Therapy. More and more therapy, with a surgery thrown in now and then just for kicks. That was all Shepard had to look forward to these days. The monotony was starting to drive her crazy, but hey, at least she was making huge progress physically. Walking was nearly a piece of cake, although running and endurance were problematic. Miranda had remained at her side for the first few weeks, but she was gone again. Miranda hadn't mentioned Alenko's sudden disappearance or her other patient's- Colby's- progress, and Shepard didn't ask. She didn't want to talk about it, and her facial expressions tended to ward off anybody from approaching her. Deep purple circles ringed her eyes. She had stopped dying her hair, her trademark fiery hue receding to reveal silvery roots brought on by years of immense stress. Turns out you could bring someone back from the dead, but you couldn't stop aging.

Shepard and Kaidan exchanged messages almost daily. Most were text, not video. He told her about the progress in the search for his parents. He had flown to the orchard, but there was no sign of them on the property when he arrived. The house appeared to have been ransacked. Kaidan spent each day cleaning up and fanning out into the surrounding area, hoping to find information on his parents' whereabouts. It had been more than a year since anyone had last heard from them.

Shep-

Went north again today. Stopped by the old mechanics shop that I used to work at during the summer. I guess they haven't seen my dad in years.

It's hard to have faith when everything leads to a dead end.

Hope you had a better day.

Kaidan

Kaidan,

My day was just peachy. Miranda's taken off again. This will allow me to sink further into becoming a hermit. Haha. Can't sleep at night lately, but trying my best. It helps when I imagine hearing you ordering me around, all concerned, and then I pick myself up and decide to finally eat something.

You're not allowed to lose faith. That's a command. Yeah, you outrank me, but let's ignore that.

You'll find something. People don't just disappear without a trace.

Thinking of you,

S

Even though she couldn't be with him, Shepard tried to be Kaidan's rock as he started to lose hope that he would ever finds his family. She struggled to remember to not end her letters with "Love, S."

She really was becoming a bit of a hermit. Her muscles ached from her daily physical therapy and the latest surgery she'd undergone. Shepard kept to herself within the indoor facility because 1) she was still figuring out her legs and 2) Diana Allers' documentary SR-2. The footage Diana Allers had recorded during the war had been compiled into an extremely popular series. If saving the galaxy and the recent bombing hadn't already put Shepard in the spotlight, well, she definitely was now. Always uncomfortable with fame, the confines of her room were her favorite thing at the moment. The one thing she absolutely didn't want on the vidscreen was Allers' piece. Shepard lived through it. She definitely didn't need to relive it. However, she was pleased for Diana. They had met briefly weeks ago, and Shepard had given her the go-ahead to put everything together and make something of it. Her crew deserved to have their story be told and be honored.

The last episode in the series caught Shepard's eye one night. "The Return," it was titled. Against her better judgment, she settled in to watch it with a beer in hand. Curiosity got the best of her. It certainly did.

Seeing everything that happened in her absence was an overwhelming experience. Her heart swelled with pride as the crew overcame every obstacle. Shepard shed a tear when Joker discussed EDI. The reason for her sudden death, and the shutdown of the geth, was something that Shepard hadn't revealed to anyone. Joker and Shepard hadn't spoken much since the Normandy returned, mostly because she dreaded having any conversation about EDI with him. Shepard saw Tali and Garrus wave goodbye as the ship took off, and she felt a renewed since of lost. Garrus was her bro, and Tali had been the geeky sister she'd never had. Of course, the real killer of the episode was seeing Kaidan.

"I understand that the Normandy evacuated Earth during the battle at London, leaving behind Commander Shepard. Was that a challenging decision? And do you believe that Commander Shepard is alive?"

"It wasn't a decision I had control over. We received orders, and we followed through with them. Joker did what he was told and what was best for the safety of the Normandy. We wouldn't be sitting here talking if he had hesitated or made one wrong move."

"I see. And what about Commander Shepard?"

"Whatever she did, it obviously worked. From what we've heard, the Reapers are dead. So she must have been alive in order to end the war. So I think there's a good chance she's alive now if she was able to make it to that point."

"That is a logical conclusion, yet the crew seems to feel otherwise."

"We took a lot of hard hits on the ground. They might doubt her survival, but I've worked with her for a while now, and I know she's the toughest solider around. Or maybe I'm being naive, and they're right. Who knows? That's the point. Nobody can say anything definite just yet, so I'm keeping the faith alive."

"It's clear to everyone that the commander is a close personal friend of yours. What would you say to her if she could hear you right now?"

"… I would just tell her that we're coming home as fast as we can. That we're all proud of her. If she's hurt, I'd want her to be strong. And the whole crew misses her."

Shepard knew Kaidan was dodging any sort of question that could implicate them, but his eyes said it all. Later, he told the camera about the news he had received about her survival and serious injury, voice steady but with glassy eyes. Kaidan sat at her cabin desk, all of her belongings kept respectfully in place, but with an old photograph of her in the frame that once held his.

Deep breath. Deep breath.

