Severus had been at Hogwarts for over a month now. The two-week celebration had been cut short by the events at Hogsmeade, and there had been no reason for him to remain at Grimmauld Place. And so the next morning, after he'd spent the night brewing potions to help Sirius' recovery, Severus had moved to Hogwarts.

Dumbledore had offered him the Potions Professorship, and Severus had agreed, not knowing what else to do with his life. He had no great desire either to teach or to be surrounded by so many children, but he had nowhere else to go. And being in Dumbledore's presence was a bonus too. Dumbledore had, perhaps, manipulated him at times in the past, and had persuaded him to do that which Severus now regretted so bitterly it seemed to burn him from the inside. But Severus also believed that Dumbledore had genuinely cared for him throughout, had tried to further Severus' best interests, had been there for him when Severus had had no one else, and had given the advice he had given with no real understanding of the deeply painful consequences it had caused.

And so he was at Hogwarts, preparing lesson plans for the new school year, helping rebuild parts of the castle that had been damaged in the war, brewing Wolfsbane and healing potions as they were needed, and trying not to think about Hogsmeade and Grimmauld Place. Trying not to imagine Sirius waking up with Hermione at his sickbed, and the inevitable events which were to follow.

He occasionally received some notes informing him about Sirius' progress. He was glad to know that his recovery was well on its way. He was still at Rosmerta's, though receiving regular visits from his friends. Severus was grateful that someone had thought to keep him informed about Sirius' recovery, though he didn't know who had been the one to write.

There was one nice development which somewhat reconciled Severus to his new position at Hogwarts. The pretty redheaded woman who had bought him a drink at the Three Broomsticks had turned out to be the new Charms professor at Hogwarts. Her name was Lily Evans, and she was intelligent and pleasant to be around. She seemed particularly keen to develop a friendship with Severus, and Severus enjoyed their conversations and their quiet games of chess in the evenings. It was nice to feel that she liked him and his company, that he was gaining a new friend, a rarity in his life indeed.

Dumbledore also seemed to approve of this friendship, and told Severus one day: 'Lily is just the type of woman I have always imagined for you, my boy. She is beautiful and intelligent, of course, but also moderate and composed. She would make a great partner, indeed.'

Sometimes, Severus imagined what it might be like to settle down with a partner, a companion. Someone he could have interesting conversations with. Someone who might hold him and show him affection. He might never have to be alone again.

But despite such thoughts, and the way that Lily often looked at him as if she genuinely found him attractive, Severus never seriously considered pursuing a romantic relationship with her. He enjoyed her company and she was very charming and lovely, but there was something missing. She was lacking a certain spark, of brightness, of liveliness. Severus had no true insight into her emotions and feelings, she never showed any real anger or happiness or excitement. She was constantly perfectly pleasant and agreeable, and somehow this almost unnerved him. He couldn't quite trust her. He would spend time with her, and enjoy it, but he could not let himself pass beyond the limits of mere friendship with her. At least, not until his doubts were overcome. And perhaps not even then.

And so the weeks at Hogwarts passed by quite pleasantly. In the mornings Severus would often work on repairing the turrets or enforcing the castle's wards and in the afternoons he would work on his lesson plans and potions. The regular meals in the Great Hall nicely structured his day and he would often find himself seated next to Lily and engaged in an interesting conversation on subjects as diverse as the healing qualities of tropical insects or the alarming political developments taking place in the muggle world. In the evenings he would have a quiet drink with Dumbledore in the headmaster's office, or join a round of cards with Minerva and his other colleagues in the staff room, or play a game of chess with Lily in the library.

The one constant throughout his days was his effort not to think of Hermione, not to imagine her in Sirius' arms, happy and content without him while he longed and longed for her. His effort not to compare her with Lily, not to contrast her energetic boldness with Lily's calm composure, not to measure Lily's green eyes, which sometimes seemed to hold a calculating gleam, with Hermione's warm, open pair which glowed and sparked in turn.

And then, one day at breakfast, the ceiling of the Great Hall reflecting a darkened, cloudy sky, Severus overheard Minerva mentioning the event which he had spent the last month dreading. 'I went to visit Sirius, the other day,' she was telling Sprout. 'He seems much recovered now, is up and about and almost restored to his former self. Though he has changed, somewhat, he's much more subdued than he used to be. Though I suppose that might change again, once he's married.'

Severus' heart stopped in his chest and his fingernails dug into his palm under the table.

'Ah yes,' Sprout was saying, 'congratulations to the lad! When is the happy day to be?'

'Next week!' Minerva exclaimed, 'it's very quick, to be sure, but it seems they both fell for each other so rapidly during his recovery. They're inseparable now. Which reminds me – when we go to Hogsmeade later, I need to buy myself a gown for the ceremony.'

Severus managed to hold his reeling emotions in until he was alone in his chambers. The second his door closed behind him, he sunk to the floor, his head in his hands, gasping for breath. The pain in his chest was suffocating. He barely noticed the tears running down his cheeks.

It was done then. They were to be married. Hermione was lost to him forever, though he had never had a hope to begin with. Her and Sirius, a handsome, lively couple. They would be the life and soul of every room they would ever enter. And Severus would remain at Hogwarts, lonely but not alone, with no chance of ever gaining true happiness. Severus released a pained groan at the thought of the lonely, empty expanse of his future spreading out before him.

In his efforts to calm himself, he reminded himself of his resolution to be happy for her. He should be glad to know that she would be safe and content in the world. And he would forever have his memory of those glorious months so many years ago, when he had been to her what she was to him, when she had chosen him and loved him, seen him and known him. Held and cherished him. When their hearts had been so open and honest and true and had merged in perfect contentment and trust in their joint future.

At such memories, it was difficult for Severus not to allow a wave of resentment at Dumbledore to wash through him, bitterness at his advice and insistence, regret at having listened and obeyed. It had cost him everything.

A wave of loneliness engulfed him then, and Severus curled up on himself on the floor of the dungeons and let out a long, anguished moan.