Would you?