Chapter 17

"Welcome back, children, I hope you all had a good Christmas," said Dumbledore. "I would like you to welcome our new DADA teacher, Mr. Tiberius Prince, who has stepped in after the, er, unfortunate loss of Mr. Povey." He beamed as there was polite applause. "Mr Prince was a well known ritual sorcerer in his day, and has forgotten more than most people ever learn about demonology."

Tiberius smiled a grim smile and rose.

"And I will not answer any questions about either demonology or necromancy so don't even try asking," he said. "I don't intend to have to put right the idiocies of those with more curiosity than sense raising demons and losing control of them. As if getting rid of demons wasn't enough of a bore, I get so sick of mailing the remains of those who try back to their parents."

There was a long silence.

"Er, yes, quite so," said Dumbledore. "I'm sure you'll all learn a lot from Mr. Prince without needing to dabble in forbidden arts, and in the meantime, please enjoy the feast!"

"Lovely, we get told gruesome things about mailing the remains of students back to their parents and then get told to enjoy the feast?" grumbled Ignatius Weasley.

"Dry up, Weasley, if you don't dabble in forbidden arts you won't get mailed back to your parents, will you?" said Severus. "Never known your voracious appetite to be attenuated by anything yet, don't they feed you at home? Or is it a question of having so few manners that you have to grab as grab can, and you can't rid yourself of the habit in civilised surroundings?"

Weasley changed colour several times; he came from a large family where in fact the table rule was very much grab as grab can.

"You're related to that Professor Prince and he's a dark wizard," he said.

"I am related to him and I'd like to know what makes you call him a dark wizard," said Severus.

"Well if he knows about demonology and necromancy he must be."

Severus laughed.

"What a silly little boy you are! Why, Professor Dumbledore knows about demonology and necromancy; knowing and practising are two different things. You rather need to know about things like that to get rid of the demons or undead the idiots who raise such things have managed to produce."

"It's true," said Fabian Prewett, "I will have to learn both when I go for auror training."

"Yeah, but you're dating a filthy Slytherin, Prewett," said Weasley.

Fabian's eyes became flat and unfriendly. So did those of the Marauders but they left it to the prefect.

"For your information, Weasley," said Fabian, "Miss Black washes without needing to be told, unlike a certain Ignatius Weasley who skimps his morning wash and had to be sent out of breakfast twice last term for having dirty hands and a tide mark on his neck. Who does that make 'filthy'?"

No small boy is a friend to soap and water, but Weasley was particularly fond of his bed and usually fell out of bed barely in time to dress for breakfast without time for such niceties as washing and cleaning his teeth. The Marauders, Frank and Alice had the advantage of early rising to run, and leaving enough time to shower before changing for breakfast. This public dissection of Ignatius Weasley's matutinal habits turned the boy's face as red as his hair, but he yelled,

"You know what I mean! She's Slytherin so she's evil!"

"Mr. Weasley." Madam McGonagall used a sonorous spell from the staff table. "For yon display of both bad manners in yelling like a guttersnipe, and for yer unwarranted comments on members o' ither houses, ye'll be serving a detention wi' Mr. Filch for an hour ivery nicht for the next week."

Weasley glared at Prewett.

"Now look what you've done," he growled.

"I rather think, Weasley, it was you yelling, and you expressing the sort of opinion about my girlfriend that would have me taking you behind the broomsheds to tan your arse if you were not already in trouble. Because you are my cousin in marriage so I would feel that superseded the concept that to do so would be outside my dignity as a prefect. If you ever say anything about my girlfriend again, however, you may consider the date behind the broomsheds to be resumed," said Fabian, quietly.

"Hear hear," said Gideon. "Even I reckon Narcissa Black is all right."

Weasley glowered.

"Minerva," said Tiberius, "May I make a suggestion? In the spirit of interhouse co-operation, perhaps anyone who denigrates a particular House should spend a week having moved into that House. With of course the expectation that the members of the House should be on their best behaviour to show the idiot up."

"I'm not sure I'd trust all the Slytherin to behave, tae be honest, Tiberius," said McGonagall.

"Oh Horace might not be able to keep them in line, but I wager I could," said Tiberius. "The time is coming when we will need interhouse co-operation. And weeding out those who wish to follow the Riddlemaster might not come amiss."

"Weel … it's tae be considered. I'll aye talk tae Horace, Pomona and Filius aboot the idea."

