It was heavily raining that night. The wind was strong and merciless against the dark rotten wood of the shed she was sleeping in. It eased its way in, causing the cabin to growl and crack. The tiny body on the mattress shivered as freezing drafts skimmed over her clothed self despite the grey hoodie and black shredded jeans that did so little in warming her up.

Summer was definitely over now and autumn was her favorite time of the year. There was something just so magical about the warm colors painting the trees and horizons and the cool but fresh air filled with the scent of rain and dried leaves. It also unfortunately meant she had to scavenge for warmer clothes.
When she left home last year she had brought with her a hoodie, her favorite. It has started to fray at the sleeves but it still kept her somewhat warm during the day.

The sound of rain splattering against the roof was relaxing, but Ellie could not find it in herself to sleep. Arms crossed behind her head, hair out of its usual ponytail, green eyes gazed at the creaking wood above her head, lost in the dangerous sea that was her mind.

Her only light in this darkness was the occasional shots of angry lightening crossing the sky in an explosion of sounds. With all this commotion, she was not able to sleep at all. The teenager rolled on her side, slightly shivering. She was hungry, her bottle of water was empty, and she was cold. Nothing she didn't experiment before but it did not make it any easier. If anything, it only made her feel more lonely and depressed.

She missed her parents. She missed her friends. She even missed David's old dog. But she wouldn't go back. She couldn't. He'd kill her for sure. Or make her pay and she was unsure which was worst.

Ellie hugged her body tightly, tears threatening to fall. She was so tired of this. She just wanted to close her eyes and never wake up. She wanted to escape this dreadful and hopeless life. She had no future. At this rate she would probably not even survive Jackson's harsh winter, when food is scarce and people less generous.

Her left hand grabbed the handle of her knife and she let her fingers run on it, feeling the cold, sharp edge menacing to slice her skin. It would be so easy. Slit her wrists open and let the weird man find her in the morning in a pool of her own blood. She would never admit it, but she often thought about suicide, too often for her liking. But then a feeling of utter shame came and it tamed the undesirable emotions. In this world, she had no one to like and to like her back.

She felt so godamn lonely.

There was a sudden growl somewhere in the shed and her blood froze in her veins. The heavy door opened and a shot of light blinded her for a moment.

Ellie shot upright, hand instinctively holding onto her knife for eventual protection. The man who entered seemed just as baffled, his small eyes opened wide.

''Oh. I uh didn't know you'd be awake'' came his gruff but soft voice, lips babbling under a thick graying beard. '' You uh... You usually sleep like a log at this time o' night so... Well I bhought this blanket to- hey!''

She didn't let him finish and bolted out of shed, running faster than she ever did before. She ran so fast she almost tripped on her own feet.

''Hey wait, kiddo!''

But she didnt stop, holding the straps of her backpack for dear life. Soon enough she was nothing but drenched head to toes, shoes and legs covered in mud and loose hair glued to her skin and clothes. The young teen ran toward the wooden fence circling the propriety and shimmied her way between two planks of wood, leaving forever behind the man and the best shelter she had in weeks.

By the time she reached rown, she had no more air to breath and she stopped, resting her palms on her knees, curling slightly over to let the air fill her lungs again.

Fuck.

FUCK!

Godamn fucking fuck!

That's it, that is how she was gonna die. Like a trash bag in the rain. Dead from hypothermia or something dumb like that. Well, fuck it. She was a survivor for crying out loud, and she would fight again for one more breath.

As she made her way toward a source of shelter from the rain, she tried to balance her mind towards positivity, but it was no easy feat. She was a pessimist, always saw the glass half empty. Couldn't help herself.

Depression and PTSD did not help either.

But sometimes, she would try to be that brave positive girl she wanted to become. But it was so hard and tiring to be someone else and her resolve often crumpled under the darkness in her heart.

The street she was following was a dead end, but at the extremity of it she found her plan B.

Hidden behind piles of trash and boxes, the barely visible sign of the cheap restaurant shone brightly in the night. This was no place for a 16 years old girl, but so was the street so she made her way to it.

