CHAPTER 1 - Prologue

Clint stood there, looking over the water as Wanda finally stepped away. He knew she had lost people too but... It hurt. It hurt so bad that Natasha wouldn't let him sacrifice himself. He was so strong now... So strong, but... That didn't stop him from losing his grip on his best friend. And now... Now Tony was gone too. Too many people died for this. Far too many. And it still wasn't over. It never was.

With a deep sigh, Clint turned to where Bruce had set up another 'time travel' device. Steve stood there with the gems... The gems from one set as they were never able to find the Power stone for the second set. And wasn't that a kick in the butt. For five years, Natasha, Steve, Sharon, and the others searched for the damn stone. Hell, Clint had attempted it between his revenge missions. But there was no trace.

Steve said his farewells to Bucky, Sam and Bruce before stepping on the machine. Clint huffed. He shouldn't be surprised that he didn't get a goodbye. Steve, while trying to hide it, seem to have blamed him for what happened with Natasha. Just like Clint had blamed all those 'villains' who survived the SNAP. Clint sighed at the exact same time that Steve vanished. He waited for the sight of Steve returning but frowned when Bruce started looking panicked. Something was wrong. He moved to step forward when Bucky nodded off to the side. Sam turned and together the duo walked over to a nearby tree that looked out over the water. Steve... An older Steve, sat against the tree.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," Clint whispered to himself as he watched Sam head closer and speak with the old man. A moment later, Steve handed his shield off to Sam. This whole thing was a god damn mess. Huffing to himself, Clint turned away but stopped when someone placed a hand on his shoulder.

"At least now we know. We will age," Bucky softly said even though the archer didn't turn to acknowledge the Sergeant. Clint scoffed.

"Don't care," Clint mumbled. Bucky nodded.

"Figured you wouldn't. They were all your teammates before the rest of us came around. You, Bruce and Thor would be the most affected by this," Bucky replied. Clint snorted this time, moving to walk away from Bucky, but the soldier followed him. Bucky had to be at least feeling Steve's lost just as much as Clint. It hit the archer even harder now since his run in with the Time Stone from the second set of stones.

"Thor won't be affected. He's seen enough death... Hell, half his world was destroyed by his own goddamn sister. Bruce... I have no idea what Bruce thinks. He left her. Left her all alone, and didn't even seem to care," Clint grumbled. Bucky sighed. After a moment, Clint looked back to Bucky. "We still have a Time stone. You could go and get your second chance."

"Nah. Already lived those years. Don't need to do it again," Bucky 'humorously' answered. Clint grunted. "How bout you? While you can't relive those seventy years with the ones you love, you could still go back and get another shot."

"No. Hell, no," Clint darkly chuckled. "I spent the last five years going around killing anyone I deemed evil or disgraceful. No way in hell I deserve another chance."

"I spent seventy years killing in the name of Hydra," Bucky pointed out. Clint turned and glared at him.

"You were wiped, brainwashed, confused. You couldn't tell right from wrong. I got my second chance. That chance was the Avengers. I lived through it. Survived everything," Clint snapped. He sighed, looking out to the water once again. "Nat should have just let me fall."

"She did the right thing, Clint," Bucky soothed, placing a hand on Clint's shoulder again. Clint ripped himself away.

"No. No she didn't. Laura didn't want me even before all this! My kids are five years younger than they should be and need to catch up. When they find out what I did..." Clint ranted, pausing near the end. "When they find out what I did in those five years... They'll never wanna see me again."

"You don't know that," Bucky tried. Clint huffed.

"Would you?" Clint countered, looking harshly at the soldier. Bucky frowned. "If it had been Steve that went on a killing spree like I did... Would you wanna see him again?"

"I..." Bucky started but paused. Steve wasn't like that. Not at all. So, hearing that he'd do that, or even had done that, wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be his Steve. And it wasn't brainwashing, or mind control, or anything like that. It was a conscious choice.

"That's what I thought," Clint said with a snort before turning to look off in the distance once again. "They'll never look at me the same and I... I can't handle that."

"So what are you going to do?" Bucky asked, his voice soft and worried. Clint shrugged.

"Find a way to get drunk and spend the rest of my life like that," Clint suggested. Bucky frowned as Sam came walking over.

