Shepard was wide awake by the time there was a knock on the guestroom door in the early morning. Shepard nudged Kaidan, who had once again crashed in the bed last night, much to her relief. He grumbled incoherently and rolled away from her. Rolling her eyes, Shepard stepped out of bed and out the door, nearly running into Liara.
"Sorry!" she apologized. Unlike Shepard, Liara was already dressed in her finest for the funeral. Shepard smoothed out her wrinkled T-shirt while taking in the pile of clothes in Liara's arms. "Is that for me?"
"I thought with everything going on, you might forget." Liara held out everything to her. She was right. With all that had been happening, including the previous night's hijinks, Shepard's mind hadn't exactly been focused on Joker's memorial service. Previously, dress blues had been her go-to for events like this, and she had glimpsed Kaidan's freshly pressed set hanging in the closet. Retired from the Alliance and no longer in their good graces, she was stuck with civvy attire – of which, she owned next to none.
Shepard kissed Liara on the cheek, causing her to beam. "Oh, you're a lifesaver! Thank you so, so much!"
"If you wanted to get ready with everyone else, I think Miranda is overseeing Jack's look today in retaliation for last night." Liara gave a small smile.
Shepard hesitated, ready to return to the quiet and warm confines of her room. "Alright, let's go."
Shepard tucked in her crisp white shirt into the billowing black skirt that concealed her legs and usual boots. She peeked at the mirror, amused by how much older and proper she looked. If it wasn't for her bright hair, she wouldn't recognize herself. Unfortunately, that had to go because she was still a target. Rather than dye it again, Shepard borrowed a long scarf of Miranda's and tied it over her hair. Because of the most recent assassination attempt, she was also wearing a thin bulletproof vest under her clothes these days. The finishing touch was jewelry; she stuck with her dog tags. Sure, she had been given other stuff over the years, but couldn't wear it on the job, so it got put in storage.
The next step was makeup, which she allowed Miranda to do. Normally, she would bypass it, but Shepard was set to give one of the keynote speeches in front of everyone, so she relented. By the time Miranda was through, Kaidan had joined them in his uniform, his hair perfectly coiffed. James was decked out in his dress blues too, while Jack was in head-to-toe black leather, her jacket respectfully zipped high. Miranda was in a perfectly tailored sheath dress and pointed toe heels, which Shepard thought might sink into the grass, but knowing Miranda, she could walk on water in her stilettos. They looked great. She looked like a babushka.
"A babushka?" Liara asked. Out of habit, she turned to Kaidan, who appeared to be amused.
"An old Russian grandma," Jack snorted as she answered.
Miranda glared at all of them as she adjusted Shepard's scarf. "You don't," she assured her. "Are you ready to go?"
"As ready as I will be."
Upon arrival at the gates of the Alliance Memorial Cemetery, the entire limousine had to be emptied and reloaded, as all of the passengers were searched for weapons before; none were allowed under the new strict policy, not even for card-carrying soldiers. Though the road outside had guards and blockades, paparazzi, journalists, protesters, and well-wishers managed to swarm the area, but thankfully, security was tight at the entrance. Having at least a pistol would alleviate some of Shepard's anxiety. In that way, she envied those with biotics; all she had were her fists.
In his will, Joker had requested that there not be a viewing, just a graveside service, so the car rolled through the green hills until it came to a halt in front of a crowd and chairs gathered around a coffin. There was a podium and a large screen projecting a slideshow of images of Joker.
If Shepard wasn't nervous before, she certainly was now. Her hands were sweaty in a way they never were during battle. As it was time for them to begin filing out of the limo, Kaidan reached for her to help her out. To her surprise, he didn't let go of her clammy hand. Everyone had already exited.
"Are you okay?" Kaidan whispered.
"Are you?" It wasn't really a question. They had done this before. It was nothing new. Still, it never got easier.
He didn't have to answer.
