Disclaimer: If you haven't got it by now, then you'll never get it.
Maya holds up a gigantic, rainbow lollipop. "What about this?"
"No."
She dashes off to another aisle, tiny feet stomping like they can make craters in the store tile.
Her older sister, Aya, sighs at the behavior. "Sorry about her."
"It's no biggie." I check the list in my hand, then grab two loaves of white bread off the shelf and put them in the cart. "I expected something like this would happen, to be honest. But I'm glad you two offered to come and help out. Now that I'm actually looking at it, I doubt I can carry all of this on my own."
With the number of mouths to feed—an increasing number at that—Martha and I have our fair share of runs to the strip of markets around the corner from her house. According to the kids this area was covered in decayed buildings and heaps of rubble not long ago. It's odd to think about considering these stores are so advanced and technologically forward, much more than what lays in Izushi.
It's only been six months since they connected the Satellite to New Domino and the progress that's been made is astounding. I heard on the news this morning that after employing all the construction companies and a few dozen automated building-bots to help restore things around here, about one-third has been torn down and rebuilt into buildings that nearly mirror ones in the suburban parts of New Domino.
Martha told me that she and the kids got lucky to have been on the edge of Satellite where they first started remodeling everything, and now I can't stop wondering what it would have been like if I arrived a few months earlier. In fact, I've been wondering about a lot of things that happened before I showed up.
I've settled in to everything fairly well, but I still feel like an outsider. Before, it was just a feeling of not knowing what I had in store for me, unprepared for who I would meet and what I would do once inside the city. Adding my mark and the spirits to the mixing pot didn't help either.
But with knowing that I'm a Star Child now, I'm starting to see just how much I've been blocking out while trying to figure the mystery out—if not stressing over the matter, I distracted myself from it with mindless activities.
I was so focused on keeping everyone at bay before and now it feels like I've pushed myself onto an island, slowly trying to paddle back to my mainland. I'm realizing how ignorant I've been to lots of other things.
Someone tugs on my hand. I look down at Aya's chocolate irises. "Are you okay?"
"Sorry. I was just thinking," I respond sheepishly. She nods and I glance at the list again. "I think we've got everything. Where's your sister?"
Maya comes barreling toward us on cue, armed with a pack of double fudge brownies. Before she can ask, I shake my head and she hugs my knees. "Pleeeeeaaaase? I promise I'll be extra good!"
I sigh, and Aya states, "You know what Martha said before we left—only buy what we need. The last thing you need is more sugar."
"She's right," I agree. "It's the house rule."
Maya stands fully, and stares daggers at me. I don't know whether to be intimidated or impressed at how well a seven year-old has mastered the look. "I will remember this." She stomps away.
"Was that a threat?" I ask her sister.
Aya shrugs it off. "Who knows with that child." I nod and begin toward the cash register. "I'd keep an eye out, just to be safe."
I blink at her and she blinks back, then smiles innocently, and I can't tell if it's the smile of a trusted ally or a scheming trickster. Maybe it runs in their blood.
—
On our way back, I observe the houses and stores while trailing behind the two sisters. We make it to Martha's without any shady tricks from either of the girls so I deem myself in the clear, at least for now.
"The guys are here!" they scream abruptly.
My attention turns to them too late and the girls bolt for it across the lawn, the bags in their hands swinging back and forth. I follow the sisters' path but stop at the three D-Wheels parked in an open space beside the house.
It's been four days since I found out I'm a Star Child, and I haven't talked to anyone of the Signers since. After finishing breakfast with the twins, I got redressed and took a bus back to Martha's. I know the siblings wanted to ask me about all that happened the previous night, but just didn't. Whether it was out of concern or apprehension or simply understanding I didn't want to talk about it, I'm relieved they hadn't.
I don't see Akiza unless I'm at the guys' apartment, which I've steered clear from. If not working or helping Martha around the house or playing with the kids, I've been catching up on some much needed sleeping and reading—normal people stuff.
