"So can I stay?" Shepard tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, a reliable indicator that she was nervous.

Kaidan stood there at the open door, frowning as he struggled to respond. "You want to stay here?"

"Well, yeah." She tugged at her backpack, shifting the weight.

His brows furrowed. "Why?"

Shepard shrugged off her pack and dropped it to the ground. "Ugh, that's heavy." She rolled her shoulders around. "Can't stay at my place. Liara's office and apartment are a little too high profile. Everyone else is out of town or otherwise unsuitable. So I looked up some old files to find the address, and here I am."

"Uh huh." Kaidan had left Shepard's place to relax and process. Having her show up on his doorstep unannounced was not exactly conducive to that. Then again, he couldn't imagine turning her away. She looked at him expectantly, one hand still holding her backpack strap. He backed away to let her through. "Alright."

"Thanks, Kaidan," Shepard murmured, following him into the house.

Kaidan led the way to his bedroom before he realized what he was doing. They did share her room on the Normandy, though sharing a room now felt awkward with the current tension. He hesitated. Kaidan always kept most of his belongings in the observatory, so perhaps having separate rooms wouldn't be that big a deal. "Sorry, back to the right."

He opened the door to the guest bedroom, gesturing for Shepard to go inside.

"Here?" She tried to play it coy with a raised eyebrow, but Kaidan could hear a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"Yeah. I'm just down the hall back there if you need anything. Towels are in the linen closet just outside to the left…" he trailed off as Shepard checked out the room.

She pulled back on the blackout curtain, revealing a boarded window. "Nice view."

"While I'm staying here, hopefully I'll get around to fixing up the place."

Shepard nodded absentmindedly, moving on to examine knickknacks on a shelf. Kaidan figured he would leave it at that for the moment. "I'll let you settle in then?"

"Sure." She set down the commemorative teacup she had been eying, turning and giving him a warm smile. "Thanks again. I mean it."

"No problem, Shep." Of course, her staying was in fact a problem. Kaidan didn't like being cornered. He needed time away to carefully construct what he wanted to say, otherwise things like Horizon happened. Kaidan needed weeks just to put together that short email he sent to her, and even then Shepard had eventually admitted that it had pissed her off more than it helped.

He fled the guestroom, taking the opportunity to get some time for himself.

Shepard had long since unpacked her belongings and familiarized herself with her surroundings. She was crashed on the bed, collecting her thoughts. The events of yesterday kept replaying in her mind. She had so many things she wanted to say and to ask. Kaidan liked to distance himself from issues, letting him work them over in his mind, a process that could definitely take time. Shepard, however, was used to making quick calls, taking action and doing the best she could with the information available… which is probably how they got in this position in the first place.

But if there was anything Shepard had learned from the deaths of her friends- and her own death- it was that life was short. She rose from the bed, deciding that she had given him enough time.

It didn't take long to find Kaidan. He was in his mom's office; the walls were decorated with dried flowers in frames and old photographs of their family. Shepard was fascinated by the images and smirked as she recognized a young Kaidan. Meanwhile, Kaidan was attempting to organize a bookshelf that had fallen over.

"Need any help?" Shepard asked.

That seemed to startle him. He dropped the book in his hands with a thud. "Jesus, Shep."

"Letting me sneak up on you?" she teased.

Kaidan stood up and dusted himself off before reaching for a half-empty glass of whiskey resting on the desk. "I guess so," he sighed. "Distracted looking at all of my mom's books."

"Your mom…"

His lips pressed into a firm line, and he shook his head. "She's dead."

"Oh God, Kaidan, I'm so sorry." Shepard wanted to reach out and hug him, but she hesitated. Shepard put aside their conflict though, choosing to just go for it. He was stiff at first, but then she felt him relax. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close but keeping it merely platonic. "Is there anything
I can do? Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Not right now at least. I'm all talked out about it." At Shepard's questioning look, he went on. "I never thought I'd be saying this, but yeah, my dad and I have been talking a lot lately."

"That's good. I-I think I saw him when I called your house yesterday." She dropped her gaze to the floor, trying to conceal her curiosity about the woman who picked up the call.

Kaidan slowly let go of her. "Michaela said you called."

