Disclaimer: Final Fantasy, characters and everything associated with the Final Fantasy world belong to Square Enix.

A/N: This story was based on one of the silly Lolz quotes by Silver-Wield on Tumblr. Balthier also makes an appearance as lady charmer. Sorry to all the Balthier fans for the way I depicted him here. I do adore him in FFXII. Enjoy!

Summary: In which Cloud seeks advice from Cid Highwind.

Warnings: Please note that some of the stories will contain spoilers or reference to the original game, Advent Children, Dirge of Cerberus, Crisis Core and Remake.

~Kick in the head~

If there was one other person who would be able to kick Cloud across his slowass skull, it would be Cid Highwind.

"You did what now? Cid flicked his cigarette to the ground and stomped on it.

Cloud was utterly desperate if he had to travel all the way to Rocket Town to seek out Cid Highwind for advice.

"Long story short, Tifa's pissed off at me." Cloud slumped his shoulders, hung his head low and leaned back against Fenrir.

Cid snorted at that. It wasn't a surprise. Cloud Strife was as slow as molasses when it came to relationships.

With Cloud sulking like a poor kitten lost and hungry in the rain, the older blonde let out a groan, "Can't help if you don't give me the details."

Cloud began rambling on about attempting to break almost every bone in the body of an old acquaintance from Nibelheim. One of the boys from Tifa's circle of friends that he hated in the past.

His name was Balthier and he was quite the 'ladies man', often boasting about being the leader of a famous rock band called "Sky Pirates".

Tifa was obviously blinded by Balthier's dashing charm and smooth talking.

Balthier's forceful advances toward Tifa and fake-ass formalized English accent irritated Cloud. He couldn't stand seeing how touchy-feely the guy was. It was the last straw when Balthier stroked Tifa's hair and kissed her fingers like she belonged to him.

Cloud finally snapped and decided to confront the sleazebag.

The ex-SOlDIER had restrained himself to only telling the Sky Pirate leader off.

But of course Balthier was still the same condescending boy he remembered from Nibelheim, one of the older kids that used to bully Cloud and picked fights. He was the first to retaliate, ridiculing Cloud and reminding him that Tifa was better off with someone else.

One thing led to another, and both ended up in a fist fight. Cloud had wanted to dislodge the bastard's arm so badly.

Tifa broke up their altercation and was furious at the damage made as a result of their brawl. Both men tried to object and point blame and fingers at each other, but she didn't care who started the fight, they were behaving like "petty stupid asshole jerks" and banished them both out of the bar. She even went as far as sending a spiraling kick in the ass.

A Tifa that cursed in front of the children was also not a good sign either.

After the dramatic re-telling of what seemed like a terrible low-budget romance soap opera, Cloud let out a heavy sigh, "I made it worse by asking her for some water while she was still pissed at me. She put a cup of ice in front of me and told me to 'wait'."

The Highwind pilot threw his hands into the air,

"Well no wonder. That's your own damn fault. Shera be mad as hell too if I pulled the same shit on her and an old guy friend."

Cid paused for a moment here and then added under his breath, "Actually, nevermind, I probably wouldn't care and kill the motherf****r..."

It had only been three days since the incident and Cloud had absolutely no idea what to do at this point. "I can't seem to win at life apparently. What do you do to get out of this type of mess?"

Cid cracked a grin, "What Shera and I always do. Make up in bed. You and Tifa together now, right?"

Cloud blushed at the innuendo and looked away, unable to answer the last part of Cid's question.

Cid looked at Cloud incredulously. Rolling his eyes, he then went on a tirade,

"Dumbass, you haven't got the balls to ask her out yet? No damn wonder other men are scurrying to get into her pants. What are you waiting for? Sephiroth to raise from his grave again, a third time?! Well whatever, just tell her you're sorry. Stop brooding like a horny angsty teenger and own up to your f***ing mistake. Don't let jealousy get the best of you, it'll just end up biting you back in the ass."

Cloud didn't like to admit it was because of jealousy...definitely not jealous…Ok, maybe just a tad bit.

The Highwind pilot had more experience in these types of situations and was probably right about everything.

Cid shook his head and lit up another cigarette. He shooed the ex-SOLDIER man that acted like a sixteen year old away,

"Just go home already. I ain't got any more time of your dilly dally shilly shallying."

By the time Cloud returned home, Tifa had long since forgiven him about the whole ordeal.

"I was never really into Balthier. He was always the charmer, but to be quite frank, I couldn't stand the guy. I was only friends with him cuz' my parents knew his parents."

Cloud still didn't like the fact that she actually let Balthier blow butterfly kisses upon her fingers, "But Tifa…"

Tifa shushed him with her index finger and told him to drop it.

She had enough of Cloud's constant need to "save" her from every guy that showed up on her doorstep.

"I guess Balthier didn't get the hint with me showing you off around the bar. Just talk to me next time, ok?" She planted a sweet kiss on his cheek and moseyed on about the day as normal.

~owari