Dina touched me.
Dina looked at me.
Dina talked to me and fuck, I think I'm in love.

I don't know what happened. One minute I was fighting that guy and the next I was sprawled on her lap with blood on my face and looking like shit.
She said I tripped over a rock and fell and I swear to every God on this earth, it was embarassing. It was the lamest of the lames, pueril and oh gosh it was stupid.
I just tripped and fell like an idiot . I can only imagine all the things that ran throught her head at that moment.
She must think I'm an imbecile.
But despite my failed attempt at saving her, she still felt the need to thank me and invited me to dinner. I am going to eat with her. Alone. On a date.
I know it's not a date, but I like calling it like that. It feels warm and revigorating.
I can allow myself a little bit of fantasy, right ? It's not like we are going to hang out ever again after that. Once the meal is over she will push me away. She has no need for me around her. I'm just a clumsy idiot who trips on small rocks. I wouldn't even hang out with myself.

Ellie paused her written infliction of self loath and depreciation, mindlessly munching on the already badly tortured end of her pen, plastic bent in a way only teeth could accomplish. The scene now tattooed in her head felt distorded, like a puzzle with too much of its pieces missing. Maybe it had been the blow to her head or the lack of oxygen when Dina's eyes had taken her breath away, but she felt forgetful. She really wanted to put on paper each detail of her encounter with the girl, as cringy as it was. She couldn't remember what they had talked about, it had felt like a dream, or a distant memory.
She did however remember her calculated touch as she worked on her injury, pinkie barely grazing over the line scarring her brow. She was so close, her hot breath on her skin have been like the caress of a flame, comforting yet dangerous.

Pen tapped lightly on the paper in an imaginary cadence, a flow only her knew. But then, there was something else.

I met someone else, today. The man who owns the shed I slept in for a few weeks. I used to crawl out every morning to avoid him, but now it's like the universe wanted me to meet him. His name is Joel Miller and I met him once at a dinner and a second time in the street. He invited me for breakfast and I know it's because he pities me. I fucking hate it.
Also he knows who the fuck I am. Great, right ? He knows I'm Ellie Fucking Williams. That fucking drama queen who ran away from home.
He said he wanted to help me and I swear, a part of me wants to believe him and go sleep in his damn shed. It'd be safe and warm.
But the darkest part of me is so scared of being hurt again. How can I trust him when I can't even trust a member of my own blood?

I need to think things over.

The redhead parted her lips in a soft sigh, head hanging back a bit to watch the patchwork of fluffy clouds hovering in the sky. It was still pretty early, and there was still many hours left before she had to go fetch Dina. At least she wouldn't have to find an excuse as to why she wore the same clothes since she didn't see it yesterday because of her coat.

A part of her really hoped they could be friends, and a part of her thought that would be too much trouble to lie her way into a friendship. Dina was not to be made aware of her condition under any circonstances, and it was a fact that Ellie had screwed in her brain as soon as she first spotted her. She needed to be careful with everything and she'd lie if she said it was not rendering her nervous.

And she still needed to buy another damned book to write in since this one was nearing his premises. She closed it swiftly and put it back in her bag, slowly considering her options. She still had many hours left before the get-togheter.
She could sit by the subway and sing a few songs for well earned money. Or maybe walk downtown and have a small chat with Abby and Lev. Man, it's been so long since she last saw these two dorks.
Or maybe spend a bit of coins on a computer session at a cafe. She could look for a quick job or take a nap. Or she could also kill herself and be done with it.

Ellie shook her head in dismissal and stretched her long legs clad in dark jeans torn at the knees before heading toward a small coffee that offered two hours of internet for five dollars if you bhought something. She ordered a sweet, creamy coffee to fight off the constant fatigue and winced when the hot liquid made contact with her tongue. This coffee tasted like burned shit alright. Gosh she hated paying for something so disgusting, but it kept her warm and as much as she didn't want to admit it, it fueled the nagging temper of her caffeine addiction.
Her eyes searches for the screen, slowly taking another smaller sip. She stayed away from social media. She didn't need to have her name and face all over the internet for everyone to find her.
She'd rather spend her time on youtube and play dumb games, if only to numb her mind off negative thoughts.