"Shit," Shepard muttered, taking a swig of beer. The alcohol and everything onscreen were taking her to place she didn't want to go. Shepard was trying very, very hard to not pick up her omnitool and message Kaidan. She wasn't in the best mindset for putting together a composed message, and speaking to him late at night and out of the blue probably broke some sort of unspoken rule for relationships on a break. Yet that didn't stop her from bringing his contact info up. Before Shepard could do anything, she flung her omnitool into a chair with the last bit of self-control she had.

"Arggggghhhhh. No," she commanded herself. Another slosh of beer, some down her throat and some spilling down her front. She used the edge of her sleeve to clean up the mess. Turning off the vidscreen, Shepard closed her eyes and held the cool glass bottle to her forehead. "I need something stronger."

Avoiding toppling out of bed, Shepard managed to snatch her omnitool back up from the chair. Now was not the best time to be alone, so she mentally scrolled through her list of potential drinking buddies. Liara? Would disapprove and try to get her to spill her heart out on the table. Joker? Out of the fucking question. Colby? Fuck no. Miranda, Jack, Tali, and Garrus were not viable options, obviously. That left one choice, and thankfully, it was actually the best one: Lieutenant James Vega.

Thirty minutes and one short cab ride later, she was parked at the bar at Vega's favorite Vancouver watering hole, a place called Cactus Joe's. It was the type of bar Shepard appreciated: dark, somewhat dingy, and not too crowded. The randomly placed cacti and sombreros pinned to the wall gave it a fake Mexican vibe, but Vega swore the tequilas were nearly as good as the selection he could get back at home in San Diego. Despite her dislike of tequila, she decided to partake to please him. He'd been quite willing to come and join her for a few drinks because he was leaving for N7 training in a week and wouldn't get to see her again. However, Vega's eyes were currently glued to a waitress's ass, which was barely covered by her denim cutoffs.

"Hey, hey, Vega," Shepard slurred slightly, pleasantly drunk but currently annoyed. She waved her hand in front of his face. "Eyes off the girl."

"What?" Vega replied distractedly before returning his attention to her. "Can't blame a guy for looking."

"Uh huh. But tonight's mission priority is supposed to be to keep me occupied, not yourself."

"Alright, Lola. So, back to you. I heard the major's out looking for his family. You missing him or something?"

Shepard narrowed her eyes at him. "We're on a break."

"No shit? Wow. Thought you guys were gonna get married or somethin' right away," Vega exclaimed, clearly shocked.

"Married?" Shepard rolled her eyes.

"Well, yeah. I'm sorry, commander," he reached out and put a hand on her shoulder before awkward pulling away, realizing he was trying to comfort the famous "fire-haired ice queen."

"Don't be. It's on me."

"What did you do?"

Shepard pondered about how to explain it. James stared intently at her. She finally just laughed bitterly. "Who cares?"

James appeared as if he was mulling over whether to press further, but he merely nodded his head. "Okay."

"Good, good. Another one of these, por favor," she addressed the bartender, shaking her empty shot glass at him.

"Coming right up."

"Grazie!" She slammed her glass back down, drawing the attention of a few patrons around her. She sent a death glare their way.

"I'm pretty sure that's Italian," Vega whispered.

Shepard wrinkled her nose. "I said gracias."

"You said grazie."

She shrugged, laughing. "Oopsies."

"Oopsies? You gone off your rocker." Vega got the bartender's attention and drew his hand across his neck, signaling to him that it was time to cut Shepard off.

"I saw that!" Shepard shoved Vega, and he bounced off of the guy sitting next to him.

"Calm down, loca!"

"Hmph." Disappointed that no more drinks were coming her way, she laid her head on the counter, not caring that it was sticky, and started playing with some beer caps. "You heard anything about the investigation?"

"The investigation of the bombing? No. Alliance and them are keeping the case sealed tight. Nothing's leaked."

"Yeah, I figured," she sighed. "You know what? I'm going to miss you, James."

"Gonna miss you, too."

"You're going to be great."

"Thanks. That means a lot."

"You're going to love Rio. Love it!" Shepard broke into a big grin. "Lots of chicks there. And dicks, too, if that's more your speed."

"Shut it, Lola. You know I've only got eyes for you," Vega flipped into their usual joking flirtation.

"You can't handle this," Shepard volleyed back.

"I think you might be right on that one."

Shepard smiled slyly, but it quickly faded. Vega finished his drink and led her outside. He hailed a cab for her and threatened a passerby that was looking at her funny, and then he helped her get situated in the backseat of the cab. He paused suddenly.

"Hey Shepard, did ya know I thought the major might've been hooking up with Allers on the way back?"

"What?" Shepard was confused and immediately concerned.

"Don't worry, he wasn't. He was working on interviews and stuff, making friends. What you saw on the show tonight? I'm pretty sure everything he said and did was real. That guy was suffering. He really loves you. If you feel the same way, I hope you guys can work it out." Vega rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously.

Shepard buckled herself in without looking at Vega. "Yeah, we'll see."

He nodded and shut the door. She rolled down the window as he started to back away from the cab.

"Hey, Vega!

"Yeah?"

"Don't do anything I would do!"

"Why's that?"

"You'll get yourself killed!"

"Real funny, Lola!"

With that, Shepard rolled up the window, and the cab drove away from her chuckling former crewmate. The car was silent, no music playing in the background. She closed her eyes and thought about dozing off for a second, but she reached for her omnitool instead.

I saw the show tonight. Miss you.