City of Fallen Angels
October
It seemed like the journal was taunting her. She couldn't see it, having hidden it away in the back of her closet, but she knew it was there. Just knowing it was there was enough to drive her crazy.
She had fought the urge to open it and devour its content every day since returning from Alicante. She knew doing so would only make her feel worse.
So, it sat behind other unwanted things in her closet, waiting, haunting her until she found the courage to open it.
Lazily, she launched another knife from her grasp. It flew through the air and stuck right in the center of the target. Above in the rafters, she could hear Clary talking to someone. She glanced up as she tossed another knife. Clary was holding her phone to her ear, sitting down on the rafter.
Jace was going to lose it whenever he got back. He'd left a few minutes before, going off to find more rope.
"You know, Jace is going to kick your ass if he finds out you're on the phone up there." Eliza called up to her.
"She isn't wrong." Jace announced himself.
Clary had hidden her phone back in her shirt. "Sorry! Simon called. Emergency."
Jace and Eliza shared a look. "Want to practice flipping with us or keep standing over there thinking about stuff you don't want to be thinking about?" He asked her.
She narrowed her eyes. He always knew when something was up with her. "Sure." She walked over to the target and jerked the knives out. After wiping them off, she put them back into their respective drawer.
They didn't usually train Clary. One of the older adults like Maryse or literally anyone else usually did it. They took turns with Clary's training while they waited to find a suitable replacement tutor.
"Where do you want me?" She asked Jace, folding her arms over her chest.
He thought about it for a moment. "Get up there and demonstrate."
"Please." Clary added, nodding eagerly.
Jace gave her a cord and she tied it tightly around her waist, hooking it over and around her belt. She looked up at the rafter Clary was sitting on. She moved over a few feet, judging the distance from the ground to the rafter. She had jumped it before, she could do it again. She closed her eyes and jumped.
A second later, she felt the firm wood of the rafter beneath her feet. She opened her eyes and peered down. Jace was looking up at her with a crooked grin on his face. "That's my girl." He whistled.
Rolling her eyes, she tied the flex cord to the rafter, pulling it to make sure it wasn't going to slip. She looked at her sister. "Watch and learn, kid." She leapt off the rafter. Eyes open, she spread out her arms. There was the feeling of flying before the flex cord went rigid where and ricocheted her back into the air. She felt her body being jerked back into the air and then begin to fall once again. She slowed to a stop, her face only a few feet away from Jace's.
"How do you do that?" Clary called down. "I always ball up and scream."
Eliza smiled breathlessly. "Years of practice. You'll get better." She motioned for Jace to untie the cord from her waist. His fingers worked with a swift deftness and she felt the cord slack. Jace's hands caught her waist and he lowered her until her feet touched the floor. "Thank you." She kissed him on the lips quickly. She looked up at Clary in the rafters. "Come on down."
They watched Clary jump down. She curled herself into a ball. She came down and then bulleted back into the air before falling down again. She splayed out as she slowed down above them.
Eliza's nose wrinkled. "Better." She winced. "Just uh, try not to go into fetal position or close your eyes. That helps." She advised.
"Right. Because I'd definitely wanna see myself hurtling towards my bloody death." Clary muttered.
Her comment earned a chuckle from Jace. Eliza elbowed him sharply in the side. "You need to trust in the cord, Clary." Jace told her. "Until you do that, it isn't going to work."
Clary frowned. "Right. Well, can someone get me down from here?"
Eliza broke from Jace's side and grabbed a knife from the table. She launched it in the air, and it sliced through the cord and Clary fell to the floor with a groan. Eliza grimaced. "Okay, maybe I didn't think that through completely. I'm sorry."
Clary looked up and waved it off, saying it was fine.
"What in the world is going on in here?" Isabelle announced herself. The heels of her boots clicked loudly against the wood floor. "Is this what you call training?"
Jace rolled his eyes at his adopted sister. "I don't recall anyone asking for your input, Iz."
Clary got to her feet, fixing her clothes. Isabelle removed her bright red gloves. "Aren't these to die for?" She asked, showing them off to Clary and Eliza. Eliza saw that they were made with a smooth velvet material. "This store, Trash and Vaudeville, was having an amazing sale. We could go look and see if they have some still." Jace said that he figured they wouldn't go with his gear. Eliza stifled a giggle as Isabelle glared back at him. "Anyway, that's not why I came up here. Did you guys hear about the dead Shadowhunter? They found him in Brooklyn, but they can't tell who it is. That's how messed up the body is. Mom went to go check it out, see if she could help, I think."
Jace folded his arms over his chest. "The Clave's holding a meeting about it. I saw her as she was leaving." Eliza raised her eyebrows. He hadn't said anything about knowing. He caught the look she gave him. "I didn't want you to worry."
Worry? There was a knowing look in the dark tawny of his eyes. Her shoulders sagged. She knew exactly what he was talking about. "Right." She mumbled.
"Do you think it could have been someone we know?" Izzy asked, biting down on her lip.
"Doubt it." Jace assured her. "Maryse said the body had been stashed in a deserted factory for the past couple days. We would have noticed if someone we knew had been gone that long."
Isabelle nodded thoughtfully. Her eyes were darker, maybe a little softer, than usual. Eliza wondered if this incident had brought up memories of Max. Eliza still felt some shred of guilt over Max's death. Jonathan had murdered Max. If she hadn't been so afraid of him, maybe Max would be alive.
"I'm going to go change." Clary announced. She walked across the room to the small changing area that was attached to the training room.
She waited until the door was shut to smack Jace on the shoulder. "I get that you didn't want to worry Clary, but you could have told me."
Izzy whistled lowly, turning away from them. Jace made a face. "Liz, you know exactly why I didn't tell you. Do you really want to bring it up right now?"
Her mouth fell open. "They're just dreams, Jace." She said softly. "Nightmares." She corrected herself. "Everyone has nightmares."
"I know that they're just dreams, but I don't think you do."
She shifted her weight uncomfortably. Before she could say anything else, Izzy whipped back around.
