Severus spent the rest of the miserable morning hiding in his chambers and eventually set about rebuilding his lost composure. This was no more than he expected, he reminded himself, he had lost Hermione long before her engagement. She could not forgive or forget his rejection, and along the way, she had lost her attraction to him too. When he looked in the mirror and saw his own haggard, pallid features, he could hardly blame her. No, he would be happy for her, eventually, and would carve out his own contentment in life, focus on his work and developing friendships with his colleagues.

He repeated this to himself enough times to almost believe it, and then it was time to go to lunch before joining the staff on a walk to Hogsmeade. The day was still overcast and there was a heavy feeling in the air, as though it would soon rain. It suited his mood perfectly.

He walked alongside Lily on the path leading down into the village. She had caught up with him when the group had departed and had stuck to his side, determined to engage him in conversation. He was distracted and kept forgetting to listen to her as she spoke to him in confidential undertones.

Just as they were entering the village, she touched his sleeve with her elegant hand and looked up at him through her lashes, her bright green eyes gleaming up at him. Once again, Severus failed to stop himself from comparing them to Hermione's warm glow.

'I'm so glad we've become friends, Severus,' she said with a small, flirtatious smile on her lips. 'I hope that one day, we might become more.'

But at that very moment, Severus saw something which stopped him in his tracks and drove Lily's words right out of his mind.

Sirius and a blonde woman were locked in a passionate embrace just outside the entrance of the Three Broomsticks. Severus could barely believe his eyes. As the couple parted, he recognised the blonde figure – Rosmerta. He stared open mouthed, a confused hope blooming wildly in his chest which he was unable to tamp down, and then it was confirmed –

'Ah, young love,' Minerva sighed. 'They can hardly keep their hands off one another.' Sprout and some of the others giggled as they moved onwards.

As the figures turned to enter the Three Broomsticks together, arm in arm, Severus caught up with Minerva, leaving Lily standing behind him with a put-out look marring her pretty features. 'Minnie,' he said, using her nickname for once, 'do you mean to say that it is Rosmerta Sirius is marrying next week?'

'Well of course, Severus, didn't you know?'

'I thought – I thought Sirius and Hermione were together,' Severus stuttered, afraid of giving himself away, though clearly no one had ever supposed that there might be something between Hermione and himself. And why would they? He had certainly told no one but Dumbledore about their closeness at the enclave, and it was pretty clear that Hermione hadn't either. And since the end of the war, no one who had observed them at Grimmauld Place together could ever have supposed that there was any kind of intimacy between them, past or present.

'So did we all, my dear, so did we all!' Minerva cried, delighted at the gossip. 'I was so certain that we'd be hearing wedding bells in that direction sooner rather than later, but no! It appears we were all mistaken. As soon as Sirius was out of danger, Hermione went off to Shropshire to visit her parents for a while, and the next thing we all knew, Sirius and Rosmerta were madly in love! I was stunned, I tell you, stunned! But I do think they make a sweet pair. Though I was surprised by Rosmerta, she had been so in love with Alastor, you know, before he died. She had seemed so heartbroken, I never thought I'd see her fall in love again, and so quickly too.'

Severus' heart leapt, irrational as it may be. He would still have no chance to win her back, but the thought was wiped out by the sheer hope spreading through his chest, a joyful pressure he had to work hard to keep hidden.

'And Hermione isn't too… angry or disappointed?' Severus asked hesitantly, he just couldn't help himself, it was too good an opportunity for information to pass up.

'Oh no,' Minerva countered, 'Hermione seems just the same as always! Almost as if she had never harboured any hopes in that direction at all! No, all she said to me was that she wished them well and thought that they would be very happy together. Such a gracious woman, that one.'

Severus couldn't help but remember that she had not been so gracious at his rejection. Perhaps she had not felt as much for Sirius as he had supposed, or perhaps she had just become better at hiding her true feelings. He could only hope that she hadn't been hurt too deeply.

