Eeks! It's almost been 2 weeks since the last time I posted. It was hard to write this chapter. I hope the longer length makes up for the wait. Things are starting to pick up, and next chapter should be good...

Anyway, thanks to those who have recently faved or followed, and an extra big thanks to all reviewers!

Kaidan was leaning against the rails of the platform that overlooked the galaxy map. He was watching the Normandy slowly move across the display. Shepard used to do the same thing when she had something on her mind. The crew didn't bother her and waited patiently for the next command or question. At the moment, he was here instead of her. Kaidan had recently spoken to Traynor about their current course, and now he was lost in his thoughts. The Normandy looked so small on the map. The distance that was still between them and Earth was enormous. It was overwhelming to think about it, but Kaidan kept focusing on the positive. They were over halfway home.

James strolled by the deck. Kaidan caught him passing in the corner of his eye and moved to go speak with him.

"Vega!" Kaidan called.

"Major?" Vega stopped and turned around as Kaidan rushed up to him.

"Hey. I remembered that Allers wanted to talk to you about doing a vid segment."

"Oh yeah?" Vega answered, feigning surprise.

Kaidan ignored the lieutenant's attitude and merely nodded. "Just wanted to remind you. She's intent on getting everybody to contribute."

"I don't know. Not my thing. Don't like the chick."

"What?" Kaidan didn't know what else to say. He became uncomfortable sometimes when insubordinates spoke their mind.

"I don't trust her. I don't like the way she struts around and gets in everyone's business," Vega mumbled, looking away. It was almost as if he knew he was toeing the line.

"Lieutenant…" Kaidan warned.

"And I'd watch out for her if I were you."

"And why is that?" Kaidan asked, his questioning tone lingering in the air.

"Nothing, major. I just don't want to talk to her."

"Huh. I think you should reconsider. Allers doesn't have a lot of support on this ship, but she is one of us, and we should treat her with the respect and empathy she deserves. Got it?"

"Yeah. Is that a command?"

"Lieutenant," Kaidan sighed heavily. This conversation was starting to give him stress, and he felt a migraine coming on.

"Got it," Vega acquiesced.

Kaidan turned around to leave, but Vega grasped his arm.

"I'm sorry, major. Didn't mean to give you a hard time," he apologized.

"Don't worry about it," Kaidan muttered. He wanted to go back to the quiet of his room and not have to deal with the crew for a while. It was truly draining being in Shepard's shoes.

Shepard let Colby pick the place. It was time to finally buy him a drink for saving her from another passive aggressive conversation with her mother. She wasn't too familiar with Vancouver because she had only spent limited time there in training or on lockdown. Shepard was a spacer, and while she knew a few great places on Jump Zero and in other corners of the galaxy, she had to trust Colby on this one. The place he chose was in an old brick building. Shepard couldn't believe that it had managed to still be standing after the Reapers. Colby led her to the basement of the place. There was no signage. She hesitantly followed him in, but she smiled when she finally got a look of what was inside.

There was an old-fashioned wood bar and a few sparsely populated tables. The clientele appeared to be rough-around-the-edges, retired Alliance types. A small screen behind the bar was displaying the news on mute. Smoke swirled in the air from cigars, despite the fact that smoking in a public establishment had been banned for years. The only sounds were those of quiet voices and the clinking of glasses. This was her type of place: a dive bar where you could go incognito and not care about the rules.

Shepard headed for an empty table, but Colby grabbed her arm gently.

"Where do you think you're going? You have to go sit at the bar with me."

"Umm, have you lost your memory, Colby?" Shepard said as she gestured toward her lower extremities.

"Nope," he replied nonchalantly

He pushed her to the bar and pulled out one of the barstools for her. Shepard gave Colby a weary look, cocking an eyebrow at him. "Really?"

"So the brave and heroic Commander… actually, make that Captain Shepard- can't conquer a measly barstool?" he playfully taunted.

"Fuck you," she growled. She had been feeling better physically and emotionally, but she still wasn't in the mood to play games.

Colby put his hands up quickly. "Whoa, there! No harm intended. I'm going to sit here and order a drink. Let me know when you care to join me."

He took a seat next to hers and waved down the bartender.

"Wait, wait," she yelped. In the beginning, she had wanted to push herself to the limit and recuperate as much physical ability as possible. As time went on, she had grown reluctant. Why embarrass herself? She was never going to be whole again. However, she wasn't going to let herself sink deeper into her shell today. Shepard had told Colby that she'd buy him a damn drink, and she was going to do it.