Shepard nodded and bit her lip. She wanted to ask, but the words wouldn't come out. It seemed like an inappropriate time. And people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, or something like that.

"Hey," Kaidan tilted her chin up, his touch surprising her. "What's wrong?"

Shepard mulled her reply, selecting her words wisely. "Nothing." She paused. "Who is she by the way? Michaela?"

"She lives across the street, and she's staying at my parents' place while her house is getting worked on." He squinted at her. "Why? Did you think-"

"No," she blurted before gathering herself. "Just curious. I hadn't heard from you in a while. I messaged you a few times and nothing. Then I call your place, and there's some woman I don't recognize, and your dad is there. And he's been there for a week or more. And you never even told me."

Kaidan frowned. "Michaela's a friend. That's it. Ever since we found my dad, I've been kind of busy." He scratched at his chin, more than a day's worth of five o'clock shadow covering his jaw. "I'm sorry, I thought about you. I saw the messages you sent. As soon as I heard about Joker, I came as fast as I could."

Shepard's face twisted at Joker's name. Hearing it again brought all of it back to her. The wound was too fresh. "Yeah, well," she muttered. She blinked away the water gathering in her eyes." Did you get the one where I said I missed you?"

"I did," Kaidan took a swig of his drink.

"It's true." She anxiously picked at her jacket sleeve and then let her arm drop. "About last night-"

"I don't-"

"I didn't sleep with him, with Lieutenant Colby, if you were wondering. If it matters."

Kaidan grimaced as he squeezed the glass in his palm, but he didn't glance up at her.

"I had feelings for him, yes. We might have made out, whatever you want to call it. But I couldn't do it. I can't."

"And why's that?" Kaidan exhaled.

"Because-" Shepard always had trouble saying it. Her mother was never an affectionate person, and she tended to keep her friends and her exes at a distance, too. "I'm still in love with you. I love you."

That got his attention. Kaidan stared back at her. His expression read hopeful to her, but then he let out a laugh that sounded bitter to her ears. "I love you, Shepard. But I don't think you know what you want anymore. I was standing right in front of you weeks ago, ready to start our lives together. You almost fu-skept with someone last night, and now less than 24 hours later, you're telling me-"

The doorbell rang, cutting off whatever Kaidan was going to say. He threw his hands up in the air in frustration, and Shepard cringed. "I think I know who that might be."

"Who?"

"James. Or Miranda. Or Jack. Or Liara. Or any combination of them, really."

"Why are they coming here?" Exasperation radiated off of him.

"Joker's funeral is in 2 days, and everyone's coming back to town for that. And..." she trailed off.

".. and?"

"I may have asked for their help. Grouping up just like the old days."

Kaidan groaned. "Fine."

Shepard was prepared to defend the idea, but she paused once she figured out that he had actually agreed. "Wait. What?"

"I want to find Joker's killer as much as you do. As for the authorities, that didn't stop me from joining you in going after Saren." His eyes warmed, and Shepard wondered if he happened to be thinking of their almost-kiss when the Normandy was grounded… or what came later before the final run.

"That's true."

"Plus, it's better to go in with a team than to have you running off…" he sighed, frustration erasing the warmth that had just been there. "I better get that."

Shepard nodded and followed him out and down the hallway. She diverted to the living room, instantly enthralled by the windows that overlooked the bay. Shepard could barely make out Kaidan's voice from the front door, but she strained her ears. James' booming greeting was certainly distinguishable, but she was surprised when she also picked up on Jack's lower tone.

Not bearing to wait any longer, Shepard headed for the front door, meeting the three of them in the entryway. Kaidan was looking away and relocking the door when she snuck up, so he didn't see what made her jaw drop. Jack and James must not have heard her approach because James lowered his head to give Jack a quick peck on the cheek, causing Jack to retaliate with a punch to one of his bulging arms, but she had a dopey smile on her face as she lashed out, and James did too. Both looked like deer caught in the headlights when they finally realized she was there, their eyes widening and bodies swiftly snapping away from each other.

"Hey-y-y, Lola." James blushed, while Jack rolled her eyes, but she titled her head in Shepard's direction to acknowledge her.

Shepard raised a finger and pointed back and forth between James and Jack. "Is this a thing now?"

Kaidan turned around to join them, completely oblivious. "What?"

