The sun is not even up and the gym is fairly packed twenty-four hours after their return from Chicago. Paulina beelines for an available treadmill to run away that discussion with Jake last night in the parking garage. It was tough to swallow it then and it still is now in her high-rise red running shorts. She is oblivious to anyone else. The music in her ears are enough to block out any distractions until she spots Jake in her peripheral.
"Damn it." She says under her breath and increases the speed. Paulina runs faster and longer until her wondering eyes capture Jake bench-pressing with Chris as his spotter. She cannot handle this, not after what he said. Their eyes meet. She jumps off the treadmill and heads towards the empty stretching room in a rush.
Chris observes this interaction. Jake sits up quickly, but is halted by his friend. He leans in to speak privately, "Before you go after her, listen to me man… know matter what happens, you gotta forget all the other stuff, everything. All logic, fear and doubt." Jake grins listening intently, "You gotta do everything you can to get to the one woman who is going to make it all worth it. You gotta jump." He squeezes his friend's shoulder, "You love Paulina… you always have."
The speech Chris gives Jake is the boost he needs to follow Paulina. She plops down on a vacant floor mat. With the bottom of her feet touching, she lowers her head down breathing in, breathing out, and then she smells him.
Looking up in the mirror, Paulina rolls her eyes. "What?" The aggravation is clear not only in her tone, but her face. She returns back to stretching in effort to ignore his presence.
He steps closer, "Maybe…I didn't… let me explain." He squats down to her level. "Cupcake, please look at me."
Paulina looks back at him over her shoulder, "I can't do this now." She runs off to the locker rooms without another word.
Following the conversation Paulina and Jake had last night, she finds herself in need of advice. Sitting on her friend's couch, Paulina relives the aching desire for elucidation especially after this morning's confrontation at the gym.
Engulfed in her notable snowy feather boa, Felicia tries to understand the situation without judgement. "You have been seeing Jake… secretly?" Paulina nods passively. "For how long?"
"Since Canada." She smiles, "It came out of nowhere."
"Usually happens that way."
"You know, we never had an affair. We stayed in our marriages: me with Joe, him with Vicky. We did the responsible adult thing and pushed everything to the side. You know, just focused on our friendship. And then Canada happened. It just validated how much he's a part of me. And, me a part of him. We've never been finished." She pauses, "I didn't realize how depressed and unhappy I was until I was in a room with him, again." Not only is Felicia a romantic at heart, but also a true friend to Paulina. "We wanted our choices to be ours, not the towns. We wanted to have the time to really explore what's happening between us; that it isn't too late."
"Makes sense." She folds her hands her in lap, "So, why do you look worried?"
"We were saying our goodbyes last night." She pauses to recall, "We had such an amazing time; just the two of us. Anyways, he told me we should hold back. We should give ourselves space."
"That isn't necessarily a bad thing. You both are different people now."
"He's concerned given our history." Paulina rubs her tight neck.
"Honey. We've had a similar conversation before, remember? You were wondering if you should marry him."
Paulina is puzzled. "This isn't the same conversation."
"Isn't it?" Felicia continues leaning forward to emphasize her point, "Was he the love of your life, then?" She sighs knowing the answer and resumes, "And now, Jake has a hell of lot more to prove and to rise above. You know him best. You are the one that knows every mistake, every decision. Everything. And, undoubtedly, he has changed. He is probably terrified of loosing you."
"Oh, Felicia. I've forgiven him." She smiles, "He makes me really laugh… laugh like I haven't in years."
"He was the love of your life, then. And he still is. You love him, Paulina. You always have." Felicia sees the big smile appear on her friend's face. "This is it. You wouldn't be here if you didn't already believe it. He's always been it."
The room goes silent as Paulina absorbs Felicia's words. "Of course," she mumbles. "I'm just so happy to finally tell someone." She exhales in relief.
"Paulina. He isn't trying to isolate you or not be with you. My advice, just keep talking with him. He is thinking what is best for both of you."
Paulina stands outside the Penthouse in shambles due to waking up on the Cory verandah in the middle of the night thanks to the sprinklers. "I came straight here. I don't know. It's the weirdest thing. I got in my car and here I am at your door without a call." She pushes past him and marches straight for the liquor cabinet, "I ran lights. Do you hear me?"
He is trying to catch up with her. "I think so. It's three in the morning, Paulina…" He slides the door enclosure closing off the rest of the penthouse.
She continues her rant, "I ran lights, Jake, without even thinking about it." She pours herself a scotch and tosses it back. "What you said. You want space. I want you to know that I have been thinking a lot in the last twenty-four hours. And, I get it… finally."
Jake plops down on the sofa, "Great. Can we have this talk with coffee in the morning..." He can tell by her look that she does not agree. "Or not."
"Jake, I have some stuff I need to get off my chest. So, listen up." She takes a deep breath, "You're wrong. Our past. Yes. It includes memories of pain, heartbreak...but damn it. Those memories of love, happiness, laughter… passion; I'll never forget that. I think about it all the time; one constant through all the years, with us apart. Don't think they all can be just erased. You got me!" She paces in front of him, "And if time or space is what you need to ensure our future, then fine. But know this, we will go the distance. I'm in this. I'm here. I want this. I want you, with all that I am. You are apart of me." She leans against the sofa arm, "And. I am apart of you. We cannot fight it anymore."
"Paulina," leaning forward keeping his voice low, "I never said I wanted us apart. I did say space because I need you to be sure about this. You can't leave when things get hard. I won't make it."
She sits down next to him and repeats him. "Leave when things get hard?"
"Look… It has been known, from previous evidence, that when you get angry or hurt… you leave, run away." He runs his fingers thru his hair and quickly adds, "Not that I haven't done things unforgivable, but I never left you… at least not because of love." He pulls her hand into his, "I told you that you are it for me. Being with you Paulina, it's the best I'm ever going to be." He leans in to give her a tender kiss. "Right here, right now. In the middle of the night, I want to make you a promise. A promise considering the distance that we've covered to get here. But to do that, I have to talk about something that's uncomfortable to bring up."
She captures his hands in hers squeezing them for reassurance, "Okay."
"I hurt you. I did something unforgivable. And I don't think that I can express in words the guilt and regret that I feel for having done that to you, the person that I care about most. So, my promise is to make it up to you every day in small, quiet ways for the rest of our lives… together." He kisses her again, but with more passion.