Colby smiled in relief as he witnessed Shepard preparing to get onto the stool. He held it down so it wouldn't tip over from the imbalance. Using her arms, she managed to pull herself all of the way up and take a seat. Though it was an easy and inconsequential task for the average person, it was nothing short of amazing for anyone with Shepard's injuries.

Shepard was out of breath, but she gave Colby a wicked grin. "Don't mess with your superiors, Colby."

"Wouldn't think about it," he smiled.

Shepard went ahead and called the bartender over. "Shots, please." She turned toward Colby. "Choose your weapon."

"Shots?"

"What? You got a problem, Colby? Can't hold your liquor?"

"Oh, we'll see about that," he challenged. Colby turned to address the bartender. "Tequila."

"Eww," Shepard exclaimed, wrinkling her nose.

"Hey, you told me I could get what I wanted!"

"That was before I knew you were a girl," she retorted.

A while later, Kaidan was peering out of the observation deck window with his forehead pressed against the cool pane. He was thinking about the whiskey that Shepard had given him back when he was in Huerta Memorial. Kaidan had brought the bottle to her room on the night before the battle. He had wanted her to relax and spend one last night with him. They never did get around to drinking much of it. Kaidan had held off from drinking the rest of the whiskey despite his desire to sip it all down and become numb. He put it aside, thinking that Shepard and he would finally get to resume their drinks after defeating the Reapers. Kaidan continued believing that for several months, and even though they were getting closer to home, something within him snapped on this day. Kaidan went over to the cabinet and retrieved the bottle. He poured himself a stiff drink and stared at it. By drinking it, was he admitting defeat? He wasn't sure. Holding the drink loosely in his hand, he swirled it around and went to the window to look out at the stars. He hoped Shepard was out there, along with his mom and dad, even though the odds were incredibly against him.

"Kaidan?"

Kaidan jumped a little, shocked at the voice. He hadn't heard anyone come in. The voice was human and female, and had a tone that held that touch of authority. He thought for a second that he would turn around and find Shepard. The voice wasn't a complete match though. It was a higher pitch, a little more feminine. It wasn't wracked with sadness. When he turned around, and all he saw was Diana Allers.

"Sorry to interrupt," Diana said quietly.

"Oh. You're not interrupting anything," Kaidan assured.

"I wanted to thank you for getting Vega to participate."

"So he finally did it? That's good."

"What did you do?" Diana accused. A smile formed on her face.

"What do you mean?" Kaidan blurted. He was a little confused. Didn't Vega do what she had wanted? Or maybe Vega did something he shouldn't have?

"What sort of punishment did you threaten with him to get him be in the vid and behave himself?" she questioned, pretending to be serious by folding her arms in front of her.

"Hah. I didn't bribe him. Maybe you just wore him down." Kaidan chuckled before becoming stoic again. He glanced down at the glass in his hand and resumed swishing its liquid content.

"Have a drinking problem? That would make for a great special."

"What?"

"You've been nursing that drink like it's the most interesting thing in the world," she observed.

"Sorry," he apologized.

"No need to apologize. I was simply curious. I suppose you believe that the meaning of life can be found at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey?"

"I wish. I was thinking about my mom and dad. And Shepard, I guess. I miss her. I also feel... I know I should let it go after all of this time, but I'm ashamed of breaking the regs."

"I can understand," Diana replied. "Though you're probably more worked up about it than anyone else is."

"I know. Sorry, didn't mean to be whining about it again," Kaidan joked.

"It's hard to keep ourselves in check when our hearts are screaming at us. They overrule whatever our brains may be telling us to do. I know a little about that. You guys have regs, we have journalistic integrity. Don't get involved with your stories," Diana said before taking a deep breath. "I can't say I've been very good at about that recently."

Diana's confession forced Kaidan to raise an eyebrow. Was she implying something? She couldn't possibly, could she? Is this what Vega was trying to tell him?

Allers appeared alarmed by Kaidan's expression. "Wait, what? You think you? Oh, no. No, major," she chuckled. "Not that you're an unattractive guy, but I'm not touching the commander's man. That's just asking for it."

"Then… who?"

"You're not getting that out of me. Like you, I do have some integrity, despite my leather wardrobe that the male viewership appreciates."

"Hey, but you know about Shepard and me!"

