Disclaimer: I only own Casey and his family. All other characters are properties of K. A. Applegate and/or the other authors who are with me in this roleplay/collabfic.
A/N #1: {{}} = Thought-speech.
A/N #2: Personal thoughts are italicized.
*~*~*| Chapter 10 - The Forest |*~*~*
It was a dark and stormy night.
(I've always wanted to use that phrase.)
But no, seriously. For the period when we were trying to find our way out of that forest, there was intermittent rain and absolutely no heat coming from anywhere. I'm telling you right now, it was COLD.
I've never done well with low temperatures. Summer and early Autumn are my favourite parts of the year, I'd rather Winter wasn't a thing, and I'd prefer burning to death than freezing to death – as much as anyone could ever prefer one over the other.
(My cat agrees with me, by the way. So there.)
On top of that, I'm not too great at navigation. I do FAR better at math and the hard sciences; geography and the arts aren't really my strong suit. I can read a roadmap reasonably well, but that's it, and it's not like we had one. So basically, during the trek out of the national forest area, Anna and I just followed in the footsteps of Al and Erik, who at least seemed to have SOME idea of where they were heading.
"So. Um… kind of an unbelievable day it's been, isn't it?" I asked awkwardly. Anything to break the long, interminable silence that seemed to be forming.
"Let's see," Anna replied, ticking off on her fingers. "Missed my bus. Didn't get my nachos. Had an unintended trip to the forest. And now my shoes are wet. I don't think it's unbelievable as it is just… disappointing. Unless you're talking about the alien centaurs and their enemies, the parasitic yoghurt slugs. In which case, yeah, look, you're not wrong."
"Yeah, I still can't even begin to wrap my head around it. The whole alien invasion thing, I mean," I responded. "Somehow, 'just another day at the mall' turned into 'co-opted into defending humanity from an alien invasion'. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"Do you think we even have a chance? I mean… you saw that woman. She took on an alien with a tail-sword and won. And we… we couldn't even decide whether to sneak out of the very dark, loud, and creepy construction site or not. Either we get a grip on working together - assuming nobody 'opts out' - or we're absolutely screwed."
"We're what, five rebels versus the force of an empire? Which means that by all the laws of good storytelling, we'd definitely win," I tried for a bit of levity, which given the last few hours, was probably what we sorely needed right about now. My feet squelched in my waterlogged shoes with every step I took, and I shuddered as a cold wind knifed through the trees.
"I mean, how many slugs does it take to make an empire?" Anna wondered. "They must be pretty tiny. Maybe it's just a really tiny slug empire. Maybe we could like… become some sort of slug-eating thing… like a mongoose? I don't even know what a mongoose is but it sounds like it eats slugs."
"I don't even know what animals would eat slugs. Plus the slugs are in the brain - it's not like we can suck them out or something." A vision of myself pointing a vacuum cleaner at Al's head flashed into my mind, and I couldn't help but snort a little at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. "I mean, can you imagine us wielding vacuum cleaners and going around like some kind of domestic household army?"
A bright grin flashed onto Anna's face. "Who you gonna call? Slug-busters!"
That got me. I started to chuckle, and spent a few moments just releasing the tension that had built up over the course of the last few hours. The laughter caught, and soon, Anna was giggling along as well. It took a while to get the stress out of our systems, but after we had both settled down, it was a much easier, nearly companionable silence that sat between us.
"About that bit on working together…" I trailed off, not knowing how to broach a subject that might've been a little sensitive. "Erik's your brother, right? I couldn't help but notice that he kinda seems to be ignoring you, almost… but he's usually a nice guy. What's up with him?"
"He's been… different… ever since he moved out," she acknowledged, and her fragile good humour faded. "It's like he doesn't have time for us. Me. Our parents. It's just study and his roommate. Honestly I kinda wondered if something was… you know… between them. But after tonight I guess…" she pulled her arms tight around herself. "I guess he's just grown up enough to realise he doesn't like me."
"Oh," I said, a little lamely. "Maybe after tonight things will get better? I mean, it was definitely pretty crazy, maybe he'll come back to you once his mind's settled down a little."
I mean, it really was a bit strange. I would've expected Erik to try and reassure Anna, or to try and wake Anna up when he found her passed out on the floor, especially given how she'd run back into the construction site for him earlier. I didn't expect that he would just… not try to comfort her, or not even speak to her.
