The tension that hangs over the group makes the thick air of Neverland even more unbearable and Killian wishes he could just escape this strangling atmosphere, cursing the fact that he is even back here on this godforsaken island.
He's here to help Swan get her boy back, and he's glad he volunteered to help, but Pan is truly testing him upon his return, not to mention the likes of the Queen and Prince Charming making snide comments under their breath any time he's within earshot. In all honesty, he only truly cares about what Emma thinks of him, but her opinion of him has probably only lowered since his squabble with Baelfire earlier.
It's not exactly ideal when the ex-lover of the woman he is interested in shows up so they can rescue their child together. What would Swan want with a dirty pirate after all of this anyway?
Killian watches her shuffle closer to the fire and he can't help but dart his eyes between Baelfire looking longingly at her from the other side and Emma, who trains her eyes on the flickering flames. He'd like to think it's to avoid Baelfire's gaze, not caring how petty of a wish that is.
David returns to the camp with filled canteens of water, much to everyone's relief. Killian hangs back from the group, leaning against a tree while he drinks from his flask instead. After everyone has a canteen, David makes his way over to him, giving him a look that somehow falls between a frown and a grin.
"In case you get tired of your rum." David nods as he offers up a canteen to him. Killian threads the strap of the canteen onto his hook and nods back with gratitude. Despite those snide comments he had made, Emma's father had been trying to ease up on him since he rescued him and he appreciated the gesture.
"You weren't gone long, whereabouts did you find water?" Killian asks, looking around their campsite and trying to situate himself in his mental map of the island.
"About half a mile that way." David gestures with his head south of their camp.
"It was a little spring nestled in the trees. It was quite beautiful actually." He adds, and Killian sighs, realizing exactly what spring David had found.
"Aye, well if you find honesty beautiful you will be getting a bucket full of it very shortly." Killian tucks his flask back into his jacket and grabs the water canteen off his hook while David tilts his head with confusion.
Killian sees Emma drinking from her canteen and he winces, almost fearful of what will happen next.
"While the water is indeed refreshing, it comes from a spring that's known for its 'truth water'. So, unless you all want to be revealing even more secrets, I suggest you wait until we can find water elsewhere. Or spill your guts, your decision." Killian announces to the group, looking between them all as their expressions drop and shade over with dread. From what he can tell, Emma and her mother are the only ones who have already taken a drink from their canteens, and he can see Emma surmising the same thing.
"I'll go look for different water." She immediately volunteers, ducking out of the campsite and into the trees before anyone can respond.
"Hook, go after her. You know this island better than anyone and I don't want her out there alone." David says quietly, and Hook jolts his head back with surprise. David knows Baelfire and Tinkerbell both know the island too, perhaps not as well as him but well enough to steer Emma away from dangerous areas. He nods, glancing over the rest of the group around the fire before following Emma through the trees, shoving the canteen into another jacket pocket to refill when they find normal water Pan hasn't tainted for his silly little games.
"Swan." Killian calls when he catches sight of her blonde hair not far ahead.
"Hook, I'm fine. I don't need a chaperon." She tosses angrily over her shoulder in response. He quickly catches up to her and notices how tense her shoulders are as she stomps through the jungle.
"Neither did your father, but none of you know this place like I do. For all you know, the next water you come across could be poisonous." Killian responds, smirking when Emma simply huffs back.
"I believe there should be some fresh water about a mile and half from here, there should be a rocky clearing once we get past these trees." He offers, brushing away tree branches with his hook. Emma simply hums in acknowledgment, and he realizes she is trying to avoid speaking in case she says something honest she doesn't wish to reveal. Perhaps she also fears exposing inner thoughts she hadn't come to terms with herself.
Killian hasn't known her for very long, but he knows that Emma's guarded nature is carefully constructed to protect herself. He thinks about the cave, and although he never heard the secret she revealed to Baelfire, he suspects that between himself, Emma, and her parents, her revelation was the most difficult to express.