Shepard slowly made her way to the podium, avoiding the gaze of the many people staring straight at her. Once she got there, she gave a somber smile to the crowd as the microphone automatically adjusted to her height. Shepard pulled out her speech, carefully written out on a piece of paper. Her omni-tool had a glitch during the middle of a memorial speech she had been giving once – Jenkins' – and since then, she wrote it out. She eased out the wrinkles in the paper, glancing at the fastidiously printed words. Her mouth dried up, and she raised her head to look out at everyone. That seemed to not help at all. Shepard crumpled the paper with the speech on it, sticking it in one of the convenient pockets at the front of her skirt. She then managed to catch the eyes of her friends, and off to the side was a camera that was streaming the service to those who could not attend, like Tali and Garrus. Knowing they were out there helped settle her nerves.
"I've given many of these speeches over the years. Too many," Shepard began. "This one really hurts, though. We've lost the best goddamn pilot there ever was."
The crowd murmured after her mild expletive, but she marched on.
"Jeff Moreau led the Normandy SR-1 on the chase for Saren. He was at the helm when the ship was destroyed, and he was willing to go down with it, but I wasn't willing to let him. Two years later, when I came back, Jeff was one of the few to stand by me again. We went through the Omega 4 relay and survived. After the Reapers hit Earth, he picked me up and got us out of there. As time was ticking, Jeff never veered from the course. He was there at London. He saved my crew. And he saved me."
Shepard found her voice wavering. "Joker, as many called him, was the most loyal friend and pilot you could ever have. I don't know what I would have done without him. And he was funny. Meddlesome, too. And an idiot who wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice himself."
The crowd gasped, but Shepard was smiling. "How dare he? I can understand, but it doesn't lessen the pain of his loss. Jeff had brittle bone disease, but never complained or let it set him back. He held the crew together even when I couldn't. He was preceded in death by his family and some friends, including his good friend EDI. I hope wherever he is, Joker is reunited with them, and one day, I can join them there, too. In the meantime, we will all miss him so very much."
After the memorial service, everyone lingered around. There was to be a wake at a favorite pub of Joker's, but that wasn't for an hour. In the meantime, people lined up to express their sympathies to Commander Shepard.
She tried to warmly hug back all of the strangers and acquaintances, only allowing her true discomfort to show when around close friends. Her mother did not count.
Of course, she would show up for the funeral. She mother, in her fancy dress blues, greeted her with a stiff hug. "I'm sorry about your friend."
"Thanks, Mom." Her mom let go, and not sure what to do with her hands, Shepard awkwardly thrust them into her pockets.
Ever the career woman, her mom's arms snapped into typical resting pose as if she was awaiting orders. "I haven't heard from you lately."
"Yeah, I've been busy."
"I'm sure you have." The admiral's eyes narrowed. "I've heard rumors."
"Just rumors," Shepard assured her in a singsong voice, a smile plastered on.
"I'm worried about you-"
Shepard cut her off with a fast hug. "Don't be. I've got more people to mingle with. I'll see you later. Don't worry!"
Before her mom could react, Shepard was off, once again gliding through the crowd. She figured she had spent enough time shaking hands and accepting condolences. The cemetery was also where Ashley was buried, and she wanted to visit her grave. She searched for Kaidan, hoping that he would accompany her. Unfortunately, she found him deep in conversation with Admiral Hackett. She bided her time by burying her face in her omnitool, waiting until Kaidan was free. Once he was, she made her way over to him.
"Hey," Kaidan greeted her.
"Hey." She returned his solemn look. "I was wondering… do you want to visit Ashley's grave with me?"
He seemed taken aback. "Right now?"
She nodded eagerly. "I was thinking about her, and since we're already here..."
"Hackett wanted me to talk to someone. It might take a few minutes. I'd like to, though."
A man in military dress descended upon them, extending his hand toward Shepard to for an introductory handshake.
"Sorry, sir, I need to use the ladies' room." She gave a small bow, leaving the man hanging, though it seemed he would make do with Kaidan. Kaidan shook hands with him politely, but Shepard was already exiting before he had time to brush the man off and follow her.
