Paula in school, Mamma asleep and Sergio buried under a pile of books; This is the longest she has been without being wanted by one of them. In fact, this was her mini vacation. She decided to make herself a warm bubbly bath and immersed herself in it. Fragrant sticks, Van Morrison music and the most comforting bath - God this is heaven, she sighed in pleasure.
After about an hour, she reluctantly carried herself out of the heaven tub, draped herself in a soft bathrobe and walked into their room. After spending several minutes admiring herself in the mirror, pouting and seductively posing, she shyly giggled at how happy she has been since she arrived in Palawan. She quickly reached out to grab her body cream and a red box with a sloppy tied bow caught her attention.
"I know you, but I know your eyes better, mi amor", it said on a beautiful golden card.
She preserved the card and hastily opened the box. It was a beautiful yellow floral dress which she has been eyeing, probably for the longest duration, in their last shopping trip. She felt it was too bold for her, showing her curves and her bare shoulders, and she might not look very pretty in it. Perhaps, she feared Sergio might feel uncomfortable, not that he is ever controlling of her body in anyway - it was all in her head, a deep running insecurity and fear, thanks to Alberto. It was the least important reason to not buy the dress, in fact, it is the lame reason to convince herself to take her eye away from it. The dress was also pretty expensive. Not that they can't afford it, she did not want to.
Six months in Palawan was a delightful bliss. She found the love of her life who crossed continents with her mother and daughter. A man of his words. She felt ecstatic yet embarrassed. About twenty years ago, she graduated from police academy and went straight to her posting, and has been financially independent since. Even throughout her first marriage, she contributed to the mortgages, utility bills, school fees, vacations and bought her clothes, even though they were not to her liking and covered her from neck to toe to keep Alberto at peace, she still paid for them. She went to the supermarket and presented her card. But now, even her tampons are paid with Sergio's money. She kept her head down at every payment counters to avoid eye contact and they are directly looked at Sergio to settle the bill.
This did not go unnoticed by Sergio. Of course it didn't. In fact, he identified the awkward monetary problem within a month of them living together. The man can definitely read her eyes. He is an honourable man with a lot of respect for Raquel. He was only upset that he did not think about it much earlier. He definitely did not want anything to hurt her ego. So, he decided to leave a bundle of cash in her locker for her use, anytime. That way, she doesn't have to be uneasy every time a bill was presented. Problem solved right ?
She gently slipped the dress on her smooth skin. The fabric was so soft and tender. She loved how it highlighted her cleavage and her curves. A couple of striking poses at the mirror. She then quickly jewelled with a nice bracelet and earrings. Ah it looked so perfect. She wanted to go out to a nice fancy dinner with Sergio dressed like this. Although, she was certain he couldn't keep his hands off her, if she looked like this hot. It was worth the risk. She giggled more and lost herself in her thoughts caressing her dress.
"Woah...Ra...", she heard his voice and jumped out of her thoughts immediately.
There he was, Sergio. Well, Sergio's head! He just peeped through a slightly opened door.
"It is an amazing surprise. Thank you so much." she sparkled inviting him in.
"My Lady, we need to take this dress to dinner", he suggested and his hands gently finding its way to her waist making her legs shiver.
Just what she had in mind, but never said it out loud.
"Maybe...", she said seductively.
"Although, right now, I might just get you out of it",he proposed with a raised eyebrow. She surrendered to his desire. He carefully unornamented her and then freed her of the beautiful fabric. He gently kissed her and carried his naked goddess to their bed.
After one of the most tender love making, she rested on his arms circling his chest with her fingers, while his fingers played with her hair.
He suddenly blurted "By the way, this dress comes with a no return policy".
She looked at him shock. How did he know ? She, soon, replaced it with an acknowledging nod. "of course". She was not ready to talk about it and silently rested in his embrace.
He did not regret what he said to her, but he only wished he could have chosen better words and timing. He was clearly very troubled by a lot of recent events. He presumed that leaving cash bundles at home would help her loosen the refrains.
Only it didn't! Raquel only used the cash to buy food, groceries, basic medical and hygiene supplies for the house. She has been wearing clothes that she brought from Madrid. The cash bundle was hardly used. He wants to help her but he just did not know how. He wanted to find a right private moment and politely confront her. This cannot go on.
