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Shepard woke up in a hospital bed. There was a tube down her throat which was very uncomfortable. She could tell that she was also hooked up to a respirator because she wasn't controlling her own breathing. An IV was in her arm. She looked down and saw that a metal body brace was holding her in place. That's not good. But hey, I'm alive! Looking at her hands again, she saw a red "nurse" button on a remote control at her bedside. She pressed it.
A woman in a nurse uniform walked in. "Oh my, you're awake! Let me get the doctor!"
The nurse returned with Dr. Chakwas and Miranda. Both looked relieved to see her awake.
"Commander, it is good to see you among the living," Dr. Chakwas put her hand gently on Shepard's arm.
"It's pretty much a damned miracle," Miranda said, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall.
Chakwas turned off the respirator and gently removed the tube from Shepard's throat. She coughed and coughed, and her throat was sore.
"You might have lost your voice temporarily because of the intubation, but I'm sure it will come back shortly," Dr. Chakwas smiled.
The doctor loosened the metal brace. She then proceeded to walk to the foot of the bed, and she used a small metal tool to touch Commander Shepard's foot.
"Feel that?"
Shepard shook her head.
Dr. Chakwas moved the tool slowly up both of her legs, asking each time if Shepard could feel it. Shepard just kept shaking her head. Shepard started to panic a little bit. She knew this was bad news. Perhaps it's just temporary, she hoped.
"Can you wiggle your toes?"
Shepard focused hard on the task at hand. Dr. Chakwas was looking underneath the blanket so Shepard couldn't see what was happening, but based on the doctor's facial expression, she knew the diagnosis wasn't good.
"Damn it," Miranda muttered.
The doctor then proceeded to examine her upper body and asked her to do a few exercises with her arms. Shepard was able to move her arms and fingers, and she could feel sensations all the way down to the bottom of her hips.
"Well, it's as good as we could've hoped for," Miranda remarked.
Dr. Chakwas pulled up a chair next to Shepard. "Commander, I want to discuss your injuries with you. Would you like to go over this right now?"
Shepard nodded.
"When you were brought into the hospital, you had suffered major internal injuries and barely had a pulse. It took a series of many surgeries to get you to where you are now. You've been in a medically induced coma for the past month. All of the cybernetic implants failed, so we had to remove them. You had a concussion, broken ribs, a punctured lung, and the list goes on and on. What you've probably noticed, however, is that you had some spinal cord trauma."
Shepard nodded, and Dr. Chakwas squeezed her hand.
"Cerberus did a good job of bringing you back when you died, and without the work they did to you, you wouldn't have survived this in the first place. It, however, couldn't save you from this injury. It appears from our tests and scans that you are paralyzed from below the waist. We did all we could to repair the damage, and luckily it appears you are not quadriplegic."
Miranda now moved toward Shepard's bed and took a seat at the end of it.
"Shepard, this is something we might have been able to repair with Cerberus resources, technology, and scientists. Like how we were able to assist Joker. Unfortunately, we cannot do that right now. I helped the medical staff here, but I'm sorry I could not fix this. I do have hope that one day we will able to repair the injury."
Shepard tried to speak, but nothing came out. She motioned for a pen. Chakwas pulled out a datapad, handing it to Shepard. Shepard paused and tried to think for a moment before typing. The oxygen monitor on her finger makes it clumsy to write.
IT'S OK. THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE.
"Shepard, I'm so sorry-"
"Commander, we did our very best."
Shepard puts up her hand to quiet them. She is genuinely grateful for the time and effort they put into trying to keep her alive and in one piece. However, the news still does pack a punch. Shepard had been a soldier her whole life. What was she going to do now? Her mind then travelled to Kaidan and the rest of the crew.
NORMANDY?
Miranda and Dr. Chakwas looked at each other carefully. The doctor sighed.
"Shepard, there has been no sign of the Normandy yet. The Crucible not only knocked out the Reapers and the relays, but also the range of our communication systems. Engineers are working to rebuild everything, but it's only been a month. We have some ships that have returned. The Normandy probably escaped the blast and is in some far away system, but I'm sure they'll make their way back with time."
Shepard doubted that statement. Even if the Normandy had survived the blast, they could be stranded somewhere with limited supplies and an inhospitable environment. And then it could years to get back from some of the far corners of the universe without the relays…
I'D LIKE TO BE ALONE, PLEASE.
Miranda and Chakwas looked concerned, but Miranda spoke up. "I understand, Shepard. I'll see you soon."
"Commander, are you sure?" Dr. Chakwas was still holding her hand tightly.
Shepard nodded.
"I hope you know that this doesn't mean we won't ever be able to repair your spinal cord. You could walk again with time."