After a while her eyes would glaze over, clicking away on the mouse in a repetitive motion as she played something distracting, finding herself longing for this moment of remembrance, and suddenly she was homesick. She loved coming home from school, kicking her shoes off in places she knew she would get lectured for and stomping up the stairs to play on some stupid RPG with friends. She would often bring a coca or a bag of chips and spend hours typing away her time.

Ellie smiled a bit at the reminescence, and as painful as it was, it didn't stop her from being content with the feelings it brought.

The two hours passed too quickly and as much as she wanted to continue to play, she couldn't afford this luxury any longer. Still few hours before she had to meet with Dina, and the anxiety came back full force with its annoying habit of overthinking everything. What if Dina found her annoying? What if she made a fool of herself again? What if she changed her mind ? So much thoughts twirled around in her head like in the core of a tornado, it was nearly impossible to stop them.

She always felt out of place, wherever she went. A feeling she often attributed to her sense of depreciation. How could she love herself when no one had it in them to love her back ? That part deep inside her wanted to run away as possible and forget about Joel and Dina. She didn't want to get hurt again, to have her patched up heart handed back to her shattered and torn. There was only so much her body, heart and head could endure. She was not strong at all. She was not the rock, but the pitiful patch of grass on the ground, sensible to every element and threatened to be stepped on any minute now.

There was also this part that craved normalcy and intimity. She wanted to get closer to another human being, to reach without being scared, to speak her mind without barrier. She was a teenager for crying out loud. She should be partying and studying her ass off. Not... whatever she was doing right now.

Time flew, and before she knew it, she was in front of the well decorated house, her fist centimeters only from the door.

She was hesitating. What if all of this was a bad idea ? Entertaining any kind of relationship right now was risky. She could not blow her cover. Should she leave now, while Dina still think she's an half baked hero, or continue with this charade and leave when Dina discovers she's nothing but a trashy, homeless kid?

She pondered the question too long, because the girl made the decision for her by opening the door, cracking a teasing smile at the hesitant redhead.

"What the hell are you doing, dork ?"
"I was... uh..."
"Yeah sure, come inside, I'm almost ready. Just, sit on the couch or something."

Ellie stepped inside, feeling like an accidental patch of paint on a white wall. The house smelled like chili, a spicy, homely scent that sent a pang of pain into Ellie's empty gut. The house was alit with life. The TV was on, playing some comedy movie for no one in particular since two of its member were in the kitchen, and the other one upstairs getting ready.
Ellie shyly made her way to the couch, sitting down on it tentatively.. Sweet humming came from the kitchen, interrupted by a spark of male-ish laughter.

" So you're Ellie, is that it ?"

The teenager turned around and spotted the silhouette of who seemed to be Dina's father, tall and broad shouldered. A large belly stood out under a white shirt with an untied red tie, like he just got off work. He had a round face with slim glasses and he radiated gentleness. He kind of gave her a Santa Claus vibe, as stupid as it sounded.

"Uh, yeah that's me." Ellie answered politely, struggling as she did so.

She took his hand. His hold was strong but affable, it made her feel welcomed.

"We heard about you, how you tried to save our daughter and fell on a rock." He laughed wholeheartedly, and Ellie looked down in shame, playing with her fingers.

How was she supposed to move past it if everyone reminded her of this stupid mistake?

Seeing as she didn't answer, the large man put an hand on her shoulder and she flinched and it took everything in her power not to panic and yell at the man.

"It was still a brave thing to do. Fortunately our little girl knows how to handle herself. I swear, she gets too much attention. I'm Robin, by the way. Know that you will always be welcome here, dear."

Okay, it was definitely weird now. She shot him an awkward smile and breathed in relief when he let go of her bony shoulder.

"Dad, leave her alone." Groaned Dina, hastily walking down the stairs in skinny jeans and white button up.

God, she was gorgeous. This made Ellie feel extremely self conscious and she brushed her bangs out of her face.

"Hey." She said, standing up a bit awkwardly, feeling like a newborn in a pack of wolves.
"Hey, you." Dina mused, taking her by the arm and grabbing her own coat. "Let's go before my dad embarasses you any further."

They stepped out of the house and Dina let out an annoyed sigh

"Sorry about that. He can be an handful at times."
"It's okay."