"I couldn't stay there and spill my guts in front of everyone." Emma murmurs, cursing under her breath immediately after speaking. The truth water was beginning to take effect.
"Oh aye, I can imagine."
"I swear to God, you better not judge me for anything I end up saying." Emma grumbles, shooting him daggers when he laughs a little.
"What kind of man would I be if I judged you for being forced to reveal things you wish to keep hidden?" Killian lightly teases.
"Well, I would hope a man so concerned with good form wouldn't."
Killian hums in response but finds himself becoming nervous all of a sudden. What if Emma says something so brutally honest, something he doesn't want to hear?
"Do you judge me? For what I said in the cave?" The question tumbles from his lips before he can stop himself.
The thick air of Neverland creeps up around him again as he waits for her response. She stops walking suddenly, and he's forced to halt just as quickly before he bumps into her.
"Would you ask me that even if I hadn't had this damn truth water?" She demands, her eyes darting between his.
"Aye." Killian responds immediately. Her eye twitches as she stares at him, and he becomes fully aware just how close they are. He can smell what he imagines is the lingering scent of her shampoo in the heat of the Neverland jungle and he's hit with a memory of their kiss. He's grateful he asked David where the water came from before drinking it as he most certainly would be revealing to her just how much he wants to kiss her again.
She must believe him because she nods and continues walking. Killian feels a prickle of sweat on his forehead and exhales sharply as he follows her.
"No, I don't judge you. Actually, I kind of liked hearing that, even if it's sort of terrifying. My entire life, I've always doubted the very few times people have said they care about me. My whole relationship with Neal was built on a crippling fear that he didn't really love me. I've very rarely completely believed anyone who said so, including my parents when the curse was lifted. When you told me what our kiss meant to you, it was the second time in my life I genuinely believed someone."
Killian doesn't know what to say, but he does feel the tight feeling in his chest ease a little. Well, she doesn't hate him at least.
"What was the first time?" He asks, wondering if he has pushed his luck just a little too far, but surprisingly, she smiles at him.
"Henry." Emma responds and he smiles back at her.
They walk in silence for a while, him mulling over what she said about her relationship with Neal and Emma most likely avoiding any further revelations. Killian begins to see the clearing through the trees when thunder suddenly crackles loudly above them.
"I'm guessing storms in Neverland aren't exactly a light spot of rain." Emma sighs, but before he can respond he feels a burning sensation on his forehead. Emma hisses in pain and looks up in confusion.
"Don't look up!" Killian yells, shrugging out of his jacket and wrapping it around her bare arms.
"What the-"
"It's acid rain, burns the skin. We need to get to shelter quickly!" He tugs on her arm as he starts to run, heading for the clearing through the trees. Emma lets out a string of curses as she threads her arms through his jacket and runs with him. The rain starts lashing down even heavier and Killian grits his teeth from the pain, wiping his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt hurriedly.
"This way!" Killian shouts to Emma behind him as they make their way through the clearing and up a rocky hill. With relief he sees the cave he thought was around here, hacking with his hook at the overgrown vines covering the entrance before ushering Emma inside first.
"Fuck!" Emma hisses as Killian begins immediately pulling off his shirt. She's about to curse again at the sight of him undressing but he shakes his head.
"The acid will continue to burn through the clothes if we don't rinse them. Pass your canteen and the one from my jacket and we'll use the water to wash it out as best we can." He says hurriedly. Emma does what he says with no sarcastic commentary, simply shrugging off his jacket and throwing him the canteens.
"I won't look, I promise." Killian offers as he steps out of his pants. He realizes he's now standing in his underwear, but he has red welts on his skin from the rain and the pain won't subside while he's fully clothed. He turns his back on Emma and begins dousing his clothes in water on the ground. Soon she tosses hers onto the pile and he uses the rest of the water to soak hers. He rings the clothes as best he can before laying them out on a large rock near the entrance to dry, hoping the humid air of the jungle will help.