"We could go find that Power stone that's been missing," the new 'Captain' suggested. Clint grimaced. He was done with stones. Done forever. "Maybe... Maybe with that second set we can reverse all this."

"And who would die this time to do it?" Bucky hissed, glaring at the man. Sam frowned before looking to Bruce who was slowly packing up the equipment. They could all still see his mangled hand from when he first used the stones. It would never heal.

"I would," Clint finally admitted. Bucky turned to him now with a glare. Clint rolled his eyes at Bucky. "If it would bring Nat back, I'd do it in a god damn heart beat, so fuck off."

"But you wouldn't be there with her!" Bucky cried. Clint shrugged.

"I was gonna give my life on Vormir. Why not to save us all this bullshit?" Clint retorted, waving his hand to the general area. Bucky let out a frustrated cry.

"You are so stubborn! You're worse than Steve!" Bucky snapped. Clint glowered at him. That was a low blow. After everything. Sam stepped between the duo.

"Woah, guys! Calm it down here," Sam ordered. Clint's attention snapped to him.

"You ain't my Captain," the archer growled before turning and stomping off. Sam winced but said nothing. Bucky huffed, angrily.

"That's it. Just run away!" Bucky shouted. "Don't stay here with your friends!"

Clint said nothing. Just flipped the soldier off over his shoulder as he kept walking. That's all he had left... Bruce... Wanda... Thor... Sam... And Bucky. The guardians had already said they'd be going back to space. Not gonna stay here. There was rumor that Thor may go as well. No one would even care. They'd be too busy mourning everyone else to even realize he had left. Or so Thor thought.

"Clint?" a soft female voice called. Clint stilled. It was Pepper. Of course it'd be her. "Are you doing okay?"

"Could ask you the same thing," Clint mumbled, turning to look at her. Her eyes were still red rimmed and blood shot from all the crying she had done. Little Morgan was attached to her hip. Clint winced, looking away from them.

"We all lost them," Pepper whispered. Clint snorted.

"Trust me, I know that. And believe me when I say it should have been me. Should have been me for any of them," Clint replied. Pepper came forward and pulled the archer into a hug. Clint stiffened for a moment before slowly sagging into it. She was so sweat. Kind. Why? She just lost Tony. Lost her husband.

"Don't think that. We all love you," she told him. Clint scoffed but it quickly turned to tears and next thing Clint knew, he was crying into Pepper's shoulder. "You were always the heart of the Avengers. Everyone knew that."

"Pep," Clint started but Pepper hugged him slightly tighter, not letting him pull away. They both knew Clint could easily break out of her hold, but the archer stayed in her arms.

"Tony told me once... Told me that he didn't want to see you hurting anymore. You had gone through so much," Pepper said. Clint wracked out another sob, trying to gently pull away from Pepper. "He knew that after these five years that you'd be like this. Knew you'd finally try and give up. And that was even before..."

"Before, Nat... Before Steve... And before..." Clint softly listed his mind flashing to Val reporting that Loki had been killed. "Pepper, I can't. It should have been me."

"Clint, they'd all give their lives for you," Pepper called, pulling back from Clint but holding onto his arms to make sure he didn't try and run from her. Clint stupidly looked up at her. She was crying all over again. "Don't do this to yourself."

"What else am I going to do?" Clint questioned, looking back to the ground. Pepper gave a wet laugh.

"Live."

It had been nine months since Tony's funeral. Since Steve's return as an old man. Since Clint had walked away from everyone left. The Accords were finally beginning to break apart. Everyone knew that all the 'illegal' heroes of the world had fought Thanos. Had fought Thanos and saved over half the universe. Sam and Bucky had quickly gone back to doing Avenger related things. Wanda vanished with rumor that she had found a way to bring back Vision. Bruce... Bruce just acted like how he did in the five years during the SNAP. He wandered around, trying to help where ever he could.

Thor did indeed go to space and no one knew what was happening there. Rhodey... Rhodes still worked for the U.S army and air force in the War Machine suit. Iron Man was made defunct. No one wanted to take up that mantle. The government and a lot of other people refused to let Sam become Captain America. Which kinda ended up being fine cause Sam didn't actually want that title as of this moment. He just wanted to make sure everyone was protected.