That's not what my brothers (or I) would've done.
"Or maybe he really is… well, you know. Maybe he's up front with Al for that other reason, instead of making sure his sis is okay. Maybe he just really needs a big, strong guy to hold and comfort him right about now."
"His room-mate's gonna be mad," she replied, and allowed herself to smile again. "I always hoped my brother would settle down with a tall dark and brooding alien traitor."
"Maybe he's terrified of you and avoiding you," I smiled. "Seeing you threaten that Andalite with knitting needles was scary. Brilliant, but scary." I faked a shudder - which wasn't too difficult, given how cold I was. The rain had finally stopped, but my toes were starting to go a little numb. I idly wondered if any of the others were facing the same problem with the cold, or whether it was just me (as usual).
"Thanks. I really… really didn't know what else to do. I mean, it obviously couldn't have been a coincidence… I'm just scared that by tomorrow morning I'm going to be so paranoid I'll be seeing can't-be-a-coincidences everywhere."
"Just try not to punch anyone else in the face," I joked. "Well… maybe your brother if you have to. Look, there he is right now," I pointed at Erik, who was now only slightly ahead of us.
"Honestly, I don't think I could throw a punch to save my life," she confessed, "Or at least not a proper punch. Sorry about that… again." We once again fell into an easy silence as Anna tried to wring water out of her soaked hair, when Will, who had been walking alongside us for some time, approached.
"You two aren't seriously considering we try and fight these things, are you?!" he asked. "Elfangor told us to use the cube to escape, but he said nothing about getting involved in all of this…"
To be honest, I hadn't yet thoroughly thought through what my involvement would be in this whole intergalactic war thing. My first priorities were a lot more mundane – they were still to get out of this forest (thank goodness, the forest looked to be thinning), get home safe, get a nice warm shower and a whole afternoon of sleep, and only THEN think about it. Right now, I was just trying to release some steam by dealing with the situation in the best way I knew how – by making it funny. It seemed to help Anna, too.
Unfortunately, Will's words took all the wind out of our sails, and Anna immediately tensed and closed up.
"So go home," she replied coolly. "Do nothing. Forget this happened. Maybe your drink was spiked at the mall and you ended up in the woods. Maybe you wake up tomorrow and decide this was all a bad dream. You can spend the rest of your life trying to forget this happened. Meanwhile your family and friends will be secretly infested by alien slugs. Not that you'll know it, of course. But every time you look at them, you'll wonder whether they're really them. Wonder if they're in there, screaming for help that isn't coming. Wonder if you could have done something. But that's fine. You saved your own skin, so it's okay. Because that's what matters here. You." And with that, she stalked off, offended. Will recoiled as if slapped – Anna had been brutally brusque.
Both of them do have valid points, though. Anna's right – we can't go along pretending everything's just fine – but what do we even know, and what can we even do?
Anna had gone to the front, and was now engaged in conversation with Al. That left Will, who looked like he needed some time alone, and Erik.
"Hey," I called out to Erik. "How're you holding up?"
"Eh," Erik shrugged. "I'm alright, what about you?"
"Still a bit disbelieving, to be honest. This whole intergalactic war thing just… dropped on our heads right out of the blue. Any plans?"
"I know Anna said, 'go home' more as a threat, but honestly, that seems like a pretty good idea right about now," Erik replied, shifting uneasily. "Other than getting out of this forest and into some warm clothes, I haven't thought too far ahead."
"If we can even figure out how to get home from here," I laughed weakly. "I'm guessing we're east of the interstate - that's practically the only forest around - so if we head west we'd be going in the right direction. But that's all I know. I'm as good as lost, so I'm just following Al. Speaking of which… what do you think of this whole 'parasite vs host' angle he has going on?"
"I don't know, it's all still a blur to me. I haven't really had time to think about everything," Erik stared ahead where his sister and Al were. They were out of our hearing distance, however.
"Yeah, this whole mess is a lot to take in, isn't it?"
"It's insane," Erik said, seemingly unsure of where to begin. "Alien invasion, body-snatching slugs, magic cubes, spaceships. I'm honestly not sure how anyone else here is still functioning. Myself included!"
