She didn't feel well. Quite the contrary, honestly. She felt awful. It came down to a small multitude of reasonings. She had left Jace behind. That in itself was enough to make her sick. And then there was Clary. She had left her little sister, the girl she had sworn to protect, in the claws of the wolf.

Not for long, she told herself. She was going to make everything right. No matter what.

They'd only been at the apartment for a short while, just long enough for her to relish in her own shower (though she missed the water pressure and the company of the one in the interdimensional apartment) and change clothes. Barely time to settle herself.

The only good thing was that Chairman Meow had not left her alone since her return. He had been under her feet since her arrival. Where she went, the kitten followed.

She could only hope everyone else was as happy to see her.

"I missed you." She rubbed the place between his ears. "Even if you're the only one who missed me."

"I missed you, little dove." Magnus rapped on the doorframe to her room. He had changed since their arrival, swapping his dark "recon" outfit for something more suited to him. A flowing white shirt paired under a glittered blue vest, black leather pants, and steel toe boots. "They're all here."

She took a shaky breath, preparing herself for the storm to come. "Stay in here." She whispered to Chairman Meow. Magnus extended his hand and she took it. He led her into the living room.

"How-?"

"What-?"

"Eliza?"

It was the largest amount of people she had seen in his home without there being a party. Luke and her mother, although Luke looked as if he needed to be home in bed. Both Alec and Isabelle were there, along with Simon. Declan was residing in the furthest corner, hands held behind his back. Even Maryse was in attendance.

"Thank God!" Isabelle was the only one who seemed genuinely happy to see her. She launched from her position on the sofa and engulfed Eliza in a squeezing hug. "I'm so happy to see you!"

Eliza wasn't sure how to react. She didn't feel deserving of Izzy's excited, warm welcome. She pulled away from her, stepping back several steps.

"What are you doing here?" Jocelyn asked sharply. "Where's Clary?"

You aren't the daughter she wanted back. As far as she's concerned, you're the same as Jonathan now.

She shoved that thought down as far as it would go. "I don't know." She said truthfully. "We were in Italy when-."

"When what, Eliza?"

She stepped back again, praying the world would open up and swallow her so she didn't have to see the look on her mother's face. Instead, she hit the solid form of Magnus.

He put his hands on her shoulders. "It's all right, little dove. You're safe." He whispered. "She's not well at the moment." He told Jocelyn. "Give her a moment."

Jocelyn's eye twitched. "I need to know that my daughter is safe, Magnus." She snarled at him. When she settled back on her daughter, Eliza saw for the first time the unholy rage of a mother. "Where is Clary, Eliza? What have you done to her?"

That was enough. Eliza wretched away from Magnus. She had initially been nervous to face everyone again after disappearing for weeks. After Jonathan had nearly killed Luke. After she had stolen Clary. And now, she was only angry. "I didn't do anything to her." She hissed. "She's fine. Healthy, unharmed. Safe, if that's what you want to know."

Jocelyn stared back with wide green eyes. The same eyes she had passed on to both her daughters. As far as she was concerned, though, she only had one daughter. Clary. The other belonged to Valentine.

At least, that was how Eliza imagined she felt.

"Safe? You dragged her off in the middle of the night! You left her with Jonathan!"

Now, it was Luke holding Jocelyn back. Jocelyn had tried to hurt Jonathan. Who was to say she wouldn't do the same to Eliza?

Eliza had no weapons on her. Her wrists were bare of throwing knives. Her sword was in her bedroom. She had no seraph blades on her person. If Jocelyn decided to fight, all Eliza had for defense were her hands.

"For your information, your perfect little daughter asked me to come for her. She wanted to be there. Do not blame that on me."

Breathe, little dove. You didn't come here to argue, remember?

She nodded, glancing back at him. After a deep breath, she locked eyes with her mother again. "I'm sorry. I didn't…I still don't have a very firm hold on the anger. I'm not here to fight. I'm here to help."

