My dream, more like a nightmare, is dark. I'm standing in the middle of a forest with trees towing over me in every direction. I'm completely lost. Not willing to let the panic set in just yet I pick a random direction and start walking, hoping to find my way out of this maze. Instead I stumble my way into a field of sorts, one that would be stunning in the day time but now looks as eerie as everything else here. And there he stands with his back towards me. Edward Cullen, my savior, seemingly radiating with light. The only light here.

'Help, I'm lost.' I yell, taking a step towards him and into the field, arm outstretched. As soon as my foot breaks out of the trees dread shoots up my spine. As if the forest is telling me I'm making a mistake, that I'm walking to something more dangerous than what hides in the darkness. That once I leave, the forest can no longer protect me. I keep going until my foot hits solid ground again, unable to stop myself.

He turns and smiles at me, teeth sharp and gleaming. In an instant I'm standing in front of him, unsure how I got here so fast. Glancing behind me I see that I haven't moved from the edge of the forest at all, he came to me. Turing back to face Edward, I gasp as I see his face just inches from mine. His hand comes up and gently cups the side of my face, almost lovingly even.

He leans in, his lips meeting mine. I grab his shirt and sigh into the kiss, not wanting it to stop. Alas he breaks away only to pepper me in more of them as he moves down to my neck. His eyes meet mine, only briefly, as he slowly closes in for one final kiss. Only, I realize too late, it's not a kiss. Before I can stop him, Edward sinks his teeth into my skin, sending searing pain up my body. The panic finally sets in. I try to fight him, to save myself from what is surely death but I can't. His free hand has both of my writs gripped tight, painfully tight. I look to the sky as I feel myself fading, dieing. I stare at a full moon that wasn't there moments before, the faint howl of a wolf sounding in the background.

The forest was right.

He's not my savior, he's my killer.

-

-

-

My eyes snap open and I jerk into a sitting position, grasping my chest as I heave, trying to suck in oxygen to my lungs. I slap a hand to my neck, trying to feel for a bite mark I know isn't actually there. I sit there for a while, staring into the darkness of my room, and try to slow my pounding heart. A glance at my phone tells me I still have hours before I have to be up for class so, once my heart calms down, I plop back down into my pillows. I stare at the ceiling for a while, trying to understand what I just experienced. I never do understand why he kills me in the dream, but I do understand one thing. I'm falling for Edward Cullen.

-

-

-

The rest of the month passes by just as I thought it would. Filled with questions, embarrassment, and stress. For a while after the accident I become the focal point of everyone's attention again. They all want to know how I survived an impossible crash. I did what any normal person does when faced with an unexplainable answer, I lie. I tell them all that Edward was standing next to me and pulled me out of the way. In the end they all finally call it quits when they realize they aren't going to get the juicy heroic story they want.

Ironically, but not unexpected, they don't bother the "hero" of the story, Edward. They don't even act concerned about him even after hearing that he could have been killed with me, according to my story anyway. I, on the other hand, have a hunch he would have been fine either way. They all do comment on how they didn't even know Edward was at school already until the van was removed. In other words no one else saw how he was across the parking lot, not next to me. It's infuriating, not having someone who can back up my claim. To back up the facts of what really happened that day. But then again none of them watch Edward the way I do. They all avoid him.

Of course Jessica uses this chance to be closer to me, inadvertently irritating Mike each time. Of course he can't say anything about it. How would it sound if people find out he's being mean to the boy who almost died? So instead he sits there at lunch and quietly shoots daggers at the two of us. He doesn't think I notice, no one else does, but I do. I don't say anything to either party, Jessica does make a good cover after all. Plus Mike is still nice to me, just jealous.

In the end they all get bored and life goes back to normal. The Cullens and Hales still stay away from everyone, sitting at a table with food that is never eaten. People stop asking questions and I stop telling the same story over and over. And Edward? He goes back to sitting as far away from me as possible in biology and even stops the stares he used to give me. I get the feeling that if he could go back to that day he wouldn't have interfered like he did. If he hadn't then I wouldn't know that there is something off about his family, even if I don't know what it is yet.

After a while the anger I felt towards Edward turned into gratification. He saved my life that day, at the risk of him and his family. I wanted to speak with him, to tell him thank you and actually mean it this time, but the opportunity never presented itself. Until today. Today I manage to escape lunch moments before everyone else, giving me a head start to the biology room. Even still Edward is already there, staring straight ahead and as tense as ever. I sit down next to him and take a deep breath before speaking to him for the first time since the hospital.

