I decided to do another take of Snoop's on. Don't get me wrong, I like the first one, but I had some hiccups with editing; the voiceovers/flashbacks were supposed to be in italics. When I first wrote the first rewrite on my iPad, the formatting of the story changed, and it wasn't until I published it that I noticed the changes.
But that aside, I hope you enjoy this 2nd version. Most elements stayed the same, just added a couple more characters to the story.
P.S, if you don't have anything nice to say about this, STAY OUT of the review page.
Without further ado…
Here's Snoop's on, rewritten: Take two.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Loud house
It was a quiet afternoon in the Loud house, Luna, sitting on the Living room couch was strumming her acoustic guitar. Then she noticed Leni coming into the scene, searching for something. Luna shrugged and didn't mind at first...until Leni looked around the couch she was sitting on. "Uh, Leni, can I help with something, dude?" the former asked.
"Sorry, Luna. I'm looking for a novel to read for my English paper, but Lily used them all to make a castle," Leni explained.
Lily makes a small cameo, using said books to make the castle.
Leni looks behind a chair and finds an orange book with an Ace Savvy symbol on the cover. "Ooh, I found this orange book...and some fuzzy chocolate."
"Dibs," Lana said, popping out, eating the candy and left.
Leni opens the book and starters reading, "Wow, this book is so interesting. It's about a boy named Lincoln, and he has ten sisters. Their names are Lori, Leni, Luna…"
This gets Luna's attention as the names sound awfully familiar. "Hang on," Luna gets up and walks to Leni, "Let me have a look," she takes the book and reads briefly. She gasped in shock and quickly closed it. "Dude, that's not a novel, you're snoopin' in Lincoln's diary! You can't put bro's private thoughts in your paper!" she lightly scolded.
Leni realized what's she done, "O-M-Gosh! You're right, I would never invade his privacy like that." She takes the book from Luna and considers putting it back where it was, "Although, I do wonder about the deepest secret he's been keeping from us."
"Deepest secret?" Luna asked.
"Right here," Leni showed her the part as Luna reads it.
"But never could I ever tell my family that my deepest secret-"
Suddenly the sisters hear the doorknob rattling. "Huh, where's that key?" Lincoln asked himself outside.
The girls panicked as Luna grabs the diary and slides it back under the chair. "Quick, split up!"
Lincoln, humming to himself, comes inside the house and retrieves the dairy from under the chair. He leaves to go upstairs as Luna pretends to play her guitar, and Leni hides in a picture frame.
Once the coast was clear, Luna meets up with Leni at the stairs and sighs of relief. "Too close for comfort dude."
"I know, Lincoln would be so upset if he knew we read his diary," Leni added.
"Actually, you're the one who found it first," Luna remarked.
"Luna!" Leni snapped back.
Luna rolled her eyes. "Okay fine, we both snooped, but accidents happen. And as long as Lincoln doesn't know, and we don't read any further, we're in the clear."
"Yep, no matter how deep that secret is," Leni concluded.
But both girls had second thoughts...
The next day, Lori and Lincoln came out of their respective rooms. "See you guys, later. Lori and I are off to hang out with Bobby and Ronnie Anne while they're in town, visiting," Lincoln announced.
"We should be back by 4. Bye everyone," Lori added, and the siblings left downstairs.
Once the front door closes, Luna and Leni come out of their own rooms and into Lincoln's and shut the door. "Okay, let's find the diary before our sibs get back," said Luna. The girls started searching around the room, when…"Ahem." A voice popped out of nowhere.
The girls froze and turned around to see a suspicious Luan and Mr. Coconuts at the door. "Uhh…hey Luan. Whatcha doing here?" Leni asked nervously.
"Lincoln said I could come in and snag one of his empty notebooks for my jokes," Luan answered. "What are you two doing here?"
Leni and Luna looked at each other nervously. "Uhh…Cleaning his room," Leni lied.
But Luan wasn't falling for it and sighs, "I overheard on my way up. You're looking for his diary."
The two girls looked at each other as they knew they were busted. "Guys, that is way wrong. Why bother?"
"Psst, Luan," Mr. Coconuts spoke, "What if your bro's got some big juicy secret? Don't you dare know what it is?"
