Lucifer Morningstar was used to waking up in odd places. When one lived as hard as he did it was hard NOT to find yourself in awkward and odd situations, especially when it came to waking up. From being found naked in a Russian Sub to wearing a bunny costume in the White House's Rose Garden right before Tyler's Thanksgiving dinner to having passed out in a booth at Arby's, he had developed a knack for waking up in odd places and quickly getting his bearings. Mostly because half the time he did walk up it was to some scantily clad young thing enticing him to try something new. The other half of the time it was said scantily clad young thing's significant other pointing a weapon in his face and screaming about honor.

But finding himself in the very definition of middle class bedroom?

That was a new one for him.

Groaning he rubbed his head and rolled over to stare at the clock that showed it was 7am. Far, far too early to be up for him without an alarm waking him up. He shifted and yawned before taking in the room. Minimalistic-style furniture that had clearly been bought at one of those Big Box Stores, generic pictures of fields of flowers and sailboats hanging on the white walls, vinyl blinds… it all was so disgusting in its blandness. Where was the history? The legacy? The stories that each piece had other than 'Bert assembled that 3 years ago, boy howdy'? He certainly hadn't come here with a clear mind, that was for sure. He vaguely remembered sampling some yummy yummy drugs the night before at Lux, he couldn't remember what they were but they did taste like blueberries, but that was about it. Nothing to explain how he'd woke up-

The door to his bedroom burst open and the Detective's little spawn charged in and grinned at him, giving him a shake. "You're up, right? Right?"

"No," he said sarcastically. "This is merely me sleep talking."

She blinked at that before giggling. "You're being silly."

"So… are you," Lucifer said, tilting his head. Why exactly was the Detective's child here… and why was she speaking with a British accent?

"Are you going to make breakfast?" she asked sweetly. It was rather disconcerting to hear his own accent coming out of her tiny mouth. He opened his mouth only for a mischievous glint to appear in her eye. "If not that's okay… I can get something."

"Like chocolate cake?" he asked, pushing himself up in a sitting position. She had the decency to look bashful at him figuring out her plan. "I'm sure your mother would love very much for me to do that… she's always looking for a way to scold me. No… I'll make you something, urchin. Just… let me get up and splash some water on my face, hmmm?"

"Okay!" the little chit said before hurrying off, racing through the house so loudly it was a wonder she didn't wake the dead.

Lucifer shook his head. Now that he was more awake he realized he was in the Detective's house. Though it looked like she'd redecorated recently… a touch more masculine than it had been before but still her's place. Just not as… girly… as it had been. Well, girly for her. Which explained why exactly the child was there but not why it was up to HIM to make her breakfast.

"Bloody typical. Expects the Devil to make breakfast." He got up and began to search for his clothes. "Sounds like a poor joke. What is she thinking? The only food served in Hell is of the wiggling variety." Lucifer looked down and finally noticed that he wasn't naked, as was his want when he went to sleep, but someone had put him in rather ugly lounging pants and an old t-shirt. "Wonderful… probably wearing the Douche's clothing. I can feel his mediocrity rubbing off on me." Shuddering he debated giving himself a scrub down but hearing the Detective's child moving about he decided it wisher to get up and check on her before the little hellion-in-the-making got into trouble. Promising to take a shower the moment he got back to Lux he went to the dresser without thinking and opened it. But rather than find some of Chloe's unmentionables (which would have been rather fun) he only found Fruit of the Loom boxer briefs. Another drawer had socks and under shirts, all in his side. "What in Dad's name?" Lucifer muttered only to hear some banging from down the hall. "I'm coming! I'm coming!" he yelled at Trixie, a small slither of fear piercing his heart of what the child might be doing and how the Detective would blame him for it.

