Kaidan was out mowing the front lawn that lined the front of his parents' orchard house, earphones firmly in and his omni-tool playing classic rock. The mindless task reminded him of his childhood, when things were simpler. Now his parents were who knows where, the love of his life was who knows where emotionally, and his life was one big question mark. Weeks and weeks of searching to no avail. He had to laugh to himself. Those last few nights on the Normandy before London, he had thought about everything that'd be waiting for him- for them- if they pulled through. On the long journey back home, Kaidan focused on the same, pushing away any negative trains of thought. Things had definitely not turned out the way he had expected. Yet he was out here mowing a lawn the old-school way on an unusually warm day for the season, a privilege rather than a chore – to be able to take the time to complete such a task was almost mind-boggling to him, but that's the way peace worked, he supposed.
With the music playing loudly, Kaidan didn't hear the woman approach him until she was pulling on his shirtsleeve. He jumped at the contact, an eerie and familiar blue shade leaping over his skin. His muscles tensed in preparation. The woman backed away quickly, and he was able to get a full peek at her. Not an attacker – the woman was in a tank top and shorts, no weapons visible, unless you counted the plate of brownies in her hands. Embarrassed, he dropped his defensive stance and ripped out his earphones.
"I'm sorry, ma- '' his words died on his tongue as he squinted closer at her face. "Michaela?"
Michaela had lived across the street from his parents' orchard when he was growing up. His first kiss had been with her on one summer night when they were both on break from junior high school. A few years later came BAat, and after he came back, Kaidan had kind of withdrawn from the world and avoided going to the orchard. He hadn't really seen her after that, though his mother occasionally mentioned her to him, sometimes dropping her relationship status into the conversation.
Michaela still kept her distance, shaking a bit. "Hey, Kaidan. Long time no see."
"Yeah." He grimaced. Great. The freak who was a shut-in at his parents' house was still up to the usual tricks – that's what she was probably thinking. Kaidan rubbed his neck, turning away from her stare. "What's up?"
"I just wanted to bring these over." Michaela approached him with a timid smile, gently nudging the plate of brownies into his hands.
"Thanks." As a gesture of appreciation, and for an excuse to not speak, Kaidan grabbed one of the homemade treats and stuffed it into his mouth in one bite.
"Must be hungry after working in the yard all morning."
Kaidan nodded, still chewing, letting silence fall over them. Michaela started to bite a nail before seemingly gathering herself up.
"So… our – well, it's mine now since my parents passed- my house was damaged during the war. I came back from Tokyo a few weeks ago and finished having an architect and engineer over to look at it. Going to take a few months for repairs to be done. Sorry if there's any noise and stuff from the construction."
"Really? That's good, I guess. The fixing it part, that is." Kaidan mentally kicked himself.
"Yeah," Michaela chuckled. "Anyway, those brownies weren't entirely just a friendly welcome-back-to-the-neighborhood thing, unfortunately."
Kaidan frowned, wrapping the brownies back up in their wrap.
"Don't worry, I didn't poison them! I wanted to ask for a favor. I don't need a kidney or anything. But since my place is going to be under construction, and I don't really have a place to go – I would camp, but winter's almost here… ''
Michaela's words trailed off. Kaidan had been solely working on his search for his parents, and having a roommate seemed like a distraction. But here was one of his childhood friends, standing here asking for help. "Okay."
"Are you sure?" Her face was beaming.
"Yes, it's fine."
"Great, thanks so much!" In the blink of an eye, Michaela suddenly kissed him on the cheek. "I need to move out next week – hope that's okay? In the meantime, see you around, neighbor!"
Michaela backed away, keeping her eyes on him, before heading back toward her house, a skip noticeable in her step. Kaidan put his earphones back in, waiting until she was back inside before giving a shake of his head. He had forgotten how upbeat she was, or perhaps time had changed them both.
A week later, and she was living with him. Michaela had temporarily taken over the guest room, while Kaidan stayed in his bedroom; he felt uncomfortable occupying his parents' master or offering it up. She spent her days at the small veterinarian clinic she had set up down the road, helping the pets of local residents and rescuing the many strays that roamed the area post-war. Michaela has a little too chipper around the house, but she more than pulled her weight with cleaning up the house and assisting with the chores.
It was during one of their new routines, cereal for breakfast on the weekends, that Michaela had asked him if he had been up to "Survivor's Ridge." Dumbfounded, he had told her no, and she dropped her spoon on the floor, her mouth gaping open. She had treated a dog from one the guys who lived up there. He and a group other ex-military types were staying further up in the mountains at this closed-down campsite. They had evacuated part of the town and hid up there during the war. There were casualties, of course, and it was cold as hell, but a lot of them were still kicking, and many had decided to remain up there and not return home.
It sounded too perfect to be true. It sounded exactly like somewhere his parents would be. His mom likely joined the others when they evacuated the town, and when his dad was released from duty, he probably joined her. As much as he wanted to believe what he was telling himself, Kaidan couldn't explain away why they hadn't contacted him or why they hadn't come back to the orchard.