The bell rang as she opened the faded white door and she immediatly smelled tobacco. The place was small and alit with some blue and red lights hanging from the roof. Since it was past midnight the restaurant was empty, save for some guy sleeping on the counter and an old waitress flicking throught today's newspaper, cigarette in her mouth, leaning heavily over the pinkish counter.

Without a word, she placed her bag on one of the booth and sighed when she removed the weight off her exhausted legs. She was completely drenched and it sucked. But at least it was warm in here.

'' Some coffee, dear?''

Ellie looked up at the face of the waitress, eyeing her up and down behind a mess of black curly hair and thick rimmed glasses.

The teenager awkwardky straightened her back, briefly going over the menu. Maybe it was time to spare some of the coins she made by helping that old lady last week with her garden.

''Uh... Yeah, that'd be great. And a ham sandwich. Please.'' She added. '' Is... Is that okay if I stay here for the night? It's pretty cold outside and I caught the rain...''

She made puppy dog eyes at the woman. She hated pity but for the sake of warmth, she could put her pride aside. The waitress frowned and took in the state of the teenager.

''Sure.'' She answered, not wanting to dwell in the girl's business. ''But you are helping me with the dishes after your meal.''
'' Deal.''

After she finished coffee, food and dishes, she took out her old walkman and earbuds and laid onto the dirty and frayed booth, stomach no longer an empty void. Her clothes were no longer wet but a more comfortable damp. She removed her shoes and turned to her side, eyes closing to the melodious voice of Russel Hitchcock playing in her ears.

-‐-

I saw her again today. Maybe I'm just crazy, but she gets prettier every time I see her.
She was with her boyfriend. Well, who I assume is her boyfriend, unless she makes a hobby out of kissing her friends.
Man I feel like such a creep. She saw me staring today and I wanted to bury myself in the ground. I waved awkwardly and she waved back. Fuck. I'm such an idiot.
She was just being polite to that creepy loner staring from behind the tree. Nothing more.
I need to give her some space. But man, I'm gonna miss her smile...

Ellie sucked on a lolipop she bought, blinking slowly in fatigue as she wrote down her thoughts. Suddenly nervous, she flicked the remaining pages, bitting down hard on her lip when she saw she only had a few pages left.
Feeling braver all of sudden, she turned the book over and started to read one of her very first entries.
It was very messy, with random drawings all over the pages. There was very faint specks of pink here and there, and Ellie closed her eyes at the memory, willing the panic away. Now was not the time for an episode. She quickly dug out her walkman and shoved the earbuds in her ears, drowning her nefast thoughts in soft rock. She let the calming hum of the strings brush the negativity away, all while trying to control her breathing.

When she felt a bit better she wandered into town, hands deep in her pockets. She stopped a many places, asking her acquantances if they had any job for her. Ellie Williams was no thief, it was more profitable for her to ask for simple jobs instead. It allowed her to gain a bit of money on her more lucky days and at least shelter or a bit of food on other days. Managers trusted her and they prefered to give a few pieces for a well needed help than pay for another employee.

She stopped in front of a pizzeria and spotted a fat man in a dirtied apron covered in grease. She pushed the door.

''Hey T, got any work for me?'' She asked without salutation, barely looking at the man, too busy staring at the delicious pizzas presented behind the glassed display.
''That you, kid? Haven't seen you in weeks. I thought you were dead. You okay?''

Ellie knew he didn't give a fuck about her but she nodded nonetheless.

''Been busy. Any work for me?'' She repeated impatiently.

The bald man gave a laugh as greasy as his pizzas and disappeared in the basckstore. The teenager stared at a bowl full of chocolates to sell and fought to keep her hands to herself. Fortunately he came back soon enough and threw a red and black shirt at her.

''Get dressed, you look like shit! You have a delivery to make down the street. Comon, hurry!''
'' And what do I get from it ?'' She asked, trying to keep the snark out of her voice.

He lifted one of his bushy eyebrow.

'' You get to keep the tip. So better offer one hell of a service, kid!''
''Sure.'' She replied, a bit pissed off at his not so generous offer and she slipped into the uniform.

But beggar couldn't be chosers. And she stomped to him, snatched the box of pizza a little too furiously and ran off outside the door, muttering something under her breath about cheap italian fuckers.

