14.

Hiding her mother's condition was like second nature to Olivia. It was a secret and nobody was to know. She was ashamed of it and so far, she had been able to navigate through life without anyone finding out. She had learned how to cook through trial and error and could get rid of puke stains like no other by now. She had soldiered on with bruises and even a sprained ankle or wrist on occasion, although one sprained ankle had been the result of an unfortunate jump down the fire escape when she'd snuck out of the house one night. But even now that the confrontations with her mother seemed to be getting more intense, it was still their best kept secret that Serena was a rape victim raising her rapist's child, and as a result of zero counseling, an alcoholic.

Serena's mother had started the secrecy, saying she was shielding her daughter and granddaughter from shame. Thinking back now, she must have been ashamed herself and Olivia wondered if her grandmother had even believed Serena when she had told her she'd been raped. But grandma was dead now, and the rest of the family had never tried to reach out to the unmarried girl who had a baby from an unknown man. Olivia didn't even know the names of her great aunt and great uncle and their children, or even if they were still alive.

Still, it had been ingrained in her never to tell. And now there was this boy, who knew first hand what it was like to feel unsafe in his own home, asking her a direct question about her mother.

Did she hurt you?

Olivia knew that not answering Elliot's question would be an answer in itself. Maybe it was time somebody knew. Lord knows, she could use an ally. But she felt like she was physically incapable of admitting it out loud and just looked at her friend.

Elliot could see a storm raging in Olivia's eyes and he knew then that Olivia's mother was, indeed, hurting her. He didn't talk about his father much either. Until now, Brian and John were the only ones who knew. He hadn't even told Kathy, and she'd been to the house. His dad had put on an act when she'd come over and he was home, which hadn't been very often.

But why would Ms. B. hurt her only child, he wondered. He stood closer to Olivia, who was still struggling. He hadn't meant to hurt her in any way or bring up something that was so difficult to talk about. It had just happened, just like he had told her about his father.

"Liv, I'm sorry. It's none of my business but … I hate to see you hurt."

She smiled then, a grateful smile. She pushed herself off the column and stuffed her hands in the pockets of her jeans.

"I hate to see you hurt too, El. Looks like we're in the same boat."

He was relieved that she wasn't shutting him down completely but was hesitant to ask her for more details. And then Olivia asked a question of her own.

"Promise me you won't tell anyone, El? Not even John or Bri?"

He wanted to ask her why, but thinking about it, he knew why. It was the same reason he didn't talk about his father's abuse.

"Promise," Elliot said, and he could see Olivia relax a little, which gave him the courage to ask another question, the same one she had asked him earlier.

"What sets her off?"

Olivia sighed and looked down at her shoes. Just when Elliot thought she wasn't going to say anything else, he heard her say softly,

"I guess I do."

Elliot placed his hands on Olivia's shoulders, making her look up at him. He squeezed her shoulders gently and it moved Olivia how much he seemed to care. She felt a little shaky because of everything they were revealing to each other and just hoped he wouldn't ask anything else. But she knew he would.

"It can't be just you," Elliot stated and she smiled. If only he knew …

She just shrugged. She wasn't ready to tell him more. She didn't know if she would ever be ready to tell anyone about how she was conceived, and how she really was the cause of her mother's outbursts. She was a constant, unavoidable reminder of the worst day of Serena's life and that was never going to change.

More people were gathering on the platform and it wasn't really the place to have a deep conversation, so Elliot let it go for now. He stayed close to her on the subway though, his chest touching her shoulder as they each held onto a rail with one hand. And when their cart got a little too crowded, he wrapped his free arm around her shoulders protectively. Olivia liked how safe he made her feel and smiled at him. Their faces were very close and when she saw Elliot's lips part so he could take a deep breath, she knew he was feeling it too; there was something in the air. Maybe it was because of what they'd shared with each other or maybe the attraction had been there before, but it was tangible now. Elliot's eyes were searching hers and she bit her lip, making his eyes drop down to her lips. He smiled nervously and she smiled as well.

Just then, they reached Olivia's stop and they had to push past a few people to get out before the train would start moving again. Elliot insisted on walking her to her building and Olivia knew it would be pointless to object. And it would give her a few more minutes with Elliot … When they were almost at her building, Olivia stopped walking and pulled Elliot to the side so they couldn't be seen from the building.

"I'll walk the rest on my own," she told him, and Elliot nodded. He understood. She couldn't be seen with him. Not yet, but part of him hoped that would only be temporary because he wanted to see her again.

"I had a great time tonight," he told her as they both hid in the shadow of a building half a block away from Olivia's home.

"Me too."

"Can we do this again some time?"

"I'd like that."

Even in the dark, Olivia could see the relief on Elliot's face.

"What? You didn't think I would?" she asked him with a chuckle and Elliot shrugged.

"Well, I kind of … it got kinda personal earlier. I wasn't sure if I pushed you too hard."

Olivia stepped closer to her friend and put a hand on his arm while assuring him,

"You didn't. You were very sweet."

Elliot swallowed, looking down at the beautiful girl in front of him. They'd just been on their first date and they basically still were just friends but he felt a pull towards her. He wanted to kiss her. But he didn't have a clue if she felt the same way or would even appreciate it. Still, he would have to say something before they'd part for the weekend. Testing the waters, he reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear; not that he expected her unruly curls to stay there but it was the gesture that counted. His heart skipped a beat when Olivia grabbed his hand before he could retract it, and held his palm against her cheek.

"Thank you, Elliot," she said quietly.

"Thank you too, Olivia."

He then leaned in and gave her a small peck on the cheek. Olivia was suddenly glad it was dark because she felt her entire face flush. She blew out a breath and forced another smile before taking a step back.

"Goodnight, El. See you Monday."

Elliot nodded and swallowed again.

"Goodnight Liv. Be safe."

"You too."

Olivia turned around and started jogging away. Elliot stayed behind in the shadows until he saw her enter the building. He even waited until the door had closed behind her. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and began walking back to the subway station slowly. He had kissed her. Not on the lips, but still. It had felt appropriate to kiss her on the cheek. He wanted her to know he really liked her without crowding her or giving her the feeling he wanted something from her. They were both just coming out of their first real relationship and they had both been hurt. If there was something growing between them, he wanted to do it right.

When he got home, he entered the house quietly. He didn't know what to expect now that his father had come back home and once he got upstairs, he stopped on the landing and listened for a minute for any signs of trouble. But all was quiet. He checked in on his sisters, who were both sleeping peacefully and then went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He'd take a shower in the morning, not wanting to wake anyone up at this hour. Once in his bed, he lay awake for another half hour, and the only thing on his mind was his new friend; his new best girl. He couldn't understand why anyone would want to hurt her, least of all her own mother. He didn't think he'd ever understand how a parent could hurt their own child. He knew he would never do that to his children, and neither would Olivia. They would do things differently. He sighed and smiled at himself. At one time, he had thought about having kids with Kathy. Was he really thinking about having a family again? When did that happen? When he felt himself start to drift off to sleep he whispered in the dark,

"Sleep well, Olivia."

...