Summary: In which Klaus decides to start a business venture, and Five wonders when he had suddenly become the resident secretary. Also Vanya's got a girlfriend and Five is not beneath using said place of business to snoop around and keep his sister safe.

Chapter 3: Vanya

Klaus twirled his chair around, kicking his feet up while balancing a pen in-between his nose and his upper lip. In his defence, it was a lot harder than it looked. In the end he was bored and had no real way to pass the time. He didn't get any shifts at the local mart anyway, and it wasn't like he looked forward to his boring, mundane job. He almost wished he was running away from the law and drugging himself up in some back alley. At least life was mildly interesting that way. Unfortunately for him, he had an old man hovering over his shoulder like a particularly violent god-fairy and burning whatever drugs he managed to procure the moment he showed signs of back sliding.

"I'm boooored~" he grumbled.

Five was writing on the walls again. Klaus had put up chalkboard wallpaper for the old man so they wouldn't get in trouble by the land lady. Still, Klaus had no idea why the gremlin wanted to continue his calculations on the time-stream like an ADHD riddled manic Doctor Who with a terrible caffeine addiction.

"Take your whining elsewhere Klaus, or I will revoke your talking privileges," Five chided, eyes still scanning his calculations.

"Ok dad," he grumbled, folding his arms, and then he lasted all but another minute before he began again. "I'm seriously boooored."

Five sighed, his shoulders slumping and his jaw squaring as he turned around with a less than pleased expression. Five gave his younger brother a particularly harsh look before letting out an aggravated sound.

"I'm reconsidering my choice to live with you," he began before he resigned himself. "Ok I'll bite. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I don't even have the capability of planning what I want for breakfast! All I know is, is that this is boring! Where's the action? Where's the pizzazz?"

"There is no pizzazz. This is the real-world Klaus. If you want excitement go watch a movie or something," Five said dismissively as he made a shooing gesture.

"But I have work in 4 hours and all I do is scan items and tell people to have a good day, as if any day can be good because I arbitrarily tell them so," Klaus continued on undeterred.

"Then find another job! I don't know, go bug someone else!"

Another job?

"Another job," Klaus whispered as he felt his brain ticking together.

"Yes another job," Five repeated dryly as he went back to work. "Now leave me alone in peace."

Klaus was already scrambling out of the door as an idea struck him.

When Klaus had dragged him from his very important, pressing work for something supposedly important, Five hadn't expected this. Sure he came along even though he had more important things to do. No, it wasn't because he was getting soft for his siblings. He would never… it was definitely because even he needed the vitamin D every once in a blue moon. That was definitely it. That didn't change the fact that he hated having to be Klaus's chauffer whenever the man needed to go somewhere. It was only going to be time before a cop pulled him over and shit hit the fan, but it hadn't happened yet, so he was hoping the universe didn't hate him for some more time.

Clearly, he was wrong, and the universe very much hated Five.

"What is this I'm seeing Klaus?" Five asked with a dangerously low voice.

"This is our new job!" Klaus said excitedly, grinning his way as he pointed at the frosted door.

It read 'Umbrella Investigations'. Five knew Klaus was an idiot, but this was on a whole another level.

"And what makes you think this is a good idea?" Five demanded in exasperation. "You know we don't have any legitimate credentials, right? Not to mention the fact that I don't want to know where you got the money from."

Klaus clapped his hands and perked up with a nervous chuckle.

"About that," he laughed nervously. "I may or may not have used our emergency inheritance money to buy this fine establishment."

Klaus took a moment to read his brother's face and was surprised when he wasn't killed. Five looked pissed, and he was doing that thing where his jaw jutted out and he put his hands in his pockets and slouched forward like he was ready for murder, but he was oddly silent.

"Nothing to say mi hermano?" Klaus chuckled nervously.

"You know, I'm pissed but at the same time I'm oddly… proud."

What?

He couldn't have heard that right. Five was proud of him? The Number Five, who never in his entire life would show even any form of approval for his plans, the same one that was tight lipped with any form of praise, and rather liked to point out the teeny tiny size of his siblings' brains— was proud of him. The family screw-up. Klaus.

"Me?" Klaus asked incredulously, pointing at his chest in disbelief.

"Yes you—you pea-brained idiot," Five said, looking away in embarrassment, and failing desperately to hide it. "Don't look at me like that! It's just a shocker that you weren't useless for once and didn't waste our money on drugs, even if this is still stupid."

Ah, there was his Five again. Klaus decided to push his luck and take the kid/old-man in a hug. Before he could Five had already teleported away.

"Aw, come here Fivey! We were having a moment!"

"Call me Fivey again and I will cut open your intestines and feed it to you," Five growled, before he opened the door to their new supposed place of work.

Klaus just laughed as he followed in the old grumpy man inside. He knew Five would be against the idea, so he just chose to ask for forgiveness instead of permission. Also he decided to make the entire wall chalkboard wallpaper and added a coffee machine to the side to get his brother on his good side. Apparently Five was that easy to please because Klaus thought he saw the glimmer of a smile on Five's face.