The place was not actually that far, it barely took her seven minutes to get there. Ellie actually wondered who the fuck was too much of lazy ass to go to a seven godamm minutes walk. The hot box felt food on her frozen hands and the smell was really getting to her. Maybe she shouĺd treat herself a good slice later. Man it's been so long since she last ate a good, hot pizza. But she also needed to buy a coat for the upcoming winter. She knew where to buy one for really cheap but it was still an handful of money. Maybe spend less in food and soda for a while...

Ellie sighed, quietly listening to Anne Murray's voice echoing throught her earbuds.

The young woman finally stoppped in front of the door and knocked, not even bothering to remove the music, supposing it wouldn't change much to the grumpy old bastard who opened the door with the whitest smile.

Ellie's breath caught in her throat and the world turned a dreamy pink around her, sending her spiralling into a tornado of emotioms.

Dreamin', I must be dreamin'
Or am I really lying here with you?
Baby, you take me in your arms
And though I'm wide awake, I know my
Dream is comin' true

There she was, majestic in her purple top, hair loose and curly like a modern Esmeralda, brown irises melting into her own green eyes. Ellie gaped at the heavenly apparition, not quite certain if she was seeing straight. Two wings popped from behind the sweet faced girl, whiter than a the puffy cloud in the sky above.

And oh I just fall in love again
Just one touch
And then it happens every time
There I go by, just fall in love again
When I do
I can't help myself, I fall in love with you

She felt her knees go weak, awestruck at the sight of those deep pools of syrupy honey. Her face was dusted with freckles, her mouth stretched into puckered lips. Was she murmuring her name ?

''Ellie...'' The girl's soft tone sent Ellie railing back into a too perfect daydream , where she was in her arms, and things were going so fine.

Magic, it must be magic
The way I hold you
When the night just seems to fly.
Easy for you to take me to a star
Heaven is that moment when I look into your eyes

They locked eyes again, and their hands brushed ever so slightly. Ellie brought hers against her lips, gently applying the most gentle kiss. It was perfect. She was so beautiful up close, and they were going to run togheter, hands in hands, far from this horrible place.

''Ellie'' She sing sang again, tracing the soft curve of the redhead jaw with a long finger.
''Yes?'' The teen pained to talk, mouth frozen in an happy smile, slowly brushing a rebelious lock of dark hair out of the perfect face in front of her.
''... zza.''
''Hm? What did you say?'' She asked, confused.
'' The pizza, Ellie. The pizz-
'' Hello, heart to pizza delivery girl?!''

Ellie's eyes shot right open when her earbuds were suddenly thrown out of her ears, music stopping just as abruptly as her dreams. The girl from the school was standing less than a meter from her, her features contorded in a mix of annoyance and amusement. Her eyes were staring at her as if she was some kind of mysterious animal and she lifted an inquisitive eyebrow.
This was no dream.
It was reality.
And she just made a fool out of herself.
Ellie felt her mouth go dry and she fumbled in her words.

''I uh'm here for the, ah, the pi-pizza.''

Fuck, she felt awkward and dumb. Her hands holding the pizza were shaking and her head felt funny. She slowly clawed her way back to reality and realised she had been staring, literally staring, wordlessly, at the girl she crushed on.

'' Thanks... Can i have it now?''

Ellie looked at the pizza and down at the girl before handing it over, still looking stupidly into the eyes of the stranger standing by the door. The customer smiled in appreciation and dug her hand into her pocket and handed her a twenty.

'' Keep the change weirdo.''

There was no venom or mock in her voice, she said it like it was a matter of fact. Ellie felt her face redden in deep shame and she left the doorstep without saying a word, barely conscious of the twenty dollars bill in her fist.

What the fuck was wrong with her? What kind of- what kind of creep was she ?

''Get a hold of yourself... shit.'' She cursed, red in the face.