Raquel kept her eyes closed, but her mind was only thinking about what he said. She knew they will have to talk about it eventually. She cannot keep him in the dark anymore. He deserved to know what she has been going through. But his words won't help the problem. She also had to think about a solution to keep her at peace. How should she begin to talk about it ? Could she tell him that Alberto, during a big fight, pointed out that her mother frequently visited them, ate free meals in their house and brought only cheap supermarket vine ? How humiliated she felt ? Her mother was only visiting her frequently because she sensed something was wrong between the couple. She is a pensioner and could not afford fancy vine every time. She is definitely wrong to put Sergio and Alberto on the same scale. It is very degrading to Sergio. So, she decided to keep it a secret amongst many other buried wounds from her past.
Lunch was very quiet. They both hardly spoke. They had a lot of things running in their head. Raquel left an hour early to pick up Paula from school. Sergio realised but decided to ignore it assuming she wanted some time alone.
When they both returned, Sergio noticed they had made a stop in their favourite ice cream place. Paula enthusiastically licking her ice cream cone whereas Raquel was empty handed. This is it! She cannot deny herself food, he thought gritting his teeth. He did not pull a 20-year long planned heist, risk it by falling in love with the inspector and cross the ocean with her only to deprive her of basic comfort. That sight prepared him for a long confrontation.
Later that evening, Marivi went to the beach with Paula. Sergio and Raquel sat on their Hammock keeping an eye on them.
"Uhh Ra..", he hesitantly began. "Ser...", their words collided.
"You go first..", he allowed. She is opening up, this is good!
"I want to tell you something. And I want you to understand that I in no way intend to offend you!" she disclaimed.
"Sure, honey. Nothing you say would offend me. I promise." he whispered caressing her worried face, giving an assuring smile and his attentive gaze.
"I ran into Ana. The lady who manages 'Flip Teens', remember ? The charity you helped with the paperwork.", she asked
"Yes Yes, I do. We make monthly contributions to the charity" he confirmed his recollection.
"Yes, you do", she unintentionally corrected. There it is again -you do, he let out a gentle sigh and remained silent.
"They started off to help juveniles, but now they have extended it to women too. To help woman who have faced abuse. They asked me if I can be a counsellor", she looked at him doubtfully.
"of course. You would be amazing. You are a psychologist after all" he held her hand supportively.
"No...", she quickly withdrew her hand. "Sergio, I still get nightmares from my abusive past. I am in no state to offer mental guidance to other women. That will just push me down the cliff I have worked hard to climb", she shook her head in refutation.
He was speechless. He wasn't sure where was she going with this conversation. Reading his confused face, she continued, "I proposed if I could offer self defence classes. She quickly agreed."
"As a person who has been slapped and kicked by you, I can confirm they can never find a better teacher", he chuckled adjusting his classes and recalling the fun memory. Thankfully, the fond memory also seemed to ease her tension a bit as she chuckled along.
"Are you okay with this ?", she asked worriedly.
"of course. Raquel you have my full support. I will never stop you from living your life the way you want. We are in love that doesn't mean I own you." he said in the most serious tone she has ever heard. She reached out her hand in gratitude. He gently caressed the back of her hand with his thumb.
"Well, it is only fair if I m truthful then", she sighed heavily and looked away from him.
He looked down to not make her uncomfortable by looking at her when she is making a difficult confession.
"I have been having problems with using your money", she said it with her eyes shut tight.
"Since when ?", he asked after a long silence.
"Well, many little incidents. The way Paula comes to you whenever she needs anything. I used to be the person she looks for when we are shopping.", she looked clearly very upset with herself.
"I usually pick something and you then pay for it. But there was this time, I was at a jewellery store, I found something I liked. But, you were very far away playing with Paula. I felt so ashamed to call you all the way just to buy me a pair of earrings. So I just dropped it" she admitted itching herself uncomfortably.
"Little things like that... " she finished still not looking at him.
"I know, sweetheart", he gently replied with no surprise in his tone.
Neither of them were shocked by the conversation. They only continued staring away from each other still holding hands.
"I thought so. When did y.. ?" she asked quietly.
"I had observed little incidents too. Every time we went shopping, you always found something wrong with every dress you saw - the fabric, stitches, fitting and came out empty handed."