They started to walk toward the restaurant and Ellie could only think about eating real, cooked food. She basically lived off junks and muffins nowadays.

Dina talked a lot on the way, so much Ellie could barely place one word. But she'd been told before she was a good at listening and beside, there wasn't much she wanted to say about herself anyway. She desired to learn more about that black haired beauty

"How's your head, by the way?"

Ellie's hand touched the bandaid that had rested unmoving on her head. Truth to be told, she almost forgot about it.

"It's fine. I'm good."
"Did your dad freak out?"

She shied her eyes away from the girl, memories of her long dead father flooding her like in waves. It felt weird to talk about her dad like that, but at least she would be able to tell half truth.

"Yeah. He was... I mean, he's quite protective. Had to lie to him, though. Can't tell him his daughter tripped on a rock, uh." She tried to be funny, but her words felt hollow to her own ears.

However, it did succeed in making Dina laught, and Ellie genuinely thought she made the cutest sound in the world.

"I know how it is. Once, when I was 10, I told my mom I was going to the movies with Jesse and when I got home she cried all over me, telling me how worried she was."
" Ish. That's... a whole new level."
"It is, right ? That's what I told my sister!" She replied in a snikerish grin.

For the first time in a long time, Ellie felt herself relax a bit. Dina was really receptive to her, even with her distant or short answers. She was like a balm on her wounds, washing away the pain and the worries, and Ellie really wanted to be a teenager again.

Even if it's for one night.

"So, this Jesse... is he, like, your boyfriend?" Ellie asked cautiously.
"Yes." She answered immediatly, crushing all of Ellie's hope in a heartbeat. " But he's also my childhood best friend. You'll love him."

Ellie blinked.

" What do you mean, I'll love him?
"Oh, I invited him. I hope it's okay? He really wanted to see the girl who tripped on a rock."
"Can we move past that now ?" Ellie groaned, growing tired of being reminded that she was a fuck up.

The pretty girl's hand came in contact with her arm, brushing softly against it. Ellie turned her head toward the apologetic smile she was given.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel stupid, Ellie. This was not my attention. I truly am glad you came to help me. It was really brave and I feel bad you got hurt because of this."

Her words were so genuine, Ellie felt kind of stupid for being upset over this. It really was funny, in a sense, to see someone trips over a rock in a rescue mission. Thing is, she still had a pride, however beaten as it was right now.
She shook her head and waved her hand.

"It's okay, I... It was funny. In a way." She admitted.

Dina beamed at her and took her hand to walk faster. Ellie's heart skipped a beat at the contact and she was sure Dina could feel how clammy and sweaty her hand had become. She felt gross all over.

The restaurant she was leading her to came into view and Ellie gawked at it. The place was enormous and fancy. Well, it was not one of those 5 stars restaurants but it was flashy enough to know that they would never let her sleep in a booth. Ellie has often walked in front of it, stopping everytime to bath in the food's scent coming from it. The place was always packed with families, couples and groups of friends. Ellie furrowed her brows.

"Is there even any place left ?"
"Jesse's keeping our place warm with his big butt."

The comment brought an amused smile on the redhead face and they walked inside. Ellie's gut churned with excitation at the sight of the tables, of the food, of all the people. It's been so long since she went eating with a friend she could not wipe the smile off her face.

"Dina!" Called out a very boyish voice.

Taking her hand once more, Dina led her to one of the very first booth, near the windows. The restaurant was very warm and filled with the sound of conversations and some random 90s song playing on the radio that Ellie could not recall even if she heard it before.

"Hey, took you long enough. «

Dina rolled her eyes playfully and sat next to him while Ellie sat in front them with the gut feeling she was going to be interrogated like a criminal.

Jesse shared a quick kiss with his girlfriend and Ellie took a moment to look at him. He was that tall asian guy from the other day, broad shouldered, flat faced with long wavy hair giving him a rugged look. Not bad looking, even for a lesbian as herself. His voice was mature and warm like milk. He had a vibe of friendly confidence around him that made her relax a little bit.

"So you're Ellie." He started, holding out his fist. " I'm Jesse, Dina's best friend and best boy. Nice to meet you."
"Same." She simply answered, slowly fist bumping him.