"Yeah, I'm thinking along those lines too," I took a second to gather my thoughts. "Home is a great choice. As to how we're all still functional… I have no idea. Maybe we're all just a little bit nuts. Maybe the reality hasn't really set in yet. Although… I'm really looking forward to testing out more morphing. It seems so cool. I have a cat; I've always imagined what it would be like to be one..."
I probably sounded a little too excited right then, and to be honest, I actually was looking forward to morphing more. It was one of the things I'd always thought about – not morphing per se, but knowing what it was like to soar like an eagle, climb like a monkey, laze around in the sun like a cat, play in the sand like a dog… I'd doubt practically anyone if they said they'd never imagined being able to do that!
But yeah, first things first – we DID still have to get back to civilization. Which, judging by the not-so-distant sounds of wheels on tarmac, wasn't too many hours away. Will had heard it, too, and was staring off into the distance, lagging a little behind the both of us. I started feeling a little bad for him – Anna really had hit hard.
"Will? Are you alright over there?" I probed.
Will started – he probably had been thinking hard, same as the rest of us.
"Honestly? No…" he started tentatively.
"Tonight really sucks," Erik confirmed. "Where do you think we should go from here? We're almost at the interstate. Or is that the highway?"
"I'm not sure. I've never been this far north before, at least not in the woods." Will admitted. "If I had to guess, it's the interstate. We need to get home. I-... hmmm… I would say we call the police, but… well… same thing goes for hitchhiking. If all of this… Because of the invasion, how can we trust anybody?" I asked, more so to myself than the others.
"Nah, we probably can't." I replied. "Like Anna said, they could really be anyone or anywhere."
"Then we have only two - well, three - options, but one isn't very viable at the moment. We either walk, or we… or we steal a car and dump it somewhere once we get back into the city."
I'm sure my expression showed what I thought of that idea. Erik's, too. A run-in with the law probably wasn't something we needed right then – not to mention if my parents ever found out, I'd be grounded for life and have to deal with them bringing it up at every opportunity.
"I'm just trying to think pragmatically, here!" Will reacted defensively. "I mean, how else are we supposed to get back without relying on anybody else? We're already fugitives from the Yeerk slugs… Desperate times, right? The other option is to see if we can use this morphing power to turn into something fast. A bird, or a deer or something. But to find something like that out here, in the middle of the night? It would take some serious luck."
"Desperate times?" Erik asked. "We're stuck in the woods, right next to a major road, not stranded in the desert. Worst case, we just keep walking."
"How would we even catch a deer?" I wondered. "Let alone a bird? And even if we did so, clothes don't change along with us," I said, gesturing at Will's Al-sized clothes. "Morphing out would be… problematic."
I certainly didn't want to get arrested for public indecency.
"At the rate we've been going, it would take a few hours at least to get back on foot. It would be daylight by then. Then how would we look to the passing man-who-happens-to-be-an-alien?" Will argued, also using the state of his clothes to make his point. "Look, maybe we won't have to steal a car, or anything that extreme, I'm just saying we should try to get home as soon as possible. In my mind, we either risk grand theft auto or we risk hitchhiking with a Yeerk."
He wasn't wrong. The rest of us weren't much better off – we were bedraggled, slightly singed, sporting minor cuts and bruises from walking through the jungle… anyone seeing us would definitely remember us, and any Yeerk seeing that we'd come out of the forest, the direction in which the ship was last known to have headed in, would definitely have suspicions regarding our role in this whole escapade.
"I mean," Erik said shrugging, "we just look like your average hobos. We wouldn't stick out that much. Especially in the early morning."
"Hmm. Maybe. Let's just get out of the woods and go from there. There's bound to be something nearby that's closer than the city," replied Will.
After another period of silent trekking, Will awkwardly tried to break some of the ice.
"So, do you guys know each other? I mean before all this, were you friends or something?"
"We had a few classes together," Erik said first. "We hung out a few times."
"You guys in college? Here in the city?"
"Yeah, chemistry major," Erik said, turning to me. "Didn't we meet up in one of our math classes or something?"
"Stats," I clarified. "I think." Yeah, both of us were pretty math-y people. Erik was a pretty good guy. Well, maybe my opinion of him had suffered a bit after seeing how he treated his sister… but it hadn't been a good night for anyone. I'm sure he'd be back to normal soon.