"And how would that be?" Maryse asked. She was standing behind Alec, who was sitting on the sofa next to Izzy. On Isabelle's other side was Simon. "You're wanted by the Clave."

"I know. And when this is over, you can arrest me. Throw me back in the prisons of the Silent City. Strip my Marks. Whatever. I don't care." She said.

"When what is over?" Alec asked her.

She looked over at him. "When we stop Jonathan."

Luke was the one to speak, surprising everyone, especially her. With Jocelyn's help, he stood up from the chair he had been sitting in. "You're bound to him. What makes you think we believe anything out of your mouth?"

A valid point. As far as they knew, she and Jonathan were still bound. She lifted her hand, showcasing what had once been the Wedded Union rune. Once, it had blazed bright and white. Now, it was dull, not even containing the silver sheen of faded Marks. It was sinking into the skin, on its way to disappearing.

"I'm not anymore." She said simply. She explained the events that had led to the unraveling of the rope that tied her to Jonathan. The truth of the vampire nest in London, Declan practically kidnapping her and taking her to Magnus. The memory alteration. And Jace. The blank, cold look he had worn as he killed Edward Delancey without hesitation. "Whatever magic Magnus used on me that night…I think it was a little stronger than intended. Ever since then, I felt the bond growing weaker. I found myself annoyed by Jonathan, repulsed. Just like old times." She told them. Alec cracked half a smile at her weak attempt for a joke. "And I knew that if I felt that way, so did he. I wasn't safe anymore. The bond had protected me. Without it…" She glanced back to her mother. "Jace will protect Clary. Even under his devotion to Jonathan, he won't let her be hurt. She really is safe."

"What's his plan?" Maryse questioned sharply. "What is your brother planning to do?" Truthfully, she said she didn't know. "How can you not know? You were with him for over six weeks."

"He never told us. He's secretive that way. There were Downworlders with information he needed but we never knew exactly what it was. He questioned them on his own. It was just our job to get them back to him."

Maryse sighed in a disappointed fashion. "So, essentially, you're useless to us? You don't know where they are, you don't know what Sebastian plans to do. What do you know?"

Eliza looked her dead in the eye. She crossed her arms over her chest. "I know how to kill my brother."

Immediately, she faced protest. Alec, Izzy and Maryse. Even Luke. Killing Jonathan meant killing Jace.

"You can't hurt him until they're separated." Alec told her. "You know that. You wouldn't…?"

She shook her head. She wouldn't kill Jace. She didn't think she could. "Of course not. That's why I hope you guys are close to figuring that out. Without knowing what he's planning, our best shot is to separate them and kill Jonathan."

It was the uncertain looks she received that gave her the answer she didn't want. They weren't close at all.

There was a knock on her bedroom door. Laying down the hairbrush on the vanity, she allowed entrance to her visitor.

Through the mirror, she watched her mother walk in and shut the door quietly. "Declan's taking Luke home. He still tires easily. Maryse left as well. And I think Alec, Magnus, Simon, and Isabelle are all out for dinner."

Which left…the two of them. Alone. And the cat, of course.

"I am sorry." Eliza turned around. Jocelyn sat on her bed. The kitten took a moment to sniff her before retreating back to the pillows. "For Luke. I really didn't mean for him, or anyone, to get hurt. Jonathan is…you know." Even now, after everything, monster seemed too trivial a word for him.

"I do." She nodded. "And I know that you aren't him. And you aren't your father. But they're a part of you, Eliza. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She said yes. They were the worst part of her. The part she had pushed down her entire life. They were the demon blood, the uncontrollable anger, the urge to kill, the way her heart hammered in her head when she hurt something, someone. "I fought it for so long. For years. That darkness, the demon blood, it got so tiring, keeping it at bay. I spent my entire life trying to be good, to separate myself from Jonathan. And I did it. Albeit, I didn't succeed in keeping the Mortal Instruments from Father or even purging the planet of him or Jonathan. But I tried." Her voice broke off. She closed her eyes. "When it started, the nightmares, I felt it creeping back in. It's cold, the depth of the ocean swallowing you up. Jace and I were fighting and that wasn't making it easier. It was adding fuel to Lilith's fire. And when…when Jonathan came back, the runes that Lilith put on me were activated. Suddenly, I didn't care about being good anymore. I only cared about what felt good. And for me, that was Jace. It was being with him and Jonathan. And it was killing. I know everything I did, I remember it. I regret all of it."