"And didn't I tell you that I'd keep my lips sealed?" she teased as she mimed zipping her lips shut.

"I know, but…"

"Well, I do owe you one. It's..." she paused.

"Are you leaving me with a cliffhanger?" he groaned.

"Nope. I won't be that cruel. It's Traynor," she whispered before breaking into a grin.

"Really? I didn't think you…"

"Swung that way? If you didn't have your hands all over the commander, I might have been in your place," she winked.

Kaidan was left speechless as Allers stalked out. He felt relieved to hear that she wasn't after him and that someone on the Normandy was being a friend to her. If only he could tell Vega… but he wasn't going to break Diana's trust.

Less than an hour later, a collection of empty shot glasses had formed on the bar in front of Shepard and Colby. Shepard was slumped over the bar, her head propped up by her hands. Her face was a fiery red. Colby, on the other hand, appeared to be unaffected.

"You're a cheat! I'm on my meds," she slurred.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have tried to keep up with me. Or maybe you should not have been drinking at all, actually."

She glared at him. "Screw you."

"Ouch," he mumbled, looking not the least bit hurt by her words. She swatted him. "I surrender! You won."

"Good," she gave a smug smile before polishing off the last shot of the night. "I have to thank you, you know."

"For the mom thing? Don't worry about it. I'd hate for a cat fight between your mother and you during the awards ceremony to become the latest celeb gossip story."

Shepard snorted. "Ha. Actually, I might have enjoyed it. My mom would've certainly shit her pants to see that come out in the press." She quickly put her hand up to cover her agape mouth. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking like this. Too many drinks. The war might be over, but still shouldn't be unprofessional."

"No, no…"

"I do want to thank you, not only for the mom thing, but for being a good friend. Everyone else is off doing something. Fixing the galaxy, yada, yada. I've felt kind of all by myself," she frowned. "Not that I need people."

"It's okay to be human."

"I guess so. Been feeling extra human lately." She played with the empty shot glass on the table before glancing up at Colby through her eyelashes. The two looked at each other, not saying anything. An unwelcome warmth spread throughout her. In her mind, she yelled at her body to knock it off. Kaidan, Kaidan, Kaidan. She broke her gaze and casually turned away from him. Her eyes caught a glimpse of the news on the screen. Kaidan. Kaidan's face was on the screen. She had trouble reading the text running across the bottom of the news channel in her current drunken state.

"Hey, Mr. Bartender. Turn it up!" she hollered. The bartender turned on the sound.

"What is it?" Colby asked confusedly. Shepard didn't bother responding to him.

A voice on the screen could now be heard, and Shepard's picture popped up. Huh? The picture quickly faded into a picture of Shepard and Kaidan in their dress blues, standing next to each other. When was that picture from? The ceremony on the Citadel after Sovereign? Why did they crop everyone else out? "Our source says that Captain Shepard and Major Alenko were involved in a sexual relationship even before the defeat of Sovereign several years ago. There has been no sight of the Normandy since V-day. The Alliance has declined to comment. And now, moving on…"

Shepard stopped listening. Did it just say what she thought it did? She gave a quick glance at Colby. He was staring at the screen, but his mouth was hanging open. He saw Shepard's movement and reflexively clenched his jaws shut. Shepard didn't really know what she was feeling. She wanted to get out of there. Her omni-tool began to light up and ping from messages coming in.

Shepard began lowering herself down into her chair, and Colby got up to help her.

"Don't," she commanded. Once she was settled, she moved toward the bartender and made sure to pay off the tab. Then she attempted to head for the exit, but Colby pulled the chair to a halting stop. He went to put his hand on her arm to calm her, but she swiped it away.

"Don't touch me," she ordered angrily. The reality of the situation was sinking in. Immediately after hearing the news report, she had been in denial. Then, she was suddenly relieved. Now they didn't need to fool anyone. But… what about her career? His? Oh, the public was going to go insane for this story. The Alliance, too.

Colby was looking at her, but wasn't saying a word.

"What? Speechless, lieutenant? Well, sorry. Guess I'm too human, eh?" Shepard quipped, but there was nothing cute or funny about her tone.

She wished she could stomp and storm out, but there was only so much a disabled woman could do. Shepard moved as fast as possible out of the bar without giving Colby another look.

"Shepard!"

She heard him yell after her, but she wasn't up to facing him. Shepard was ashamed, and she couldn't pinpoint what exactly was causing her to feel that way.