"Hello Edward."

The only response I get is a small head turn in my direction. I take that as an ok to continue.

"I never properly thanked you for saving me, and I know it's been a while since the accident but...thank you."

I don't get a response. I didn't expect one.

I sit there and stare at the whiteboard, waiting for the rest of the class to arrive. It doesn't take long and before I know it Mike Newton is standing at the edge of my biology table, talking about the winter formal that will be held in December. It's still months out but people are already preparing for it, getting dates, dresses, and dinner reservations.

"--out Jessica."

"What?" I ask, snapping out of my thoughts.

Mike rolls his eyes and repeats himself. "Are you asking out Jessica?"

My eyes widen and I repeat myself, probably sounding stupid.

"For the formal?"

Oh. No.

"No Mike, I'm not asking out Jessica for the formal. I'm not even going. Dancing and me don't mix very well."

"Oh, ok. Well then...I'm gonna ask her out then. Are you sure you don't mind, she seems to really like you."

I smile at him. "I'm sure, go ask her out Mike." He nods and heads to his own desk, just in time for Mr. Banner to walk in and start the class.

The next day Jessica is quiet. I figured she'd be gushing nonstop about having a date for the formal already. Instead she stays quiet until she stops me before we enter the lunch room.

"So uh, Mike asked me to the winter formal yesterday." She says, blushing and looking to the side. "I turned him down."

Of course she did.

"Why would you do that? I thought you really want to go?"

"Because I was hoping that, maybe...you'd ask me?" Her voice fades towards the end and I realize how nervous she is.

"Jessica," I say as gentle as possible, "I'm not going to the dance. You should tell Mike yes."

She stares at me and squints her eyes. Suspicion fills her face.

"Why aren't you going?" She demands.

"I'm not a very good dancer." I say, rubbing my blushing cheek with my hand. "I wouldn't be a good date."

A small noise of acceptance, maybe even irritation, is all I hear before we head into the cafeteria. I head to the line to get food and Jessica goes straight to Mike. I assume she says yes to him as they spend the rest of the lunch period chatting away. My assumption is proven correct when, on our way to biology, Mike starts talking about the dance again.

"I didn't think she was going to say yes but she did!" He says, excitement filling his voice.

"That's great Mike," I say walking towards my desk. As always Edward ignores us.

"So what are you going to do instead of go to the dance?" He asks.

Huh, I hadn't thought about it.

"I don't know yet. Maybe go to Seattle? I need some new books."

That's about all I get out before Mike went on about the dance again. It's never ending it seems. Mr. Banner has to actually tell him to go to his desk so that class can start. Once he leaves I close my eyes and press my fingers to my temple. I can feel the oncoming headache from listening to Mike nonstop. Sighing, I open them again, only to be greeted at the site of Edward staring at me from my peripherals. Startled, I turn to stare back at his ever changing eyes.

I expect him to look away, just like he always has, but he doesn't. He stares right at me, never blinking. I stare right back, unable to break away from his gaze. I can feel my heart pounding and blood rushing to my face, marking my cheeks with a bright blush no doubt. For a split second Edward's gaze flickers down to my neck, a movement so quick I would have missed it if I wasn't hyper aware of everything he was doing right now. It reminded me of the Edward from my nightmare.

"Mr. Cullen?" the teacher calls out, seeking an answer to a question I missed.

Edward finally looks away from me and answers the question Mr. Banner asked. Instantly I turn away from Edward's direction and stare at the desk. Discreetly I shift my head so that my hair forms a barrier between us. I can feel the butterflies in my stomach going crazy just from that staring contest. This is an unhealthy crush. I try to tune out his presence for the rest of the period but everyone knows when you try not to think about something, you end up thinking about it. In other words I fail miserably in my task. When the bell rings I expect Edward to rush out like normal but he doesn't. Instead I can feel his eyes on me as I pack my supplies up and get up to leave the room.

"Beau?" Him just saying my name shouldn't send my heart fluttering but here we are.

I turn to face him, mindful of my expression. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry." He sounds sincere. "I know I'm being rude but trust me when I say it's better this way. Safer."

"What does that even mean Edward?" I ask, already exasperated from this conversation.

"I mean," he explains it's better off if we're not associated with one another. That we're not friends."