Valentine and Jonathan may have been the worst part of her, but Jocelyn was the reason for the better part, the stronger part. She had her mother's resilience, her sense of self-preservation. Jocelyn was the beginning of her humanity. She was, Eliza saw, the reason that she and Jonathan were different. She had given Eliza the chance that she hadn't given Jonathan.

Her mother stared back at her, watching with pensive eyes. This, she found, was the difference between Valentine and Jocelyn. Valentine had never seen her, not even in the end. She remained invisible between his two boys. Even among Clary.

Jocelyn saw her. When she looked at her, she saw. She was a child, not an experiment gone wrong. Not a failed monster. A child. Her child.

"Did you go for Jonathan? Or for Jace?" Her mother asked quietly.

She didn't know. The runes clouded her judgment, making her want to be near Jonathan. But her heart, as always, was dominant. And it demanded Jace.

"Because," her mother began, "deep down, it was for Jace. Everything you do is for him."

She was right, Eliza knew that. Everyone knew that. Maybe it wasn't the best thing. But it was how it was.

"Is that bad?" She whispered. "I don't…I don't know if it's good or bad. All I know is that I love him."

Jocelyn licked over her lips. "You aren't going to like what I have to say, Eliza." Eliza told her to say it anyway. "Eliza, you love him too much. You let your love for him blind you. And all it's done is hurt the both of you."

She was right. Eliza did not like her words. At all. "You don't-."

"But I do, Eliza." Jocelyn assured her. "I know all about that kind of love. It's a fire, it's hot and it's bright. But just like a fire, it burns you."

And then, she knew exactly what her mother meant. Who she was talking about. "You're talking about my father." She said softly. Jocelyn nodded sharply. "Jace isn't Valentine. He isn't his son. He's not Jonathan."

Even though they were connected, sealed by a bond made of Hell. Jace and Jonathan were not the same. They never would be. Why couldn't her mother see that? Everyone else did.

"Valentine raised him." Jocelyn reminded her. "He fights like him, speaks like him. For all I care, Jace is his son. And if you continue on this way, you aren't just going to hurt yourselves. You'll hurt the people around you."

At that, her mother got up. She moussed Eliza's hair before leaving the room. When the door shut, Eliza looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes drifted, landing on the picture of her and Jace she had taped to the mirror. It was on the bridge in the park. His arms were around her, her head tucked under his chin. Both smiling, real smiles. Behind them, the leaves had begun to fade from green to rustic oranges and deep reds.

She reached, letting her fingernail graze over his face. "I love you. And I'll see you soon."

You aren't just going to hurt yourselves. You'll hurt the people around you.

That was a ridiculous notion. She would never hurt him.

But, hadn't she? She had lied to him (too many times to count), made him trust her, led him to Valentine. She was the reason his little brother was dead. She was the reason Jace himself had died. And because of that, he was now tied to Jonathan.

She was the reason for all his current problems. Maybe the past ones too. Maybe if she would have been better, maybe if she'd been more like Jonathan, Valentine would have let Jace go a long time ago.

His life would have been better without her.

And hers, maybe hers would have been better too. If she'd just kept her focus solely on finding the Mortal Cup, if she wouldn't have gotten so lost in him…

"What are you thinking about?" Magnus situated himself on the sofa beside her. Chairman Meow jumped up, laying down between them. "Personally, I'm thinking about some seabass…"

Her eyes slid over to him. "Then go get it."

