North Wind Convention Center
(Skipper's POV)
Rockgut steps up to a podium and taps the microphone, "Welcome to another edition of the Elitist of the Elite Competition...This year we did something different challenging The North Wind and Team Penguin to the greatest most advanced simulator we ever created."
"To determine their totals we added the points they won in the simulator with the 200 points won by having one member complete the simulator without dying or blowing away," Rockgut said.
"The North Wind had zero members at the end of the sim so they get zero for the simulator."
"Great," Classified muttered.
"The North Wind has a total of 73 points and the Penguins have 419," Rockgut said.
"In your face," Kowalski said.
"But just like last year the points are not all that matters," Rockgut said, "it's time for the rating as like last time you will receive points based on your percentage. For example, 20 percent gets you 20 points while 100 percent gives you 100 points."
"And if you get 0% you will get a 100 point reduction," Rockgut added.
"Let's do this," I said.
"Good luck your going to need it," Kowalski told Classified.
"We shall see," Classified said.
"First up is epicness," Rockgut said, "sadly, it seems moving around blindly with a VR headset on your face did no favors. North Wind and Team Penguin are tied at 50! For 123 and 469 points respectively."
"Next as always is Awesomeness, North Wind gets 75 and Team Penguin gets 100..." Rockgut said, "...That's 198 and 569 total points respectively."
"Fan approval is next with both teams tied at 95!"
"That's 293 for North Wind," Rockgut said, "And a total of 664 for Team Penguin!"
The crowd cheered at our now really impressive lead.
"Effectiveness of tactics and strategy North Wind got 70% and Team Penguin got 80%"
"Now that's for those of you who can't do running totals in their heads...we're not judging," Rockgut said, "Team Penguin now has 744 total points and North Wind has 363!"
"And now finally is the most important rating of all... The Rockgut Rating," Rockgut said.
"1000 percent of each team," Rockgut said leading to loud cheers.
"What?" I whispered.
"Brace yourselves," Kowalski said.
Rockgut seemed to get angrier as he spoke, "That means a total of 1363 points of North Wind and 1744 points for Team Penguin!"
"I don't like where this is going," Nigel said.
"Because the leaders of both teams threatened to punch me when they got out of the simulator," Rockgut said.
"Oh no," Classified said.
"Oh so you wouldn't get mad if we stuck you in a simulator against your will?" I asked.
The question fell on deaf ears, "1200 point deduction!"
Out mouths hung open as our points went down rapidly on the screen behind rockgut. North Wind went down to 163 and we went down to 544"
"This sucks," Private whispered.
"And because Nigel agreed with Skipper..."
"That is hardly fair," Nigel exploded.
"400 point deduction," Rockgut said causing the audience to boo, "Plus a 100 point deduction for North Wind."
"WHAT!?" Classified said.
"And North Wind has a total of ZERO points!" Rockgut said as the screen lit up with a big fat zero in North Wind's total column.
"144 points for Team penguin and zero points for North Wind," Rockgut said.
"This isn't right," I said.
"Which means the winner is..." Rockgut said.
"ULTIMA PENTRON!" Rockgut said as Ultima Pentron silver cape and all appeared.
"Wait... WHAT!?" Kowalski screamed.
"That can't be right," Rockgut said a horrified expression on his face.
"Oh but it is," Pentron said as he punched Rockgut off the stage.
'Wait a moment," I said.
"Oh stop it I won!" he replied holding up the trophy.
I turned to see a detonator for a Nucular Bomb, "Not even in a simulator Losetron!" I said as I hit the activator for the nuke.
"What no!" Pentron said as a blinding light filled the world
The screens on the VR headset goes black and I rip it off my head. I look around and as my eyes adjusted to natural light. I turned to see Rockgut strapped into a VR immersion suit. I rush up to Rockgut and rip the VR helmet off his face.
"What... wait is this?" Rockgut said.
I look around, "We're in some kind of warehouse."
Rockgut looks down at his VR suit, "get me out of this thing Cupcake!"