Anger flashes through me. I've heard that line and its many variations plenty of times before. After all this time you'd think it shouldn't hurt as much as it does, but the pain never lessens.

"And you're already realizing this now," I spit out angrily, " Edward, I've known this since the car accident. I know that if you had the option you wouldn't have stopped the van."

He looks at me in disbelief.

"Why on Earth do you think that?"

"Because you've been all moody ever since your little secret, whatever it is, came to light. If that van actually hit its mark then I wouldn't know there's something going on with you and your family."

"So you think a secret is worth more than your life?" He seems to be getting angry now, his words coming out harsher than before.

"No, I think you do."

"You don't know anything Beau." His eyes narrow at me and seem to be even darker than earlier. He's definitely angry now.

"Don't I, Edward? You're not the first person to not want me around," I all but whisper out, looking at him softly. Before he could answer I quickly walk out of the biology room, all the while avoiding what was surely a look of pity.

I caught the toe of my boot on the doorjamb and dropped my books. I stood there for a moment, thinking about leaving them. Then I sighed and bent to pick them up. He was there; he'd already stacked them into a pile. He handed them to me, his face unreadable.

"Thank you," I mumbled.

"You're welcome," he answered. He still sounded mad, but there was something else in his voice that I couldn't quite identify.

I straightened up swiftly and hurried off to Gym without looking back.

Gym was brutal. We'd moved on to basketball. My team never passed me the ball, so that was good, but I fell down a lot. Sometimes I took people with me. Today I was worse than usual because my head was so filled with Edward. I tried to concentrate on my feet, but he kept creeping back into my thoughts just when I really needed my balance. I couldn't fall for him he's probably straight. Or homophobic.

It was a relief, as always, to leave. I couldn't wait to be back inside my truck, alone. The truck was in decent shape after the accident, all things considered. I'd had to replace the taillights, and if the paint job wasn't already hopeless, I would have touched up the new scrapes. Tyler's parents had to sell their van for parts.

I almost had a stroke when I rounded the corner and saw a figure leaning against the side of my truck. Then I quickly realized it was just Angela. I started walking again.

"Hey, Angela," I called.

"Hi, Beau."

"What's up?" I said as I fumbled with my keys. I wasn't paying attention to the uncomfortable edge in her voice, so her next words took me by surprise.

"Uh, I was just wondering… if you would go to the dance with me in December?"

"I'm… I'm not going to the dance, Angela." I said, too startled to be diplomatic.

I had to turn and look at her then. Her face was down, her hair hiding her eyes.

"Oh, okay."

I recovered my composure and tried to make her feel better. "Thank you for asking me, but I'm going to be in Seattle that day."

"Oh," she said. "Well, maybe next time."

"Sure," I said without thinking. I didn't want to encourage her to pursue the impossible.

"See ya," She waved over her shoulder as she hurried off before I could set things straight.

I heard a low chuckle.

Edward was walking past the front of my truck, looking straight forward, his lips pressed together. I jerked the door open and jumped inside, slamming it a little too hard behind me. I revved the deafening engine and reversed out into the aisle. Edward was in his car already, two spaces down, sliding out smoothly in front of me, cutting me off. He stopped there— to wait for his family; I could see the four of them walking this way, but still by the cafeteria. I considered taking out the rear of his shiny Volvo as revenge for his ridiculous mood swings, but there were too many witnesses. I looked in my rearview mirror. A line was beginning to form. Directly behind me, Tyler Crowley was in his recently acquired used Sentra, waving. I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to acknowledge him.

While I was sitting there, looking everywhere but at the car in front of me, I heard a knock on my passenger side window. I looked over; it was Tyler. I glanced back in my rearview mirror, confused. His car was still running, the door left open. I leaned across the cab to crank the window down. It was stiff. I got it halfway down, then gave up.

"I'm sorry, Tyler, I'm stuck behind Cullen." I gestured to the Volvo. Obviously there was nothing I could do.

"Oh, I know— I just wanted to ask you something while we're trapped here." He grinned.

I sighed, "Oh? What?"

"Will you go with me to the dance?" he continued.

What was going on in this school? I knew for a fact that Tyler had a reputation for being a flirt with the girls. Unlike me, I knew for certain he wasn't interested in boys.

"I'm not going to be in town, Tyler." My face was red. I could tell.

"Yeah, Jessica said that," he grinned.

"Then why—"

He shrugged. "I was hoping you were just letting her down easy."