"Oh, my God! I forgot to tell you guys!" She squealed. "Simon and I had a date again this evening! We went to this kitschy little mundane restaurant on the corner of Ninth and Second."
Jace began putting away the floormats and the rest of the training gear. "A real date, then." Jace said, rolling the mats up. "He had the nerve?" He joked.
The two girls shared a look and Clary came out from the changing room. She'd changed back into her light pink sweater and denim skirt that she'd paired with boots and black tights.
"No, actually, it was more of a little diner." Isabelle amended her earlier statement. "He kept trying to get me to eat this pink soup. I think he's trying to live vicariously through me or something." Jace arched an eyebrow, muttering some kind of innuendo she didn't catch. "He's sweet as ever, don't worry."
"He called me earlier." Clary told Isabelle. "He said it was nice, the date."
Isabelle's mouth pinched together in an odd fashion when she looked over at Clary. Her face relaxed after a second. "Oh, you two talked? Good." Clary said he had just called to talk for a few minutes. "Like I said, sweet as ever. But you know, that gets very old." She said coolly. She admired her gloves once more before pocketing them. "Not like it matters. We're just messing about." Yet, Eliza didn't believe that Isabelle truly saw it that way. There was something a little hurt in her voice.
"So, you two aren't exclusive?" Clary asked her.
Isabelle's face paled. "No." With a long yawn and a stretch of her arms, Isabelle announced that she was going to bed. She wiggled her fingers back at them as she left the training room.
Jace began unfastening the buckles of his gear. The gear made a shell around his normal training clothes.
"Are you going home now?" Eliza asked her. The clock on the wall said that it was nearly eleven at night.
Clary nodded. Ever since they had returned from Idris, their mother had allowed Clary to begin training as a Shadowhunter. Clary had only hinted at the strenuous conversation she had gone through to be allowed to train. There were conditions. She couldn't live at the Institute, instead she stayed with Jocelyn and Luke at Luke's house. Maryse gave Jocelyn updates every week concerning Clary's progress. Clary was not, absolutely not, allowed to stay the night at the Institute.
Eliza had endured her own version of the conversation. Hers went a little differently. Jocelyn had tried for hours to convince her to move into Luke's with them, but Eliza didn't feel right about it. She knew that her mother was trying to build a relationship with her, but she felt as if she would be imposing if she stayed at Luke's. Jocelyn told her that she wasn't comfortable with her staying at the Institute, seeing as how Jace also lived there. She didn't want her entire life revolved around a boy she had only known for a few months.
Eliza had tried to tell her that Jace wasn't just some boy. He was Jace. He was special. Eliza relented and agreed to fully move out of the Institute and stay with Magnus.
It had been six weeks since they'd returned and living with Magnus was an adventure all on its own. She supposed that Jocelyn also asked Maryse to let her know if she ever tried to stay overnight at the Institute. That in itself was too horrible for her to imagine.
The other stipulation of the agreement was that twice a week, Eliza had to have dinner with them at Luke's.
"I'll walk you out. I have to get home too." Eliza told her.
Jace's face fell. "You have to go now?"
She frowned, looking back at him. Underneath the gear, he'd worn a thin white shirt. She could see his Marks bleeding through the material. "You know Magnus doesn't like it when I'm out really late. He worries. And you know he'll call or something to make sure I'm actually home. Plus, I have to feed the cat."
"Right." He said thickly. "I'll take you to the door."
"How chivalrous of you."
For once, there was no hustle or bustle around the Institute. It was peaceful and silent as they made their way through the halls. The Institute was nearly desolate, with Robert Lightwood back in Idris for a short while and Alec away with Magnus. The other members of the Conclave didn't come around very much. Either they were incredibly busy, or they were giving the Lightwood family time to grieve for Max.
She supposed she could have tried to stay at the Institute. There was a pretty good chance that Magnus was having way too much fun with Alec to remember to check in with her. But there was also her slight fear of Maryse. And her mother. She could only imagine the absolute rage they would bring down if she tried to stay with Jace. Yeah, she'd rather avoid that.
"Are Alec and Magnus having a good time?" Clary asked.
Eliza couldn't help but grin. Without thinking, she squeezed Jace's hand. "Oh, tons!" She glanced back at Clary. "Ooh show her the photos! Show her!"
Jace used his free hand to fish his phone from his pocket. He tossed it back to Clary and she caught it. "Alec isn't holding back with all the nauseating pictures."
Clary giggled as she went through the pictures on his phone. "You can't really blame them, Jace. They're on a romantic getaway. Plus, you know that if it were you and Liz on that trip, you'd be sending the same kind of pictures." She pointed out.
Jace shrugged but didn't say she was wrong. "The one of them in the Boboli Gardens is my favorite." Eliza told Clary. "Make sure you check out the one from India, Magnus' sari is something Isabelle would die for."
In a flash, Jace had snatched his phone back and pocketed it once again. "Let's save her eyes the damage of seeing that."
They reached the elevator and Jace leaned forward slightly, pressing down on the call button. The gate screeched open. Eliza stepped inside, Clary after her, and Jace last. Gravitation seemed to pull Jace toward Eliza, he drifted there naturally. The elevator lurched as it began to descend.
Ever present was his hand on the dip of her hip, light and warm. Comforting. Right.
"You're still coming over for dinner tomorrow, right?" Clary asked Eliza.
Eliza said yes in a quiet voice. "Every Monday and Friday. Just as promised." She didn't know why she dreaded those twice-a-week dinners. They weren't bad. In fact, they were sort of enjoyable. It was nice, just having a normal dinner with her abnormal family. The dinners made it seem like her life wasn't a wreck.
The elevator shook to a stop. The gate opened and the cathedral's nave became available to them. Clary looked over at them. "See you guys later." She waved half-heartedly and stepped out of the elevator.
Eliza watched her disappeared. Jace turned her to face him. "You know, just because you can't stay with me doesn't mean I can't stay with you. Especially since Magnus is gone."
Her lips formed a small smile. "I can't tell you how much I'd love that. But I feel like I have to remind you of the little psychic link I share with him…?"
