"So," Chloe said, the mockery so thick in her words that he didn't even need to look at her to know she was wearing a smirk.

A Devilish smirk.

Even if he hadn't seen her eyes flash red he would have KNOWN that she wasn't a mere human anymore. Within all beings, no matter how they had been created, there was a sixth sense that they were in the presence of something greater than themselves. For the smallest of rodents it was a warning that there was a predator nearby. For humans it was the draw towards the charismatic and powerful, both good and evil, or the sensation that one controlled their lives, holding them within their hands. And for himself it was the sensation he hadn't felt since Mum had begun to expose her true divinity upon the word.

Lucifer FELT Chloe's devilishness.

And it had him rendered blind, deaf, and dumb.

How? How had this happened? How was it that Chloe had his powers? That she was the Queen of Hell? Why wasn't she freaking out about it? She seemed to wear his powers as naturally as he… as he did! Was she the reason the world had gone mad and everything had gone flip-flop?

She was looking at him and it made him shift with unease. It was so very odd to be on the receiving ends of one of his own leering stares. To feel naked and exposed but at the same time love that someone with such power was sparing a glance his way-

"Tell me, Detective," Chloe asked, somehow making him feel like she was looking down on him even though he was taller than her, "is this bringing back fond memories?"

"Pardon?" he got out.

Her smile grew all the more teasing. "Being on a backlot, surrounded by cameras and actors? I imagine it is giving you flashbacks to your acting days. If you want to try out another nude scene I wouldn't protest, sure we can find a hot tub around here." She let her eyes slide up and down his body and Lucifer, in his flustered state, had to fight the urge to cover himself like he actually was nude.

It was… wrong. To see her like this. So full of arrogant sass and charm and completely not like herself. And yet he couldn't look away. Couldn't help but stare. It was rather like incest porn; oh, you wouldn't want to actually see it happen, it was wrong and vile and you would be the first to state that it didn't belong… but that was exactly why you didn't mind watching a bit of it on the computer screen when no one was around. Because the taboo nature made it so delightful.

"Are you alright, Detective?" she asked and oh how wrong it was for her to use his name for HER for HIM. "You're not still shaken up about that little incident involving that dirty cop trying to do what so many have attempted throughout history and try and kill the Devil, are you?" He'd begun to turn away from her, to break her spell, but that comment saw him whip around to stare at her, unable to stop the rage that flooded his heart at the idea that someone had tried to kill HIS Chloe, but she patted his shoulder lightly, dismissively. "No need to fear, I'm perfectly fine. Back up and running and ready to solve some crimes and punish some nasty little sinners."

"I'm sorry," Lucifer said, finally managing to find his voice. "Do… you get the sense that something isn't quite… right today?"

Chloe shrugged, walking over to where Eve was finishing up with the body. "Well, a touch but that might be some of the lovely pills I sampled last night. They haven't quite worn off and they are making the colors a bit brighter. I doubt that is what you are talking about though. Unless you sampled some yourself?" When Lucifer didn't say anything she blinked and took a good look at him. "Are you okay, Detective? You aren't exactly following our patterns at the moment."

"Patterns?" Lucifer asked.

"You demand we focus on the case, I reference my recreational activities, you make a face-" Lucifer narrowed his eyes at that, lips pressed together in annoyance, "Yes! That's the one! And then we go about our own ways to solve the case. Me with my charm and cunning and natural Mom given abilities and you with your… well, boring procedural methods."

Lucifer frowned as Chloe moved around the body of the dead land lord. "That is not our pattern," he complained. "I am not that predictable."

She actually laughed at that. "Oh! Oh Detective… you are wonderful and amazing but you are so predictable I actually made flash cards with your possible responses." She reached into her pocket and he wasn't surprised at all that she actually did have such flashcards; very nicely made, professional, laminated; though the drawings of his face to go along with his comments of "Could we please just focus on the case?" "Chloe, stop that" and "You can't do that!" were a bit too cartoonish. Impressive still… it was what he would have done and it was rapidly dawning on him that this wasn't merely a Chloe who was drunk on all his powers.

This was a Chloe… who WAS him.

And he had a sinking feeling that meant that he, in this twisted and completely wrong world… was her. Boring, by the book, no fun. Mortal. Human.