God she felt weird. She was totally third wheeling this rendezvous. She was a stranger compared to them. She looked down and started to fimble with her fingers when Jesse started talking again.

"So, Dina told me about what happened yesterday. You're quite the hero."

He talked about it so non chalently Ellie found herself smile despite her hurt pride.

" And you wanted to see the girl who tripped over a rock." Dina winced at the redhead's words.

He chuckled very lightly.

"If it makes you feel any better, Dina had been talking my ear off about how cool you looked back there."

The said girl guffed in offense.

" I did not !"
" Yes, D, yes, you totally did! Oh Jesse, she was soooooo cool! She fell, but like, in a totally cool way! And she was so hawt, like, and cool, and super hot, and super coo-"
"Okay, that's it you idiot! Shut up! I never said that!" Dina groaned, but with a toothy grin on her face.

Ellie let her heart heat up at the display of friendship and a small smile made its way onto her freckled face. She was socializing. She was talking and eating with people. This was not something new to her, but something she's been craving for so long, like a first gulp of water after a long trail in the desert.

"You guys seems... uh... good, togheter?

Real smooth, Ellie. Very eloquent.

Don't fucking fuck this up.

The asian guy side hugged the black haired teenager with a cocky smile.

"She's been my best friend for as long as I can remember. She was there when I learned to ride a bike, and I was there when her last baby tooth fell off. Should have seen her cry.

"Okay, so Ellie, feel free to take anything, it's on me." Dina interrupted without a glance for the boy.
"What about me? "
"You pay for yourself, handsome."

Ellie shook her head with a small smile and looked at the menu. Everything seemed so good and it was hard to wrap her mind around the idea of finally being allowed real food.

She watched as the two teenagers scanned over their menus, chatting eagerly of past memories and future plans. Ellie was trying to concentrate on her own menu but they were pretty distracting. She watched as Jesse shoved Dina off his lap, and she reliatated with a slap on his big arm. They were pretty cute, she had to admit. It pained her to see the girl she was pinning for like that, but even if she was single AND gay, there was no way she would have eyes for her. She'd seen hundreds of pretty girls in the girl's school only. She was far, far behind on this.

" Did you pick something?"

Ellie looked up to bath in the sight of her crush, gazing at her with those big, round eyes she grew to love. A smile was plastered over her face like it was sculpted there. It got the runaway teenager all nervous.

"Y-yeah, I'-I'll take the, uh, steak with the french fries, the chili soup and a glass of coca. I-if that's okay with you." She stammered, a lightning of excitation running throught her body at the idea of quality food.

"My, someone has quite an appetite today." Dina teased, making her blush slightly.
"Playing hero made me hungry." Ellie shrugged, her own joke sounding stupid even in her own ears. How could anyone find her funny? She couldn't fuck this up.
"At least someone is appreciative. She barely says thanks when I invite her." Jesse chuckled when Dina shot him THE glance.
"Oh oh. That's the look guys get when they are going to sleep on the couch."

There was a moment of silence, an excrutiating long moment of quiet where the two friends stared at Ellie like she had said something out of line. The teenager slapped herself mentally for pushing the limit.
She was about to bolt out of the place when both Jesse and Dina exploded in laughter.

"You're so funny, Ellie. I like you. I think you will fit in just fine." Dina articulated, unshed tears at the corner of her eyes from her session of laughters.

Ellie relaxed her shoulders, feeling warm enough under the flannel she was wearing. She let her worries float away, far from the restaurant. She needed to enjoy this moment. She used to be quite popular at school, she had lot of friends, she needed to find that old Ellie who was hidding behind her walls. She needed to come out.
Straightening her back, she was about to retort when the waitress came to take their orders. She joked a bit with the two teenagers, who seemed to be regular around these parts. The waitress scribbled their orders and walked away.

"I can see it's not the first time you come here."
"We used to come every friday, me, Dina, Cat and another guy who moved to Florida. Lucky son of a bitch." Jesse said against his glass of iced water.
"You never been to Florida?"
"Nope. You?"
"Once, when I was 7. With, uh, my parents. It's been a long time ago but I remember it well. Beautiful place. Lot of snobs though." Ellie said, looking back at that week she had spent in the hot weather of Miami. It had been a great week, and her mother had been wanting to come back ever since.

Too bad she died.