It was barely noticeable, the change of his expression. "Yeah, right. Forgot." His words were clipped.
"Jace, don't be like this. Not with me." She sighed.
"I'm not being like anything, Liz. I just wish your mom realized how much we love each other. This isn't some stupid teen fling. This is real."
She put her hand on his bicep. "She knows that." Even as she said the words, she wasn't sure of them. Jocelyn was as overprotective as mother's came, especially when Jace was involved. Eliza knew, and she was sure that he at least suspected, that it wasn't just a mother looking out to shield her daughter from heartbreak. Jocelyn was terrified of Jace. Not just because of Valentine. Eliza had overheard her talking to Luke one night, about Jace and Eliza. And Jonathan. Jocelyn had told Luke that she was afraid of what would become of her oldest daughter if something happened to Jace, or between them. She knew that was code for I'm-afraid-my-daughter-might-become-her-psychopath-twin-brother.
"You want me to walk you home?" He asked, glancing out at the nave.
She shook her head. "I'm a big girl. I can handle myself."
Half a smile graced his face, features illuminated by the lights of the candles inside the church. "I know. But I can't help how much I worry about you." Her hand fell from his arm. "You know I love you, right?" Confused, she said yes. "More than anyone has ever loved anyone else before."
She couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right with him. She had half a mind to call Magnus and tell him that she was staying at the Institute. She didn't really care what her mother thought. Jace needed her.
"Jace, is everything all right? Do you want me to stay?" He turned to her, an unreadable expression on his face. His eyes were dark, hooded.
"You know I do, but you can't. Just call me when you get home." His mouth brushed against her own swiftly.
She got out of the elevator, looking back at him, eyebrows knitted together. "I will. I love you."
The corner of his mouth twitched as he pressed the button in the elevator to send it back up to the Institute. She heard the click of the doors as the gate closed and the elevator began moving back up. Instead of Jace, she was staring at the Angel, golden wings splayed out.
Her chest tightened. Every time she saw the Angel, her thoughts immediately went back to Lake Lyn. She pressed her hand to her chest and knew that right under where she felt, there was a thickened scar from the Angel's Sword. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and left the Institute.
It started the same way it always did. In the valley.
The moon hung above the valley, a white orb that reflected on the river. A dark shape cut over the moon, slim body with sharp wings. The cottage was in front of her, the willow long dead and decayed. The windows of her childhood home were shattered, the stones charred black. Smoke swirled from the chimney and a foul stench burned her nose.
Demon.
A branch crunched under her foot as she stepped toward the house. She pushed the door open, wincing at the squeal the hinges made. The odor grew stronger, bringing water to her eyes. Her eyes scanned the small living room, grateful at its vacancy.
Her feet carried her down to the basement, stepping carefully as to not slip and fall. Sound prickled her ears and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. She recognized the sound: knives against cork.
He stood at the center of the room, effortlessly tossing knives into a target board across from him. "I knew you would come."
Nausea filled her stomach as he turned to her. His skin, once pale and smooth, was now rotted and grey. The skin sagged off the bone, a hole gaping in his left cheek. His hair was still a pale blonde, but no longer full. Instead, there were several bald spots gapped atop his head. Purplish-black circles ringed his eyes, still black as night. His clothes hung off his body limply. He was missing a shoe. Missing a hand.
"I don't think I had a choice." She murmured.
He shook his head. "No, little sister. You didn't." The knife in his hand clattered to the floor as he made his way to her. His decaying hand cupped her face. "We are one and the same, you know. One soul, in two bodies. I am you. You are me." His grip on her jaw was tight. His flesh felt cold and squishy against her own. "We are meant to be together, Eliza. In life and in death."
Everything inside of her grew cold. Her brain prickled. She tried to move but she couldn't. Even with one hand, he could hold her in place easily.
"Jonathan, let me go." She wriggled. She tried to push him away but failed. "I'm not like you. I'm not."
He forced her to look at him. "Yes, you are. You're just too afraid to admit it. I promise you, the darkness will take you, just as it took me. We'll be together again soon. I swear, little sister. Together, we'll take what we deserve. Us against the world. Just as Father meant it to be."
He let her go and she stumbled back. He held his arm out, palm spread. Something whistled and Maellartach came into his grip. Rotted fingers closed around the hilt. The sword seemed different, wrong almost. Before she could think to move, he shoved the blade into her chest. He yanked it out and dropped the sword to the floor.
She fell forward and he caught her. His arms circled around her, holding her close. "My Eliza." He murmured. "Father did his best to keep us apart. He trained me to hate you, but how could I hate half of myself, the person who understands me most of all? No one loves you more than me. No one understands you better than I do, sweet sister. You'll see. Everyone will see. I'll have you back soon enough."
Darkness tinged her vision. Her legs slumped and her shoulders shagged. She couldn't move even if she wanted to. She felt cold and chapped lips press against her forehead as she closed her eyes.
She shot up, her body covered in a cold sweat. She swiped her hand across her forehead. She felt sick to her stomach.
Throwing the blankets back, she rolled out of the bed and headed for the shower.
She left the water on cold, hoping it would block out her thoughts. For the most part, it worked. She just couldn't get Jonathan's face out of her mind. The desperate look in his eyes, the same urgency in his words.
It was the same dream, the same nightmare, every night. She fought off sleep in the hopes that extreme exhaustion would fend off anything other than blank unconsciousness. It didn't work. She slept, and when she did, the nightmare came.
The cold water washed over her face. In the other room, she could hear her cell phone ringing. She shut off the water and grabbed the towel from the hook, wrapping it around her body. Half-jogging, she went back to her room and plucked her phone from the nightstand.
"Hello?" She said, answering the call.
"It's three in the morning. Why are you awake?" Jace's voice was half-amused, half-concerned.
She sat down on the edge of the bed. "I could ask you the same thing."
"Nightmare?" He asked. She mumbled a yes. "Come over. We can get a few more hours of sleep and then go out for breakfast."
Her stomach rumbled at the thought of food. "I'll be there in a little bit. I love you."