I almost want to stand out here gawking at the D-wheels and the neighborhood, but denial doesn't seem to stop my life from moseying along. Plus, some of these groceries really need to be refrigerated.
I kick off my flats and roam to the kitchen. Surprisingly there's no one around, so I can restock the shelves all by my lonesome. Maybe I can finish this up quickly and get back to How To Kill a Mockingbird—I was just getting to Tom Robinson's trial before we left.
"See, told you she was in here," says Maya from behind me.
I glance away from putting chips in a cabinet and see the exact three people I was hoping to avoid. I immediately turn to Maya and wonder if this was the payback she had foreshadowed to.
Can't be. How could she know I was avoiding them?
"Hi," I say, continuing to place the groceries away. Chairs scrape the floor and I bite down on my lip to suppress a sigh.
"'Sup," Crow greets, sounding as amiable as always. "We haven't seen you in a while."
"Just putting up groceries as you can see." I ignore the implication of the last sentence and ask, "Where's Martha? She was here when I left."
"She went on a couple house calls with Dr. Schmidt," Yusei explains. "She'll be back in a bit." I nod.
Other than the Star Child business I've been thinking about our conversation out on the terrace. Like the other times I'd been angry with him, the feeling disappeared just as suddenly as it came. Now I'm left feeling guilty and unsure of how I should apologize for my mistake.
"So what have you been up to?" Crow says again.
This is without a doubt another team roundup, but far more awkward than any other ones we've had. I can't think of a time when the fall back of conversations was small talk. There is always some topic to cover, from the white spirits to Yliaster. But that's the problem—the topic the guys want to talk about isn't one I want to discuss, and now what is there for us to speak of?
I open the fridge and shove the milk on a shelf. "Nothing exciting—working and sleeping."
"And eating," adds Maya. I was unaware she was still around, but apparently she's been standing by the counter this entire time. "Maria ate a whole bag of chips by herself yesterday."
I stiffen at the mention. We come eye to eye, and as she smiles I frown. This was her plan—if she couldn't eat what she wanted, she was going to ridicule me about my eating habits. And in front of three boys. Great.
"No, I didn't. What are you talking about?"
"You don't remember? It's the reason we went shopping today."
"No, it wasn't. We needed plenty of other things for the kitchen." I laugh nervously, "And it wasn't that big of a bag."
"Yeah, it was."
"It was a small bag, average at best."
"It said family-sized on the label."
"The bag is mostly air!" I smack my hand against my forehead and sigh. "What do you want?"
"A cookie," she chirps, "or five."
"One or none?"
"One is good," Maya answers promptly.
I reach up to the top of the fridge and pull down the cookie jar, then hand one to her. "Do a couple laps around the house to burn it off," I mutter as she scampers away. With another sigh, I turn to the guys, a mortified smile plastered to my face and say, "Cookies anyone?"
All three shake their heads no, and seeing the grins on their faces makes me all the more embarrassed. I turn around and take a cookie from the jar before screwing the lid and putting it back.
"Should we ask what that was about?" Jack asks, and maybe I'm mistaken but I think I hear a chuckle sprinkling over his voice.
I finish the cookie first, then answer, "She was just mad I didn't buy her any sweets while we went shopping."
"Well, it seems like they've completely warmed up to you now," laughs Crow.
"I thought they already liked me."
"They do. But now they're comfortable enough around you to tease you whenever they feel like it. Have they pulled any pranks on you yet?"
"Like the other day when I sat on a fart cushion and the boys wouldn't stop laughing for ten minutes straight?"
He rolls his eyes. "They aren't the most creative but it's their way of showing affection. You've been completely accepted as their big sis!"
Big sis? It has such an odd ring to it. I'd never really thought about what the kids referred to me as. I was confident they liked me enough to live and play with, but to think of me as their big sister? It's a conclusion I never would've come to but happily accept.
"What does that make the three of you?" I ask offhandedly.
"Their big brothers of course!" Crow grins as wide as his face allows. "Yours, too."