Shepard nodded again.
"And don't worry about the Normandy. I'm sure they're in safe hands with Major Alenko."
Dr. Chakwas finally let go of her hand and walked out with Miranda. Once she heard the door close, Shepard let her eyes fill up with tears. She didn't let a single one go, instead wiping them away with her hand. Commander Shepard doesn't cry, she thought. The universe was safe. She had done it. Sure, there were many unknowns now, but she'd deal with it. She got the Reapers after all, right?
A few days after the crash landing, Garrus and Tali had been able to repair the ship's generators so that the power was fully working now. Joker had waited patiently next to Kaidan as they tried to boot EDI. The artificial intelligence would not turn on despite all of their efforts. Joker looked heartbroken. He was barely eating and would not talk. Kaidan could relate. He wished he could just curl up in a bunk and not wake up. However, that's not what Shepard would have wanted. What she would want. Kaidan had a responsibility to the crew as her XO, and he was going to see it through. They were going to go home.
With the power back on, it was a disappointment to learn that the communications and engines were still down. Most of the crew spent all day working on the engines. The rest of the crew scavenged for food or tried to figure out where they were. Kaidan went back and forth, overseeing everything. He barely slept. Dark circles formed under his eyes, and he let his face go unshaven.
About a month after their crash landing, food was becoming scarce. Kaidan began seriously rationing their supplies. Group morale was down. Garrus suggested having a memorial ceremony for the people they'd lost. Kaidan reluctantly agreed. Maybe it'd take their minds off the predicament for a second, and they would be able to heal and move on.
Everyone gathered around the memorial wall. Kaidan could pick out Ashley's name. ASHLEY WILLIAMS. His gut clenched. He remembered that day at Virmire. The survivor's guilt he had felt was so intense. Kaidan also recalled trying to comfort Shepard about Ashley's death. Shepard justified her decision by saying that Kaidan was the higher ranking officer, and that the mission priority was to make sure the bomb was set. It was perfectly logical, but both of them had struggled with the aftermath. Both knew part of the decision had to do with Shepard's feelings for him.
A few names were placed on the wall by the group. Garrus was handing out the nameplates, and he passed one to Joker. EDI. Joker's eyes immediately started to well up.
"EDI… EDI was more than just a machine. Sure, she was our artificial intelligence. She was smart and perceptive, and saved our asses plenty of times. But I think she grew to be something more. She grew to be a friend. I don't know, she grew to be something more for me at least."
Joker began to sob as he moved toward the wall and pinned EDI's name up. Kaidan guessed that Joker had given up on the possibility of EDI's return. Kaidan and Tali had tried their best along with Joker, but it appeared that EDI was permanently damaged somehow. Kaidan certainly missed EDI. She was funny, and she'd have been extremely helpful while stuck here on this planet.
Kaidan was lost in thought when Garrus, pressed a nameplate to his hand. Kaidan looked down. COMMANDER SHEPARD. He frowned. Garrus just nodded his head. Everyone looked at Kaidan expectantly. With hesitation, he approached the wall. He glanced back down at the name.
Kaidan had lost her before. He had gone to the funeral. He managed to keep on going, even though it felt like a piece of him was missing. This time was a little different. Shepard came back to the living last time. He wasn't sure at all of her fate this time around. Kaidan was not going to give up on her. I know you're out there somewhere. You said you'd be waiting.
He turned to address the crew.
"I have here a plate for Commander Shepard. Now I've heard the whispering in the halls. I know many of you think she did not survive. However, that's not how I feel. It's too soon to call, it's too soon to give up on her."
Kaidan handed the nameplate to Garrus and went to walk away, but Joker reached out and caught his arm.
"Kaidan, I put up EDI's name. It's not one hundred percent sure, but we both know the chances. And we know the chances about Shepard."
"So what are you saying, Joker?"
"I'm saying maybe you should put that up on the wall."
"And I'm saying maybe you should back off."
Everyone stared at Kaidan as he said that. He rarely lost his cool, even now. Rather than apologize, he just walked off. Instead of going to the observation deck, he went into Shepard's cabin. He hadn't slept there even though it was technically his space now as the commanding officer. It was just too weird to see her things, to smell her, to touch the bed they had slept in the night before London.
Kaidan ran his fingers over the shapes of her model ship collection. He felt a migraine coming on. Today, he decided to rest on her bed. He would even let himself fall asleep here. The thought made him feel better. He needed something tangible to hold onto so he could feel like she was still there with him. Kaidan wrapped himself in her sheets. A few tears started to fall down his cheeks as he pressed his face into a pillow. He didn't know if they were tears of pain from the migraine, or if he was finally letting himself go and releasing the anxiety and sorrow.