"I wasn't." I was having trouble hiding my frustration, "besides, wouldn't you rather go with a girl?"Also how did you find out I'm gay? And just please don't tell anyone.

"Usually, but I thought maybe you'd like to have someone to go with as a date instead of going stag and I found out because of the way you watch Cullen but don't worry I won't tell anyone ." His self-assured cockiness would normally charm me in different circumstances, but today it just added to my annoyance.

"Sorry, Tyler," I said, working to hide my irritation. "I really am going out of town."

"That's cool. We still have prom."

And before I could respond, he was walking back to his car. I could feel the shock on my face. I looked forward to see Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper all sliding into the Volvo. In his rearview mirror, Edward's eyes were on me. He was unquestionably shaking with laughter, as if he'd heard every word Tyler had said. I revved the engine, wondering how much damage it would do to the Volvo and the black car beside it if I just muscled my way through and made my escape. I was pretty sure my truck could win that fight.

But they were all in, and Edward was speeding away. I drove home slowly, carefully, and thoroughly confused. Did Jessica really Like Mike? Would he blame me if she didn't? Was Tyler serious about taking me to the dance? Or prom next year? At least fretting over all this drama kept my mind off Edward.

When I got home, I decided to make chicken enchiladas for dinner. It was a long process, and it would keep me busy. While I was simmering the onions and chilies, the phone rang. I was almost afraid to answer it, but it might be Charlie or my mom.

It was Mike, and he was jubilant; Jessica had caught him after school to ask him on a real date. I celebrated with him briefly while I stirred. Maybe Jessica liked Mike after all. He had to go; he wanted to call Eric and Ben to tell them. I suggested—with casual innocence—that Angela, the reserved, intelligent girl who was one of my friends at the lunch table, could ask Ben; I'd heard he was still available. Mike thought that was a great idea. He Asked me were he should take Jessica for a first date. I told him to look up good restaurants online.

After I hung up, I tried to concentrate on dinner—dicing the chicken carefully; I didn't want to take another trip to the emergency room. But my head was spinning, trying to analyze every word Edward had spoken today. What did he mean when he said it was better if we weren't friends?

My stomach twisted in knots as I realized what he must have meant. He must see how absorbed I was by him; he must not want to lead me on… so we couldn't even be friends… because he wasn't interested in me at all.

Of course he wasn't interested in me, I thought dejectedly, my eyes stinging—a delayed reaction to the onions. Besides, he's probably just like everyone else, if he knew I was gay he surely would beat me up like guys at my last school. but he was. Interesting… and brilliant… and mysterious… and perfect… and beautiful… and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand.

Well, that was fine. I could leave him alone. Iwouldleave him alone. I would get through my self-imposed sentence here in purgatory, and then hopefully some school in the Southwest, or possibly Hawaii, would offer me a scholarship. I focused my thoughts on sunny beaches and palm trees as I finished the enchiladas and put them in the oven.

Charlie seemed suspicious when he came home and smelled the green peppers. My mom was famous for her disastrous Mexican food. But he was still game to take the first bite. He seemed to like it. It was fun to watch as he slowly began trusting me in the kitchen.

"Dad?" I asked when he was almost done.

"Yeah, Beau?"

"Um, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to Seattle for the day a week from Saturday… if that's okay?" I didn't want to ask permission—it set a bad precedent—but I felt rude, so I tacked it on at the end.

"Why?" He sounded surprised, as if he were unable to imagine something that Forks couldn't offer.

"Well, I wanted to get a few books—the library here is pretty limited—and maybe look at some better winter clothes for winter time." I had more money than I was used to having, since, thanks to Charlie, I hadn't had to pay for a car. Not that the truck didn't cost me quite a bit in the gas department.

"That truck probably doesn't get very good gas mileage," he said, echoing my thoughts.

"I know, I'll stop in Montesano and Olympia—and Tacoma if I have to."

"Are you going all by yourself?"

"Yes."

"Seattle is a big city—you could get lost," he fretted.

"Dad, Phoenix is five times the size of Seattle—and I can read a map, don't worry about it."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

I wondered if he was really that worried about me, or if he just thought all the Saturdays he'd left me alone were starting to add up to neglect. He was probably worried. I was sure that, in his head, he still pictured me as five-year-old most of the time.

"That's okay, dad. It probably won't be that exciting, anyway."

"Okay, Beau."

"Thanks." I smiled at him.