"I used to be an electrical engineering major… but I dropped out." I replied. "That was a few years ago. I work at the airport now." Silence enveloped us once more, as we further contemplated the situation we found ourselves in.
Ahead of us, Anna was giving Al the third degree – asking questions a mile a minute without even bothering to pause for breath. I think we shared the same sentiments there; there were also about a million and one questions I wanted to know the answers to, and who better to ask than Al? So I went forth, with Will coming along, to listen in on the grilling Al was currently being put through. We were just in time to catch one last question from Anna:
"You said the Empire wants to control humans… Why us?"
"As for 'why you'. Why NOT you? What's there NOT to want? Everything the Empire needs can be found in humans and on this planet. Why wouldn't they want you? Better in every way to Gedds, more versatile than Hork-Bajir, both more versatile and controllable than Taxxons. For the Empire, the only thing better than a human host is an Andalite host, and I know of no Andalites captured. And I WOULD know. Unless some of these far-off scouts turn up something better, humanity will continue to be the largest growing reservoir of hosts."
That answer, assuming it was truthful, was actually quite worrying. How many of them were there? What would they consider "enough"? What would they DO with all the hosts they had?
"Anything else you'd like to know? We're starting to run out of forest to walk though. Highway ahead."
"So what you - or rather, the Empire - want is… us? Humans?" Will asked. "So what does that mean for humanity? What would happen if the Empire succeeded in their goal? Does your- your host even have a say in what you do in his body? Is he even still alive? How do you get new hosts? I haven't exactly seen any classified ads out in the paper… Look, I'm sorry for all of the questions, but try to see this whole thing from our perspective. None of us expected aliens to become part of our lives anytime soon, much less tonight."
The end of the forest came into view. There, about a kilometer ahead was a highway truck stop. Distant, red and white orbs of light moved along a stretch of interstate that was almost invisible in the early morning dark. Everyone stopped to catch their breath and take in the sight of the well-lit building off in the distance.
"Well… what now?" Will asked, to nobody in particular.
"I suppose we should create further plans before anything else," Al responded. "As for what's in it for you? Well that depends on you. What do you value? But from my experience, you won't value anything the Empire has to offer, not for what you give up." Al cast his gaze about, clearly searching for something. As for this man. He doesn't get a say. And that's the way it's going to stay. I won't change on that."
At that statement, everyone turned toward him, and this time, it was my mouth that the questions spilled from. "Why does your host not get a say? Does he hate having you around and not want you in his head? Wouldn't it be better to stay with someone who actually doesn't mind having you around? What's life as a Yeerk like anyway, that you need to enslave other species? WHY do you take over other species as slaves? What's the end goal? Elfangor told us a lot of things, but that's only one side of the story. What do YOU have to say? Why is your species in this war, and why has it come all the way to our corner of the galaxy?" I stared up at his face, all but demanding answers from a guy who, I belatedly remembered, was a head taller than me and built like a brick shithouse... I sincerely hoped I wouldn't get my lights knocked out!
It was just… wrong, on a visceral level, to hear that Al wouldn't give up his host even if his host rejected him. I mean, consent should always reign supreme! And Al had said it with such finality, such rigidity. Yeerks were sentient, right? They were obviously intelligent - much more so than us, given they had interstellar spaceflight. That also meant, I assumed, that they could experience and understand the whole host of emotions that any human would have. Happiness. Sadness. Excitement. Boredom. Love. Hate. Kindness. Ruthlessness. Morality. Empathy. Why, then, would they choose to enslave other beings - ones who did not wish for it? To strip away their free will, their agency, their very ability to control themselves and the world around them? How about the victim - did the human know whatever the Yeerk was doing to them? Could they see, hear, FEEL everything, but just be unable to respond to it all?! That last thought really, REALLY unnerved me.
I could understand if they didn't know what they were doing. I could understand if this… nature… was instinctual. It's not like we don't have insects on Earth that are parasites - there are wasps that lay their eggs in caterpillars, for instance. When their larvae hatch, they devour the caterpillar alive… from the inside. Not something I'd wish on ANYONE.
But... they did know. I'm sure they understood the pain and suffering they were causing - and they still chose to do what they did anyway. Why? Did this decision ever weigh on them, or were they operating on a completely different system of morality? Did they not feel upset that they were causing pain and distress, or had they simply learnt to regard it as necessary for their survival?