Lucius Malfoy was the one on whom the sentence of this punishment first fell, since the other House Heads thought it an excellent way of eroding misunderstandings.

"Though I wonder how many of them will be able to enter Ravenclaw Tower through the riddling knocker," Filius squeaked, in concern.

"They'll do it the same way your dimmer members manage, by sneaking in with a crowd with someone who can do it," said Pomona, with more truth than tact.

The announcement was made, and it was perhaps unfortunate that Lucius chose to try to hex Narcissa for going out with a 'stupid Gryffindor' without checking who was behind him.

This happened to be Filius Flitwick, who sentenced the boy to a week in Gryffindor Tower in great glee.

The Gryffindor common room were not delighted. They stared in horror.

"Well met and welcome to Griffindor House, scion of House Malfoy," Gideon managed. "Hereafter in Griffindor Tower, you will find that we act as a familial house and do not demand proper usage amongst ourselves. We hope you will settle down here. Nobody," he glared at Weasley and a couple of other older Gryffindors, "Will start anything. However if you start anything, Family Gryffindor will finish it."

"How touching," sneered Lucius.

The rule laid down by Madam McGonagall was that everyone was to be nice to any sentenced to her house, and to give them no excuse to complain. She had threatened that anyone who contravened this would spend not one, but two weeks in Slytherin. This was enough to make her hotter heads lie low.

"You'd better explain the rules of your house to me," said Lucius, insolently. "Like whether you truly treat mudbloods as equals, and how I am expected to address them."

"We treat all birth status as equal," said Gideon. "We object to swearing and dirty words like mudblood, but since your family upbringing is deprived and uncivilised and it is apparent that your father considers the language of the gutter suitable to send in a howler to you, we recognise that you have not learned civilised forms of address. If you want etiquette classes, my twin and I have been running them for those who need them. If you do not wish to take advantage of the same, you must take the consequences, as all do, if using inappropriate language."

"How dare you! I've learned all the correct usages!"

"Really? Then perhaps you will oblige us by using them. Using filthy language in front of girls is unacceptable. Next time it happens, the house punishment is a mouthful of soap."

Lucius gave a nasty laugh.

"I wager Weasley has had more soap in his mouth than on his body."

Gideon shrugged.

"That's our business as prefects and his," he said. It was true, but it was not something to confirm to Malfoy.

"So am I supposed to address muggleborn as equals?"

"Naturally; there is no familial rank in Gryffindor Tower, only rank as given to prefects."

"Naturally, I shall endeavour to remember."

"Good. Your kit is being moved by house elves, and your robes will temporarily show a new badge of Slytherdor."

Lucius determined to lay low and say nuffin', not that he had read Br'er Rabbit.

The Marauders went out of their way to be polite and helpful to Lucius. They disliked him enough that heaping coals on his head seemed funny to them.

"What are you sucking up to Malfoy for?" demanded Weasley. "He doesn't like any of you."

"Weasley," said Severus, "Why don't you go and get down the big book of Phrase and Fable from the common room library and look up the phrase 'heaping coals on the head' and see if that penetrates the thickness of your skull, if there's any space inside it for your brains."

"You think you're so clever, don't you?" said Weasley.

"No, Weasley, I know I'm so clever," said Severus. "Malfoy isn't stupid. He knows we can't stand him but that we have the self-discipline to treat him with courtesy, and that means he also knows we have more self-discipline than his gang, who wouldn't manage to do the same thing. Which means he knows that the recruits his dark lord is going to be getting are of inferior quality to those who will oppose them."

"I didn't get any of that," said Weasley.

"No, and that's why you'll never amount to much, you idiot," said Severus. "Just assume it's not out of friendship for Malfoy that we do as we do."

"I don't understand you Marauders at all," grumbled Weasley.

"And that's one reason we didn't invite you to join us," said Peter. "We need people who can manage at least limited understanding."

"Harsh, but true," said James.

As the Marauders routinely stood at the top of the class, even if only because Lily, Petunia and Severus nagged Sirius and James and coached Peter, there was very little Ignatius Weasley could say to this.

"You ought to get on really well with Malfoy, Weasley, you're just like him," said James. "Arrogant, lose your rag easily, blood snobbish in your own peculiar way, self-opinionated and totally intolerant of the opinions of others. A match made in heaven; you should get betrothed to him."

Weasley went as red as his hair again.

It didn't help that Frank Longbottom and Alice Oakby laughed.