At first, the two of them struck her as an odd pair. James was all flirting and macho bravado, and Jack was all edges. Then the similarities started to dawn on her: the tattoos, the hair, the lack of logic and getting lost in a fight, the sensitivity hidden underneath a tough exterior… the more Shepard thought about it, the more it made sense.

James began to mumble incoherently, but Jack cut him off. "Maybe we are. That a problem?"

Shepard smiled. "No. In fact, I think it's pretty cute."

Kaidan had a slightly delayed response, but he chuckled. "I gotta agree with Shep."

"Cute?" Jack scrunched up her face.

"I'll take it!" James beamed, reaching out and pulling Jack closer to him.

"How long have you two been together? Wait, but how did you guys even—'" Shepard's prodding was interrupted by another damn doorbell.

"Oh yeah, thought I saw a car following behind us." James let go of Jack again, and she went back into her usual pose of crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Kaidan had already greeted their latest guest, and out into the hallway stepped Miranda, looking cool and composed as ever, but with a new pixie haircut.

"Miranda!" Shepard cheered.

The two of them weren't huggers, resorting to a firm and lengthy handshake. "Shepard, good to see you."

Jack ran her hands over her own short hairstyle, not able to contain the mirth that sprung up in her eyes.

"Loca, knock it off," James whispered, nudging her.

Miranda didn't seem to hear. Shepard knew that Jack and Miranda had grown closer, especially in the months after London, but there would probably always be some sort of clash between them. They were night and day.

"All right, everybody. Want to head to the living room?" Kaidan corralled the group.

"Let's do this thing." Shepard tugged on Kaidan's sleeve. "Wait, where do you keep the beer?"

The sun had gone down by the time Liara had arrived. All of them were spread across the room with the floor-to-ceiling windows, nursing some bottled local beers that Kaidan had left over in the fridge. Miranda was perched on a stiff chair by the fireplace, her perfect posture intact as always. Jack and Vega offered to take the two armchairs next to each other instead of the couch, but Kaidan had insisted the two of them sit together. Instead, he and Shepard sat down in the chairs, dragging them away from each other and closer to the group.

They had a brief rundown of what everyone had been doing for the last several months. Miranda did a little spiel on the advancements that were being made at the research hospital in London, and she shared pictures of her sister. Kaidan listened raptly as she spoke about her work; he had always respected Miranda for her capabilities, a respect that was mutual, even though they didn't see eye-to-eye on certain issues.

Jack told them all about the school for troubled biotic kids, dropping names as she told stories about them. Though her words often poked fun at them, Kaidan could tell she really cared about the kids. He found himself thinking of his squad from the war, wondering what they were up to. A pang of jealously resonated within him. Jack's life was one he could easily picture for himself.

Vega's N7 training was still ongoing, but he was the apple of many of his instructors' eyes, and the other candidates were also a bit in awe of him. Well, at least according to Vega. He had a new tat on his back that he had gotten with some of his new buddies. Other than that, the only new thing going on with him was his relationship with Jack. Apparently, there had been a connection between them the few times they met during the war. After Vega got back home, the two had spoken via omni-tool and agreed to meet up during a brief break from his training, and the rest was history. It was long distance, but they were making it work. They each appreciated their own space anyway.

Seeing the way Jack and Vega interacted left Kaidan feeling uncomfortable. If anyone had picked up on Shepard and Kaidan keeping their distance, no one said anything. Meanwhile, even if they weren't trying to, Vega and Jack were all over each other. Kaidan was amused to find that Miranda was also put off from the lovebirds, her lips scowling in disapproval, or perhaps disgust, as they kissed.

Kaidan had shared the news of what happened to his parents and prattled on about the weather and the work he was doing on the house to avoid getting in depth about bleaker subjects. Everyone asked Shepard about what was going on with her, carefully avoiding the topic of Joker. Shepard demurred when the questions got too close.

Luckily, Liara saved them for what had been a painfully awkward situation. Miranda, seemingly repulsed by Vega and Jack slipping in another kiss, had made a snide remark, asking when they would be hearing wedding bells for the two of them. That had thrown them them off, causing Jack to instantly jump apart from Vega. "Yeah, you should be asking when they're getting married!" Jack had gone off, clearly indicating Kaidan and Shepard. Her cheeks reddened shortly thereafter. If Kaidan had to guess, Shepard had shared with her at least part of what had been going on in their relationship.