"Love you too. Be careful." There was a click, signaling the end of the call.
As she stood up, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Wet hair clung to her neck and face, but that wasn't what stuck out to her. For a moment, just a brief and fleeting second, she swore her eyes were dark, the same dark color of Jonathan's. She frowned, looking away.
There was something about Jace's bed that made her feel more comfortable than her own did back at Magnus'.
Jace was lying next to her, fast asleep. She'd gotten there a little before four and they had instantly fallen in the bed. Just by looking at him, she could tell that he hadn't slept much. As soon as they'd lied down, he fell asleep, arm curled around her waist, face buried in the back of her neck.
She envied his quick ability to fall into unconsciousness. His lack of nightmares that kept him from sleeping. That she knew of, anyway.
He woke back up at eight, pressing a soft kiss at the nape of her neck that sent chills down her back. "Morning." He mumbled.
She turned over to face him and he pulled her closer. "Hi there." She whispered.
"Breakfast?" He asked.
She nodded, pulling away. "I could use some serious waffles from Taki's right now."
His eyes lightened.
Twenty minutes later, they were leaving the Institute and on their way to breakfast. Jace's hand held hers, their fingers laced together.
"I'm going to make a suggestion and when I do, don't snap my head off." Jace warned her. She raised an eyebrow, wondering what sort of suggestion he had to offer. "I know you aren't sleeping. Even if you hadn't have told me yourself, I can tell. So, I think that when Magnus gets back, you should ask him if there's anything he can do to help with the nightmares. Hodge used to make all those tisanes and stuff, who knows what the High Warlock of Brooklyn can do."
"Yeah, I'll do that." She murmured. It had crossed her mind on several occasions, asking Magnus to help. Something stopped her every time. Maybe it was the fact that they always seemed to be asking him for help and extensive magic took its toll on him. Or maybe she just needed to know what the nightmare meant.
She knew one thing for certain: Jonathan wasn't coming back. Jace had killed him. He had severed her brother's spine and pierced his heart. Jonathan was good and dead.
"Good."
The rest of their walk was quiet, a peaceful silence that broke as they walked into Taki's. Even at nine in the morning, the little diner was bustling with business. From behind the counter, she could see Kaelie's narrowed eyes.
Jace found a booth and they sat down across from each other. "Still going to your mother's for dinner tonight?"
"Mhmm." She hummed, picking up the menu. She flipped through it and settled with her original choice of waffles. "I really appreciate the sentiment behind it, but it's kind of unsettling for me. I mean, for fifteen years, I didn't have a mother. Valentine said she abandoned us- me. And now, she's here and she wants to know me. But I don't think she'd like who I really am."
Jace reached across the table, putting his hand on top of hers. He squeezed it comfortingly. "There's no way she could do anything but love you, Liz. I can tell how much she loves you."
Kaelie came, an unamused look on her face. She was one of the few who still hadn't warmed to the idea of she and Jace dating. "Do you know what you want?" Her attitude towards Jace had even grown cool.
"Two coffees, an order of waffles, and three eggs with bacon." Jace told her.
Kaelie didn't write any of it down, she just walked away and went back behind the counter. "Maybe she'll slip a little fey mixture into our coffee." Eliza told him. "You know she's dying to."
Jace chuckled, shaking his head. "I've told you once and I'll tell you again, she's just jealous of you. And for good reason."
His ability to remember the smallest of things from so long ago amazed her. It had been months since that morning, one not so unlike the current one. A breakfast date, Kaelie with a reprehensible attitude. One of the first times Jace had actually shown some kind of warmth towards her.
"Only because I'm dating the complete stud that is Jace Wayland and she has the hots for you."
He shrugged. "I can't help that I was blessed with devilishly handsome good looks."
She rolled her eyes. And for the first time that day, she forgot about Jonathan.
At exactly six, she knocked on the door of Luke's house. It was just the time of day when the sky was turning a darkened grey. A few seconds later, the door swung open to reveal her mother. Jocelyn's hair was pinned up in a bun, several strands of dark red hair having already fallen from the updo.
"Hey, come on in." Jocelyn stepped aside for her to walk in. A delicious smell wafted in from the kitchen. "Luke's finishing up dinner. Clary is on her way."
She hung her jacket up on the coat rack. In the pockets, she could hear knives rattling against each other. There was supposed to be a rule about bringing weapons to dinner, but she had quickly drawn the line on that one. Who knew what she'd run into on the way to and from dinner? A Shadowhunter could never be too careful.
"When is Magnus coming back, do you know?" Jocelyn asked as they walked into the kitchen. Luke was standing at the stove, stirring something in a pot. He turned, waving a hello with a sauce covered spoon.
"He hasn't really said. Soon, I hope. The apartment gets lonely, just me and the cat." Chairman Meow got needy in Magnus' absence. She had half the mind to carry the little cat around with her so he wouldn't be so sad all the time. Although, she didn't think Church would take too kindly to another cat in the Institute all the time.
"Well, you know that you're always more than welcome to stay here." Her mother reminded her.
"Where's Jace tonight? You should bring him one night. A good home-cooked meal might do him some good." Luke said.
Eliza sat down at the table, crossing her arms over her chest. "Yeah, uh, I'll run it by him."
Luke liked Jace. Jocelyn, not so much. She tried, but not very hard. It seemed more like she was tolerating him than actually welcoming him into her life.
"You are bringing him to the wedding, aren't you?" Luke asked. "Next Saturday."
She felt them both looking at her. She hadn't forgotten about the wedding, but it hadn't exactly been at the forefront of her mind either. And she definitely hadn't been thinking about the chaos of bringing Jace to her mother's wedding. Her mother who seemed to believe that Jace had the potential to be a Valentine incarnate. Her mother who believed that if something bad were to happen between the two of them, Eliza would end up just as twisted as Jonathan. How could she bring her boyfriend to her mother's wedding if those were the frontrunning thoughts on Jocelyn's brain?
"Uh-huh. He's looking forward to it. We both are." She told Luke. "I've never been to a wedding before."