"I was an idiot to think you did not like my fashion choices. But, you never bought anything when you went alone either."
"Like the day you girls went shopping for the entire day and came home with only a dress for Paula and a necklace for your mother. You said you did not find anything you liked.", he furrowed his brows in pain.
"Marivi's spa proposal which you turned down saying you were not feeling well. Though, you were perfectly well to fix yourself a bath later"
"Two days after I bought you that diamond ring, you returned it saying it cut your skin. You even waited before you returned it, to avoid being suspicious. Almost perfect plan. Except, you forgot that I am the man who makes love to you. I notice every cuts and bruises too", he sounded very defeated now.
"The cash bundles I left you never used it for yourself. Most recently, you did not feel the need to indulge in your most favourite ice cream", they both actively holding back tears. They did not need to see each other's face to know about their moist eyes. They help their hands tightly and fiddled with their fingers.
"I am so sor..", she let her tears flow. She hurt him and it made her feel more miserable.
"Don't be. I should be the one that is sorry. I am very sorry for making you feel uncomfortable or unwelcome. "
"No ", she said firmly and wiped her tears.
"I was just scared that money would come in between us. I felt like a freeloader who brought her mum and daughter to live with her rich boyfriend. I mean... you did not ask for any of this"
"Raquel, your millionaire boyfriend would have been in jail if it weren't for you. ", he stated as a matter-of-fact.
"Please.. I did it for love. You pulled off an entire heist. I had nothing to do with it except fall in love and complicate it for you.", refusing to take credit.
"Exactly, why I did not want to pay you for it. I did not want to disrespect our love by bringing money in between it. But I guess, I failed. We have allowed money to distance us"
"No! Oh god, Sergio, no!. Never would we let a piece of paper between us. My behaviour is just a reflection of what happened years ago with Alberto".
"When things got messy between us, he brought out every incident where he had to spend for people apart from me and Paula. Like my mother or sister."
"It was very humiliating. I am very scared. ", she admitted.
"I am not saying you will. In no way, I am putting you both in the same page. But, this is inside me. It has nothing to do with you." she said defensively and decisively.
After a really long silence, Sergio processed everything she said. He did not want to probe more about the issue with Alberto but he understood the general idea. He, also, knows that they would never have such a problem. More importantly, he knows very well that she knows too. However, as she said this is something she is struggling with and instead of taking offence, he wanted to support her through the process how much ever long it takes.
"Raquel, you are the love of my life. The shiny side of my soul. I would do anything in my power to make you feel better. But, I suppose this is beyond me. My words would be no help either. But, if you have a plan to deal with your internal wounds and fears, you can be sure that I will support you till the end of my life"
All the restrained tears broke out. She sobbed and hid her face on his chest. She was shaking, hiccuping and crying out loud. This has been running in the back of her head for so many months and now it is finally in front of them, and they are dealing with it. He held her tight, wiping her tears, caressing her head and pressing soft kisses. When the tears ran out, she still remained in his embrace.
"So... how does the self defence classes help with our issue ?", genuinely doubtful.
"Raquel... You don't expect them to pay you right? They are a charity!", he quickly added in exclamation
She sniffed and caught her breathe. "Oh no no. I am aware of my privilege. And, I am doing this for free ! ".
"Okkaayyyy... Suree but h.. ?, still unsure.
"Well, they would need a sponsor to help setup, buy basic equipments like yoga mats, punching bags etc. So, you are it! ", her eyes lit up as they always do when she has an idea.
"Perfect.", he clapped his hands.
"Also the coach deserves a pay too. I mean, I am a certified defence instructor. So.."
"Obviously..."
"So, you pay me monthly. I will give you an invoice for the classes, expenses and we can fix a rate", the sparkle in her red swollen eyes is what he missed for a long time now.
"Wow.. You.. You already thought it through", he laughed surprised by the steps she took. This is the woman he fell in love it. The woman who refuses to succumb to her injuries, instead she always finds her way out.
"Come on, let's go frame my contract of employment and agree to this" she patted his back and jumped out of the hammock.
Like a high spirited little girl, she marched into their house, her fortress. He would follow her to the other end of the world. His legs would never hurt as long as it is her he is following. I need to make a contract for lifetime with this woman, he thought as he watched her leave!
"Carino, Come on ! ", she grabbed him by his shirt and he simply obliged.