She was not in the mood to go out. She wanted to stay holed up in the apartment until they found a way to separate Jace and Jonathan. If she stayed in, she couldn't do anything wrong. Everyone was safer if she stayed inside.

"I'm busy, sweetness. I think I've got a lead on Lilith's twinning ritual. I'm having a client over. It would best if you were out."

So that was it, then. He wasn't being lazy, he was being shady. "Magnus, I don't-."

And then he was up. His sudden movement startled the kitten. Someone knocked on the door. She looked over her shoulder as Magnus threw open the door.

"Oh, look!" Magnus grinned back at her. "Declan is here. I'm sure he'd love to accompany you to Taki's."

She narrowed his eyes. His level of planning went unmatched. Sneaky warlock.

You've got to be freaking kidding, Magnus.

'Fraid not, little bird. There's no getting out of this. Besides, you need fresh air. You've been in this apartment for three days straight.

She had not left since arriving. Where was there to go? Everywhere was thick with the memory of Jace. She couldn't go to Luke's and face her mother or the reminder that she had left Clary behind. And she had the strongest sense that she was not currently welcome at the Institute.

She pushed off the sofa and met Declan at the door. Magnus handed her a jacket from the coat rack. "See you! Have fun!"

And he was pushing her out the door.

"He called you." She said as they walked. The air was cool. Even with the jacket, she wasn't entirely warm. It was too big to be hers. She inspected the arms of it.

Jace.

One of the jackets he'd left behind while staying with Magnus.

He was everywhere.

"Magnus is very good at reading people, Eliza. He knows you aren't well." He walked with his hands behind his back, occasionally glancing down at her.

She hugged the jacket tighter. "Of course I'm not well. I'm detoxing from my trip down the road to Hell. And I abandoned my sister, leaving her with a psychopath." She was not on the short-list for Sister of the Year.

"Not to mention you left Jace."

Hearing someone else say his name made her stop cold. She swallowed. "That too." She continued on.

Declan reached out, his hand wrapping around her wrist. "You can talk to me about him, Eliza. I'd like to think we're friends."

She looked at him. God, why couldn't she have just wanted him a little more? Declan Kensley was every girl's dream guy. Tall, dark, and handsome. He was caring, always doting. He liked her friends. He was protective. The only downside was that he was a vampire. And even that wasn't so bad.

"My mother thinks I love him too much. And…I think she's right."

"How do you mean?" He asked.

"I can't ever do what has to be done because of him. I couldn't get the Mortal Cup to the Clave because I was too worried about what Jace was going to think of me when he found out my entire life was a lie. I remolded my entire existence to protect him, instead of just focusing on my mission. I couldn't stop Valentine from getting the Angel's Sword because I was too busy lying to everyone to keep him safe. I couldn't even keep Max alive because I was too worried about Jonathan hurting Jace." She pulled herself to a stop.

Declan's face was downturned, his light brown eyes soft with…God, it was pity. She hated that. Even more, she hated the fact that her cheeks were wet with tears. She cried too much.

"Eliza…" His voice was softer than the look he was giving her.

"Do you want to know the worst part?" She asked sharply. He didn't get the chance to answer before she was speaking again. "I know that he would be better off without me. He would've been okay if I'd have just left well enough alone. But I didn't. He never would have been at Lake Lyn and he wouldn't be where he is now. I'm the worst part of him and he's the best part of me." She choked on a sob and swallowed it down. She would not cry like that. She would not break apart like that. "I'm so selfish when it comes to him. I talk about being good but if I really was, I would let him go. But I don't and I think that makes me just as bad as Jonathan."

He pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her. He smelled good, honeyed tea and subtle cologne. "Love is never easy. And I think for you, it will never be. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve. You've made plenty of mistakes, just like anyone else. You made hard choices. They may not have always been the right choices, but you thought you were doing what was best."

Declan wasn't the person she needed to talk to. She needed her mother or Maryse. Someone who saw the error in her ways and rather than coddle her, they would agree with her. She needed someone to reprimand her, punish her for everything wrong she had ever done.