The front door opened and closed, and she heard Clary hanging up her own jacket. "Something smells good!" Her younger sister called. Clary came into the room, her hair pulled back from her face in a messily done French braid. "Hi." She half-hugged Eliza from behind.
"Just in time. Dinner's ready." Luke smiled.
The painful awkwardness faded away at Clary's arrival. What had been stiff conversation turned into lively discussion about Clary's training and the impending event that was Luke and Jocelyn's wedding.
She spoke when she felt comfortable and listened when she didn't. Any discomfort she had placed on herself dissipated after seeing the full smile on her mother's face, hearing Clary's laugh, the bright and finally happy light in Luke's eyes.
Family, she told herself, this is family.
Magnus was going to have her head whenever he returned home. The apartment was a mess. Mostly, the mess was comprised of his books. There were strewn everywhere. Some lay open on the floor, others made into haphazard stacks. The coffee table was littered with them.
Chairman Meow was curled in the space between her thighs and her feet, small head resting in the crook of her knee. Soft and intermittent purrs let her know he was asleep.
She flipped through the demonology book. Hundreds of demons were named in Magnus' books. Yet, out of all of them, she never found the one she was looking for. The Lady of Edom, whoever that was. The demon whose blood ran through her veins, blood that was potentially turning her humanity into ash within her veins.
Chairman Meow stirred, stretching out his small legs before going back to sleep. She put a hand on his back, gently petting him.
After flipping through a few more pages, she quietly shut the book and placed it on top of a growing pile on the coffee table.
She fished her phone from her pocket and dialed the only number she had memorized.
"You're up late." He didn't bother saying hello.
"Sleep is for the weak." And those who aren't plagued with nightmares every single night.
"Then we must be the strongest people ever to exist." Jace laughed quietly.
She wanted to believe that. She really did. "Are you coming with me to the wedding? You don't have to, Luke just wanted to know." She asked. Chairman Meow was officially awake, nudging his little head against her thigh in a desperate plea for attention. She scratched the top of his head.
"Wouldn't miss it. Are you sure your mom is okay with it?"
She scoffed. "She'll get used to it eventually. Like you said, this is real." They were silent for a few moments. In the quiet, she could hear the slight, ragged noise of Jace's breath. "Hey, are you okay?"
He took a few seconds to respond. An agonizing few moments where all she could picture was Jonathan. "Why wouldn't I be?"
She bit down on her bottom lip. "I'm just worried about you. You've been a little weird lately."
"Blame it on the lack of sleep. I'm fine."
"Jace." She exhaled. "You can talk to me about whatever is going on. About anything. You know that, don't you?"
"Did you call to be my therapist or was there an actual reason?"
Annoyance welled up inside of her. She felt her face grow hot with anger. He really could be impossible sometimes. "Right." She said thickly. "I'll talk to you later."
"Liz-."
"Bye, Jace." She hung up, tossing the phone on the other end of the couch. She picked Chairman Meow up, cuddling him to her chest. "Hey, little guy. Just us again tonight." She whispered. "Gionni's is open late tonight. How's pizza sound?" Again. Chairman Meow let out a soft sound. "That seems like a 'yes' to me. Cheese, with anchovies for the sweetest kitten."
Thirty-five minutes later, the delivery guy was knocking on the door. Chairman Meow hopped onto the back of the couch as she stood up. She grabbed a wad of bills from the counter and walked to the door. She opened it, straightening out the cash in her hand, counting out twenty. "You can keep the change."
"Gee, thanks." A familiar voice said.
She looked up. Jace was holding her pizza in his hand, the other shoved in the front pocket of his jeans. "I didn't know you worked at Gionni's. Where's the little hat?"
He rolled his eyes. "I ran into the delivery guy in the stairwell. You can put your money up, I already paid him. And tipped generously." She said that was nice of him. "Can I come in?" She asked why she should let him in. "I want to apologize to my girlfriend, for one. And this hallway is shady. Magnus has weird neighbors."
She stepped aside, letting him in. She swung the door shut and locked the bolt. "It has anchovies, the pizza. For the cat."
Jace raised an eyebrow. "Of course, the cat has a pizza preference. I wouldn't expect anything else from Magnus' cat." He put the pizza on the counter. He opened the box, plucked an anchovy from the top and tossed it to Chairman Meow. The cat caught it without moving.
"Funny. That doesn't sound like an apology. That just sounds like you're judging my roommate. And a cat."
He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. "Liz, I'm sorry." He sighed. "I shouldn't have snapped at you. I just…I don't know. Do you ever feel like you're off-balance? Not physically, mentally. Emotionally. Like something isn't right, but you don't know what?"
She walked across to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Whatever's going on with you, you can talk to me. I'm want to be here for you, but I don't know how to be if you won't talk to me."
He ducked his head, resting his forehead against hers. "Nightmares." He said after a few seconds. "I've been having them too."
She pulled back a few inches, staring up at him. "About Jonathan?" She frowned. She hadn't gone into explicit detail about her nightmares, only having told him that they were about Jonathan. She didn't want to worry him too much.
He laughed quietly, shaking his head. "About you. Losing you."
She brushed his hair back from his face, smiling softly. She trailed a finger down his face and cupped his jaw. "Never going to happen, Herondale. You're stuck with me, through hell and highwater."
He leaned down half an inch, pressing his lips to hers. "Am I forgiven?" He whispered, his lips moving against her jaw.
"We'll see." She murmured as he kissed her again.
Eliza pressed a finger against Jace's shoulder. He stirred, letting out a soft sigh. His head was limp on her thigh, his hand on her knee. "He's knocked." She looked back up at Clary.
"Can I draw you?" Her sister asked, fiddling with the pencil in her hand.
Eliza said sure. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Looking down at Jace, she swept his hair from his face. The three of them had decided to train in Central Park that day, having a picnic with takeout from Taki's beforehand. The weather outside was still mostly nice and it seemed everyone else in the city had the idea to take advantage of it while they still could.