I nod and turn back to the unpacked groceries.
I hate to say it, but I find that I'm unconvinced. He can't speak for Yusei and especially Jack, who seems to dislike me more than anyone else. And aren't they only here as a checkup to make sure I haven't gone completely over the edge? What if he doesn't really mean it, and is only saying it because he wants me to talk about the Star Child thing?
"You're avoiding us, aren't you?" Jack asks out of the blue. I hear Crow chide him in a whisper.
I face them since I have no groceries left to fiddle with. "Just because I haven't been to your apartment in four days means I'm avoiding you all?"
"You aren't denying it."
"What do you want me to tell you?" I retort, raising my hands. "There's no point in denying it because you're already confident that you're right. And guess what? You are."
The trio shares a matching look of surprise. I want to believe it's from my tone, but my gut tells me that maybe they weren't as confident in their answer as I thought they were. Did they think I was going to deny it and, on top of that, believe me if I said I've just been really busy these past few days?
Meaning I had openly admitted to avoiding not just them, but Akiza and the twins as well. Crap on a cob.
"Avoiding us isn't going to make things go back to the way they were. Now that we know what you are, we can't go back to not knowing."
"I'm not denying it! I'm not trying to pretend it didn't happen!" I stomp my foot. Since I've gotten this far, I might as well keep on going: "But this—what's happening right now—is why I've been avoiding you. I don't. Want. To talk about it."
For once my face is hot with anger, not mortification. I leave the room before it sizzles down into a lukewarm lump of guilt. I leave the whole house entirely and step off the porch onto the yard, making a left to round the house.
Why can't I just stay mad at people? Why do I always feel bad afterward, and even blame myself for being upset?
"Who does that?" Apparently a Star Child does. A Star Child who has no friggin' clue what is going on and is frustrated with the universe.
I slide down a wall and pull my knees up to my chest.
Because I have no idea where I should direct my anger precisely, I guess I'm just mad at everything. Mad at myself for being confused and accidentally putting myself in unavoidable situations. Mad that my friends think I'm incapable of handling all of this. Mad that Ancient Fairy Dragon refuses to tell me what the hell's going on. Mad that Zephyrus isn't around to answer my questions and instead I have to go on a mind-world trek to find him.
At this age you would think my worries would consist of which major I should take in college and what cheap, broke-down car I have to save my money to buy but no—it's dangerous spirits and trying to comprehend how the hell I'm a half-spirit myself.
Something strokes the side of my leg and nearly jump out of my skin. "Jesus, Annie!" I shake my head. "Meow or something, okay?"
She lays at my side.
"And what about you, huh?" I stare down at the sneaky cat. "Did you know I was a Star Child this entire time? What are you—cat or ghost? A half-spirit like me?"
If a human-spirit combo can exist, can an animal-spirit? Think about it: she can see spirits, but she's tangible and everyone can see her. Sound familiar?
"So you're a Star…Kitten?"
Annie ignores me. In fact, I think she's falling asleep. I don't say any more aloud, but now my mind is chugging along at full speed.
It's one thing for animals to sense a spirit's presence, but how can she see spirits if she's not one herself? Better yet—how can she see them without a card? She could see Kuribon perfectly fine with no concentration or glowing paws but I can't. That doesn't seem fair.
"Wait a second…" I pick her up, stand, and walk around to the back of the house. "Why don't I need a card to see the white spirits?"
They definitely aren't people or animals, more like walking skulls. They appear and disappear out of thin air and don't look solid—screams 'spirit material' if you ask me.
…in order to reach people you have to have a bond…surely it's the same for spirits…
Does that mean I have a bond with the white spirits, one strong enough to see them without a duel card? I've stepped on their territory more than once, the first time being when I found Annie. But was that enough to form a bond with them?
I gasp and hold Annie into the air. "Did I steal you from them? Is that why they tried attacking me? Wait," I bring her back to my chest, "that doesn't add up. You obviously don't like them, otherwise you would've gone back to the tall one when you saw it instead of attacking it."
