Author's Notes: There wasn't enough Perryshmirtz in CATU so I wrote this to cope. -CATU Spoilers Ahead-

"Wonder what's going on back home?" Heinz asks.

Perry shrugs. He really has no idea what's going on back home. Hopefully the boys are okay.

They should be fine. They're rather resourceful.

"I think Roger was going to unveil a new statue of John Trystate today." Heinz muses. "Maybe I'll do something petty about that tomorrow."

And I'll stop you, just like always.

Heinz sighs. "Just like always. Hey Vanessa, any ideas on how to get home from here?"

Vanessa shrugs. "We could find your spaceship?"

"You mean my galactic-travel-inator?"

Vanessa rolls her eyes. "Yeah, that."

"Nah, I don't think I'd be able to find it. Besides, it was kind of leaking green goo."

I'd prefer that you don't go looking for it, since I don't want to see you fall off a cliff for the third time today. Even though hearing Heinz call him "his teal-haired guardian angel" was nice, he'd rather not have to worry about Heinz dying.

"Wait, Dad, you fell off a cliff twice today?"

"It wasn't my fault!" Heinz protests.

Perry rolls his eyes. It was his fault.

"Thanks, Perry the Snitch-apus."

Perry grins. No problem.

Heinz fires the Chicken-Replace-inator at the stick sitting on the ground. In one ray of green light, the stick and the chicken that's wandering around switch places. Another ray, and a random rock switches places with the chicken.

"You know," Heinz says, "we could always use the Axe-inator..."

"No!" Vanessa yells at the same time Perry signs it. "We are not killing that innocent chicken," Vanessa continues.

"Fine, fine," Heinz says. "We'll keep the chicken around." He zaps another rock, and the chicken swaps places with it.

Zap. Zap. Zap. How many times can one man -inator a chicken from place to place before he goes mad?

Perry isn't sure, but Heinz seems like he's trying to find out.

Even when he's bored out of his mind, Heinz is cute. Maybe not conventionally, but in his own way.

One hand propping his face up, a bit of hair flopped over one eye that he doesn't bother to push aside. Even his perpetual bad posture is endearing. How could anybody resist him?

Perry can't help but melt inside a little bit when Heinz looks up, meeting his eyes for a moment that stretches on longer than it probably should. Perry's the first one to break the gaze, feeling his face heat up as he looks down at the ground. A small smile sneaks onto his face as he fiddles with his sleeve.

Vanessa groans, and Perry whips his head up. "Sheesh. You'd think this is a forest with how much pining there is."

What do you mean? Perry asks.

"What I mean is you two are so obviously sighing over each other. Like, just admit you like each other already."

Heinz sputters. "Vanessa, sweetie, I think you're seeing things. Are you feeling alright?" Perry's heart plummets. Does this mean...

"There's no way he likes me back," Heinz says. "Maybe you should go lie down, you feel warm."

What? Heinz does like him, but he thinks Perry doesn't like him back? Does he have any idea how wrong he is?

Apparently not, because he's pointedly looking away.

(In the background, an OWCA agent with an evil scientist on his back jumps out of a portal, runs fifteen feet, and jumps into another portal.)

Vanessa meets Perry's eyes and smirks.

"You know what, she says, "I think I'm gonna see if anything out there can get us home. You two stay here and talk about your feelings." Vanessa turns and walks off into the mushroom forest, muttering something about "emotionally constipated idiots".

"Let me guess," Heinz says dejectedly, "you heard what I said and you're trying to think of a way to let me down gently. It's okay." He sighs. "I'm used to it."

What? Perry's jaw drops open, and he shakes his head. No! I won't do that.

"Well, what are you going to do? And don't say that you actually like me back, because I don't believe you."

Why would I lie about that? Look at me. Heinz pointedly looks away, into the mushrooms where Vanessa disappeared. Perry reaches out and punches him in the shoulder- not hard enough to hurt, but to get his attention. I said look at me.

Heinz looks over. Not quite at Perry, but in the general direction of him, so close enough.

I do like you. And no, before you say anything, I'm not lying. I really do like you.

"Hmm. Sure." Heinz rolls his eyes. "Well, if you're not lying, why didn't you say anything earlier?"

Because I couldn't let my family know that I'm an agent, and you can't know my civilian identity. So I was kind of stuck hiding from both of you.

"No, not today, I mean before that. Yesterday. The day before. Any time."

Perry looks down, his shoulders hunching over a bit. I was worried, I guess.

"You? Worried? You're Perry the Platypus. I didn't think you got worried."

Well, that's just ridiculous.

Most of my previous relationships have crashed and burnt pretty badly, and I don't want this to be the same. Perry smiles. I like you, Heinz. And even though I'm terrible with people, I do really want to make this work.

"Are you sure? You actually like me?"

Perry nods. I do.

"And you're not just leading me on?"

Trust me. I want this just as much as you do.

"Then, um, are we..." Heinz trails off.

Perry grins. Boyfriends?

"Yeah, boyfriends. Are we?"

If you want to be, then yeah.

"Well, it's a good thing I want to do that." He pauses. "Wait, does OWCA even let you date your nemesis?"

Perry shrugs. He has no idea. But Monogram is clueless, and Carl can be bribed. I don't actually know, he signs, but what they don't know can't hurt them.

"I guess that's true." He brightens. "Hey, taking you on a date can be my scheme for tomorrow. Is dating an OWCA agent an evil thing?"

Perry laughs. Don't know that either. But I'll take you up on that date.

Vanessa jogs out of the mushroom forest, and Perry and Heinz stand up.

"Yo, I figured out a way to get us home!" she calls out. "We just need to change the settings on the chicken-replace-inator so it finds the furthest chicken."

"Man, why didn't I think of that?" Heinz complains. "And the dial is right here! I don't even need to do any tinkering."

Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. At least we get to go home now, Perry signs.

"I guess that's true," Heinz says.

"By the way, did you guys kiss yet?" Vanessa asks. "Or at least admit your feelings? Because if you haven't, we're not going until you do."

Perry blushes. He hadn't thought about that, but it sounds like a good idea.

He steps closer to Heinz, grabs onto his wrist, and presses a fast kiss to his lips.

Heinz squeaks and his entire face turns bright red. Perry grins. If he can make Heinz flustered with just a little kiss, who knows what else he can do? He'll just have to find out later.

Now we have, he signs. And yes, we did talk about our feelings, little meddler.

Vanessa rolls her eyes. "Well, somebody needed to intervene. You two just needed a kick in the pants."

"Yeah, yeah. Can we go now?" Heinz asks, holding up the Chicken-Replace-inator. His face has returned to its normal color, so Perry decides to lean up and kiss him again.

Vanessa groans. "Oh god, what have I done?"