"Well, this is a sight to see." That voice…

She ripped away from Declan.

Jonathan. There was a mirthless look in his dark eyes, an amused smile playing his thin mouth.

"Stay away from her." Declan put his arm out, placing a wall between them. "Leave, if you know what's good for you."

Jonathan chuckled. "Good thing I'm here for someone else's good, not my own."

What did that mean?

"Liz…?"

Her entire body went rigid. She could hear her heart hammering away. Declan's arm fell, her barrier gone.

He didn't seem different. But his eyes, oh his eyes. They were narrowed, turned a dark honey color. His jaw was locked.

She diverted her attention back to Jonathan. If she looked at him, she'd break. "Where's Clary?" She demanded. She sounded an awful lot like her mother had.

"Don't worry." Jonathan waved. She's fine. She was fast asleep when we left, and she won't wake until we're back." Had he…drugged her? He turned his head to look at Jace. "I told you, didn't I? And you wouldn't listen to me. I told you that she didn't care about you. She never has. You've always been a means to her end. A pawn. Just another string in her web of lies."

Jace didn't say anything. He was glaring at her.

"That isn't true, and you know it, Jonathan." The thing that separated her from Jonathan was that she was capable of love and he wasn't.

"No one ever knows what's true with you, little sister." His eyes flitted back to Jace. "Think about it. She's been lying to you from the moment you met. She lied about her name, her entire life. She lied about me. You think she didn't lie about her feelings? Jace, you can't trust her."

Jonathan was the dominant twin. Jace was submissive to him. Anything Jonathan said, Jace had to believe. He was going to make him hate her.

And maybe, maybe that was for the best. But it would not be based on a lie.

"The only truth she's ever given you is her name."

"Jace," she sighed, "don't listen to him. You know I love you. I've lied about a lot, but I have never lied about that. Remember what we said in the cave that night? I made you a promise that I'd never lie about loving you. And I haven't." Her voice cracked. He was looking at her like he couldn't stand the sight of her. "I love you, Jace. More than I should, but I do. I always have."

"Look at her." Jonathan pulled Jace to his side. "She left you behind. And when you come back for her, you find her with him. Her bloodsucking ex-boyfriend."

Jace's lip curled back in a snarl.

"Eliza, get out of here." Declan whispered. "Go home." She tried to protest his demand but the look on his face was less than friendly. Something she had never seen before. His fangs were out, eyes hooded. "Go."

He shoved her out of the way as Jace lunged towards them. His body slammed into Declan's. Jonathan reached out and grabbed her by the arms. He jerked her back.

"Look at him." He whispered. "Look what you did to him. He's a monster."

Against any normal Nephilim, Declan would have had the upper hand. But Jace wasn't normal. He had Ithuriel's blood in his veins. He moved faster, he was quicker. When Declan reached for him, Jace was already out of the way. He grabbed him by the back of the neck and threw him on the ground.

"Stop!" She shouted. Jonathan held her tighter as she struggled.

"This is all your fault." He murmured.

Jace flipped Declan over so that they were looking at one another. Something slid out of the sleeve of his jacket.

A stake.

"NO!"

His fingers curled around the thicker end. He brought it up in a sharp, quick motion before plunging it into Declan's chest.

She screamed out. Declan went limp.

Time seemed to slow.

Jonathan let her go. Jace looked back at her, blood on his face. In that moment, he looked so like Jonathan. "Why did you do this to me?" He was talking to her. Not Jonathan.

Rage seized her. She couldn't be sad. If she grieved right then, Jonathan would win. She whirled around. "You bastard!" She swung, her fist slamming into his jaw.

He stumbled back and she lunged at him, knocking him to the ground. He reached, grabbing her by the throat and flipping her on her back. "You think you can beat me?" He shouted. "You'll never beat me."

She ripped his hand away, kicking him in the gut. "Watch me."

