Author's notes: So, season 5 of 'Last Tango of Halifax' is airing on Australian television which is what has prompted me to write and post this. I love the characters of Gillian and Caroline and this idea sprung forth after I did a re-watch of prior seasons. I also thought the scene where Caroline was talking to Kate about Gillian to be quite extraordinary and the below quote is from that scene.

"I just had a really weird night with Gillian. She told me … she told me what her husband used to do to her. He committed suicide but before that. She never told anyone before, she'd never been able to talk about it before but … she told me things. He raped her, he did things, things she couldn't, you know … humiliating things. And this is a big bloke. Not easy to take a big bloke. She's tiny, Gillian. He just pinned her down and she couldn't do anything so she just took it … because she had to."

- Caroline

I wrote another 'Last Tango in Halifax' fic called 'Hidden Truths' a very long time ago from Gillian's perspective. This is going to be the longer, fuller version.

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Last Tango in Halifax', it is the creation of Sally Wainwright. No copyright infringement is intended. Title taken from the quote 'the cradle rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness' by Vladimir Nabokov.

Summary: "I just had a really weird night with Gillian…" After Caroline and Gillian's 'weird night', things begin to change between the two of them. What happens with Kate? This is AU(ish) of seasons 2, 3 and 4 though will take various bits from all.

Prologue.

"What on-?"

The sound of chickens chirping and Gillian's faint whisper are what wake Caroline from her sleep. She rolls onto her back, glancing out the window at the ever-overcast sky. It's still early, just after dawn and the sun sends a faint, pink light across the fields. She props herself up on her elbows, trying to ignore the dull throb at her temples and spots Gillian sitting at the end of the bed, a throw around her bare shoulders as she smokes a cigarette.

Memories of the previous night begin to run through her mind as she sits upright, suddenly aware of her own exposed chest. Downing yet another shot while with Gillian at the bar… Stumbling into the cottage at some ungodly hour in the morning… A blush rises in her cheeks as she remembers the hesitant kiss in the hallway, the more insistent kiss on the staircase…

"Do you want a fag?" Gillian asks, holding out the cigarette.

Caroline wordlessly takes the proffered cigarette and inhales before handing it back.

"I really don't know what to say, Caroline …" Gillian whispers, taking her own drag. She bites her bottom lip, glances at the ceiling. "Christ, I've really fucked things up this time, haven't I?"

Caroline gives a soft laugh as she reaches out again for the cigarette.

"Haven't we?"

Please review.

I solemnly declare all other chapters will be longer.

Hope you enjoyed.