"Except not today," Chloe said, seeing the concerned look that crossed his face as it dawned on him that he was now completely and utterly vulnerable. Not just around her but in all aspects of his life. And if he was injured there would be no running away from her so he could heal… he would DIE. And what about his hard partying lifestyle!? Humans couldn't handle drugs and alcohol like celestials. It affected them the same but Lucifer didn't have to worry about damaging his liver thanks to gallons of wine or destroying his nasal cavities snorting cocaine. And hangovers! He could get a hangover now! He'd seen humans with them and that was NOT something he wanted! Then there was sex… he had a growing horror building in his stomach that he'd no longer be Big Ben but rather a Two Pump Chump!

…he wondered what it said about him that death ranked lower on his list than drugs and sex.

Chloe was looking at him, her humor gone as she gazed at him with concern. It was a familiar look, one he clung to in the twisted nightmare he found himself in. "Honestly, Detective, if you need the day off no one will hold it against you if you take a day off. I can handle this on my own."

"No," Lucifer said quickly. In part because that would mean going back to the horrid home where he was a father with responsibilities and a mortgage payment and every second he sat there he aged. And also because he was realizing that he needed to play the role reality had thrust upon him and that meant being the responsible one. "I'm fine, de… Chloe. Let's just… focus on the case."

"There we go! A good murder is just the thing to get the spring back in your step. I prefer uppers but to each his own!" She began to walk around the body, chuckling slightly as she did so. "I wasn't aware we handled marine murders, Detective. Still, I suppose whales are living creatures too…" She shook her head. "I will never understand why dear old Mom decided to let you humans get so fat. Thankfully that was a choice She made after creating me. Could you imagine me trying to get into this outfit if I had an extra 100 pounds?"

Lucifer couldn't. And he had an active imagination. Then what she'd said registered. "Mum?"

"Yes. Creator of the Universe. Goddess. All that." She said it with a lazy air.

He pondered that as she continued to quip with Eve about the body. He supposed it did make sense… if everything in this world was flipped around why not have the Creator be Chloe's Mum rather than her Dad. Though that did make him wonder if it was actually Chloe's Mum who was running things in the Silver City or if it was his Mum but Chloe had been transferred to her.

"Chloe, could I talk to you in private for a moment?" he asked.

"You can but will we?" she teased before shrugging and walking away from the body.

"That wit is less fun when I'm on the receiving end of it," he muttered before following her to a secluded spot away from the rest of the cops. "Does… does this seem right to you?"

She tilted her head, considering what he'd just said. "You mean us being here when the Deck is just begging for a mid day party? But of course you know me, Detective, I am always willing to help you with a case."

"No, I mean-" He stopped. "The Deck?"

"Yes."

"…you're nightclub is called 'The Deck'?"

"Yessss," she said, now just as confused as he was.

"That… okay, that is a horrible name and only further proof that something is seriously wrong."

Chloe let out a squawk of protest. "The Deck is a perfectly fine name! Classy yet fun. Much like myself."

"Because you are The Devil," Lucifer said.

"Now you are catching on, Detective."

"Except that isn't the case," Lucifer said only to quickly hold up his hand when she opened her mouth. "And I don't mean that you can't be the Devil because there isn't one or any of that rot. The Devil is real, Hell is real, and apparently you are the Devil. The Fallen Angel. So on." Now Chloe was staring at him in utter shock and he felt a twinge of sympathy; he would have been just as startled if Chloe had not only out of the blue stated she accepted the truth about him but done so without any fear or panic but with a casual shrug. Though he supposed this was far kinder than having him flee to Roman and decide to nearly poison her because some moronic Bible Humper priest was trying to prevent the End of Days. He wondered if this Chloe, in this world, had dreamed of how he would react when he understood the truth. Or feared how it might turn out. Most certainly not like this, he was sure. "Except you aren't supposed to be The Devil. I am."

Chloe looked at him, nose crinkled and brow furrowed… before she smiled.

"Oh Detective… are you in the mood for roleplay? You are the devil and I'm the innocent little virgin you corrupt? I can fake it if you desire."

Lucifer let out a groan. Mostly because he should have seen that of course a Chloe that was just like him would turn this all into a come-on. And because it was a rather inviting idea that he couldn't bloody well act on!

