Paulina returns to the guest room furnished with a large canopy bed constructed from tree stumps and custom built-ins on either side of its own bathroom. She pushes the door closed, but not all the way prior to posting herself on the solid white comforter letting her feet dangle off the pine floors. Her first call is to Joe, then Rachel.
Rachel hears the sorrow in her voice, "You stay as long as you need. Dante is perfectly content and playing happily with Cory and Elizabeth. And give my love to Jake and those girls." Sitting on edge of the bed, Paulina remains motionless with her head down, "I will. Thank you, Rachel."
Jake walks in just as she ends the call. The room is glowing with starlight. He shuts the door behind him placing the monitor on the dresser. Nothing is said between them. He plants himself besides her on the bed and reaches out to tuck a loose strand of her hair behind her ear.
"I should probably be okay to stay a week." Jake nods and Paulina continues, "We've had a long day…"
Paulina slides to up to the head of the bed. Jake follows so they lay in the bed face to face with the same clothes they had on earlier. The fleece blanket at the foot of the bed becomes a comfort for each of their bare feet.
"Was it ever the same with Joe as it was with us?" Jake asks staring into her eyes. The look is real.
Paulina keeps her eyes locked on him, "No…" And then asks the same, "Was it ever the same with Vicky as it was with us?"
Jake answers honestly, "It was different. She gave me hope again, that feeling of love after I lost you." He reaches for her hand to place a soft kiss, but withdraws just before his lips graze her skin. "But, the passion between you and me was always…"
"Very powerful," finishing Jake's statement. "I mean, I didn't think I would ever fall as hard and fast as I did with you. I really thought we made it. You would look at me… and I'd want to catch on fire." She closes her eyes biting her bottom lip.
"It was fierce." He whispers as he pulls her closer in his arms.
"I never wanted to give my heart to another…"
Jake keeps a hold of her hand, "Do you have any regrets with us?"
Paulina nods locking eyes with his once again, "Many. How about you?"
Jake's emotions are heightened over the last several weeks. He becomes more vulnerable during this conversation than he has since before Vicky. The amount of alone time he has had to think about his life provides more clarity than ever before. Paulina, on the other hand, is finding herself more uninhibited than she has been in months. The ability to speak from the heart and not cradle her feelings is freeing.
"You left me broken, Paulina." A tear rolls downs his eyes remembering the pain as she gasps and holds a breath. "You and I were the dream. We made plans. We were supposed to be forever… a family with children."
"I thought the same, Jake." She flashes back to a very direct conversation ending with a proposal acceptance at the studio.
"You carrying my baby…" He pauses, places his hand on her stomach and she wells up, "my shortcomings always won out. And then, Joe… Joe… the polar opposite of me."
"That's what I thought too." Paulina takes a deep breath as the flood gates opened. "However, his shortcomings are nothing compared to yours. He never treats me like a partner, just a boring housewife. His trust for me is out the window between the diet pills and the unfortunate fire." She sighs finding her stolidity, "My life went down fast in a rabbit hole and I don't know how to get out." He squeezes her hand. "You know…He lied to me about you, you being alive."
"You stayed with him knowing that?" Jake perplexed by this realization.
"It's complicated, Jake." A heavy sigh is heard throughout the room. Paulina is so unsure of how much candor to reveal and rolls over to stare at the ceiling.
"Is it just the sex you miss?" Jake asks without batting an eye.
"Sex with you?" Paulina's voice drops down an octave.
Jake smirks, "Sex… period."
"Oh… I miss being wanted, touched with so much hunger and intensity. The connection, the need with that one person trusting them completely with your body, mind, soul." Paulina rests her hands on her flat stomach.
"Did you ever feel that before?"
"Jake…" She struggles being this close to him talking about this subject. She exits straight to the bathroom.
Fifteen minutes later, Paulina walks out of the bathroom with a blotchy face and tissue in hand. Talking out loud about this is making this all too real. Joe and her… Her marriage… and then being here with Jake.
"I didn't mean to make you cry." Jake is very sincere.
Staying close to the bathroom door, she whispers "You… are the one person I thought would be in my life forever." She clings to the tissue with one hand and the door frame with the other. "You being the only person that… that would hold me and never let go. You…You… you have the ability to let me be myself and you listen. You never stop trying." She folds the tissue into a tiny square, "You look at me… me, Jake. And that's when the sun shines the brightest… in my life." She finally looks up at him and states quietly, "I miss the sun."
He sits up on the bed to look at her face to face. Jake reaches out for his Paulina. She steps closer for his arms to wrap around her waist. The weight of his head rests on her full chest. It seems like an eternity since she felt this...