Luan reconsidered, "Oh, why not? I help you guys look. Luna, check that top drawer."
Luna does so, and a giant water balloon explodes in her face, much to her annoyance. "Seriously, dude?"
"Sorry, can't resist," Luan sheepishly said and chuckled.
"I found it," Leni pulled the diary out from under the mattress. Luna and Luan with Mr. C listened as Leni read, "But never could I ever tell my family that my deepest secret…is that I sneaked out of school and went to see an R-rated alien movie at the Cinema." The group gasped in horror.
Lincoln's voiceover and flashback:
Math was a total bore. So I snuck out with Rose and Riley. The girls stole Principal Huggins' golf cart and we all took off to see that movie.
Lincoln met up with two red-haired punk girls in leather jackets and black beanies; the difference was Riley's a bit taller. The three took off in said golf cart and drove away from the campus.
I never felt so alive breaking the rules! Totally worth it.
End flashback:
"I can't believe our bro would cut class like that!" Luna vented.
"And who are Rose and Riley? Lincoln could get in so much trouble with them!" Leni added frantically, "We need to talk to him about this."
"No, we can't!" Luan objected, "Because Lincoln will know we read his diary."
"Let's just agree to put the diary away and act like nothing happened. Deal?" Luna proclaimed.
"Deal," Leni and Luan agreed as Mr. Coconuts huffed.
Later in the afternoon, Luna was sitting in the Living room chair, strumming her guitar when she noticed Lincoln rubbing his right arm as if he was in pain. "Hey Linc, you okay?" She asked.
Lincoln looked up at her. "Oh…sure. Lynn probably gave me one too many punches." Just as Luna looks away, Lincoln gets up and leaves upstairs to his room. Luna noticed and is left with a hmm.
Lincoln shortly leaves his room back downstairs, giving Luna enough time to sneak in, snatch his diary and quickly takes it back to her and Luan's room. Luna opens and reads-
Lincoln's voiceover and flashback:
Well, diary, I finally did it! I got a tattoo!
At a tattoo parlor, Lincoln shows off a green fire-breathing dragon on the arm he rubbed. Rose and Riley approved with a double thumbs up as Lincoln laughed almost evilly.
End flashback:
Luna gasped in horror after reading the entry. "Baby bro, why?"
Late at night, a tired Luan with a water glass was about to head upstairs when she saw on the coffee table, a shadow with a cowlick heading towards the house. She gasped and hid underneath the dining room table. She thought to herself in disbelief, That can't be Lincoln. It's 1 am, he knows better not to go AWOL at night. After hearing the door opened and closed, Luan nervously peeked from under the table cloth. She sees two feet and is shocked. It is him! She vented in her mind as she instantly recognized those red-striped, white sneakers walking right past her. Luan peered out from under the table, saw Lincoln go upstairs and wondered where he's been.
The next morning, Lincoln yawned as he tiredly entered the bathroom. Luan saw the coast was clear, and in-and-out she went with the diary in hand and into her and Luna's room. She and Mr. Coconuts opened it and read the last entry.
Lincoln's voiceover and flashback:
Tonight was so awesome! Instead of studying for my tests, Rose and Riley invited me to this wicked party thrown at their place!
"Best! Night! Ever!" Lincoln shouted with enthusiasm.
End flashback:
Like Luna, Luan couldn't believe what she read. "What's happening to him?" Luan asked her puppet partner in worry, but he shrugged, not knowing the answer.
As the day, Lincoln helped his parents with gardening. Leni and Luna watched him from the former's bedroom window.
Luna scoffed, "Lincoln's two faced. He used the goody two shoes act to fool the rents'."
Leni thought differently and shrugged, "Or he's just helping them with the tulips."
Luan frantically burst in the room. "Guys, you better check out Lincoln's latest entry! He and those punk girls are planning a night of mayhem!" She showed them a photo of said entry.
"It's kind of fuzzy, dude," Luna said as she couldn't read it properly.
"I panicked!" Luan snapped in frustration, "But I remember what it said."