Jace had picked through his food, moving around the sesame noodles before resigning to laying down on the blanket. Eliza had finished off her BLT sandwich and eaten a few of Jace's noodles before closing his container back up for him to finish later. Jace had eaten two slices of pizza the night before and barely touched his noodles. Surely, he'd be hungry later on.
"Can you look down at him?" Clary inquired, motioning at Jace.
"Only if I can ask you a question." She countered.
"What's up?"
She could hear the gentle scratching of the pencil against the sketchbook. Clary's eyes were trained down on the paper, her bottom lip fixed between her teeth in concentration. She looked in her element.
Glancing back down at Jace, she noticed the sliver of skin that showed between the hem of his shirt and the waistband of his pants. "My entire life, the only thing that mattered to my father was his mission. Finding the Mortal Instruments and summoning the Angel. From the time I could speak full sentences, I knew that raising the Angel meant you got to ask him for one thing. It could be anything. You could ask the Angel for absolutely whatever and he would give it to you. He would even bring someone back from the dead, if that was what was asked." Clary glanced at her, a confused look on her face. "You can only ask for one thing, Clary. You can only bring one person back from the dead. Not two."
"I don't know what you're asking me." Clary said thickly.
Eliza ran her fingers through Jace's hair. The ends curled around her fingers. "I'm asking you to tell me the truth, Clarissa. What really happened at Lake Lyn?" Clary spouted the same story as before: she had asked the Angel to bring them both back. She wouldn't choose between the two of them. Even from the first time hearing it, Eliza had been uneasy about the whole thing. It didn't settle with her. "You don't barter with the Angel. Please, just tell me what really happened."
There was a sad look in her sister's eyes. She averted her eyes, going back to her sketchbook. "He doesn't want you to know." Clary said softly.
"Jace?" Eliza asked. Clary nodded wordlessly. "Don't worry about him. Just tell me."
Clary didn't look at her when she spoke. "You were right. About the Angel. You don't get to barter with him, you can only have one thing. I wanted my sister back, but I know you. You wouldn't want to be here, not without Jace."
He stirred again, his arm moving to lay across her legs. He looked softer in sleep, something she had noticed a thousand times before. Gone were the hard lines of his face, replaced with a vulnerability he was careful to hide. She couldn't imagine a life without him. Her life before him looked like a blur in her memories.
"When I asked the Angel to bring you both back, he said that he couldn't. He could only bring back one of you. I said that wasn't happening, it was both. That was my wish. He said- the Angel told me that he couldn't bring you back, Liz."
Something inside of her constricted. She focused her eyes on Jace, the peaceful look on his face. The way the soft sunlight washed him in a golden hue. Everything about him reminded her of the Angel. Everything about the Angel reminded her of Jace.
"The Angel said it was because of your blood. He said that your soul was lost to damnation because your blood had been contaminated. He couldn't help you, even if he wanted to."
Dryness filled her mouth. Her tongue felt like it was taking up all the space in her mouth. "Clary, I don't-."
Clary was furiously pressing the pencil against the paper, strands of red hair falling in her face. "Jace woke up. You didn't. I told him what the Angel said. Watching him look at you…this God-awful noise came out of him. I've never seen anyone look that broken, sound that broken. And then you woke up." They were looking at each other. "He made me swear not to tell you."
Jace jerked, a small noise escaping him. A series of similar noises followed, little grasps for air. She looked down at him. Behind his eyelids, she could see the rapid darts of movement of his eyes. His arm tightened around her legs, his hand grabbing on to her waist. He was still for a moment, a gasp that sounded choked coming from him. He moved fast, jerking up into sitting position. His face was pale, his amber eyes wide as they focused on her.
She stared back at him, mouth open slightly. He didn't have to say anything for her to know what was wrong. The look in his eyes said everything. He grabbed him, pulling her close. He held her against him, face buried in her neck. She could feel his heart slamming inside of his chest, his uneven breath warm at her throat. "I'm here." She whispered. "I'm right here."
Clary's gaze met her own. Her sister's eyes were narrowed, brow furrowed.
Jace drew back, some of the color returning to his face. His breathing had relaxed, but his hold on her was still firm. "Bad dream." He told Clary. "Sheep turned rabid on me."
Eliza's hand rested on the back of his neck, the tips of his hair tickling her fingers. "The big, bad demon killer is scared of sheep." She pressed a small kiss against his cheek. "Guess we're never going to a petting zoo, huh?"
Jace rolled his eyes at her, turning back to Clary. "What're you drawing?" He pointed to her sketchbook.
Clary delicately ripped the page from the book and handed it to him. Eliza peered over his shoulder. Clary had drawn them perfectly. The curve of Jace's mouth, the sharp planes of his cheekbones. The baby wisps of hair that fell into Eliza's face, the small upturn of the corners of her mouth.
"This is really good." Jace told her. "Can I keep it?" Clary nodded, shutting her sketchbook and sliding the pencil into the spiral. Jace carefully folded the drawing and pocketed it.
"I'm gonna go to the drink stand and get a tea. Do you guys want anything?" Clary asked, standing up. Both of them said no. She left her sketchbook on the blanket and walked away towards the drink cart.
Eliza turned to Jace. She leaned forward, putting her arms around his neck. "Now, you want to tell me what your dream was really about? I have a feeling it wasn't rabid sheep."
"Same as always." He answered, hands on her waist. "You. You're gone and I can't get you back."
"Like at Lake Lyn?" She murmured. He drew back, eyes dark. "Don't be upset with Clary. I made her tell me. I was going to find out eventually."
His tongue swiped over his bottom lip. He pulled her closer. "I don't ever want to feel that way again, Lizzie. But I do, every night. I lose you over and over again."
"Like I said last night, hell or highwater." She told him. Somewhere, a dog barked. "I'll always be here."
"No matter what? No matter what I do?"
She shook her head, kissing him. "Jace, I love you. We've been through so much, because of me. Nothing you could say or do will ever be as bad as everything I've put you through. So yeah, no matter what you do or what you say, I'm not going anywhere."
He smiled softly back at her. He pressed his forehead against her own. His skin was cool, covered in a light sheen of sweat. "L'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle." His voice was sweet and soft.