"You know people are already talking about the winter dance even tho it's months away are you going?"

I just stared back at him until he got it.

It didn't take him long. "Oh, that's right," he realized.

"Yeah." I laughed. I didn't get my balance issues from my mom.

The next morning, when I pulled into the parking lot, I deliberately parked as far as possible from the silver Volvo. I didn't want to see him. I wanted to keep my distance, to not notice him anymore.

Getting out of the cab, I fumbled with my key and it fell into a puddle at my feet. As I bent to get it, a white hand flashed out and grabbed it before I could. I jerked upright. Edward Cullen was right next to me, leaning casually against my truck.

"How do you do that?" I gasped.

"Do what?" He held my key out as he spoke. As I reached for it, he dropped it into my palm.

"Appear out of thin air."

"Beau, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." His voice was quiet as usual—velvet, muted. His lips were holding back a smile, like he thought I was hilarious.

I glared at his perfect face. How was I supposed to ignore him if he kept talking to me? Wasn't he the one that said it would be better if we weren't friends? His eyes were light again today, a deep, golden honey color. I had to look down to reassemble my now-tangled thoughts.

"Why the traffic jam last night?" It was the only thing I could think to say. "I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist."

"That was for Tyler's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance." He snickered.

"What?" I asked, perplexed. Irritation started to grow in my mind; had he put Tyler up to asking me to the dance? That didn't seem likely. My confusion seemed to amuse him.

"And I'm not pretending you don't exist," he continued.

I met his eyes, trying to remain as focused as I could despite myself. "I don't know what you want from me," I told him.

His amused expression quickly disappeared. His face seemed guarded.

"Nothing." He said too quickly, almost like he was lying.

"Then you probably should have let the van take me out. Easier that way."Get rid of the annoying gay kid who bothers you I spat out before I could stop myself.

He stared for a second. His lips pressed into a hard line, all signs of humor gone.

"Beau, you are utterly absurd," he said, his low voice cold.

My stomach was in the tightest of knots. I turned my back and started to walk away.

"Wait," he called.

I kept walking, sloshing through the rain and forcing myself not to look back. But he was next to me, easily keeping pace.

"I'm sorry, that was rude," he said as we walked.

I ignored him.

"I'm not saying it isn't true," he continued, "but it was rude to say it, anyway."

"Why won't you leave me alone?" I grumbled. I was almost in tears. Why did my life have to be so miserable. Why did I have to be gay. Why did my mom have to react the way she did and WHY did I have to fall for someone who was more than likely homophobic because of the way he acted around me alot. like he's grossed out.

"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me," he chuckled. He seemed to have recovered his good humor.

I sighed, but I slowed down. "Fine, then. What do you want to ask?"

"I was wondering if in December—you know, the day of the dance—"

"Are you trying to befunny?" I interrupted him, wheeling toward him. My face got drenched from the rain as I looked up at his expression.

His eyes were wickedly amused. "Will you please allow me to finish?"

Walk away it's just a cruel joke he's playing on the gay kid,I told myself.

I didn't move.

"I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride."

That was unexpected.

"What?" I wasn't sure what he was getting at.

"Do you want a ride to Seattle?"

"With who?" I asked, mystified.

"Myself, obviously." He enunciated every syllable, like he thought maybe English wasn't my first language.

I was still stunned. "Why?"

"Well, I was planning to go to Seattle on that day, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your truck can make it."

"My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern." I started to walk again, hoping he wouldn't follow. He did.

"But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?" He matched my pace again.

"I don't see how that is any of your business." Stupid, shiny Volvo owner.

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business."

"Honestly, Edward." I felt a thrill go through me as I said his name, and I didn't like it. "I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend."

"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be."

"Oh, thanks, now that'sallcleared up." I said, my voice rich with sarcasm. I realized I had stopped walking again. We were under the shelter of the cafeteria roof now, so I could more easily look at his face. Which certainly didn't help my clarity of thought.

"It would be more…prudentfor you not to be my friend," he explained. "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Beau."

His eyes were gloriously intense as he uttered that last sentence, his voice smoldering. I couldn't remember how to breathe.

"Will you go with me to Seattle?" he asked, his voice still intense.

I couldn't speak yet, so I just nodded.

He smiled briefly, and then his face became serious.

"You reallyshouldstay away from me," he warned. "I'll see you in class."

He turned abruptly and walked back the way we'd come.

Hope you guys liked the chapter