That didn't even come close to a tenth of the questions I had, but I stopped to allow Al to offer his point of view. I wanted to know. I wanted to UNDERSTAND. Why was this happening? And me wanting to know wasn't just for the sake of idle curiosity, either. How can you understand how others think without understanding how they see the world galaxy? How can you truly communicate with someone without understanding their point of view? And in the long run… HOW could we end this invasion (hopefully with no slaves)? Because, despite my earlier optimism, there was no way a handful of us could ever hope to do any serious damage against an entire Empire. This wasn't Star Wars. This was real life, and we were up against an enemy we couldn't see! Was there a way to cooperate with them instead?
If we chose to fight… we'd be dead within a month, if we were lucky. And I say lucky, because based on what we had seen tonight… there truly were fates worse than death.
"What do I have to say? That I speak for my species? That somehow I know why this war is going on? For hosts? For survival? For some vague sense of 'Yeerk actualization'? I don't know, everyone has their twisted reasons for war.
"As for your nonsense views of 'human freedom'. As if this man deserves freedom? As if you value this man's freedom? Your government seems to disagree. In fact, they'd say this man doesn't even deserve life. He deserves nothing but the chair. The one with 2000 volts going through it. You don't think this man deserves freedom, not if you knew him. You just want to signal your virtue to validate your own morality. Regardless of reality."
Honestly, Al's argument was interesting. Our justice system held sacred the idea that a person was innocent until proven guilty, but that was because there was no reliable way of judging guilt or culpability short of trying to put together a believable, likely story (hence lawyers being an ubiquitous part of the legal system). If completely unbiased Yeerks could indeed look through a person's head and determine truths from lies, that would be a far more reliable alternative than lawyers… but as the old saying goes… "Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?"
I also didn't think morality was set in stone. Different societies had different thoughts and beliefs – polygamy being permissible in some religions and outlawed in others, for example. What gave Al the right to be judge, jury, and functionally executioner? Similarly, nothing would give me the right to do that based on what I myself believed. So no, I wasn't buying anything he was selling – and he still hadn't answered what I was trying to actually find out.
"A life as a host is a mercy, on him and those around him. I suppose you'd just agree with volunteer hosts? It doesn't take a genius to figure out volunteers are propaganda. No one wants to be a host. Least of all murderers. I'd love to get rid of him, I really would, to leave and stay out of his twisted mind forever. But then what? Let him roam? Let him kill me? He'd kill you too now, you know. He'd squish me and vaporise you. All in a second, all without a thought. Get some sense of perspective. 'Freedom' only applies to the powerful. All the sudden you're not the most powerful, and your freedom dries up. I've seen it here too. From far away, out of this nation in others, they are no better than slaves. What difference does it make? Yeerk or Human? Reality is, people are freer, both Human and Yeerk, because this man is a host.
"He doesn't get a say, because anything he would say, would further untold suffering. I'm doing this world a favour taking away his 'freedom'." Al took in a deep breath after that long speech and looked each one of us in the eyes with a challenging glare.
Sure, if his host was really a murderer who was a menace to society, then I could understand if Al controlling a host was meant to be some sort of penitentiary sentence, but then again, as Al was judge and jury… "Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?"
"If you don't believe me. Morph me, morph the actual me, not this man. Come in here and find out for yourself."
"I'm not sure if I phrased my questions correctly," I replied, slightly frustrated at not getting a straight answer. "There's actually a couple of things here – first, I completely disagree that the ends justify the means, and I also disagree with your view on our justice system, because it's not like you can judge someone without being subject to your own views, thoughts and biases – but that's probably a question for another time. What I really wanted to know was, regardless of your personal beliefs about what your host has done, WHY do YOU want, or need, to control this guy, or any guy, or anything in the first place? And, since you've mentioned it, why does that make cooperation, or volunteers impossible?"
I took a deep breath and steeled myself.
"So yes, if being able to morph a Yeerk helps to answer the question, then I'm in."
In hindsight, that might not have been the smartest or most appropriate thing to do at the time. But it felt like the answers were RIGHT THERE in front of me, if only I were brave enough to grab them - so I called his bluff.