He stood up. As his leg extended to kick her in the ribs, she grabbed his foot and dragged him down. His head hit the pavement with a thud. She got to her feet. Where the hell was a weapon when she needed one? She couldn't beat him with just her hands.

She felt around in the pockets of Jace's jacket. Nothing. It had to be the one jacket that he did- Wait. The inside left breast pocket.

There it was.

A dagger.

Jonathan's hand grabbed her shoulder. He yanked her back into the wall of an old building. "Walking away, little sister?" He snarled. "Coward. You're weak! You've never been able to do what needs to be done. That's what's wrong with you; that's why you were the failure." His fist connected with her nose. The bone cracked with a sickening crunch.

Pain shot through her face. Her eyes water. Jonathan became a blur.

"Your morality disgusts me. You disgust me."

She blinked away the tears. "The moment Jace is separated from you, you're as good as dead. That's a promise."

He laughed, shaking his head. "If you were a true Shadowhunter, you'd kill me anyway." He told her. He punched her again, the hard of his knuckles bruising into the soft of her stomach. "But no. You let your love for him control every part of you. It sickens me."

He reeled back to hit her again. She wrapped her hand around his fist and forced it down. "It's what makes me human." She grabbed his throat, squeezing as hard as she could. He gasped out. "But you don't know the first thing about humanity."

His hands wrapped around her wrist. The sharp edges of his fingernails dug into her skin. "I know you have to choose which one to save." His voice rasped. "Clarissa or Jace."

Choose? There was no choice. There could be no choice. It had to be both of them. "I get them both." She gripped harder.

Jonathan smiled, blood dripping from the corner of his lip. "Don't be greedy, little sister." He flung her to the side. Her feet went out from under her. Her head hit the ground.

Black tinged the edge of her vision. She couldn't breathe.

Jonathan knelt down beside her. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before he began to choke her. "Why don't we make a deal? I'll give you your little boy toy and I get to keep Clarissa. He's not very useful without you there to motivate him, if I'm being honest. And Clarissa, well…she's special, isn't she? And since she and I are the last true Morgensterns, it's up to us to reignite the family tree."

God, he was disgusting.

"She's not a Morgenstern." Eliza told him, words hoarse. "I am."

He clicked his tongue. "No, you aren't. Morgensterns are brave. They face the fire, but you've always ran away from it. You're a coward. You're weak. You're-."

His sentence cut off. She hadn't even noticed that she had pulled the dagger from inside the jacket. But there it was. Shoved hilt deep into his abdomen.

His blood was warm as it fell onto her hand.

"Fuck. You." She hissed.

He didn't seem shocked or surprised at her coarse of action. Not at all. He was smiling. "Oh, you've really done it now."

Before she could respond, she heard it. Him. "Lizzie?"

Slowly, as if she were immersed up to her knees in quicksand, she turned.

His legs were shaking and then he was on his knees. Blood came from a steady stream out the corner of his mouth. His hands were clutched over his abdomen, blood leaking from between his fingers.

"Jace." Her voice was quiet.

It had all been a trick. Jonathan had baited her into a fight. He had wanted her to hurt him. Her stomach rolled. How easily the darkness was to coax out of its hiding hole.

She got to him just as he was falling forward. She skidded down, his head falling against her shoulder. "Shit. Fuck, hold on, okay? Just…just look at me." She pulled back. Her eyes searched his face. "Damn it. I'm sorry."

She struggled to hold him up while searching for her stele. His blood, Jonathan's blood, were beginning to make her hands sticky.

"He was right…" He mumbled. "You'd kill me to get to him…You never…was it all a lie?"

She should have never left. She could have faked it for a little while. She was so good at lying, maybe Jonathan would have never noticed.

Eliza shook her head at him. "No, baby, no." She found the faded sign of an old iratze on his arm. Their gazes met as she lifted her head back up. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Was any of it real?" He asked faintly.