Not seeing any of his clothing lying on the ground and folded up someplace he resorted to raiding the closet, finding a pair of dark slacks and a simple button up shirt to wear. They were both cheap store bought garments that fit well enough but weren't tailored to his exact frame but they would have to do. He wondered if the Detective was trying to send him a message… the doctor had told him once, when discussing Eve, that women liked to 'nest' so perhaps the Detective was doing the reverse of that and trying to get him to do the nesting. Which was rather insulting… just because he had wings didn't mean he needed to be groomed and make nests and the like. Though now that he thought about it he cursed the fact that he hadn't had a chance to tell Linda when she was pregnant that angels came from eggs. That would have been rather fun to get her worked up about…

Tossing the clothing on quickly (experience had taught him how to dress quickly… mostly when he sensed Amenediel coming and he wanted to rush off before his brother could ruin his fun) he made his way down the hall and into the kitchen where the Detective's child was waiting for him.

"Are you sure you want to go to the trouble?" she said, eyeing up a pan of chocolate cake with greedy little eyes.

"Quite positive," Lucifer said, opening the fridge and looking inside. Figuring eggs were a safe enough bet he grabbed a frying pan and set about scrambling some eggs and making toast for the girl. "Now where is your mother, urchin? Isn't she supposed to do this?"

Trixie crinkled her nose at that. "Mommy isn't here yet."

"She isn't here?" Lucifer asked, surprised. That wasn't like the Detective to pawn her child off on him… Trixie coming to see him on her own, yes. But the Detective dumping her on him? No. Not like her at all. "Where is she?"

"I don't know," Trixie said as Lucifer used a spatula to scramble the eggs. The toast popped and he quickly moved to butter it before the spawn could decide that he was taking to long and dive into the cake.

Lucifer quietly huffed. She probably had a case come in and had been forced to foster the child on him… and she hadn't realized he was drugged at the time. Though she should have guessed because other than booze and pills why would he ever agree willingly to give up a night of partying to babysit? He didn't mind spending time with the child, of course, as she was entertaining in her own way. But it had to be a duo… her and the Detective. It was always so much fun to see how he could ramp up the Detective using her daughter as the perfect bludgeon… and how the child was all too willing to go along with his pranks.

Dishing out the eggs he set about eating his own portion, applying a heavy dose of pepper and salt to give them a delightful kick. He would have preferred to have some vodka with them but figuring that the Detective wouldn't keep the necessary pieces of a balanced breakfast around he settled on making himself a cup of coffee.

"Do you have a new case?" Trixie asked him in between bites.

He didn't bother to look up from the Detective's pathetic coffee maker, making a mental note to buy her something far more dignified the first chance he got. "I'm not exactly for sure. Perhaps. I'm assuming that's where your mother is." He forked up some eggs.

"Lucifer? Bea? I'm here!"

He turned, mouth half full of eggs, and stared in shock at Maze as she walked into the kitchen. It wasn't her appearance there that was startling, though he had thought that she'd moved out of the Detective's place and in with the doctor and his annoyingly holy brother to help with their squirming little spawn. But then again Maze was never one to let things like boundaries or locked doors keep her from going where she pleased. No, what startled Lucifer was what she was wearing. He'd seen Maze in leather cured in the foulest pits of Hell, dressed to the nines in elegancy to seduce princes, and all manner of clothing in between that allowed her to easily kick the asses of anyone that got in her way. But to see her in loose dark jeans and a very conservative button up shirt and sensible flats… it was like seeing the Mona Lisa hanging above a toilet! It was wrong!

"And yes," Maze said with a casual smile. "We do have a case. I'll drop Bea off at school and then meet you there. How are you baby?" Trixie, apparently not startled at all, merely chirped a hello.

Lucifer stared at her, trying to wrap his head around what she'd just said. "I'm sorry… you'll be coming to the crime scene?"

She gave him the oddest look… a mixture of confusion and hurt that he wasn't used to seeing on Maze's face. "Are… are you okay? I thought we discussed this-"

"We did?" Lucifer said, cutting her off. "Are you sure? Though I do admit I do have a bad habit of merely smiling and nodding when you begin to yammer on."

That REALLY made Maze look at him funny before she looked at Trixie. "Has he been like this all morning? Because he sounds like You-Know-Who."