"So, how long do we have to stand around half naked in a cave?" Emma asks and Killian forces himself to stay looking out of the cave at the cascading rain.
"At least until the rain stops, but who knows how long that will be. Neverland weather is entirely unpredictable."
"What about everyone back at the camp?"
"Tinkerbell will have gotten them to safe shelter and done the same thing with their clothes." Killian replies confidently. He fights the urge to look back when he hears Emma scoff and the reality of the situation sets in. He's alone in a cave with Emma while she is forced to speak the truth and they're both severely lacking in clothing.
"I'm so glad I avoided stripping down to my underwear surrounded by my ex, my parents, the Evil Queen and Tinkerbell."
"So, stripping down with me is the better option?" Killian teases, running a hand through his wet hair and wincing at the slight sting of the acid rain droplets.
"Yes. Fuck." Emma responds, and Killian feels a twinge of regret in taking advantage of her forced state of honesty.
Killian sits down and leans against the cave wall, staring out at the rain and simultaneously wishing it to stop and continue. Emma soon sits on the other side of the cave entrance and he forces himself not to catch sight of her.
"You can look at me you know." Emma murmurs. He can see in his periphery that she has her legs tucked up and her arms around her knees and its so much bare skin he scratches his ear awkwardly.
"It wouldn't be-"
"Good form." They say at the same time, Killian risking a full look at her when she laughs lightly. He can see the black straps and waistband of her undergarments, but otherwise she's mostly long, pale limbs and he's overcome with the desire to trace all of her freckles and scars with his fingers and soothe the red welts caused by the rain. She's pulled her hair back into a bun, most likely to stop the burning water dripping onto her skin.
He follows her gaze to his own revealing state, specifically the strap that holds his hook in place. It wasn't something he showed often, usually covering it up with long shirt sleeves and his jacket. Sometimes he pretends its because it would ruin the illusion of his moniker, but truthfully, he's not entirely comfortable with the sight of it himself.
"Is it heavy?" Emma asks softly.
"Aye, some days more than others." He responds, feeling a chill go through his body despite the heat of the jungle radiating into the cave. They sit in silence, each just listening to the rain lashing down and the thunder rumbling. It must be frustrating for Emma to be stuck in here instead of getting closer to saving her son, or even just getting a good rest so that they can continue in a few hours. She's been so strong this entire time, herding the group together and facing her ex-lover and dealing with Pan's cruelness.
"Are you in much pain from the acid? There are some leaves that have good healing properties, but I won't be able to find them until the rain has stopped." Killian informs her, looking over her irritated skin with concern.
"It's not that bad, your jacket mostly protected me, and my hair covered a lot of my face and neck." Emma shrugs.
"Thanks, by the way. For the jacket." She adds quietly. Killian nods in response, his mind trailing off as he thinks about how the jacket might smell her like her now, a ridiculous thought of course given that it was wrapped around her for a few minutes and doused in acid rain the whole time, but he indulges the thought anyway.
"I feel safe with you."
Emma's words bring him back, and he looks up at her in surprise. The light in the cave is dim and her expression is difficult to read, but he notices it is a little softer than usual.
"That's foolish behaviour, Swan. I'm a menacing pirate, don't you recall?" He jokes as he waves his hook around, unsure how else to process her comment.
"Do you always deflect with self-deprecation?"
"I could say that you're deflecting right now so you don't have to reveal more honest truths about how you feel."
"Well you're right, that's exactly what I'm doing but it's not my fault I don't want to reveal private stuff I never intended to share."
"Aye, that's all well and fair Swan. But you're rather skilled at deflecting on a regular basis too."
"It's called a defense mechanism. You use charm and humour as yours."
"So, you find me charming?"
"Shut up, you know I do."
Killian doesn't respond and Emma goes back to staring intently out at the rain, the enjoyment of their banter quickly extinguished. He wishes that he could appreciate this time alone with Emma and get to talk to her without her anxiety regarding the truth water hanging over her every word. Perhaps if Emma actually wanted to share things with him the water wouldn't be such an issue.