"No, I'm not in the mood for roleplay and those are words I thought I'd never say!" he complained, thrusting his arms out wide. "I'm stuck in a roleplay and I'd like it to very much end!" He began to pace, frustrated. "I woke up this morning and everything is wrong! I am the Devil, not you! You are the boring human cop that I love and I am the King of Hell! That is how things are supposed to be! Trixie is your daughter-"

"Trixie?" Chloe asked in confusion. "You mean Bea? I know I said that Bea was the name of a 90 year old librarian but Trixie isn't much better. That's stripper's name."

"Yes yes, I know but you chose it, not me!"

"I chose a nickname for your daughter that I've only heard of today?" Chloe asked, bemused.

"Because she's your daughter, not mine. You are her mother, not Mazikeen. Who I certainly wasn't married too!"

Chloe let out a huffing laugh at that. "Believe me, Detective, I've wondered what you saw in her since the moment we met."

"And Eve is the First Woman… well second but Lilith doesn't count since she abandoned Adam-"

"Eve?" Chloe asked. "Everyone knows it is Adam and Ella."

Lucifer's eyes widened at that but he quickly shook his head. "Nope. No, I refuse to dig into that madness! Because all of this is madness! All of it! I am the Devil! Not you!" He contorted his face.

"What… what are you doing?"

Realizing that his Devil Face wasn't appearing he let out a groan, knowing he'd just made a fool of himself. "Nothing."

"Well, if I can make a suggestion… lay off the spicy foods before you go to bed. They clearly give you odd dreams… oh good, Detective Minge is here."

Lucifer turned in the direction she was facing and saw Maze walking up to them. And it was only then that something clicked in his head and he began to laugh. Deep, body shaking laughs. Maze and Chloe were looking at him, concerned, and so was Eve, but he couldn't stop himself.

Nor could he explain that the reason he was laughing so hard was that he realized that in this flip flopped world the Douche was Chloe's demon minion.

~MC~MC~MC~

"Hello Lucifer," Linda said as he moved into her office and flopped down on the couch. She'd been standing near the window, dressed in a casual short sleeve shirt and dark pants, glasses off. "Are you okay? Chloe called and told me you were acting… off… at the crime scene today. She wondered if it was my fault."

He shot her an incredulous look. "Why would it be your fault? Unless you've put me in this topsy turvy world where everything is utterly wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? That everything is wrong, just like I said, and I need your help to figure out how this happened so I can fix it."

Linda smiled gently at him, moving to sit down beside him. That was a touch odd… she'd never broken the barrier between them during their sessions. After the sessions, of course, as it was rather hard to have toe curling sex if you didn't touch each other, but never during. It was one of the things he respected about her: the way she could separate her desires from her duty. Even if he was supposed to be the great tempter he could respect someone that could control their desires and not let them rule them.

"I understand that everything that has happened to you is… stressful." Lucifer scoffed; that was putting it lightly. "Have you thought about talking to Amenadiel?"

"Now why would I want to talk to my utterly annoying brother about this?" He paused, lips pressed together in thought before he began to consider what she had said. "Unless you think he did this. Or perhaps Michael… this seems beyond his power but then again I didn't think my slopey-shouldered brother had the guts to actually attempt his little game like he did so its entirely possible-"

"I'm sorry," Linda said, cutting off his rambling. "Brother?"

"Yes, Michael. I'm sure-"

"No, I mean Amenadiel."

Lucifer stared at her, confused, only for the door to open up and Amenadiel to enter.

Wearing a nice suit and glasses perched on his nose.

It only took a second to put things together.

"Of course… of bloody well course!" he exclaimed, startling both of them as he began to pace around Linda… Amenadiel's office. "Everyone has swapped! So of course you are the doctor now-" he waved his hand at Amenadiel, "-and… Chloe's sister?"

"Older sister though I think I look rather nice for my age," Linda said with a smile. It was the same annoyingly calm one his brother always wore. He wondered if Chloe ever wanted to punch Linda in the face when she flashed that. That thought led to thinking about if they fought each other like he and Amenadiel fought. Which naturally led to them clawing and tearing at each other-

Lucifer let out a cry of frustration.

"What's wrong?" Amenadiel asked.

"I was thinking about Chloe and Linda fighting and now I'm confused, angry, and have an erection!"

Linda's eyes went wide at that while Amenadiel struggled to contain the smile that threatened to burst onto his face. That was proof enough that the world had been completely flipped on its head.

"That… isn't something I'd expect you saying," Amenadiel finally stated.