Strange headed off to do his thing with the Sanctum. Whatever the hell that was. Peter Parker, aka Spiderman, went back to school, five years behind his original classmates. Ironically enough, most of his close friends had SNAPed just like he had, so he still had friends his age. Scott and Hope headed off to do their thing, fighting crime in big, regular and small forms. T'Challa went back to Wakanda to rebuild and retake his throne. Carol Danvers, she went to space as well. Going back to her original duties as protector. Pietro, still alive and returned with Clint's family, had no idea what happened. No one had asked him to help the fight with Thanos and so it was doubtful that the speedster knew Clint was okay.

Through it all. No one knew what happened to Clint. And to the archer... No one cared.

"Can I get another beer here?" Clint called out to the bartender, his speech hardly slurred. The bartender took a look at him and grimaced. Surrounding the archer was a decent sized collection of beer bottles.

"I think you're done for now pal," the man replied. Clint scoffed. For anyone else, yeah, he'd be done. But if he stopped drinking now, he'd be sober before he even got 'home.' Maybe he could stop at a corner store and get some more beer? "Pay your tab and I'll call a cab."

"Nah, I'll walk it," Clint grumbled, taking his wallet out to throw a bunch of scattered and crumpled bills on the counter. The bartender quickly came over and checked the amount before Clint could leave but the archer knew he was precise in amount and had left a forty percent tip. Yeah, Clint could appreciate the man doing his job. Sucked that he was cut off, but the man was doing his job. No need to fault him on that.

Staggering slightly, Clint got to his feet and headed off. The bartender tried to call him back to give him change but Clint didn't even bother responding. He just walked out onto the sun stained New York City streets. A glance in the distance, Clint could still see Stark Tower standing tall. While Pepper and Morgan didn't live there, the tower had become almost the main base of operations for Stark Industries once again, even if it left the gigantic 'A' for an homage to Tony and his team. Huffing at the sight, Clint turned his back to it and started walking away. His new home was six blocks away. By block one, he'd be buzzed. Block two, only minorly bothered with symptoms. Block three, he'd be dead sober. If he had gotten a few more drinks in, his drunkenness may have lasted another block or two.

"Why couldn't I find a place with more bars on the way home?" Clint growled to himself as he wandered down the street. Ahead of him a woman let out a scream. Clint looked up to see a kid in black sweats running with a purse in his hands. Groaning, Clint held out an arm and allowed the kid to clothesline himself. "Bag, now."

"Ow," the kid complained but the grip on the bag was loose so Clint just leaned down and snatched it out of his hand. The woman had caught up to them and she started gushing with thanks as Clint handed her her bag. Clint just grunted at her and walked away. Fuck New York. Maybe he should get out of here. Head some place else. The Netherlands sounded fun. Lots of pubs there. Hell, even London could work. Anywhere but fucking New York.

But for some reason, Clint found he just couldn't leave. It wasn't like there were people here who cared for him. Or people he cared about. He just... Couldn't bring himself to buy a bus ticket, or a plane ticket or a train ticket to get out of the city.

Clint was maybe half a block from where he was staying when he felt he was being watched. Frowning, Clint turned around. No one should be watching him. No one knew where he was. Hell, no one even cared. But, above him, gliding through the night was a familiar metallic bird shaped drone.

"Fuck," the archer cussed before ducking down into an alley. No way in hell was he gonna deal with Bucky and Sam right now. He had spent nine months away from them. Not that he had been really hiding but seriously. Nine months and now they wanted to see him? Yeah, nope. Sadly, Redwing was small enough and quick enough to keep up with Clint as he started racing through the streets in an effort to get away. He was maybe three blocks away from where he started when he heard the sound of a motorcycle coming up the street in front of him. Clint skidded to a stop just as the bike appeared at the end of the alley. The bright metal arm was a dead give away as to the rider, even if the lack of a helmet allowed Clint to see the guy's face. "Fuck!"

"Barton!" Bucky cried. Clint spun around and started running again. He was not gonna deal with these two. But as he nearly reached the other end of the alley, Sam landed. Clint slid to a stop again, trapped between the duo.

"We just wanna talk," Sam tried to placate. Clint snarled.

"You wanna talk, then hear this. Fuck off!" Clint snapped before running toward the fire escape that he had passed previously. He grabbed hold of the bottom stair just as Bucky reached him and yanked on his ankle. Clint held firm, for once seriously glad for the serum enhancing him.