I quickly got Rockgut out of the suit and harness, "Where are the others?"
I turn and see my men and North Wind blindly looking around the VR goggles on their faces. I ripped the goggles off Classified, Private, Rico, Kowalski, Eva, Corporal, and Short Fuse.
"What the," Classified said, "that was a simulation?"
"I knew their was no competition this year," Rockgut said, "we were set for next year on the 31st of March as usual."
"So we were in a simulation inside a simulation!?" Kowalski said.
"Wait how do we know we're not in a simulation now?" Private said, "I mean that last simulation was super realistic."
"We're all in VR immersion suits Private," I said finally ripping mine off.
Everyone else followed by lead and took of their VR immersion suits, "Now this feels like movie about a VR video game," Kowalski said.
"Ah there you are chaps," Nigel said looking just as confused as the rest of us.
"This is why I hate these new-fangled VR simulations," Nigel said.
Nigel drops his empty VR suit and VR helmet to the ground.
"What we need to do now is find out where..."
"In a warehouse in a Industrial Park in upstate New York," Kowalski said, "in Buffalo"
"Home of the Buffalo Wing!" Private exclaimed.
"Do you know what those are made of Private?" I asked.
"Uh, Buffalo," Private said, "Also known as Bison!"
"Wrong," Kowalski said with a shudder.
"Their of the carcasses of our avian cousins dipped in mouth numbing sauce?" I asked, "after being butchered and dismembered!?"
"Yum," Rico said.
I turned to glare at Rico, "um..." Rico said, "Not yum."
"I lost my appetite!" Short Fuse said.
"BIRDS DO NOT EAT OTHER BIRDS PRIVATE!" I screamed.
"That's not strictly true Skipper," Kowalski said, "There are a couple species of birds that eat other birds... Condors, Falcons, Hawks, Eagles, Owls, Vultures, Skuas..."
"Don't mention those savages in a conversation ever again!" I said.
"I'm on a low bird diet," Eva said.
"Low?" I said.
"Did I say low? I meant no bird diet," Eva said.
"But don't tempt me," Eva added under her breath.
"I heard that," Classified said.
"Darn Classified and his super dog hearing," Eva muttered.
"I heard that too," Classified said.
"What did you hear before that?" I asked.
"Classified," Classified said a little too quickly.
"Now what?" Nigel said.
"We find out who arranged this," I said.
A Monkey stumbling into the room with a VR goggles on, "What... wait... Who turned off the lights?" she said.
"The simulation is over dastardly villain!" I said.
"Yeah!" Kowalski said, "What he said!"
"Ditto," Classified said.
"Get this stupid thing off me!" she screamed.
"I know that voice," Rockgut said.
"You do?" I said.
Rockgut tackled her to the ground and ripped the VR headset off, "Penguin enemy number two... THE WHITE WIDOW! The white albino Spider monkey!"
"Do you usually tackle the woman you met to the ground old man?" she said.
"Old!?" Rockgut screamed, "I'm not old!"
"Didn't you hide out waiting for that pathetic squirrel for fifty years?" White Widow said.
"I'm younger than you!" Rockgut said the anger clearly showing on his face.
"Whoa watch the blood pressure Grandpa," She mocked.
Nigel pushed Rockgut back, "Not worth it buck," Nigel said.
"You going away for a long time Monkey!" Rockgut said.
Nigel pushes Rockgut away and rubbed his temple, "I'm getting too old for this..."
"Nigel Nelson Tux," White Widow said.
"Wait Nelson?" Private said.
"For the last time my middle name is not Nelson!" Nigel said.
"I don't even have a middle name!" Nigel added, "blimey!"
"Oh, must be thinking of someone else," Widow said, "Though most of the agents who face me are long dead so it doesn't really matter."
"And it's going to be so fun taking out America's Greatest Penguin Commandos," White Widow said, "maybe I'll finally let out a tear when I kill you!"
"Doubtful," Nigel said, "your so heartless you can't even produce a single crocodile tear."