She looks so small with her arms wrapped around herself, hunching over to cover as much of herself as possible. Killian is relieved that she expressed feeling safe with him because her state of undress and her forced honesty both put her in an incredibly vulnerable position, practically forcing her protective walls to crumble around her.
"I'll make you a deal, Swan. For every honest thing you end up saying, I will say something equally honest." Killian offers, his lips curling into a small smile when he sees her thoughtful expression.
"How will I know you're telling the truth?" She asks suspiciously.
"You'll just have to trust me."
There's a moment of silence as she considers his offer before trying to pass off her shrug as nonchalant.
"Okay, fine. But you need to play catch up. I've already said several honest things I probably wouldn't have said otherwise."
"Touché, Swan." He laughs lightly, smiling at the way he can see her eyes roll even in the dim light of the cave. He hadn't exactly considered what it was that he would reveal to her, and in some ways perhaps it was worse having to choose what to say instead of just saying what he felt in the moment.
"Okay, well truthfully, I don't care about treasure. Gold, trinkets, fancy linen, couldn't care less for it. But it's part of the pirate persona, so I have to maintain my image."
Emma laughs and it surprises him. It's loud and long and her limbs tumble out of the ball shape she had tried so hard to hold as she continues to laugh.
"Hook, are you fucking serious?" She snorts, and he's a little taken aback by her response.
"Aye, very serious. I'm Captain Hook, even you had heard stories about me in your world, however grossly inaccurate they may have been. I have a reputation as a pirate captain, do you know how much it would unravel the fabric of piracy if I said I don't care for the one thing pirates supposedly desire the most?" Killian tries to defend his revelation, but Emma's continued snorts of laughter make him begin to chuckle himself.
"I'm trying so hard not to reveal the deepest parts of myself and you're over there saying you don't care about some damn jewels and coins. God, I wish you drank some of that water." Emma scoffs, sobering up a little from her laughter.
"I suppose you're right; it was hardly an adequate revelation." Killian admits, looking up to meet Emma's gaze. There's a challenging glint in her eye, urging him to say something more. He looks away and inhales, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly.
"I long for affection. I haven't truly felt the comfort of an embrace since Milah. I have dalliances here and there when we make port, but sex is not the same. I suppose after losing my mother at a young age, my father leaving me, and my brother being hell bend on raising me in a way that he believed made me strong, affection wasn't particularly common growing up. My brother grew warmer when we were in the navy together, but he was taken from me too soon. After that I became a pirate, and despite having an entire crew around you, it feels like a rather isolated life sometimes. Milah was just as desperate for affection when we met, and we found the comfort we were seeking in each other. Until she too was taken from me. Captain Hook's true story is a lonely, sad tale of longing for some human comfort before the inevitable clutches of death takes everything warm and loving away from this world."
The words tumble out as if he really had some of that truth water and suddenly the darkness of the cave feels like its swallowing him up.
"Well, fuck. That's dark." Emma murmurs. Killian thinks he probably should have just told her he was falling in love with her and let that be his honest revelation.
"But I get it." She adds, slowly standing and shuffling over to his side. She slides down the wall of the cave and sits beside him, her bare arms touching his once he turns a little towards her and away from the cave entrance. He's quite certain the water only makes you speak the truth, not influence your actions, so she must be acting on her own volition.
"I wanted affection growing up so badly. When I was really little, I would cling to the legs of my new foster parent, but I quickly learned by the way they violently shook me off that it wouldn't work. It's what made me fall so fast for Neal. All he would do was push my hair back or touch my arm and I wanted so bad to please him so that he would keep up the little gestures of affection. It's still a bit alien at times, like when Henry first hugged me. God, I was so shocked I froze for a second, and then I let myself hug him back." Emma speaks so softly he wouldn't have heard her had she not moved beside him. She sounds different now though, like there is less of an edge to her voice. Perhaps in some strange way she is finding it cathartic having to say such honest things.