Lincoln's voiceover:
Alright, diary, it's all about Me, Rose and Riley as tonight we commence Operation: Mad rebel. To start, we'll fill the fountain with chocolate syrup. Next, we release a herd of pigs from the petting zoo into town. Then it's off to Brawler's to rile up some bikers. For the grand finale, we're gonna steal the big 'S' off our school.
End voiceover:
The girls are horrified by the actions their brother planned.
"Vandalism?!" Luna freaked out, "Okay, bro's gone too far!"
"Tonight could ruin Lincoln's whole future!" Leni added with great worry. "We have to tell Mom and Dad!"
"But Lincoln will hate us. For snitching and reading his diary," Luan pointed out to the group.
Luna puts on a determined face, "Then we'll take matters into our own hands and make sure he doesn't take those chances."
"Umm, Luna, this is Lincoln; as in "the man with a plan" we're talking about here," Luan reminded her.
"True, but we gotta interfere, for our bro's sake. And I think I know how."
Night fell. The girls and Mr. C were outside the house in ninja outfits. Luna takes the lead in the group as she explained, "Okay dudes, we know bro's schedule, we just have to be a step ahead of Lincoln without getting caught."
Leni and Luan cheered.
"Cool!"
"Nice!"
Mr. Coconuts went, "Hey, where's the zipper? How am I gonna go in this garb?"
Luna sighed in annoyance, "Does Mr. C have to come with us, Luan?" Then she realized that's not her concern, "What am I saying? Let's move!"
And the group takes off. They made their first stop at Flip's as they came out with a giant barrel of chocolate syrup. "Nice work, brahs. Now Lincoln won't dump this in the fountain," Luna praised.
"Yay!" Leni cheered, then realized, "Wait, so what do we do with it now? I forgot to bring ice cream."
"Throw it away?" Luan hesitantly suggested, knowing she liked chocolate.
"No way!" Luna objected, "Never waste good chocolate."
The group took off once more with the syrup on the back of Luna's bike as some of it splattered Luan and Leni. The latter tastes it and is delighted. "So yummy! You don't even need ice cream."
The girls and Mr. C arrived at their next destination, the petting zoo. "Okay dudes, let's open the pig pen so Lincoln can't set them loose," Luna instructed. The girls opened the gate, and the pigs ran wild. The girl struggled catching them.
"Get back here!" Luan demanded.
"These pigs are faster than I thought," Leni commented.
Luna gets an idea as she quickly pulls out her phone and calls…
"Hey Lunes, what's up," Sam greeted at the other end of the call.
"Sam. What's your tip on pig herding?" Luna asked.
"Easy, just find something tasty and lure them in someplace safe so they stay there," Sam informed her.
"Thanks brah, you're the best. Later," Luna hangs up, grabs the barrel of chocolate syrup from Flip's and leaves a trail to an animal container. The pigs smelled the chocolate, licked the trail and followed suit. Once they're in Luna closes the gate.
Bicycle bells alerted the group. "Lincoln's group at 6! Hide!" Luan warned as the group took cover behind the container.
Lincoln, Rose and Riley arrived when he noticed the empty pig pen. "Hey, where are the pigs?" The girls shrugged as Lincoln and the duo left. Luna's group quietly high-fived each other in succession to another plan thwarted.
But it wasn't time to celebrate yet as they made their 3rd stop at a biker bar with a fight already inside. The girls felt sick to their stomachs. "This is Brawler's for sure," Luna confirmed uneasy as she held her stomach.
"This place looks way too rough for Lincoln," Leni commented, terrified.
"No kidding," Luan pointed to the sign, "Open for badness. Do we have to go in?"
"Heck no!" Luna exclaimed without flinching, "We just turn off the sign so Lincoln will think it's closed."
Leni goes around back and manages to unplug the sign. "It's out!"
Their success was short lived as a male and female biker came out of the parlor. "HEY! NO ONE TOUCHES OUR SIGN!" The latter yelled threateningly.
Mr. Coconuts picks up a whiff of odor, "Whoo! Doesn't smell like flowers and soap, that's for sure."
"WHAT DID HE SAY?!"
"THAT PUPPET INSULTED OUR PERSONAL HYGIENE! GET THEM!" The male yelled and pounded fists.