Trixie gave him a look before nodding to Maze. "Kind of, mommy."

THAT little comment left Lucifer utterly speechless. "Sweetie, why don't you go wait in the car?" Maze said, planting a kiss on her forhead.

"Okay," Trixie said before running over and giving Lucifer a hug. "Bye daddy!" He could only look down and gape at her before she released him and ran off.

"…what-?" he began before Maze let out a huff of frustration. "I'm sorry, I'm very confused here."

"You aren't the only one," Maze said with a sigh. "Listen, I know I screwed things up a couple of weeks ago and I know you're still made at me about Palmeto Street but I thought we agreed not to discuss that in front of Bea."

"We … why are you calling her Bea. It's Trixie."

Maze screwed up her face. "Since when? Seriously are you feeling all right honey?" She reached over to check his temperature with the back of her hand but Lucifer pushed her arm away and backed up.

"Since ever. And honey? What is-"

He stopped.

For the first time since entering the kitchen he truly looking around the room. At the drawings on the fridge clearly drawn by Trixie that depicted her holding hands with a dark-colored figure that was clearly Maze and a tall man with squiggly black hair that was him. The very masculine wallet that set next to a set of keys and a badge. The post it note by the phone, in his bloody hand writing, reminding him to schedule a dental appointment. And most of all the photos. Of him and Trixie at some amusement park giggling up a storm. Trixie with Maze at a playground. Events he had no memory of.

And not just recent photos either. There was one of him letting her ride on his shoulder, the Detective's child only 4 years old. A photo of him and a two-year old Trixie at the beach, him wearing absolutely ghastly green swimming trunks. Another of Maze and him at one of those photo studios in the mall, Maze beaming with far more joy than Lucifer had ever seen as she cradled a baby to her shoulder, Lucifer himself resting his hand on her shoulder. And not a single picture of the urchin with the Detective or the douche.

What in his Dad's name was going on?!

~MC~MC~MC~

Lucifer parked the Detective's suburban near the yellow caution tape and hopped out, rubbing his hands together in a vain attempt to get the stench of ugly family car off his fingers. He did his best to ignore the fact that he hadn't needed to move the seat an inch and the mirror was already adjusted perfectly for him. Maze had finally left him to take Trixie to school, giving him odd looks and promising to check with him again to make sure everything was okay when she got to the crime scene. It had been when she'd given him the address that he'd noticed that she was wearing a gun and an LAPD badge on her hip. Lucifer had drove there in the Detective's car, not even bothering to turn on the radio as he tried to puzzle out just what was going on. Nothing was making sense. It was like his entire life had been wiped away and replaced with a sitcom. A check of the computer at the house had shown that it belonged to him but there was none of his porn on there, just links to school websites and a coupon club. His contact list on his phone was pathetically small though he had been tempted to click on 'Dad' to find out exactly what THAT was about! And when he'd started the car he'd nearly been blasted back by some horrid teen beat CD that had been left in.

"Over there, detective," a uniformed officer said, pointing to his left. Lucifer looked around for a moment before he realized the man was talking to HIM and his eyes nearly tripled in size as he hurried towards the crime scene. It was like he was on the worst trip ever except it wasn't ending and there was no Heady Lemar offering him cheese cubes.

The crime scene felt… familiar. They were on a backlot at Warner Brothers that had been set up to look like Boring Town USA, complete with ticky-tacky shops, extras dressed in lettermen jackets, and a park that for some reason had a motorized teacup ride. Utterly unrealistic and it made Lucifer scoff. And yet… he had the oddest feeling he'd seen it all before.

Nearing where the forensic people were gathered he smiled when he saw the familiar form of Miss Lopez leaning down over the body. Despite how strange things were at least-

The woman turned around and beamed. "Oh, hiya Lucifer!"

"…Eve?" Lucifer got out, mouth open in shock. The First Woman was standing there with a grin, wearing the standard jacket and badge of the LAPD's forensic department, her hair tied back in a messy ponytail. "What… what are you doing here?"