Minerva went off to go shopping for a formal gown for the wedding and as it had finally started raining, Severus accompanied some of the others into Madam Puddifoot's for a coffee. The café was warm and comfortable, comfy couches grouped around variously shaped coffee tables. As he enjoyed the hot, bitter taste of his black coffee, Severus half listened to Lily and Septima's conversation about wedding dresses while he watched the rain drops crawling down the windows.

The street outside had quickly emptied when the rain had started, and Severus' eyes followed a small form hurrying past the window, wearing a bright red cloak and holding a newspaper above its head to shield them from the worst of the rain. There was something about the person's gait which seemed familiar, and then, suddenly, the realisation of who was rushing past the café struck him like a bolt and sent his heart racing.

Hermione.

Severus barely knew what he was doing when he stood up to go to the entrance, his eyes still following the form as she made her way down the street before disappearing from sight. What was she doing here? His mind whirled and his heart thumped loudly in his ears. His hands felt numb as the adrenaline diverted his blood from his extremities. He breathed deeply to try and compose himself and then there she was again, turning back towards the café with Minerva in tow. They must have met on the street. The bell above the door rang clearly as they came through the door, and Severus turned away quickly, steeling himself for a moment, before turning again towards her.

She stopped still when she saw him, shock registering in her beautiful face. She blushed and looked flustered, giving him a quick, quiet, 'hello', before turning back to Minerva who was talking about her newly purchased gown. He had never seen her this affected at the sight of him before in all their time at Grimmauld Place. And then, as Minerva approached the others, Hermione turned to him again.

'Hello, Severus,' she said softly, and stepped closer to him. She looked up into his face and her eyes glowed warmly, a gentle, embarrassed smile curving her full lips. Severus drank in the longed-for sight of her greedily, looking for signs of recent heartbreak but finding nothing but surprise, pleasure, and embarrassment. Her red cloak was damp from the rain and the humidity had made her hair expand and curl more wildly. She looked like a goddess.

Severus barely knew what he was saying as he greeted her in return. He couldn't believe how changed her manner was towards him, how she was looking at him again, still so surprised but clearly not unhappy to see him.

'You look well,' she said, blushing more brightly again. 'Peace time clearly agrees with you.'

Pleasure spread through him at her words, and he felt himself flushing in return. 'I didn't know you were in Hogsmeade,' he said then, too aware of the hopeful tension which lay heavy on his chest and made it hard for him to think.

'Yes, yes, I just arrived this morning,' she said, 'I wasn't prepared for the rain'. She laughed, holding up the sopping newspaper she still held in her hand. The sight and sound of her laugh, finally directed at him, made the room seem brighter. 'I've asked Minerva if I could stay at Hogwarts for a while, there are some resources in the library I need for my research.'

She would be staying at the castle then, and the thought of seeing her regularly, sleeping under the same roof, sent an almost uncontainable thrill through him. Perhaps, perhaps, they could rekindle their friendship, if nothing else.

'I would be interested to hear about your research, Hermione,' Severus said in a low tone, the pleasure of addressing her by her name, of, finally, talking to her roughening the timbre of his voice.

Hermione seemed abashed for a moment, looking down at her soaked shoes before looking up at him again, her eyes still glowing in that old way of hers which he had missed so much and had believed he'd never see again, at least not directed at him. 'Would you like a coffee, Severus?' she asked him, 'it would be nice to catch up, and I can tell you about my new project.'

Severus was just about to agree wholeheartedly when a hand touched his elbow.

'I'm so sorry to keep you waiting, Severus,' Lily Evans trilled. 'I know I had promised to show you that new book on the healing properties of ground seashells we were talking about earlier. I've just managed to get hold of a large umbrella for us, to protect us on the way to the bookstore.'

She placed her hand more firmly in the crook of his elbow and led him towards the door. Severus followed her helplessly, his mind and heart too full to come up with a way out. He just had enough time to shoot an embarrassed smile at Hermione and say, 'it was nice to see you again,' before he had been whisked away.