"With my ability to see the dead, and your ability to snoop around and beat people up, this business will be booming," Klaus said excitedly as he rubbed his hands. "And most importantly—I won't be bored!"

Five rose a brow his way, and Klaus knew that for once his brother was approving even a little of his choices. If that smirk was any indication at least.

"I still think the name sucks, but I won't be so averse to getting involved. If this fails though, you're paying with your savings," Five said sternly.

Klaus had never been so sure in his life that he wouldn't fail at something.

Five still thought that Klaus was an idiot. Just this once though Klaus had an idea that wasn't half bad on the surface level. Despite this, he was reminded just how much oversight his siblings lacked. The idea itself wasn't half bad, and the thought itself that Klaus was doing more with his life and trying to unlock his potential, was what made Five invested in this scheme. He had missed out on so many years, and he regretted every single second he had disappeared from his siblings' lives.

He often wondered if the apocalypse would have been averted if he simply didn't jump in the first place, if he just listened and had spared himself 40 years of absolute hell and another 5 years ripping apart his humanity to make it all better. He hadn't been there for Klaus when he was turning to drugs and OD'd, when Vanya was ostracized, when Allison had a baby, when Diego first started police academy, or even when Luther was sent to the moon. He wasn't there. But he was here now, and so he wouldn't discourage Klaus for trying to achieve something, even if his plan was hasty and half-baked. He was here now and that meant even if his siblings were being idiots, he would have their backs. He was certain if he left them on their own, they would probably end the world again, or worse, die doing something unusual and equally asinine.

So before Klaus could start up this new business idea of his, Five went onto the internet and did some good old research. He pulled up as many books on private investigation firms, the legalities behind it and the many, many laws and regulations their firm would have to follow to be considered a legitimate business. The last thing he needed was for Klaus to jump into something, succeed and have his work taken from under him by pencil pushers up in management who were sticklers for rules. Not that Five much cared for rules, but he didn't want the spark of interest and drive that was finally ignited in his brother to be snuffed out because he lacked oversight.

After months of planning, preparation, finding someone to forge credentials, and setting up a system despite how much Klaus thought it was boring, Five finally thought they were ready to start the business up. At first things were slow going, and what they did get involved with was people looking for missing pets and whatnot, but it wasn't long until people took note of the Hargreeves name. The Umbrella Academy already had a cult following, and the whole world knew of them, even though the novelty of super-powers had died down after a few years. Most people had more important things to worry about than the supernatural, and the groups that did care weren't allowed to touch a member of the Academy. They all still surprisingly had their human rights intact. The matter still stood that their fans knew of Klaus's ability to see the dead, and so it wasn't so far fetched for Five and Klaus to run around town collecting intel on murders, and other such issues and solving them without police help.

"We have—five—no seven new cases on the line," Klaus groaned.

Five drank his coffee as he sat down at his personal desk and raised a brow. "Business is booming. Isn't this what you wanted?"

"But I'm so tired and overworked," Klaus complained. "And my back is killing me. Do you think we can afford a physical therapist on top of dental?"

"Careful, you're beginning to sound like Hazel," Five replied as he filed out some more paperwork.

"How come you never complain?" Klaus mumbled as he picked up his knitting kit and continued where he left off.

"Because it's hardly more work than I'm used to," Five began impatiently, before his eyes caught onto a file and frowned.

Klaus noticed the change in Five's demeanour and leant over Five's shoulders to take a look. He didn't know what caught Five's attention. It was simply titled Sydney Clark.

"You know, when we made the Umbrella Investigations, I thought we'd finally managed to divert your snoopy behaviour somewhere more healthy," Klaus sighed.

"Snoopy? You know what, don't talk," Five hissed.

"I know you're very interested in our riveting love lives, but seriously Fivey you gotta let it drop. We're all adults here," Klaus insisted as Five looked past a brick wall discreetly at their target.

Five turned to look at Klaus with a raised brow as if he was disbelieving of the whole 'adult' part of it. Klaus sighed. He would have to resign himself to Five's obsession once more. His older-younger brother was very stubborn.

"Ok, ok, how about we snoop around for what we're being payed to do—you know find out if she's really siphoning money of to ghost accounts in Mexico," Klaus tried again.

"You can do that," Five said dismissively. "I'm going to make sure she's not a threat."

"You do realise Vanya is the most powerful of us all right?" Klaus whined.

"And also the most vulnerable—why don't you go up to her apartment and check if there are any ghosts to talk to while I go do my job."

That wasn't really a suggestion, because not a moment later Five had teleported away leaving him by himself. Klaus sighed, dragging his hands down his face.

"Goddamit, is this how you felt Ben?" Klaus mumbled.

Sydney was going to buy herself a cup of coffee and take a breather from work for a bit. Working as a music director sounded easy enough, but organising events and scheduling recordings was rather tiring. So when she draped her coat on the café chair and sat down, she was expecting to do it alone, and definitely not with a child sitting opposite her sipping the coffee she paid for herself.