Killian thinks over her words about Neal's gestures of affection with frustration. He's not entirely sure what happened between them, but Killian knows Neal hurt her, and he has no idea how he could have done that to someone who so clearly wanted his love.
There's a sudden crack of thunder from outside and he feels Emma jump a little. He'd almost forgotten about the reason for their near naked huddle in the cave and the thunder acts as a sobering reality check. Despite the hurt and pain Neal had caused her, maybe deep down Emma still desired that affection from him.
"Do you think we will have to sleep here for the night?" Emma asks, peering round him to look out the cave entrance at the rain still lashing down.
"Most acid rain storms tend to be violent and intense but short-lived. I imagine we'll be out of here soon." Killian replies, hoping to quell her concerns.
"Is it bad that I want to be here a little longer?" Emma says quietly. Killian squints at her in the dim light, wondering what was going through her head.
"Of course I want to get back out and look for Henry. But we were going to camp tonight anyway. I would be no closer to saving him if I were back at the campsite."
"While that's true, I don't see how this is any better than the campsite, Swan." Killian responds curiously.
"It's not, but sometimes it's a relief to have the excuse of the weather. Like when I was on the streets for a bit when I was younger, if it was raining, I would tell myself that I had to stay in the doorway or the bus shelter I was in because it would be worse out in the rain. Or sometimes if there was a really bad snowstorm, I would say that I couldn't follow my mark for work that night. It's like the universe just halts things and suddenly there's less pressure on me. There's so much pressure on me to be the saviour right now and sometimes I just need to breathe but how can I do that when I need to save my son? Call me a coward, but sometimes I need to hide in a cave, you know?"
Killian pictures a young Emma huddled somewhere away from the rain and finds himself leaning towards her in an attempt to offer comfort while not overstepping. It's hard to tell right now the words and actions she has chosen and those she has been forced into.
"How about you try to get some rest. I'll keep watch and wake you when the rain stops." Killian offers, getting up to retrieve his jacket from where he lay the clothes out.
"Feel free to put it on or lie on it, it's mostly dry already. I know it's not comfortable in here, but a softer surface and a bit of rest is something." Killian shrugs as he passes the jacket to Emma. She wordlessly takes it and threads her arms through the sleeves, tucking the material around herself and shuffling to lie on her side. She looks so small in his clothing, but he's gathered that shrinking herself is second nature to her, an old habit from her youth that's hard to break.
She tries to position her arm so she can rest her head on it, but he can tell that it's not comfortable and before he can overthink it, he moves back to sit beside her against the cave wall. Emma is confused and sits up quickly, but he sighs and gestures for her to lie back down.
"You can rest your head on me, love. You won't be able to look out for Pan with a painful neck, now will you?" Killian says softly, trying to make light of the situation. Emma stays upright for a moment longer before quietly lying back down, tentatively resting her head in his lap. To be honest, Killian is surprised she did it, and he can't help the little jump his heart does as he feels her relax against him.
The cave falls silent again, and Killian listens carefully to her breathing as she begins to fall asleep, knowing she must have been exhausted to rest so quickly in such conditions.
"I meant what I said." Emma suddenly murmurs sleepily. Killian looks down at her small form under his jacket, but she doesn't shift her head to look up at him.
"When I said my concern was Henry. I meant it. I choose Henry." Killian rests his head back against the cave wall, knowing all too well she had been telling the truth the first time.
"But…if I had to pick between you and Neal…if for some reason I had to make that decision, I think I would pick you."
Killian sucks in a breath, unsure if he had heard her correctly. He had of course hoped Emma somewhat reciprocated his interest in pursuing whatever had been developing between them, but he knew her concern would always be her son first and foremost and her thoughts were preoccupied with rescuing him and leaving this damn island. He knew she would never have admitted that without the truth water, but he takes her words and replays them in his head anyway, smiling to himself as he hears her gradually fall asleep beside him.