"All of it was real." She laid him on the ground. "Every second. Every kiss. Every 'I love you'." Her hand shook as she pressed her stele against his arm. As she drew the familiar rune on his arm, she leaned up and brushed her lips against his. "I love you and I'm sorry."

She stood up, pocketing her stele. Jonathan was lying a few feet away, no doubt already feeling the effects of Jace's iratze. She bent down and yanked the dagger from his stomach.

"This isn't over, Jonathan."

"It seems very much over to me." Blood had coated over his teeth.

The corner of her mouth twitched. "This is the last time we do this. Next time, you're dead." She glanced over at Jace. "Get him out of her."

Wobbling, Jonathan got to his feet. He shoved past her, pace slow and unsteady. She watched him lean over and put his hand on Jace's shoulder. And then they were gone.

Unwillingly, her eyes found Declan's body. Another person, dead because of her. She swallowed.

Magnus, we have a problem.

It was twenty minutes later when Magnus arrived. And not alone. He had Simon with him. They were in the same van Simon had bummed off a friend not long after they first met.

"You look like hell." Simon observed.

She didn't even get offended. "At least I'm alive." She nodded towards Declan's body.

"What happened here?" Magnus carefully grabbed her face. He inspected everything from the bruises to the broken nose. And the handprint around her throat.

She looked him dead in the eye. "I'll give you three guesses."

His face softened. "Jonathan?"

"And we have a winner."

She broke from him. He asked what happened. She relayed the events in vivid detail. "Clary wasn't with them?" Simon asked.

"No, thank God."

"Wait." Magnus said as he used his magic to lift Declan's body into the back of the van. "He said you had to choose between Clary and Jace? That's impossible. He knows you won't." When she met his eye, her mouth was set in a firm line. "You've already chosen, haven't you?"

Simon was glaring at her. "Eliza, Clary's-."

She held up a hand and told him to shut up. All her attention was on Magnus. "Yes. And I need a favor. A big one."

He raised an eyebrow. "How big?"

She thought for a moment. "August of this year. But bigger."

"Oh, dear."

There was only one thing to do. One thing she could do.

She hated to admit it, but her mother was right. No teenage girl liked to admit that their mother was in the right about anything, but Eliza especially hated to admit that Jocelyn's thoughts had hit a bullseye.

She had been blinded by him for too long. She had stared at the sun and now her eyes saw nothing but him. And she very well couldn't stop Jonathan when all she was thinking about was Jace.

The answer, really, was simple. All she had to do was stop loving Jace.

It was a laughable idea. On her own, impossible to achieve. But with the aid of magic, it was entirely possible.

"Are you sure about this?" Magnus asked for the fourth time.

"Completely."

"Eliza-."

"Magnus, please don't try to talk me out of it. My mind is made, and it will stay that way." She had an unreasonably sharp tongue.

He leaned forward on the ottoman so that they were only a few centimeters apart. "Now, to be sure I know what you're asking, you want to stop loving Jace?"

"No." She said slowly. "I want to forget Jace. I want to look at him and see a stranger." Not loving him was one thing, and it wouldn't be enough. He asked why the extra mile. "If I still know him, it will all come back to me. If I can look at him and know that I once loved him, what's to say it I won't fall off that cliff again?"

It was extremely difficult for someone to know Jace Wayland and not love him. He made it hard to do so, but he also made it very easy. To know him just a minute was to love him forever. Which for her, proved to be a massive problem.

"If I don't know him at all, I'll be able to do what needs to be done."

"Which is what? Save Clary? You can do that and still keep your memory of Jace intact."

She said no. That wasn't it at all. "I have to kill Jonathan. Don't you see?"

"I most certainly do not." He said pointedly. "And I don't think you do either. Clearly you're in no state to be making plans. You know that killing Jonathan means killing Jace."

Oh, didn't she? She knew more than anyone. After all, she had almost done the deed earlier that night. It had taken almost half an hour to rid her hands of their blood.