Suddenly there was a blur of black and white and two Penguins slammed her to the ground, "The only one killing the Penguins is us..."
"THE CHINSTRAP SISTERS!" They both of them said.
"They didn't know that," Widow replied.
"Kara and Stella Chinstrap," I hissed, "what a unsavory surprise."
"Don't make us arrange the same pain we put Manfredi and Johnson through," Stella hissed.
Kara held up her triple laser blaster, "now stay still..."
Stella lowered her double laser blaster and aimed it at my face, "...this is going to hurt a lot."
I took them both out with a roundhouse kick knocking them out, "I learn some things since we last met," I replied to their unconscious bodies.
"You think you can stop White Widow?" White Widow said, "I've killed agents with more skill than..."
Rico hit her with the butt of his Rocket Launcher and she went out cold.
"Thank you," Rockgut said, "Now if you excuse me I have Penguin Enemies Two, Five, and Six to bring in. Buck Rockgut just nabbed White Widow and the Chinstrap Sisters!"
A swarm of IPSA agents rushed in to cuff all three of them.
"NO," Kara said, "You will never have us!"
"Flipper-cuffs," Nigel asked as specialized penguin handcuffs were given to him, "Looks like we just did madam."
"Did you now?" Kara said.
"I'm am arresting you for endangering our security and attempted murder of IPSA and North Wind agents," Nigel said, "You have the right to remain silent anything you say could be used against you in the tribunal. You have the right to a attorney if you can't afford one one will be assigned to you by the IPSA Justice corps."
Rockgut was giving a similar listing of rights to White Widow who was being lead into a IPSA helicopter outside. The Super-plane, the North Wind's jet, and a IPSA UK helicopter were waiting next to a P.A.A.T van.
"Anything we say?" Kara said.
"Then I have one thing to say to you. Goodbye!" Stella said
"I hope you have good life insurance," Kara said.
"Wait a minute," Kowalski said, "the last time you said that line you..."
"No!" I said my eyes going wide in realization, "Everyone get down!"
And then the warehouse exploded. When the dust settled The Chinstraps were gone.
"Team sign off," I said as Classified pushed some debris of corporal behind me.
"Kowalski, here with... ow... science," Kowalski said.
"Bad kaboom," Rico said.
"Private reporting for duty!" Private said.
"I'm okay since your asking," Classified said.
"The Chinstrap Sisters have escaped," Nigel said.
"Doesn't matter," Rockgut said, "We got the one responsible for this bad simulation."
"You will pay for this," White Widow said, "I will have my..."
"Revenge?" I said.
"Oh one more thing Skipper," White Widow said, "The Time of Blowhole is coming! Infinite Doom is coming for the heroes of Dreamworks! And you will suffer most of all! Blowhole has the Infinity Flipper! The Countdown to your infinite pain has now begun!"
Her spine-tingling evil laugh was cut off by the helicopter door slamming shut, "That's enough prophecies of doom thank you," Private said.
"All right," Rockgut said as his hopped in next to the pilot, "We're hauling out!"
"I haven't heard of this Infinity Flipper, " Classified said.
"I'm sure it's nothing," Kowalski said dismissively.
My gut told me otherwise but I decided that they didn't need to know that.
"Let's go home boys," I said.
"Something came up so we have to go," Classified said looking at his beeping spy watch.
"Wait!" Nigel said.
"Yes?" I asked.
"What now?" classified said.
"Don't you want to be part of The Elitist of the Elite Competition?" Nigel said.
We all groaned and walked away, "Wait? Where are you chaps going!?" Nigel said.
The sounds of our respective aircraft taking off were his answer, "Well I guess we'll see your next year," Nigel said.
Nigel then walked back to the IPSA UK helicopter. The IPSA helicopter that contained the captured White Widow was flying back towards the central United States and the GPC. Nobody saw The Revenge hovering invisibly over us all. Blowhole's cruel evil laugh echoed into the night.
THE END
(The Penguins of Madagascar Theme plays)
The Penguins will Return!