Well if there was any chance left in this world for her to get togheter with the girl, it was gone now. Once the shame had subsisted, it left her with an emotion much more hollow in its origin. Now she just felt sad. It has been so long since she talked, really talked to someone her age. She felt awkward and out of place, her lack social skills has rendered rather quiet, a shadow of the blabbermouth she used to be. No one wanted to hear what she had to say anyway. Furiously kicking on a pebble on the ground she went to give the money to Tony, aka T, which left her with the 3.80 dollars tip. When she counted all the money she had on her, she was surprised she had so much left. 34.95 cents. That was a lot. If she was careful she could last another few days without having to stress too much her vital needs

When the sun set, the teenager found an empty but quiet spot in an alleway. It was not too cold today and she was comfortable enough under the weight of her hoodie, flannel and shirt. Sitting with her back against the wall, she fought the exhaustion and ran both her hands in her newly washed hair before checking the contents of her bag. Let's see. There was her trusted walkman and earbuds, an half empty bottle of shampoo, soap, her full filled bottle of water, her knife, an half eaten bar of caramel stuffed chocolate and finally, a few cds for her walkman. She also had a few underwears she would wash if she had the change.

She had almost nothing to her name.

Not wanting to dwell too much on her shitty life, the teenager closed her eyes and well into a dreamless slumber.

It was well into the night when a sound near her took her from that peaceful and much needed sleep. She cursed silently. She was sleeping so good and she swore to destroy whatever crap that had woken her up.

Turning her heavy head toward the sound, she frowned upon seeimg the outline of a shadow clumsily making its way to her. The strong scent of alcohol filled the air with each step the stranger took.

Suddenly very awake, the young girl stood up, carefully watching over this drunkass of a man, ready to pounce on him with her knife did he try anything.

''Hey ther' doll. Whut are you doin' here by yurselv'?'' He slurred, dark pools of darkness gazing at her with half a smirk.

From what she could see from the light of the lamp post, the man looked well into his forties and had a strong build hidden under a tatterer leather jacket. Ellie's heart dropped painfully in the pit of her stomach as she let adrenaline and instinct take over.

'' Back off, man! I swear- I swear to fucking God if you take another step I'm fucking stabbing you! I-I'm not joking around!''

She tried to appear menacing, but she was a skinny teenager and he was a grown ass man. A grown ass man who, if he wanted to, could do whatever he desired with her. The thought alone sent a jolt of electricity in her brain and her chest contracted when she felt a familiar panic raising within her.

Fuck. Not now!

Unwelcome images of David filled her brain. She remembered his filthy hands all over her, and she felt like clawing at her skin until it bled. The stranger's eyes looked so much like his; perverted, dangerous and corrupted.

Breathing became difficult.

''C'mere doll, I don't wanna hurt ya. M'sure we can do it peacefully and quietly, ya?''

Ellie gulped down on the brick blocking her throat and charged towards him, past him.

Drunk and surprised, he could barely comprehend when the teenager ran past him without givimg him time to do anything.

And when he turned back, she had already disappeared into the night.

Ellie ran and ran until her legs gave out, and she almost passed out fro, exhaustion. She limped to get to a bench facing some flowers shop and lied on her side, both hands clutching at her hoodie. Her eyes teared at the lack of air she was getting and she cried even more at the sheer fear of dying like a looser on this bench. Gruesome pictures filled her head. His eyes, his voice, his hands, his breathing, his tongue, his dick, she could see and feel them all, it made her sick to her stomach. Barely restraining from crying out, she pulled her knife, looking at it expectedly and began to stab the bench with all the strenght she could muster. Her hand shot up and down a dozen of time, gluttural sounds produced by her throat the only music to this release of fear and rage.

'' I will kill you! I will fucking kill you dead! Fuck you! Fu-fucking fuck you!''

She only stopped when she became painfully aware of how numb her arm had become. It dropped to her side, breathing coming to a slower rythm as she looked at the holes in the craftship of the bench.

Hot tears rolled down her cheeks, each track leaving a burning sensation in its wake. She was so sick and tired of everything. She just wanted the pain to end. She wanted the memories to go away. She wanted to go home, her real home. She wanted to take a hot bubbled bath, she longed to sleep in a real fluffy bed. She wanted to sleep with a smile on her face and not having to worry about the next day's problems.

She was so tired of fighting.