And also… if I were being completely honest with myself, I wasn't doing this JUST for the stated reasons. I was also looking forward to try morphing again. I wanted to know what it was like to be a Yeerk – but I also wanted to experience more of this technology. I wanted to experience morphing again. Was it logical? Was there a fixed order in which the transformation occurred, or was it an all-around change like Polyjuice potion? Could I control which parts changed first? I'd already morphed Will – what would happen when I morphed someone of a different species, and a different number of limbs, for example? Would it be easier? Harder? Would it make sense? Fortunately or unfortunately for me, my brain was completely distracted by the vast new world I'd just been exposed to - and it wanted more.
Yeah, I've sometimes heard people call me impulsive – I've had to be pulled out of hot water by my friends and siblings before. I've also heard that though I'm pretty logical, my brain sometimes works faster than my common sense.
I just hope it wasn't going to kill me at some point in the future.
Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed that night. Although Will and Anna also indicated their willingness to morph Al, they both spoke up about the appropriateness (or rather, the lack thereof) of doing so in the current situation.
"There's no use in us arguing here. Let's get a ride back to the city. If we want to stay together, my apartment should be discreet enough for us to continue this discussion. If not, we should set a place to meet up tomorrow or Sunday… assuming you don't just want to just try and forget that any of this happened," pointed out Will.
"You're going to have to come out of his head for us to acquire you. That means your host, if he's as terrible as you say he is, will try to either book it, or hurt us to take the cube. Which means we can't do this until we're somewhere safe," Anna agreed. "I don't want to make this darker than it already is, guys, but… let's look at the facts. You've just admitted you're an alien in the body of a murderer. We don't know anything about each other. We can't be arguing about morality right now, as much as I want to. Let's just… let's be sensible about this."
"Ok, that's fine," I relented, slightly disappointed. "Let's all just get home first."
It was a contemplative and quiet group that trudged out of the woods. The interstate, having been within hearing distance for some time, finally revealed itself through the last tract of sparse forest. Against the backdrop of a slowly setting moon, we slowly made our way towards the only visible building on this side of the interstate – a truck stop nestled into a tarmac elbow.
Anna and Erik had exchanged a few terse words and were now walking in a tense, uncomfortable silence. Not wanting to get between the siblings at that moment, I left them to resolve their own issues while I caught up to Will and Al, who were beside each other.
"Hey, Will?" I quietly asked. Will glanced down at me as I approached (I swear, the guys all had like at least 6 inches on me – and I'm not even short, I'm 5'6!). "I just wanted to say thanks for letting me morph you back there." Will looked like he was about to respond, so I quickly added, "No, really. My mind was absolutely refusing to work right. It was just about one of the worst things I'd ever felt."
Will offered a slight smile and replied, "You were concussed, that's why you couldn't think straight. It's really okay. I mean, you did all the work, morphing and all. I just kinda stood there in a daze."
"You gave your permission, which was really important. Can you imagine if everyone could morph, and someone ran around in your body doing all sorts of stupid things… that sounds like all sorts of creepy. Someone could steal a car while using your face or something. Or rob a bank," I joked.
Will looked a little troubled by the joke. "Just… don't do that, please," he said seriously. "I think we're going to have enough trouble as-is without having the cops on us, too," he added in a more lighthearted way, the corners of his mouth twitching a little. "So, you're feeling better then?"
"As well as I could feel after all the nonsense that's happened today," I chuckled. "Oh, and I found out something else, too! Morphing repairs injuries, right? Apparently it heals eyesight too! I can actually see clearly again! I'm kind of excited to see what it can do on things that are not DNA. I mean, it sounds like I could theoretically morph back into myself but with longer hair or longer fingernails or something. I don't know, maybe I'll give it a go."
Will offered a smile of acknowledgment, but it was clear his mind had become preoccupied with other things, which was understandable; we all really had a lot to think about. The conversation ended shortly after as we all made the long journey home.
*~*~*| Chapter 10 |*~*~*
Well, that should be the last bit for the night. The next chapter will be the following day, and whatever new trials and tribulations it brings.
As always, thanks go to /u/Shiiang (Anna), /u/mrmrspears (Erik), /u/tman008 (William and Elfangor), /u/deadbravo (Alazar), and /u/apostolicnerd (Zed, the 2nd Andalite) for allowing me to use their words in my retelling of the story.