He hummed, "Black, no sugar. You've got taste."

Sydney was speechless. What do you even say to someone who just brazenly steals your coffee and then proceeds to act like he owns the room. She'd dealt with a lot of demanding little shits in her job though, so her disbelief was immediately quelled. She snatched the cup off his hands and scowled at him.

"Go bother your parents' kid. Someone people need to destress after work," she grumbled before she spat in her cup. Mark the territory and all that.

The kid simply smirked, crossing his legs, and leaning back on the chair as if he wasn't going to make a move to leave. Then it occurred to her that he looked somewhat familiar. Her overworked brain clicked together, and she remembered just where she'd seen him from.

"You're Vanya's brother," she finally said.

"What an astute observation," he retorted mockingly, and she bristled. "Well now that we've gotten pleasantries out of the way Sydney, I'd like to know whether you've realised your digital footprint is terrible."

"What—"

"You're off-shore accounts," Five said snapping his fingers. "Keep up will you."

"How do you know about that?" she said stiffening.

"I know everything."

Well wasn't that an arrogant thing to say. Sydney didn't want to fight a kid. She already had to deal with Vanya's crazy family once. First a brother holding a knife to her throat, and now a kid stealing her coffee. Vanya owed her a quiet night with some pizza after this.

"Look, it's hidden, and if it helps you sleep at night, Vanya knows all about it and she's not really inclined to care, nor is anyone else unless they're actively looking for it," she said, rubbing her forehead to stave off a headache.

Sydney was surprised when the boy pulled out a file and handed it to her. She sent him a raised brow before taking the file and reading through it. What the fuck… she felt herself stiffen as she continued. Then she turned her head up to see the same arrogant little smile on his face. He knew too much.

"Who gave you this information?" she said narrowing her eyes and forgoing all pleasantries.

"A man named William Hadane. He's currently employing us to look into you, so maybe you really do need to invest in some new firewalls," Five replied easily.

"William," she breathed. "That crazy fucker."

She was too busy freaking out to notice the kid lean in and snap her back to attention. She turned to him and snarled.

"Look kid, this is dangerous stuff ok. I want you out of this business now. Tell your sister to stay away from me for a while too."

"Why?"

"What part of too dangerous do you not understand?" she asked him unkindly.

"Please I'm a time-travelling assassin. I work with danger. Now I can see that you're unwilling to get Vanya in danger too, so I'll cut you a deal. You tell me all about William Hadane and I'll solve your issue for you. Permanently."

Sydney was definitely sleep-deprived and more than out of it, but was he still drinking her coffee? Hadn't she spat in it? Also was a kid telling her he would assassinate someone for her. She rubbed her forehead again and sighed. Then she remembered Vanya's crazy story, about a time travelling older brother and something about the 60's. She was very drunk when she had heard that story and Vanya was very tight lipped about it normally. Was this kid actually an old man? She tried to wrap her head around that, but eventually decided that she had a girlfriend who could fly and possibly kill her with the twitch of her finger—so why the hell not?

"He's my crazy ex—"

"Five, you didn't murder our client did you?" Klaus asked in disbelief.

The ex-assassin simply put his legs up on the desk, leant back and sipped his coffee with a smug expression on his face. Klaus sighed and really, really wished he was high right now. He hissed at a ghost that came up to him from the right, and it shimmied on back before he turned back to Five.

"Oh come on, we're going to be in sooo much trouble," he whined.

"Relax," Five said. "I didn't do it myself. We're too connected to the target. I called in a favour."

"With who?" Klaus asked intrigued.

"Just an old friend."

Five finished his coffee and smiled. It was gratifying to know his siblings were safe and sound. If he hadn't killed Vanya's girlfriends crazy ex, he would have most likely done more than just legally implicate Sydney for fraud and money laundering. He was certainly the kind of crazy that resembled one Harold Jenkins. Five felt very justified in 'snooping' around as Klaus put it.

"Did this old friend happen to be a Swede?" Klaus asked raising a brow.

"How did you figure?" Five asked curiously.

"He sent me a post-card with a key-chain from… Australia," Klaus asked baffled.

"Huh, so that's where he is now."

"Well, all in a days work huh. Wanna go and ambush Vanya's date then?" Klaus asked.

Five didn't even respond to that. He simply teleported to the door and pulled out his coat. He turned back to Klaus.

"Well then, what are you waiting for?"

Klaus giggled, and looked entirely too excited. "Well aren't we the most annoying siblings."

Five simply smirked at that. Klaus followed his older-younger brother out happily. The snooping was more than a little off-putting, but he didn't mind some quality bro-time at the expense of his siblings' sanity. He turned to lock the door and smiled at his office. He couldn't believe this was real. Then when he turned to Five, hands in pockets, waiting for him, he felt… not alone.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he said quickly.

Then he joined his brother with a grin on his face.