"How'd you get that scar?"

Suddenly aware that Dina had asked her a question, Ellie fidgeted in her seat.

"What scar?" She played dumb.
"Duh, the one on your eyebrow? It's okay if you don't wanna tell. I just think it looks really hot."

Dina's straighforwardess was like a slap on her face, and her cheeks burned with a rush of blood. She hisses, reaching to rub her neck.

"I, uh, got it in a fight." She answered, sparing her the details.
"Can I touch it?"
"Dina, seriously?" Chiped Jesse with an eye roll. " You barely know the girl, let her breath."
"It's just a question! "
"I swear sometimes D you are just too direct ! You don't touch people's scars, it's weird."
"It's not weird." She snorted, arms crossed. "Not my fault if I'm into scars. You should get one... wait, no, don't, what the fuck am I say-"
"You can touch it."

Her voice has been so low and soft, it was almost a whisper. The two teenager stopped their banter and looked at her, dumbfounded. Jesse knit his eyebrows.

"It's okay Ellie, you don't have to do that."
"It doesn't bother me." She continued with a convinced smile.

Truth to be told, she hated that scar. It was a painful, constant reminder of David. A trophy sewn across her face. It was his mark, his symbol.
She hated it with all her heart. She hoped that maybe if Dina touched it, with all her beauty and innocence, it could cure a bit of this hate. Maybe. Like a healing touch.
Dina turned to Jesse to give him a proud smile and leaned across the table under the watchful gaze of the asian boy. She stretched her left hand and slowly, carefully, her thumb came in contact with the pink scar barely hidden under thick eyebrow hair. The touch felt agonizinly good, and Ellie just wanted to lean into her touch and close her eyes. The skin burned where she had been touched, as if God himself had layed his finger on her face.

"This is so cool." Dina said seductively, which made the redhead gulp.
"Okay Dina, that's enough. Sorry about that El, she got dropped as a baby."
"It's okay." She croaked with difficulties, mouth dry from the emotional exercice she had been faced with.

When Dina retired, her own hand went to touch the scar as it to make sure it was still there. The feeling of the olive skinned girl's touch lingered on her like a sunburn.

It was not a bad feeling at all.

It didn't take long for their meals to arrive and she found herself digging in as soon as the young waitress had put the plates in front of her. Dina and Jesse had both ordered a big ass piece of burger, pickleless for Jesse, as he said it tasted like shit.
Ellie's eyes itched with hidden tears as she munched on a first bite of juicy, well done steak. It reminded her of the countless steakhouses her dad used to bring her to, and fuck did it taste wonderful.

Jesse and Dina were engrossed in some big conversation about a movie she didn't see. She was just listening to Dina's voice, and how well it echooed against her ear drums. She sounded sweet and spicy, yet when she whispered, it sounded like honey and ice cream.

Her plate was empty, and so was those of the two lovebirds sitting in front of her. She knew their hangout was coming to an end, but she couldn't find it in herself to find a subject of conversation entertaining enough to keep it going.
She heard her name being called and she looked up to see both Jesse and Dina trying to stirr her out of her day dream.

"Uh?"
"We asked which school you were going to." Jesse repeated, hand rubbing a red mark on his arm where his girlfriend had slapped him a few seconds ago.
"Oh, uh..." Think fast. "The one down Preston Street." She couldn't remember the name even if she had walked past it hundred of times.
"Oh yeah, I know this one. It's a good school, I didn't see you as the type." Dina's eyebrow shot in the air as she took in the weird girl's apparence.

Ellie felt anxiety crept up in her stomach like acid.

"Wh-what do you mean?" She stammered, actually scared of being answered.

The girl and boy shared a confused look.

"Well it's a private school, for one. And also, it's kind of like a genius school?"
"Yeah, only the smartest of the smartest are invited. My, Ellie, aside from that good look, you got some brain going on for you." Dina shot her a seductive smile, silently sipping on her iced tea with a pink straw.

Ellie's brain fried at that moment, her face as emotionless and blank as a rock. Her heart was beating so fast she felt it in her forehead, but she just froze there, staring hard at them with her canopy green eyes.

Holy mother of fuck. Of all the damm schools of this damn town, she had to choose this one, uh?

She was in deep shit.