Just Knock

She is there outside the wooden door trying to build up the courage to press her knuckles on the frame. What will she say to him if he answers? Does she really want to tell him the truth? She must want to if she got into her car and drove through the loud city.

He is inside counting the cracks on the ceiling. She is all he wants and all he cannot have. If only she would show up here. His loneliness radiates through the empty house. The one bedroom in the hallway reminds him of what he has lost since he has seen her. There is no laughter anymore, just long hours of wishing he had made different choices. If only he would have told her how he felt when he had the chance, but rules are rules. He knew Katrina was not a rule breaker. The girl was overcautious when it came to them. It didn't matter anyways. When the possibility of being with her was still an option, he was married. With a child too, but soon after his wife confronted him about his relationship with Katrina, Brian learned that she was leaving and taking Austin with her. It broke his heart and stalled his mind. The one person who he wanted to tell was Katrina. She had become so distant though, it was like she wasn't there at all. So, he sits alone in his empty house and pines for the days when he hadn't ruined their relationship.

Softly, she begins to knock on his apartment door. Her heart races as she hears his melodic footsteps approaching in the dark. The door swings open and in front of her the light of the house shows the shape of the man she cannot stop thinking about. She looks up at him.

His dark eyes widen when he sees her there. He loses any train of thought he had when he sees her blue eyes are full of pain. He knows that look is because of him. He has seen her this way only once before, when she said they could not work together anymore. Nothing hurts him more than the far-off look in her eyes and the heaviness of her posture.

"Hey," he manages to speak out to her "what are you doing here?"

She hears his inquiry, but she does not respond. She thinks she must be crazy to be standing here with her heart on her sleeve. What could she possibly say to him that would not make things worse?

"Do you want to come inside?" he asks hesitantly stepping back and gesturing into his apartment.

Though she does not even seem to realize she is still making a shadow on his doorstep. He can tell her mind is somewhere else. Judging from her appearance, she does not know if she wants to be here. He always could see right through her. Perhaps that is why they worked so well together. They just had a connection. There is no one to blame for the feelings they both have, at least that is what crosses his mind as he sees her lips begin quiver.

"Katrina are you okay?" his voice comes out as a plea. He leans closer for her response.

"What? Um no. Not really, Brian." She sees him shudder when she says his name. Katrina is always precise, but in this moment, she loses her ability to be specific. She notices the lean in his head to listen and continues, "I am just trying to think of the right words to say to you, but now that I am standing here, I realize there are no words. No words are adequate in describing how I feel right now."

He stares at her intently. His voice escapes him. No vocabulary could save him now. Just like she said no words are adequate.

As if she can see what he is thinking, she says "You don't have to say anything, Brian. I know this is not how you envisioned your night and definitely not your life. I just need you to know the truth. And it is big, and scary, and difficult." Her chest feels like a weight is holding her back from saying what she needs to say. He cannot move his eyes from the ocean within hers.

Still locked eye to eye she opens her mouth to say it. Those words that change everything. That change people. That can make or break a relationship.

Her chest rises and falls rapidly as she speaks, "I am in love with you."

Despite this being exactly what he wanted to hear, he looks at her dumbfounded. This can't be possible, he thinks. There is no way he heard her correctly. "You're- how- what?" he barely stutters out.

"You heard me correctly, Brian. And I know it's crazy. Hell, I am even sure what possessed me to drive to your house in the middle of the night. But what I do know is that I am so damn sick and tired of doing what is right. I did what was right. I let you go. That's what they say to do, right? If you love someone then set them free. Well that's what I did, but all that I got from it was misery. I'm miserable, Brian. Absolutely miserable. So here I am talking to you. Acting foolishly and telling you how I feel."

She ran through the words so quickly that Brian could hardly keep up. His head is spinning, but not in a bad way. He can finally be with her. He grins at her with one of those classic Brian looks. It's calming and knowing and most importantly it is loving.

She hasn't been on the receiving end of one of those looks since that first night working together. She had realized that she was falling for him that night and she decided to shield herself from the look that would make her bend under his transgressions.

He interrupted her thoughts, "Katrina you are not foolish. In fact, you are just the opposite. You are brave. I've been sitting here for weeks now thinking about what I would do if you showed up at my doorstep. I was being a coward by thinking that I couldn't show up at yours, but I didn't think you would want to see me."

He steps closer to her now. He almost feels her body against his. She doesn't take a step back. He even thinks she might have stepped a little closer. They look into each other's eyes. Love surrounds them. Brian leans his tall frame down to meet hers in a hug. She is much shorter than he thought she was. Maybe it's her lack of heels or maybe her vulnerability makes her appear smaller. Either way their bodies fit together perfectly.

Brian pulls away from her first, but immediately she grabs each side of his face with her soft hands. Her urgency surprises him. "Katrina wait, don't you want to take this slow? I just mean we want to do this right. We had to wait so long after all" Brian says.

"Yes, Brian. We do want to do this right. And we are going to. I just really want to kiss you" she giggles after the last sentence and covers her mouth at the sound of it. She never giggles so this came to both as a surprise.

"What was that?" he teases. "I have never heard you giggle." He misses the feel of her hands on her face. "But I really want to kiss you too."

Katrina's hands return to his face and he leans down once again. This time he places his lips on hers. A perfect fit. He is not surprised. Maybe soulmates exist and maybe they don't but the two lovers standing on a doorstep kissing each other aren't thinking about any of that. All they know is that the person in front of them means everything. And that's all that matters anymore. With eyes closed and breathless lungs, Brian and Katrina rest their foreheads together. It was the best kiss of her life. And the only one that's ever mattered. The same goes for him. Brian has dreamt of this moment since she first told him about her migraines. It was a moment of courageous vulnerability that he will never forget. It was the moment he fell in love with her. And tonight was finally the manifestation of that.

"Come on in" Brian says without losing connection with her body. She rests in his arms as they slip into the living room both with wearing smiles.

It was the moment they both wanted. They were finally together.