He missed the way Hermione's eyes had narrowed and focused on Lily's hand resting on his arm, the way her shoulders tensed and then dropped, as if in disappointment.

Severus found it very difficult to focus on what Lily was saying to him on their way to the bookshop. He held the umbrella she had thrust into his hand above them both as she clung tightly to his side, her hands gripped uncomfortably around his arm.

He wished that she would be quiet and keep her pleasantries to herself. He needed a moment to gather his thoughts, to think about his encounter with Hermione, to wrestle the hope and joy coursing through him and reason with himself to evade the future disappointment he was sure was coming for him.

But, gods – the way her dark eyes had glowed and her soft lips had curled, and she had asked him to have a coffee with her! It was impossible for him not to hope, and he sorely wished that Lily had not interrupted their reunion.

Severus muddled his way through the rest of the day, Hermione permanently in his thoughts. Hope, desire and confusion warred for dominance in his mind. Strongest of all, though, was the longing to see her again, to talk to her, to be in her presence.

He felt a strange elation when he entered the Great Hall that evening for dinner and saw Hermione sitting at the head table with the rest of the staff – strange because his joy was tempered by disquiet, an internal warning not to become too attached, too hopeful.

Despite such internal warnings, Severus' heart skipped a beat when he noticed the empty chair next to her. Hagrid was sat on her other side and they seemed to be conversing earnestly. Severus approached the empty seat full of equal measures of hope and trepidation, what if she rejected him again? But just then, just as Hermione looked in his direction and began to smile at him as if in welcome, Lily called his name and waved at him to join her on the other side of the table in such an obvious invitation, that it would have been impossibly rude to ignore her.

Severus went over to sit beside Lily reluctantly. He cast a glance back at Hermione, but she was no longer looking at him, her head down.

He had to try hard to focus on Lily's conversation during the meal. She was talking about the difficulties of teaching during the war and the constant interruptions to the children's routines, so damaging for ones so young. Severus was sorely tempted to roll his eyes and tell her something about damage.

When his plate was already half-empty, she turned the conversation to him. 'I cannot imagine what you must have gone through, Severus, spying for Dumbledore. It must have been so difficult for you.' She placed her hand over his briefly and looked him in the eyes and hers shone with what seemed like real admiration. Severus felt taken aback and looked away from Lily's intense gaze, not knowing how to feel about it.

And then he saw that Hermione's gaze was fixed on them from the other end of the table, her expression solemn and unreadable. Severus looked away and flushed before gently removing his hand from under Lily's to resume eating his meal.

Lily continued, 'you're a brave and wonderful man, Severus, I am full of respect and admiration for you. You deserve all the best things the world can offer you. I sincerely hope that I might one day be able to give some of them to you.'

Severus was surprised and disconcerted by her words but thanked her without engaging on the topic any further. She seemed to expect more of a response from him, and appeared momentarily disappointed, before smiling at him again with a placid, pleasant expression on her face. Severus saw Dumbledore smiling contentedly at them, and Minerva seemed to be watching them with a cheeky expression as she whispered something to Sprout. He could imagine what they were saying and disliked it severely but did not know how to remove himself from the gossip that was no doubt now spreading throughout the staff.

He looked at Hermione again. She was no longer looking in his direction. Instead, she stabbed at her potatoes with her fork, a stormy expression on her face, her normally smooth brow creased and her lips pursed.

Jealousy, a part of Severus' mind whispered to him, and a joyous hope bloomed through him once more, so broad and bright that he was unable to quash it. It must be. He felt like grinning, like laughing, like jumping up from the table and pulling Hermione into his arms, but he knew he couldn't, shouldn't, make such a scene. And some niggling doubts remained at the back of his mind. He looked so different that she had barely recognised him. Weak-natured. Easily swayed. The words stabbed at him. They had been repeated in his mind so often in the last weeks, taunting and torturing him in turn. They were useful weapons to combat that dangerous hope which was threatening to consume him.