"James has a point there, Iggy," said Frank. "I'm afraid he has your number!"

"I – AM – NOT – AT – ALL – LIKE – MALFOY!" screeched Ignatius Weasley.

"You come jolly close," said Severus. "James is right, you're as much of an intolerant prat as he is."

"I'm not!" Weasley was close to tears.

Mandy Hubble giggled.

"I happen to dislike what you dislike too, Iggy, so I don't care," she said.

"You know, he has a point, though it might have been kinder to wait until the king cobra was returned to his hole in the dungeons," said Jean Mordaunt.

Weasley stared aghast, then he turned and plunged out of the common room.

"What went on there?" Fabian asked sharply, coming over to the first years.

"I told him how like Malfoy he is, and nobody could dispute it," said James.

"Harsh," said Fabian. "Anyone a good enough friend of Weasley to go after him?"

There were a number of guilty shuffles.

"I'll go," said Frank. "He wouldn't thank any of the Marauders for going, even Remus who is the gentle one."

"He'd hurt Remus anyway," said Severus.

"More than likely," said Frank.

Weasley was back in school by the next meal but he was unwontedly subdued. Frank leaned over to James.

"You and Sirius let it alone now and don't rag him further, you hear? He's had a lot to think about and if you don't push any further he might take it to heart. If you rag him, I reckon he might just be worse, out of spite."

"Okay, mate," said James, equably. "Thing is, I can see where he's coming from, but I've got a braincell or two to rub together, and I understand a bit more about the etiquette lark and how to use it, rather than just being dead against it. And that's what this is really about, us using polite addresses and Weasley not knowing them. It's one thing to reject custom when you know it, but something else to want to reject it but not having the option of discarding what you don't know."

"That was pretty profound, James," said Severus.

James flushed, slightly, pleased. It was nice to impress the clever and sarcastic de facto leader of the group.

"Yes, I reckon you're on to something," said Lily.

"Maybe we should be nicer to Weasley," said Petunia.

"Not too nice," said James. Petunia giggled.

"You don't have to be jealous of him, James," she said.

"I wouldn't be," said James. "I have no need, do I?"

"Of course not," said Petunia. "But you so are right, that he can't reject what he doesn't know, so he gets all uppity about not wanting to know. Sort of like Communists," she added vaguely.

"What?" James asked.

"Muggle politics; really you don't want to know, it's too complex for me and I'm not sure Tuney knows a lot more than me either," said Severus.

Petunia giggled.

"No, it makes my head ache," she said.

"Oh, politics," said James.

"Politics can be interesting, actually," said Sirius. "I had some really good talks with my dad over the hols. I learned a lot about how the wizarding world works, and I say, did you know how many hats the headmaster is wearing?"

"He's only wearing one," said Petunia, peering.

"Not literally! Hats as in jobs," said Sirius.

"Headmaster … Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards … Chief Warlock of the Wizgamot … Order of Merlin first class … head of the Order of the Phoenix, though that one is supposed to be secret," said Severus.

"Yeah, and I guess your granddad feels the same way about all that power as my dad," said Sirius.

"Pretty much, I reckon," said Severus. "And if he isn't above manipulating people, we need to watch our step."

"He's against Riddle, which means he's an ally," said Sirius. "But one to be wary about. I told my dad what Narcissa said about him being a bastard half-blood, Riddle that is, and my dad got angry, and asked me if I was sure, and I said yes. Seems he was a few years below Riddle at school and just about worshipped him. I said he could ask your granddad, but that Narcissa had got it from the Lestrange brothers whose father was in his class."

"And did he believe you?"

"I think so. My dad's quite old for a father, he was thirty one when I was born. I think he was hoping to avoid marrying mother. So he's old enough to actually have known Riddle, without being too old like Mr. Prince."

"Useful," said Severus. "If he can be convinced that Riddle is an upstart blood liar, that might be enough. Shows that honesty is the best policy."

"Yeah, I said there's nothing wrong with half-bloods so long as they don't lie, and he agreed."

"Well! A potential ally, and I'm glad you had a better holiday than you expected."

"I have to say I enjoyed digging the dirt on people," grinned Sirius. "Maybe I'll be a newspaper reporter instead of an auror."

"Yeah, but if I was you, I'd get your dad to finance a new newspaper that has facts in; the Prophet is a rag," said James.

"Good idea!" said Sirius.