-/-
Killian figures it's been just over an hour by the time the acid rain stops. Emma is still asleep, but he lets her have a few more minutes before waking her. He gently moves her hair out of her face, curling it behind her ear and brushing his fingers lightly across her cheek. He wishes that things could be different; that he and Emma could have bonded without Emma being forced to speak the truth and the threat of acid rain and the anxiety of finding her boy.
He gently touches her shoulder and murmurs her name softly to wake her, his lips twitching into a smile when she starts to grumble in response.
"The rain has stopped." Killian says quietly. Emma mumbles something and for a moment wriggles further against him before her conscience catches up to her actions and she sits up away from him with a sigh.
Now free of her head in his lap, Killian stands up to check the clothes, pleased that Emma's are mostly dry. He passes her clothes to her and in return takes his jacket, suspecting that she is avoiding his eye by the way she shuffles around him with her head down. Killian turns away to put on his own clothes, still a little damp but fortunately not burning his skin with any remaining acid.
"I hate this damn island." Emma grumbles, pulling her hair down and running her fingers through it.
"You'll get your boy back and be home soon." Killian says softly, feeling her warmth linger on his jacket as he puts it on.
"And what about you?" She asks, her tone almost accusatory.
"I don't follow, lass."
"Well Storybrooke isn't exactly your home." Emma's words linger, Killian not entirely sure what she is getting at. He suspects the effects of the truth water have faded as she probably would have made her point more directly by now had she still been under its influence.
"Neither is this place." Killian replies bitterly, thinking about how much time he had spent on this island.
"So where is?" Emma bites out the question like the words came before she could stop herself. Killian doesn't respond. Instead, he wordlessly tugs at his clothes and his hook like he's still righting himself.
"Hook, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"No worries, Swan." Killian cuts her off and gestures for her to follow him out of the cave. The rain has stopped, but water still hangs on the leaves of the trees around them. Killian warns Emma of potential acid drips from above, but otherwise they head towards the water source in silence. It's not far, but he is relieved to hear the sound of running water as they get close.
The water trickles down large rocks to form a small pool where they fill the canteens and Killian takes a drink to prove to Emma the water was fine (she hadn't asked, but he could tell by her frown that she was concerned). In this part of the jungle, with the pleasant sound of the water running over rocks and flowers blooming around them, Killian could almost consider it beautiful, a rare occurrence for him when he had seen so much of its ugliness. Emma too seems to be impressed by the sight of the flowers as she sits on the edge of a rock by the water and takes a slow drink from her canteen.
He knows they should be getting back to the others, but there is something so peaceful about this moment that he doesn't wish to end it. For just a fraction of time, he sees Neverland in a new light, so full of potential away from Pan's grasp.
"When I asked about Storybrooke and your home…I was just wondering because I thought maybe once we return that you would leave, you know go wherever you call home or just wherever you wanted to go I guess." Emma shrugs awkwardly, playing with the strap of her canteen. Something suddenly clicks in his mind and Killian feels a little swell of hope in his chest.
"I was planning to stay in your Storybrooke for however long you'll have me." He says softly, filling his canteen back up to the top.
"Yeah?"
"I did promise you some fun after all, lass." That earns him a little laugh to his surprise. He looks over at Emma and the moonlight streaming between the trees frames her golden hair in a way that makes her look ethereal. They hold each other's gaze for a moment, before Emma's small smile fades.
"You'll have to be patient with me. I can't promise anything." Killian believes that is most likely the closest he will get to Emma committing to anything, so he appreciates her small but meaningful words.
"Fortunately, patience is one of my greatest virtues." He grins, giving her a cheeky wink. Emma's smile returns and for just a moment he feels like he isn't on this hell of an island anymore, the feeling of making Emma Swan happy being more akin to heaven.
They eventually head back to the camp and Killian isn't quite sure what the morning will bring when they resume their fight against Pan, but for now, he finally feels like he's on the right side of things. Emma may well have changed his life for the better when she challenged him to be part of something, and he's holding on to the hope she's managed to ignite in him for the future.