The group panicked, but wasted no time getting on their bikes and rushed out of the scene.
They eventually managed to lose the bikers. "That was close," Leni said, still shaken.
"At least Lincoln won't have anymore bikers to rumble with," Mr. Coconuts commented.
Luan has had enough, "Not now, Mr. C! You're in a time out!" she scolded and shoved him down in her bike basket.
"Focus dudes, Lincoln's school is our last stop, so we have to get there before he does," Luna informed the group.
"Too late!" Leni spotted Lincoln on a ladder, trying to remove the 'S' off the school sign. They also see a tough looking groundskeeper with a flashlight to the side of the school.
"Uh-oh, Groundskeeper! We gotta go before we're busted for trespassing," Mr. C warned.
"No, We gotta to save Lincoln!" Luna said with determination.
"But we'll get caught!" Luan tried to stop her older sister.
"And he'll know we read his diary!" Leni added.
Luna sighs defeated, "We don't have a choice. C'mon!"
The group ran towards Lincoln and shouted, "STOP!"
"Don't throw your life away!" Mr. Coconuts added.
The voices caught Lincoln's attention as he looked down at his sisters. "What are you guys doing here?!"
They confessed, "We read your diary!"
"YOU DID WHAT?!" Lincoln was furious as he slid down the ladder to confront the group.
"We're so sorry for invading your privacy like that!" Leni frantically apologized.
"We understand if you hate us forever," Luan spoke next.
Luna went last, "But we couldn't just let you toss your life into ruin! It ain't worth it!"
Lincoln suddenly switched from being angry to laughing his head off. "Well, duh! I knew you guys were reading my diary. That's why I made up the whole 'gone rebel' act."
"Say what?!" The girls were shocked.
Lincoln explained, "It all started the other day when I came back from Clyde's house…"
Flashback:
Lincoln, humming to himself, comes inside the house and retrieves the dairy from under the chair. He leaves to go upstairs as Luna pretends to play her guitar, and Leni hides in a picture frame. To his surprise, he finds a strand of blonde hair in his diary. "What the?" He muttered quietly to himself. He also overhears Luna's sigh downstairs…
"Too close for comfort dude," said Luna.
"I know, Lincoln would be so upset if he knew we read his diary," Leni added.
Lincoln quietly gasped in shock.
End flashback:
Luna and Leni looked at each other in guilt since they started the whole incident.
Lincoln explained further into detail. "So, I tore up my real last entry into pieces and wrote that fake story about skipping school."
"What about the tattoo?" Luna asked.
Lincoln pulled up his sleeve to show that it's clean.
"Well, what about sneaking out to parties?" Luan asked next.
"I never snuck out," Lincoln told her, "I just faked sneaking back in."
Flashback:
Last night revealed Lincoln climbing down the wall via a rope ladder.
I climbed out my bedroom window, and went around back. Then I walked in the moonlight back to the house, casting my shadow. I saw you taking cover, and that was my cue to walk inside.
End flashback:
"Well, what about Rose and Riley?" Leni asked last.
The girls come out of the bushes as "Rose" takes off her "hair" and jacket, revealing…
"Ronnie Anne?!" The girls saw who it was.
"Sorry we had to fool you guys," Ronnie Anne halfheartedly said with a smirk, "But we had to help him out."
"Riley" does the same, only she is revealed to be none other than…
"Stella?!"
"Yep. I was in on it too," Stella greeted.
"You guys know I would never do any of that bad stuff, right?" Lincoln asked. "All of this was just a ruse to get you confess into reading my diary."
"Sorry we doubted you, Linc" Luna apologized.
"It's cool, you guys," Lincoln forgave them. "And I'm sorry for putting through all that to teach you a lesson."
"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING HERE?!" The groundskeeper spotted them with his flashlight.
"Busted! Let's run!" Lincoln told everyone.
Not needing to be told twice, the 5 girls and Lincoln rode on their bikes as Mr. Coconuts asked him, "So Linc, what's that deep secret of yours? Graffiti? Secret piercing? Do you owe money to-"
Lincoln gets annoyed and tosses him in a trash can.
The End