"That is exactly why I need you to take every trace of Jace Wayland from me. I can't…Magnus, I can't make that choice the way I am now. I can't love him and kill him at the same time." He said that was generally how things worked when you loved someone. "No. As a Shadowhunter, I am required to have to make hard choices when it comes down to the wire. And I have before. But when it comes to Jace, if it's him or the world, I'll pick him every single time."

"And this can't wait until they're unbound?"

She shook her head. Magnus leaned back from her. "We aren't necessarily close on figuring that out. No one knows what Jonathan is planning, but I know it's going to happen soon." She told him. "We don't have time."

"Little dove…" He murmured.

She could feel what he felt. The emotions stirring inside of him. "Do you think I want to do this?" Her voice sounded raw, on the verge of crying once again. "I don't want to kill my boyfriend, Magnus, but it has to be done. I made the mistake with my father. I won't do the same with Jonathan. He's worse by a thousand-fold."

Her heart had hurt just from thinking about it. Now, it felt like it was going to rip open. Her only solace was that she eventually wouldn't care. Soon, she wouldn't know him at all.

It was a terrifying thought. To look upon his face and not admire how any light reflected against it. To not lose herself in the honey-gold of his eyes. It burned to think of how he would know her, every inch, every curve, and she would see nothing but a way to kill her brother.

To do this was to know that she'd never hear his voice again. "I love you" would never be said again, she'd never get the warm feeling in her heart when he whispered it or traced it on her back. She would never hold his hand again or feel his arms around her. She would never feel the soft of his lips against her own.

Perhaps the most terrifying thought of all was the possibility that she would wake up one day and know everything. She would remember him entirely. The husk of his voice still shrouded in sleep. The heat of his skin. Each callous on his hands. She would remember him, and he would be gone. Because of her.

This was, Eliza understood perfectly, completely different than Valentine. Yes, she held herself at fault for his death then. But there was a stark difference between being the reason someone died and actually killing them yourself.

This would be her snatching away the future she had dreamt for them. No marriage, no children. No lifetime of love and bliss. This would be taking her sword, much like her father had done with Maellartach, and shoving it through his heart.

But this time, there would be no resurrection. The Angel could not help. Lilith was long gone. This would be the end of Jace.

And if not…well, at what cost? The world? She had to make the right choice this time. When faced with the many or the few, she had to choose the many.

"They won't let you get that far. The Lightwoods. Luke. Even your mother. They'll try to stop you, try to reason with you."

Yes, she'd thought of that. Specifically, the abhorred looks of betrayal they'd give her. That didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. "You'll have to fix that too, then." He asked what she meant by that. "Make me not care. Jonathan was right. My morality holds me back. This is a mission, and it's the only one that matters."

His arms were on his thighs, hands clasped together over his knees. She admired his effort in trying to deter her, but there was no going back. "They'll never forgive you."

"I know."

"Eliza, they'll never speak to you again." He explained. "You'll be alienating yourself from everyone."

It was what she deserved. She always said she'd answer for all the Morgenstern sins. And she would without complaint when the time came.

"Think of Isabelle and Alexander. They've already lost one brother." Also her fault. "Are you willing to rob them of another?" Poor little Max. If only she hadn't been so afraid of Jonathan.

"It has to be done." She said thickly.

If he wouldn't do it, she'd find another warlock who would.

"What about the parabatai connection? Not just between Alexander and Jace, but yourself and Jonathan. You'll feel his death. All of it. Add that in with the twin senses and-."

"Magnus, I know! I know all of this, okay? Believe me, I've thought of everything. I tried to find another way but there isn't one. There is a silver lining, I promise."

He raised his eyebrows. "And what would that be?"

"If the Clave gets to them first, I won't care at all about Jace dying. He'll be just another Shadowhunter."

He seemed wary. "All right." He stood up. He pushed the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows. "And you're absolutely, completely, positively sure?"

"…Yes."

Blue sparks of magic sprinkled from his fingertips. He reached out, his hands pressed against the side of her face.

"Wai-." But it was too late. The magic was already seeping into her.