So what's the story here? There are so many loose ends that nothing ties together. I thought knowing what I am would solve everything, but there's still so much left I want to know.
I sigh and wander aimlessly in the middle of the backyard. My eyes land on the wall, specifically the bulky, wooden boards protruding over the claw marks. I walk up to them and press my hand to the surface.
I've watched a fair share of ghost flicks in my lifetime—enough to know that the stronger the spirit is, the easier it is for them to move objects around and make themselves known to the human eye.
These particular spirits managed to scratch a gaping X into Martha's house.
Ushio hasn't said anything about it so if the guys had already came to this conclusion, they decided not to talk about it. That's probably for the best. You can't exactly arrest a spirit, and I think everyone would prefer Martha to be out of "the zone".
But it's really a terrifying thought. The spirits and I can make contact because we're both spiritually bonded, but they also have the ability to do this. The children have every right to be afraid. I'm afraid.
The X wasn't an act of carefree vandalism. Just like pirates mark their treasure, the spirits had marked where I live.
If they do come back, I hope I'm the only one they'll be digging up.
"Dammit, Jack. I had it under control."
"Yeah, your brotherly spiel was really hitting home," Jack mocks with a roll of his eyes. "Anyway, I didn't think she would get so upset."
"Oh really? What did you think was going to happen? She was going to thank you for your brilliance?"
"I told you. I just didn't think she'd get upset. She needs to wake up and smell the coffee just like the rest of us, if not more."
Crow sighs, "Yeah, you've got a point. She's obviously being targeted by these white spirits. I don't know why she thinks she'd be safer on her own than with all of us."
"Maria's not used sharing her feelings," announces Martha as she enters the kitchen, tugging at the apron around her hips.
"Martha!" jump her three sons. Crow asks, "When did you get back?"
She laughs heartily, a shake to her shoulders, "Just a second ago. And I wasn't eavesdropping, just caught the last bit of the conversation. Did I guess right—you're talking about Maria?"
The three boys nod. "Did she tell you about what's going on?"
"With the mark on her forehead? No, she didn't. To be honest, I don't really want to know unless she and all of you are in some sort of danger." The trio share a wary glance toward one another, ushering a sigh from their foster mother. "I'll talk with her about it later."
"That's the problem," Jack says, "she refuses to talk about it. She even admitted that she's been avoiding us just so she doesn't have to."
"Everyone has their own way of dealing with things and, if you haven't noticed, Maria's used to dealing with things alone." Martha sits beside Yusei, and points a finger at him. "She kind of reminds me of you."
Yusei gives no response to the notion, but agrees to himself. Maria holds her feelings in as much as he does, and that's what worries him the most. He would never be able to help her if she wouldn't admit she was in pain or afraid; he would be forced to watch her brave it alone.
"We're just worried about her." Crow leans his chin on a palm. "This isn't something she should be handling on her own. It's like she doesn't understand that we're here for her."
Martha's response comes after a pregnant pause. "I'm not sure how her life was back in Izushi. She's never talked to me about anything, but I think I can imagine it from looking at who she is now. I don't think she's ever had more than one person be there for her. Maria handles things on her own because the one person she's always relied on is gone."
Martha spares a look at her sons' faces before going on. "She's not used to all of this—all these new friends and family. It's still brand new to her. The slightest bit of attention can overwhelm her and I know you boys don't mean to, but you're definitely in the overwhelming zone right now."
"What do you think we should do?" says Yusei.
"Give her time. If you've done as you said and made it clear you're not going anywhere, she'll come to you." Martha flashes a smile at her sons and says, "She likes you all a lot more than you think. She's as worried for all of you as much as you are for her."
The boys have no choice but to accept their mother's words. Not that she was lying, no, Martha was a woman of truth. It's the thought of being avoided and ignored that unsettles their minds. Maria was wide awake now, yet she still isn't back to them; it seems she's farther away than when she was in a spiritual trance.