Shepard kept her head down as she bumped through the crowd, managing to escape to the outside. The fresh air was nice, and she inhaled deeply. She took off in the direction where Ashley was buried. Even though she had only managed to see her grave just that once, during her funeral, the memory of where it was located was etched in her mind. Ashley's funeral, which took place right after the Battle of the Citadel, had been an ordeal. She had lost her fair share of crew members, but the fact was that she had never felt as close to a squad as she did with the Normandy team. It didn't help that Shepard had been the one to make the call. Thankfully, she had not fallen apart like she did on Torfan. She had learned from her mistakes, and she people to support her. People like Kaidan.
Shepard glanced back at the way she came, but there was no sight of Kaidan. He must've gotten stopped by someone or decided not to come after all. She stopped. Should she wait for him? No, he could meet her there if he felt like it. She decided to keep trudging through the grass.
"Shepard."
The grounds were mostly empty, save for some gardeners and a few visitors, so when she heard her name called, it jolted her. Twisting to look behind her, she caught sight of a familiar man standing under the shadow of large tomb.
"Colby?" Her forehead scrunched in confusion. "What are you doing here?"
As he walked towards her, Shepard took in his appearance. He was dressed in civvies, and she could not recall seeing him inside during the funeral. He didn't look her in the eye, instead casting his gaze lower. "Visiting old friends."
Shepard gave a slight nod. It was impossible to be Alliance and not have someone close buried there. She wondered who was there for him.
"How was the funeral?" Colby strolled side by side with her as she headed for Ashley's resting place.
Shepard shrugged. "It was nice, I guess." She glanced at him, but he was looking behind them and around. "Something wrong?"
"No," he quickly reassured her. "Can't be too careful."
Shepard now checked back at the way she came. No sign of Kaidan. She suppressed a sigh but kept on going. Colby stood by her quietly, though he seemed fidgety. She reached out to touch his arm. "Colby?"
He gave her a sad smile. "Just thinking about someone."
"It's okay. I am, too."
"Hey, would you come with me? To where one of my old squadmates is? It's just, I haven't ever visited before, and I've…" he trailed off, his demeanor uncharacteristically shy.
Shepard really wanted to go to visit Ashley with Kaidan and then go back home. Nevertheless, she reluctantly agreed and followed Colby as he changed course. They were moving further away from where the funeral was held. Shepard found herself stumbling on the uneven ground, and Colby took her by the arm to help. She was going to thank him, but he wouldn't release his grip on her.
"Colby," she tugged away from him. He finally took the hint and came back to the present.
"I'm sorry." He snapped his hand away.
"You saved me from falling on my ass in my fancy skirt. Thanks," she laughed before getting serious. "Just, you know…" Shepard gestured at the air between them. She wasn't sure if she was making any sense at all. Colby eventually nodded, so she supposed her desire to remain friendly, not flirty, was understood.
Before Shepard knew it, they were standing at the entrance of a mausoleum. It was a beautiful design, and guessing by how untouched the concrete appeared, the structure was fairly new. Shepard had a bit of agoraphobia since her return to life, but she ignored her discomfort as Colby pushed open the heavy doors.
The interior was narrow. The walls bore brass plaques honoring the deceased, and there was a small window near the ceiling that let the daylight filter in to illuminate the area. A woman dressed all in black was crouched down near one of the lower plaques. Shepard ignored her to let mourn her in peace, but the woman stood up and cautiously approached.
"Commander Shepard, sorry to hear about your pilot." The woman, who was probably in her late fifties, judging by the crinkles around her eyes, went in to hug her. It went against her better instincts, but Shepard let the woman do so, though she stood there stiffly. Obviously, her headscarf had not done a very good job of disguising her. Colby backed away to let them have a moment, and a few seconds passed, but the woman had not released her. In fact, it seemed like she was now sobbing in Shepard's arms.
The woman couldn't see her face, so she rolled her eyes at Colby. However, he wasn't where she expected him to be. Colby was headed out through the door.
"Hey, wait for me-"
Shepard's words died on her tongue. The woman's cries had turned into laughter. Shepard went to pull away from the hysterical woman. Meanwhile, Colby didn't turn back, and the next thing she knew, the door was shut, trapping Shepard with the woman in the now darkened mausoleum.