He rolled his eyes. "Of course not! Lucifer is bland and boring and utterly and completely dull! Lights out by 11pm, days off spent shopping for shampoo, painting walls, and moving furniture."

"Painting walls?" Linda mouthed but Amenadiel merely shrugged.

"Lucifer, what do you think you SHOULD be like then?"

"Exciting. Enticing. The life of the party since I can't think of a third 'E' word. I am the Devil, after all."

Amenadiel leaned back in his chair, letting out a sigh. "Like Chloe thinks she is the Devil."

"Yes, exactly!" Lucifer said, flopping back down on the couch. He saw the two of them share a look and he instantly knew what his bro… what the doctor was thinking. "I'm not crazy and neither is Chloe."

"Of course not," Amenadiel said quickly, with understanding. "Crazy is such a… horrible word. Everyone deals with pain in their own way. They cope and process it differently. Some become more creative, seeking out new outlets in order to release their emotions. Others close down, try to bottle it up. Some personify their emotions or project them onto others." He leaned back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other while Linda remained next to him on the couch, holding his hand. "Chloe, in order to deal with the trauma of her adolescence, created the persona of The Devil in order to let her feel in control and explain away why she acts out as she does. It also allows her to explain the experiences she went through; if she is The Devil then that explains why her parents hurt her so. It gives reason to the abuse." He gazed at Lucifer, measuring him carefully. "As for you… it's not surprising, after Chloe was shot and Bea was kidnapped, that you would seek your own way to cope. But latching onto Chloe's method-"

"I'm not latching on!" he complained. "I am The Devil!" He paused and in a quieter voice added. "Or at least I was until this morning."

"And what happened this morning?" Amenadiel pressed.

"I woke up in that horrid suburban home with the tacky furniture and the urchin calling me daddy!" Lucifer complained.

"Ah," Amenadiel said, as if he finally understood. Which, no matter what version of his brother, was mostly likely not true at all. "Lucifer… it is common for men to have mid-life crisises."

"Oh for Dad's sake!" Lucifer complained. "This isn't a bloody mid-life crisis! Someone has plucked me from my reality and stuck me in yours. Or altered my reality. Or… I don't know, something else."

"Lucifer-"

He turned away from Amenadiel, already deciding that his annoying older brother wasn't going to be helpful at all. Instead he looked at Linda. She, no matter what reality, was always able to guide him to the right answer. It took a bloody long time to do so… he swore that Dad could rebuild the Silver City faster than she could get him answers some times but-

He blinked.

He had the answer.

"Amenadiel, would you give me a moment with Chloe's sister?"

The other man glanced at Linda, who nodded after a moment, and sighed and made his way for the door. "I'll be right outside."

Lucifer sighed the moment his brother left. "If he is you and Chloe is me that means they've had sex here quite a bit."

"That sounds like my sister," Linda said with a small chuckle. She seemed more… pleasant… than Amenadiel had been at this point in his life. He found that rather odd. He had thought that she would be just like Amenadiel. Perhaps there were hints of who she had once been? Like Eve hating footwear? Or was it simply that Amenadiel was different around the Detective than he was with her? Lucifer couldn't be sure. It didn't matter though.

"I know you are an angel. And I know that you will deny it unless completely pushed. And I don't have time for that. So instead I am going to get you to believe me the only way I know how."

"And how is that?" Linda asked.

Lucifer opened his mouth… and spoke in the Tongue of the Angels.

Some called it Enochian, but that was a creation of humans that were unable to truly comprehend what the language of the celestials was. No, for them it was the Chorus. Lyrical and beautiful, it made the most gentle of latin chants sound like the guttural throat clearing of an old man with a sinus infection.

Linda stared at him in shock as Lucifer spoke of the Silver City. Of places and buildings that had no human equivalent. And as he did so, as was the nature of the Chorus, Linda couldn't help but join in. Just as it had shocked her to hear him say those words so too did it startle him to see Linda speaking in his native tongue. But he continued on and he knew that if Amenadiel was eavesdropping he would have fallen to his knees and wept at the beauty of it all.

When he finally stopped Linda took a shuddering breath before moving away from him… and letting unfurl her wings, a pale seafoam color that was stunning and yet absolutely perfect for her. She knelt and took his hands in his.

"You aren't one of my brother…" she whispered.

"Let's consider me a cousin then."

"Well cousin… what can I do to help you?"