"Uh, my job? First big case as lead Forensics, you know?" she said with a laugh. "What else would I be doing? Touring the world? Though that would be fine." She got a dreamy look in her eyes. "Paris… London… Istanbul. Or is it Constantinople? I can never remember. I know one of them got the works and its no one's business but the Turks." Eve gave a shrug and motioned for him to follow her. "Come on, get a load of this one. I'm almost done with my examination then I can get back to the lab. Thank God too, because I can't wait to get these stupid boots off!" She rubbed one foot against the other. "I work so much better barefoot, you know, but can't do that out in the field. Well, anymore. You leave bloody footprints on one crime scene-"

Lucifer tuned her out as he tried to find something, ANYTHING, he could focus on that wasn't trying to drive him mad. Maze and him married, or at least had been married considering there was no ring on his finger but the tan line from one. The urchin was his child and spoke with an RP accent. Eve doing Miss Lopez's job. The entire world had been flipped on its bloody head!

He walked over towards the body and looked at the bloated woman that had been wedged into one of the teacups. Heavy set with little makeup and a nightmare of curly hair she was looking with sightless eyes skyward, mouth hanging open and tongue half lulling out.

"Dolores Monroe," Eve said, having finally stopped her rambling about her hatred of footwear (at least something hadn't changed) and was going over the facts concerning the dead body. Despite still having the outgoing and sunny disposition of the Eve he knew she also knew her stuff just as good as Miss Lopez. "Landlady for the cast of the show "What's Up Leslie". One of the girls was the one that reported her missing, actually, about 20 minutes before we got the call about the body. I put time of death around 11 last night. Now you'd think that the blow to the back of the head is what killed her-" she shone a penlight to give Lucifer a better look at the shattered bits of skull where the back of her head should be, "-but that isn't what did her in. She got hit in the belly, right here." Eve lifted up the woman's shirt, much to Lucifer's disgust, and revealed that on her flabby stomach there was a large matted bruise. "Something hit her hard and caused her spit up this." Going over to a rolling medical table that the forensic team brought in she grabbed an evidence bag that had a small plastic baggy filled with a familiar substance. "Heroin. Got lodged in her throat and she couldn't breathe. Was real hard to pull out, let me tell you. That's what did her in, though the blow to the back of the head didn't help."

"So not murder," Lucifer said only to shake his head. "No… the bruising on the stomach. Someone hit her and caused her to choke. But were they looking to kill her?" He lowered himself down a bit more to get a good look at the woman's face and it suddenly clicked where he had seen her before. This was the fat brute that had tried to kill him right before his Mum had shown up… and nearly done so because the Detective had stood at the door and thus made him vulnerable! But he knew for a fact that she was still locked up tight in a maximum security prison so how had she ended up free? And why was no one mentioning she was an escaped prisoner?

"That's for you to decide," Eve said. "Hey, is it true you are partners with some actress that is REALLY into method acting?"

"Pardon?"

"You know… claims she's the Devil and all that?"

Lucifer looked at Eve but before he could respond a familiar voice spoke in a tone that was utterly alien for her. "Claim nothing, my dear."

He turned and felt as if he'd been smited by his father all over again. There, walking towards them with a stride that screamed of confidence and sex was the Detective. Only she was wearing a black suit that was worth more than her suburban with a silk red shirt underneath that was unbuttoned just enough to give him a perfect view of her breasts. She easily strode towards him in long 'fuck me' heels and he could see that her jewelry was utterly breathtaking in the amount of money it cost. Her makeup was dark and sultry with shadowed eyes and long lashes and blood red lips that were curved into a wicked smirk. Her finger nails were painted a black so dark that they swallowed up all the light. Her hair was loose and free with just enough curls to make her look like a temptress stepped out of Greek Myth. And most startling of all was Lilith's ring was on her finger.

"As I keep telling the Detective here… I am the Devil," Chloe purred, only Lucifer noticing her eyes briefly flash red.