She raised her eyebrows slightly. "Wow. The sun and the stars? We must love each other a lot." She giggled.
He kissed her, a light brush of the lips.
"Ahem." Clary announced herself, clearing her throat.
Eliza smiled, turning her head to look at Clary. "Hi." She blushed.
Clary had three drinks in her hands. "Got you guys some water. Just to be safe." She handed them each a drink. "Jace, if you're tired, we can go back to the Institute so you can sleep. We can train outside some other time."
Eliza pulled herself from Jace's grasp, standing up. "No, we've got to get you trained. If they find out we've just been hanging out, drawing, and sleeping instead of actually getting work done, they won't let us help you anymore." Jace told Clary.
"They're looking for someone else anyway." Clary reminded him. "A permanent trainer. Someone full-time."
Eliza scoffed, stretching out her arms. "Please. They could bring someone in who trained at the Academy and they still wouldn't be as good as us." She rolled her neck and heard the satisfying sound of it cracking.
"Yeah, because you two are special." Clary insisted.
"You got that right." Jace pointed out.
Both Clary and Eliza rolled their eyes. "You know what I mean." Clary groaned.
Special meaning that they weren't normal. Then again, neither was Clary. Clary just hadn't been brought up like them. Or maybe special meant that they'd been raised by Valentine, one of the best Shadowhunters who had ever lived.
"Come on. Let's train before Jace falls asleep again." She shot Jace a teasing look. "Since we're so boring."
Jace got to his feet. The three of them walked across East Meadow to a small grove of trees. They used the spot often for training whenever it was nice enough outside. The trees were bright with color, their leaves an array of oranges, yellows, and reds. Just a few days ago, she'd managed to drag Jace from the Institute and they'd taken a walk through the park. He had even snuck a kiss on one of the stone bridges after pretending to get ready to throw her off the edge. A woman walking by had offered to take their picture and they'd let her. The picture was stuck to Eliza's mirror in her room, somewhere she could see it every day.
"You think he's okay?" Clary whispered, catching up with her. She glanced back at Jace.
Eliza didn't look back at him. If she did, she'd have to see the sullen look in his eyes, and she didn't think she could handle it right then. "It's Jace." Eliza told her. "He's never really fine."
"Okay, Clary, sometimes you're going to be hit with a demon attack at random and you won't have any sort of real weapon on you." Jace said from behind them.
They were walking under a long row of trees. "Unless you're me." Eliza pointed out. She flashed her wrists, showing off silvery braces on her wrists. Each held a slim throwing knife. "I try not to leave without having at least a little backup."
"Paranoid. She means paranoid." Jace laughed.
"It's better to be safe than sorry." Eliza told Clary. "Always."
"I'll give you that." Jace agreed. "But back to what I was saying. When that happens, you don't really have any time to panic. You pick up whatever you can and use it as a weapon."
Eliza nodded along with his words. Jace stepped alongside her, grabbing her hand. "I killed a Rahab demon once with nothing but a pen and my belt."
Jace snickered, shaking his head. "Also, you need to remember that you're a weapon, too. When you're training is over with, you should be able to do all sorts of stuff with just your body. Break a bear's neck or put a hole in a wall with your foot or your fist." He explained to Clary. "Shadowhunters can make a weapon out of anything, even their own bodies."
Where they had reached, the trees were Marked with runes. A glamour concealed the area from mundanes, leaving it safe for Shadowhunters to train in solitude. Eliza reached out, running a hand over one of the Marks.
"Like fist fighting?" Clary laughed out.
Eliza said yes. "For today, it's Muay Thai." Clary asked what that was, saying it sounded more like food than anything else. "It's an ancient style of fighting."
Jace took off his jacket, tossing it to the side on the ground. His Marks stood out in the sun, the black ink shining. Black vines twined around the curves of flesh, swollen over cords of muscle. "Got word that the new instructor that's coming in next week has mastered Muay Thai." Jace told Clary. "Along with a few other fighting styles, krav maga and lethwei just to name two of them. I think there was one that involves killing other people with little sticks." He shrugged it off.
Eliza shrugged off her jacket and laid it at the base of one of the trees. She adjusted her wrist braces. "Usually by your age, Shadowhunters are almost fully trained. Whenever the new instructor comes in, he or she won't be too soft on you, regardless of your lack of training." There were little wisps of fine hair in her face that hadn't stayed tucked into the half-assed braids she had done. "Hopefully, we can get some basics down-pat with you and make things a little easier for when the new instructor gets here."
"Wait," Clary took a step back, "I have to fight you guys?" She was shaking her head furiously. "Nope. No way. I'd rather have my butt kicked by a stranger."
Eliza stifled a smile. "You won't learn if you don't fight." She grabbed Clary by the waist and turned her to face Jace. "We'll go easy on you." She told her. "For the first little bit." She winked, backing up. She folded her arms over her chest. Clary glanced back at her and she nodded once. "Just breathe. Your instinct will kick in."
"They call Muay Thai "the art of eight limbs" because you have to use your elbows and knees along with your hands and feet as your strike points." Jace explained. "You have to get your opponent close to you and then use each of your strike points as many times as possible until he or she falls."
"You've got bony elbows, so that gives you an advantage." Eliza pointed out. Clary said everyone had bony elbows. "Yours are exceptionally bony."
Jace smiled slightly. "Does this work on demons too?" Clary asked them, looking between her elbows.
He said more or less, on the smaller ones. "Now, grab onto the back of my neck with your hand." He instructed her. Clary did as he said. "Same thing with the other hand."
Eliza swallowed. The amount of close that they were shouldn't have bothered her. There was hardly space between them to fit a sheet of paper. She gnawed down on her lip as Jace instructed Clary to jam her knee somewhere.
"Well, isn't this a sight?" A voice came from the trees. "You mortals and your trysts. I don't remember the two of you being together but then again, I can never keep up with mortal love affairs."
Eliza turned, a knife already in her hand. The Seelie Queen was standing between two trees, shrouded by a shadow. She wore a green gown, the same color as the grass at their feet. Scarlet hair, the same color as some of the leaves above, fell over her shoulders.