Waiting doesn't seem like a good choice, but it is the only one they have.
"Ask." The suddenness of Martha's voice shakes two of her sons from their thoughts, and discourages another from his usually brash confidence. "You want to ask me something, so go on ahead."
Jack shifts his head a bit to the side, the only hint of his hesitance other than not jumping at the offer to voice his opinions. He gets on with it soon enough, "Why have you never said anything about Maria's mom until now?"
Of all the possibilities to fly off his tongue, that question was the last either of his brothers would think to ask. And now that Jack had said it Yusei and Crow thought about it too, wondered about the only one of Martha's children they'd never met.
The room she used to live in, Maria's room, was always locked when they lived here. They made up stories about what could be hidden inside when they were little (either an unlimited amount of duel cards or a lifetime supply of ramen) and mostly forgot about it when they grew older, too concerned about their duties as members of Team Satisfaction.
In the halls leading in from the front door there were pictures all over the place, all in mismatched frames. But none of the persons captured in those frames resembled Maria, let alone be old enough to be her mother.
Maria's mother had left Martha's care before she died, that was for sure, and you never would have known she had ever been in it. Maria's mother and Martha had parted ways, but the memory of her was still here, just locked away—behind that attic door, and in Martha's heart.
"What do you want to know?" Martha answers, not a twinge of anything except her usual expression following. Yusei and Crow look to Jack and realize that the eldest, for once, had no follow ups. Martha continues, "Because there isn't much of anything to know. She was my child just like you boys and the kids are."
Her sons had to rest with that answer. If that's all Martha has to say, then that's all there is to tell.
I feel like I can't go back in. I made the decision of a dramatic exit, but I know my reentrance will only be awkward and stiff.
To apologize or not, that is the question.
One thing you should never apologize for is having feelings.
Nayla said that to me once, seemingly ages ago but I know time is playing tricks on me. I want to stick to that bit of advice in order to tell Nayla that I've done so once we meet again. I want to stick to that advice because it's true and one of my biggest problems, ever since I was young, or in high school or even now.
Now that I'm so different from who I thought I was.
It's so unfathomably stupid to not be on your own side, especially when there is no right to prove you wrong. All those teachers and standardized tests that illustrated me as a smart girl were a crock of shit; I've never felt so idiotic.
I reach down to my side and feel the shabby plank of the porch swing instead of my fluffy companion. I place my hand back in my lap, remembering that the kids whisked Annie away a half hour or so ago.
I put up no protests, just a silent hope that they weren't going to pull any stunts of kiddy torture they've been doing recently. I caught them about to coat her head to tail in stickers once, an "act of their love" they proclaimed.
The house's door creaks open and I stall swinging to see who it is.
"Hi," I say to the three boys who turn my way, smiling slightly. If I act like what happened wasn't a big deal, they'd have no reason to believe so. "You guys aren't staying for dinner?"
"No, I've got early deliveries tomorrow. Yusei's going to test out the engine some more, and Jack's…" Crow looks up at Jack. "What are you doing?"
"That's none of your business," Jack replies, his deep voice being the one thing to keep him from sounding like a child.
A wry smirk plants itself on Crow's lips. "So nothing. Jack's doing nothing as usual."
I let Jack's battle of returning a remark equally as scornful go disregarded. "Oh. Okay." An indifferent response for my undecided feelings.
And it's just like I imagined it to be—we're all clueless to how we should tread down this road we paved.
Crow, who's been the trio's collective voice all day, pipes up again, "Look, about earlier—"
In a burst of uncoordinated movement, I lift a hand. Not in the way you'd go to shake someone else's or to catch something falling, but like I'm spastically reaching for a high-five. I'm sure the only reason Crow halts is because he's weirded out.
I rise and straighten the hem of my shirt, as if to resume normal behaviors, and clear my throat. "I'm not going to apologize to you because I don't think what I'm doing is wrong. Simultaneously, I don't think any of you should apologize because, as my friends, you have every right to call me out on things that you don't agree with."