Kaidan wasn't angry that Jack knew or upset that the whole thing had been mentioned. He simply felt unsure, and to be honest, sad. Kaidan caught Shepard giving him a glance from the side. If he read her expression correctly, maybe she was experiencing the same emotions.

Before Jack could apologize and change the subject, or before another foot-in-mouth comment could be made, the chime went off, and Shepard was already gone before he realized it. The four of them sat there making small talk before Liara and Shepard emerged some fifteen minutes later.

"Hello, everyone." Liara entered, a vid screen clutched to her chest. "It's good to see you again."

Kaidan went in for a hug. They might not have gotten along all of the time, but she was an original member of the Normandy, and to him, that meant she was family. Even if she did have eyes for the same woman he liked at some point. Liara returned his embrace, sharing condolences for Joker.

When the group was settled down, Kaidan couldn't help noticing that their inner circle wasn't like it used to be. Wrex was off on Tuchanka, Garrus and Tali were on Rannoch, and Steve was in the process of adopting a kid with his new boyfriend. Others… others like Joker were no longer with them.

Liara cleared her throat, drawing the attention of everyone. She lowered the vid screen she had been showing, adjusting it so that it was visible to all. "I thought you might want to see this. As you may know, there's been some progress with the relays lately. Some of the communication satellites are working in certain areas."

She pressed a button on the side, and it came to life. On the screen appeared Garrus and Tali, their heads filling up much of the box, but glimpses of the sky of Rannoch were visible.

"Garrus… Tali…" Shepard's voice cracked. Kaidan turned to check on her and was surprised to see her eyes glistening.

"Yes, it's us, Shepard." Garrus answered from the other side. Shepard's hand went to her mouth.

"Keelah!" Tali's voice, though coming through her suit, also sounded as affected as Shepard's.

"It's you guys! I don't understand, this is live, this isn't a vid message?" Shepard asked Liara, who nodded her head, her lips turned up at the corners.

"They just restored telecommunications with Rannoch. It's not public knowledge yet."

"It's great to have communications up and running again," Tali confirmed. "Shepard… it's so good to see you. You look well. We were so afraid… we didn't know…"

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Shepard wiped at her eyes.

"We're sorry we didn't come back with the Normandy – we wanted to see you-" Garrus added.

"Don't worry about it. How are you two?"

"We're doing great. Actually just began breaking ground on the house. Want to see?" Tali asked excitedly.

The whole room expressed interest, and Tali and Garrus held out the omni-tool they were using, taking them on a tour of the construction site. The camera reflected back the beautiful vistas of the planet, where Tali had managed to snag prime real estate. Kaidan had the urge to squeeze Shepard's hand, knowing she was probably thinking about Legion. Seeing Rannoch come together and her best friends again was overwhelming enough.

Shepard led the conversation, but they all chit-chatted and caught up. The conversation was light, but Garrus eventually brought up the topic on everyone's minds.

"Liara told us what happened with Joker," he said, dipping his head down slightly, his voice gravelly.

"We're so sorry. We wish we could be there," Tali included. Kaidan obviously couldn't see her visage, but if he had to guess, she was starting to cry underneath the mask.

"Me, too. I wish you guys were here, but I'm so happy for you." Shepard's bittersweet smile tugged on Kaidan's heartstrings.

"You catch the bastard who did it, Shepard." Typical Garrus.

"I'm going to try."

"I know I'm not there to watch your six, but…"

"We'll make do. Now if you excuse me, I've got a meeting to run and plans to be made and a bastard to kill."

"That you do."

"Take care of yourself, Shepard," Tali pleaded, then whispered to Garrus, likely admonishing him for pushing Shepard to be reckless.

They all said goodbye to Garrus and Tali, promising to call them back once they knew more. Liara turned off the call, but she kept the vid screen in her grasp. "Shepard?"

"Alright," she responded, her demeanor back in infamous Commander Shepard mode. "Tell me everything you know."

This chapter was a pain to write, hence the delay in getting it out, but it's super-sized! Thanks everybody for your kind reviews :)