He turned his attention back to Lily. He couldn't help but be annoyed at her, for making a display out of him in front of the others, for touching him when he had given her no encouragement to do so. But there was nothing to do but avoid her, he supposed, and continue in his lack of encouragement of her advances. He didn't want to cause a rift between himself and his colleague, not when he still valued her company and friendship. Such things had been so sparse in his life so far.

Hermione left the Great Hall quickly after dinner, not sparing him another glance. Severus was disappointed but not surprised. The idea of her jealousy still held him in its grip, and, despite his attempts to squash such ideas, he felt more hopeful now than he had in almost a decade.

That evening, the whole staff was gathered in the staffroom for a game of cards. They hadn't started playing yet, but some had started drinking and the conversation was already lively. Minerva and Sprout were eagerly anticipating the wedding on the weekend and Severus took the opportunity to approach Hermione who was standing to the side of the gossipy group.

'Will you be going to the wedding?' he asked in a low tone, and Hermione looked up at him, smiling but more reserved than she had seemed in Madam Puddifoot's.

'No,' she said, 'I wasn't invited, I think they are keeping it to close friends and family.' She smiled at him with a wry humour, and then added, 'I suppose you couldn't have guessed what the consequence might be, when you sent Rosmerta to fetch Poppy.'

'No, I couldn't have. I was surprised,' Severus said, 'very surprised when I heard of their engagement. I had thought his affections laid… elsewhere.'

Hermione blushed and looked away for a moment, before determinedly meeting his gaze again, her eyes once more glowing and warm in a way that made his breath hitch. 'I was surprised too,' she said, 'Sirius is a nice and sweet man, with a good temper and sense of humour. But Rosmerta… she was so deeply in love with Alastor, and Alastor had been such a great man, powerful and secure… I would not have expected her to choose someone like Sirius, after having loved such a great man as Alastor.' Hermione looked up imploringly at Severus for a moment. 'You don't move on from that kind of love, you shouldn't. Not so quickly. Perhaps never. That kind of connection… it's so rare, so irreplaceable, so precious… I wonder at Rosmerta, I really do.'

Severus' soul leaped. He knew she wasn't just talking about Rosmerta and Alastor, he was certain. She was telling him that she had not forgotten, had not moved on. The expression in her lovely eyes was beseeching, trying to convey her feelings, and Severus was consumed, held still in the power of her gaze. He felt set alight, burning, joyous, full to bursting –

And then a throat cleared behind him and he turned. Lily. Of course. She smiled winningly at him, though it did not reach her eyes, and said, 'come, Severus, we are waiting for you to begin the game. I've saved a seat for you next to me as always. I can't quite remember the rules of this one, perhaps you could help me?'

Her transparent ploy grated at him, and he turned back to Hermione, but she was gone. The door to the staffroom was standing open.

Without a second thought, he went after her.

'Hermione!' he called when he spotted her quickly retreating form. He jogged to catch up with her. She stopped and turned once he was close. She looked at him coldly once more, and Severus felt it keenly. 'Hermione,' he said desperately, 'don't you want to join the game? It's always fun, isn't that worth staying for?'

'No,' she said curtly. She looked pointedly at a spot behind him and then said, 'there's nothing here worth me staying for.' She turned again and walked briskly down the corridor, away from him.

Her words chilled and disappointed him. But when he turned back towards the staffroom, he saw what she had seen. Lily was standing there, beautiful and composed, waiting for him to return.

Severus did so, reluctantly. He was angry at Lily, angry at himself. How was it, that something, some mishap, some misunderstanding, always stood in his way?

He joined the card game with a surly demeanour, barely hearing the whispered flattery and affectations Lily threw at him throughout the evening. He went to bed early but was unable to sleep. Exquisitely painful sensations pounded through him– desperation, longing, and a fierce hope that tore at him insistently, hope that his perpetual loneliness might, finally, come to an end.