"So…" Crow stresses the 'o' inquiringly, "we're good?" Jack and Yusei share the same unsure expression.
"Yeah?" The four of us nod uncertainly, like that was much easier than any of us imagined it would be. Then, of course, I'm the one to make it difficult again. "Actually, no, we're not."
It takes a moment to organize my thoughts in to single file, and another as precaution to make sure they stay that way.
"For these past few days, as well as these couple of hours I've been out here, I've been thinking about the night I found out I was a Star Child and I've come to a conclusion: we have time. Ancient Fairy Dragon wouldn't have been so composed when I saw her if we didn't. She would have rushed to tell me everything and warn me like Zephyrus does, but she didn't. She just said to try again. And if we have time for me to try again, then we have time to get ourselves ready. Whatever is about to happen…maybe it's just as unprepared as we are."
"So you're saying we should forget about a heads up from an ancient, other-worldly duel spirit?" Jack says, less bite than expected in his tone.
"No, of course not." I shake my head. "I'm just thinking that we shouldn't rush things. It's okay if we're not prepared now because we have time to get there. There's no reason to get a hose out when the city's not ablaze yet."
The trio pauses, Crow asking, "You didn't see that in a vision…did you?"
I wave my hands. "No, no! That's just, like, worst case scenario!"
The three nod, varying expressions of relief on their faces. I smile ruefully at the mistake.
"So we're all good? For real this time?" I nod. "Great. Will we be blessed with your presence at the apartment anytime soon?"
My eyes roll from the wording, but I can't resist a smile, knowing that he's asking because he and the others truly want to see me and not just as a routine checkup. I nod.
"Good. Now behave yourself, sis," he says and reaches up to ruffle my hair.
I frown and rearrange my hair while a flustered fit of heat emerges in my cheeks. The cheeky teen skips the two porch steps and runs over to the parked D-wheels, Jack following his lead. Yusei lingers behind, not quite inclined to leave yet also like he has nothing to say.
Just like Jack did with Crow, I fight an urge brought on by this tiny detail. I refuse to delve into the reasoning for his hesitance, I'm not even going to scratch the surface. As coolly as possible, I state, "I'll see you around."
He nods and roams to his D-Wheel without an argument. There are things we should discuss but not now, and in private like he always has the courtesy to do for me. There's no need to rush that, either. We'd both be around.
I wave them off and lean against the railing, listening to the roar of their engines blend into the hum of a New Domino evening.
I thought we could use a bit of a breather after our streak of weirdness and discoveries, although there is a little something there for you guys to chew on. And some comedy with the kids never hurt anyone, plus Big Bro Crow is the best Crow~!
The worst thing about writing is finding plot holes in your own story. So going over old chapters like I usually do, I found that I've made the mistake of making it seem that Nayla lives in the area that used to be the Satellite, which is not the case.
I imagine that New Domino is set up like many provinces—downtown is in the center (the cleaner parts up north, the grittier parts down south) and then the areas surrounding the downtown area get progressively more suburban the farther you travel away from it.
It seems Zora and the guys live in an older, quieter part of the city and that's where Nayla lives too. Maria takes the bus over the bridge or a train (if a garbage shoot can lead into the city, I'm imaging they can build a subway going from one to the other too) to get to work and Nayla's house. I also don't see the bridge as being so big you can't walk across it.
With that said, I imagine that Zora, the guys, and Nayla live on the edge of New Domino facing what used to be the Satellite and Martha lives on a part that faces the city (so they're across the bridge from one another).
This isn't necessarily important, but it also isn't unimportant. Both arcs of 5Ds give you little information on how the areas are set up so there's much left to imagination. I constantly forget the Daedelus Bridge is there because I'm so focused on moving the plot along and whatnot so I'm very sorry for taking so long to realize this and clear it up.
Just remember: Martha lives on one end of the bridge and everyone else lives on the other end because that's how I think of it and it would make things easier if that's how you all see it too.
TTFN