Nevertheless, Kaidan and Michaela hiked up to the survivors' camp the next day.
Kaidan couldn't believe he was actually looking at his father. He had always believed that while his mother was alive out there somewhere, his dad was a different story. But here he was, certainly worse for wear, skin and bones with a heavy beard. His stoic face broke with unexpected joy when Kaidan stooped in front of him, and his hands stopped with the wood carving he was working on.
"Kaidan?" his dad rasped.
"Yeah, it's me, dad." Kaidan couldn't stop his eyes from tearing up. His dad leaned toward him and wrapped him in his arms. The two of them stayed like that for a few seconds until his dad pulled away.
To actually find his dad out here after months and months… it was an incredible relief. He and Michaela had spent the day hiking up through the mountains, with him taking frequent breaks along the way to stop and look at the beautiful view. Michaela kept to herself, probably realizing that he was attempting to take as long as possible to get up there, afraid of what he would or wouldn't find.
"God, you don't know how happy I am to see you," Kaidan confessed.
"Same goes for you, son." Though he was still smiling, his dad let his gaze drop away from Kaidan's face, and he went back to work on the carving.
"I want to hear all about everything… '' Realizing he might be pushing too much and letting his curiosity get ahead of him, he reined it in. "Whenever you're ready, and only if you want to." Kaidan inhaled deeply, nervous about the words that had been on the tip of his tongue ever since the leader of the camp had pointed him in the direction of his father. "Dad, where's… where's Mom? Did she make it?"
His dad didn't tilt his head up or anything. It was as if he hadn't heard him at all.
"Dad?"
Still no response. His dad had started to vigorously dig his knife into the little wood block he was working with. Kaidan slowly inched his hands forward, eventually resting them upon his dad's to keep them idle.
Finally, his dad raised his head, although he still wouldn't look at him. Kaidan already knew what it meant, and he couldn't keep eye contact with his father anymore either.
"What do you want me to say?" His dad's voice was barely a whisper.
Kaidan rubbed his face as he tried to pull himself together emotionally. "What happened?"
All Kaidan was met with was silence. Weighing his options, he decided to not press the issue further. Whatever had happened, it was bad. Ethan, the leader of this ragtag group of survivors, had made no mention of where Kaidan might be able to find his mother.
Michaela had been hovering in the background, but she took the silence between father and son as an opportunity to steal Kaidan away for a second. Once they had walked past the tree line and were no longer in his dad's earshot, she whispered, "Your mom…"
"Is dead." He interrupted matter-of-factly. "My dad won't say it, but that's what it looks like."
Michaela bit her lip. "I was taking with Ethan while you were, you know, and that's what he seemed to indicate."
Kaidan backed up against one of the pine tree trunks, crouching down on the ground. "What am I supposed to do now?"
He meant it as a rhetorical question, but Michaela chipped in anyway. "I think… I think we should take your dad home."
Kaidan's face contorted. Take him home? His broken father? How would that work? Maybe this little mountain retreat was the only thing keeping him together. Without his mother, he'd… the numbness that Kaidan had felt as soon as he realized the fate of his mother was wearing off, rapidly becoming replaced by panic because he had lost the one woman he was closest to in his life, other than Shepard, and the parent he had been closest to, as well. His dad, an old-school military career man through and through, had been strict and controlling, all sharp edges and booming voice. His mom had been the one to be his shoulder to cry on after Jump Zero and occasionally his verbal punching bag, who always took everything he threw her way and seemingly never resented him for it.
The sun was drifting lower behind the mountaintops, and his thoughts were starting to divert to places he didn't want to go. Kaidan began to taste eezo in the air, so he closed his eyes firmly and began running through his usual relaxation techniques in his mind. As he was starting to feel centered again, he could feel hands on his shoulders. Kaidan reluctantly opened his eyes to see Michaela kneeling in front of him. She leaned in to hug him.
"I'm sorry about your mom," Michaela mumbled, her mouth pressed against the puffy collar of Kaidan's parka.
Kaidan let go, and the two broke apart. "Me too." He sighed audibly. "I'm not going to drag my dad out of here. If he wants to be here, okay. If he wants to go home, okay. It's up to him. I'm not going to tell anybody how they should deal with their grief." He couldn't help but laugh bitterly, picturing how he had dealt with Shepard's death.
Shepard. Shit, he had completely forgotten about the message she had sent him late the other night. His omni-tool had woken him up in the early morning hours, and he remembered blearily staring at a message she had sent. Drowsy, he had put off responding until the morning… and then it had slipped away from him. Their separation was a constant ache, but the pain felt distant these days. Oh, but how he wished she was with him right now…
"Ready to go?"
Michaela's voice brought him back to reality. Right now, all he needed to focus on was his dad. Everything else could wait.
Thanks so much for your reviews. Hope you enjoyed this peek at what Kaidan's been up to...