"Clint!" Bucky called out to him. Clint hissed, moving to kick out at Bucky's face but was stopped when a force slammed into his back. He tumbled face first onto the cement ground. Before he could recover, Bucky was kneeling on his back. "We need to talk!"

"Go fuck yourself!" Clint snarled back. "I ditched you fucks for a reason."

"Come on man," Sam soothed. Clint jerked, nearly throwing Bucky off of him but apparently Bucky was better trained than Clint thought. It took the archer half a second before he realized he had fucking taught Bucky this hold in World War II. Fuck past Clint. "Just listen to us for a minute."

"You fuckers don't listen to me, why should I listen to you!" Clint screamed sick and tired of all this run around. Suddenly he found himself slammed harshly into the building he had tried escaping on earlier. His head rung as he tried to remember why he didn't feel Bucky move to get him into this position.

"Because we need you!" Bucky shouted right in Clint's face. Clint paused. That was interesting. Why would a super soldier and a tactical flyer need his help?

"What?" he asked, confused. Bucky and Sam had been doing great on their own. Why would they suddenly need him? "What the hell do you need me for?"

"Hydra," Sam answered. Clint grimaced. He had dealt with them too many times before. There was no way he'd deal with it all again. "No, listen! They... They found a way to replicate the serum again. We don't know how."

"What does that have to do with me?" Clint wondered as Bucky slowly started releasing him.

"It's based on our blood," Bucky replied. Clint frowned. 'Our' blood? He had only gotten the serum maybe seven years ago. How could Hydra have his blood?

"What?" he questioned, beginning to feel like a broken record.

"Zola, he had found a way to preserve our blood," Bucky explained. Clint furrowed his brow. That was just over eighty years ago.

"Why didn't they find it before?" Clint wondered.

"They found another book," Bucky informed. Clint barked out a soft laugh and looked to the sky. "Zola... He had books for each person that was tested. While my book was the most expansive, he still had a book on you."

"They ain't gonna learn shit from my blood. No one knew if it worked or not," Clint mentioned. Sam sighed.

"But they're using your blood to recreate more super soldiers, along with Bucky's," Sam pointed out. Clint scoffed, hiding his worry. It was a big issue if Hydra could actually do what they planned. But, there was no way. They had had Bucky's blood for so long, after studying it and everything, they hadn't been able to fix it. Hell, S.H.I.E.L.D (aka Hydra) had taken blood samples from Steve and Bruce! How couldn't they have done it with all of those examples?

"I'm sorry, but isn't that your job to deal with it? If you want help, ask Wanda. Or Bruce. Hell, ask Rhodey!" Clint snapped, ignoring the feeling that he should warn them it sounded fake. Bucky snarled and punched the wall beside Clint's head. The brick work cracked at the force but Clint couldn't bring himself to care. Let the solder punch him in the face. Least he'd have some time off from the damn nightmares of watching Nat beg him to hold on rather than the truth of her actually letting go.

"Don't you get it! We need another super on our team!" Bucky snapped. Clint frowned. "They already made at least two that we know of. We need you to help stop them and get the samples before they make more."

"Wanda's super. Bruce is super..." Clint started, not feeling all that special even with the serum. Bucky screamed in frustration.

"Damn it Barton! Why won't you fucking listen?" Bucky growled. Clint pushed off the wall and slammed his hands into Bucky's chest, making the man stumble a few steps.

"I am listening! You want a god damn super! I'm telling you of other options that are better than me!" Clint yelled. "I'm just a fucking useless drunk, wallowing in his own fucking guilt to be of any god damn help!"

And that was when Clint saw black.

And we are back with another instalment of my version of Clint's torture, I mean adventure. Lol.

Darius had been a complete pain in the arse! Constantly fighting us, giving attitude. And earlier this week he tore apart a bean bag chair. Not only creating the hole in the first place but also digging the beans out of the thing. Poor hubby had to clean up the entire mess. We're trying our best but it's getting sooooo annoying to try and deal with it. Cause he just doesn't seem to friggen care. No matter what we do. We've legit thrown out some of his toys (they were broken to the point of danger but still) and he just stared at us. Yeah, he gives us the whole crying fit and stuff like a guilty child but two seconds after punishment finishes he's back at whatever we had yelled at him for before. How are we supposed to respond to that? ARGH! Oh well. We'll deal soon.