"I would say it's nice to see you, but I'd hate to lie to the Queen of the Seelie Court." Eliza grumbled.
The Seelie Queen narrowed her clear eyes at her. "I have news that might interest you, little Shadowhunter." The Queen stepped out of the security of the trees. The sunlight fell down on her, illuminating the golden circlet atop her hair.
"Unless the news is that you're moving your court to another state or country, I don't think I'm interested in it." Eliza replied.
The Queen's eyes sparked. "Not even if I can tell you of another death?"
Jace was standing behind her, one hand on her waist and the other on her shoulder. "Is that so? And why would this death be of any interest to us 'little' Shadowhunters?"
"It was one of you. Another Nephilim." There was a horrible sort of amusement in her words. "The body was discovered within my domain, under Oak Bridge just this morning. Some of my own brought the body back to our court to be properly examined, where we discovered it as a Nephilim."
Eliza looked at Jace. He had blanched, staring back at the Queen with a far-away look in his eyes. Jace asked her where the body was.
That made two Shadowhunter deaths within a few days' time. Eliza put her knife back into the brace.
"His body still resides within my court. He is being awarded all of the respect and good grace that we would give any living and breathing Nephilim. There can be no doubt in our good faith now that a fey resides on the Council." The Seelie Queen answered him.
Eliza didn't wholly believe that. Even though the fey couldn't lie, they definitely couldn't be trusted. The inability to lie didn't mean that they couldn't twist the truth.
"Of course." Jace said coolly. "There was no question of my Lady's good faith." His words were thick with sarcasm. The Seelie Queen smiled back at him, a shark smiling at its dinner.
Eliza reached, putting her hand over-top Jace's on her shoulder. She stared back at the Seelie Queen, her eyes darkening. "There was no need for you to alert us of this situation. Custom indicates that you would need to alert Maryse Lightwood, since she's Head of the Institute."
The Seelie Queen waved her words away. "No one cares of custom anymore, Miss Morgenstern. It seemed easier to alert the three of you, seeing as you are here and Maryse Lightwood is all the way back at the Institute."
Jace broke away from Eliza, his hand lingering on her waist. He gave her a brief look before walking away. She turned back to the Seelie Queen, folding her arms across her chest. A few feet away, she could hear Jace talking quietly on the phone with someone before his voice was drowned out by the shouts of children on the playing fields in another part of the park.
"Meliorn is on the Council, I heard." Clary spoke. "Does that mean you don't hold a grudge against me?"
The Queen's eyes brightened, and her smile turned a bitter cold. "For declining my offer? No. I can say that I do not hold a grudge. However, I hope you see the loss on your side." Clary said that she didn't want the Queen's deal and she wouldn't always be able to force people to do what she wanted. "I do not need a lecture from you, dear girl." Her gaze diverted from Clary so that she was looking at Eliza. "No more smart words from your pretty mouth?"
Eliza narrowed her eyes. "I don't want to waste my breath."
The Seelie Queen's laugh was chilling, a high-pitched noise like windchimes clanging against one another in a hard breeze. She looked past Eliza, her eyes landing on Jace. Eliza glanced back at him. He was still on the phone, pacing between the trees. "He is beautiful." The Queen mused. Eliza whipped back to look at her. She had known since the night they went to the Seelie Court that the Queen had a soft spot for Jace. The fey liked pretty things and pretty people and Jace was more than pretty. He was an angel among men. "It is not hard to see why you love him the way you do. Yet, I cannot see why he loves you. You are beautiful, yes, but you are not the same as him."
Her arms fell to her sides. She wanted to speak, to say anything to counter the Seelie Queen's words, but she couldn't find any words of her own worth saying.
"You are bound together. But binding and love are not the same." The Queen continued.
She balled her hands together at her sides, her nails digging into the skin of her palms. She took a deep breath, her chest rattling with anger. "Jace loves me." She had never found the words hard to say before, nor hard to believe. She had never had any reason to doubt Jace's feelings for her. Not even when he had relentlessly flirted and made out with Aline Penhallow. He'd only done it to try and move on, back when he thought they were brother and sister. For six weeks, things had been great. The best they had ever been. There was no Valentine, no Jonathan, no threat to anyone she cared about. There were no lies to tell.
"Love and desire are not one, not always."
"I don't have to explain my relationship to you." She snapped.
The Seelie Queen smiled back at her, lips pressed together firmly. Her clear blue eyes were sharp with amusement. "I see it in your eyes. The way you look at him. You love him, more than anything else. How can you be sure he feels the same toward you?" She spoke in a velvet voice. "Do you really believe that a boy who could have anyone he wants would choose you? After knowing everything he does about you, about what you really are, can you be sure that his feelings have not changed?"
She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She could feel Clary's eyes on her, waiting for her to snap at the Seelie Queen. "You don't know anything about her." Clary spoke. "Or Jace, for that matter."
"Oh, on the contrary." The Queen didn't even look at Clary when she spoke. She kept her eyes on Eliza. "We have something in common, you and I. We share the same blood, the blood of angels. And the blood of demons."
Her breath caught. She took a step back, grabbing onto the trunk of a tree to steady herself. "How much did he tell you?" She whispered.
The smile fell from the Queen's face. There was no longer any joy in her eyes. "I wonder if your love ever sees in you what I see. What your father saw in you. The darkness. It lies there," she motioned to Eliza's face, "behind your eyes. Sometimes it comes out for others to see." The Seelie Queen looked past them both to where Jace was standing. "He is returning. Wipe your eyes and smile, he does not yet see past your pretty face."
Eliza blinked and felt tears she hadn't realized had formed. She quickly wiped her hands against her eyes. She looked behind her to see Jace walking towards them, no longer on the phone. She leaned down and picked her jacket up from the ground, gripping it tight in her hand.
She started walking towards Jace, not even bothering to say anything to her sister. "I have to go." She said as she passed by him.
He stopped in his tracks, turning back to her. "Liz! Liz, come back!"
She didn't turn around.