AN/ Sorry this is my third time trying to upload, not sure what's up but hopefully it's fixed now! Also sorry for such a long time between updates I wanted this chapter to be perfect. Keep the reviews coming I love your enthusiasm! -smoot
We spent the rest of the afternoon laying out by the lake until it was deemed that we needed food once again and to get ready for our guests. Stefan made himself rather scarce for the rest of our day out in the sun while the rest of us enjoyed the day.
I was beginning to wonder what I ever saw in Stefan in the first place. I mean, from what I knew about him, he seemed so secretive. But about what? Why did he seem like the world was going to end if he told me who he genuinely was?
Maybe he was ashamed? But if he had opened up to me once before then he could do it again couldn't he? Why was this time so different from the first?
I tried to tie the connections together with the things I had already learned about Stefan and Damon.
They were brothers, and I was involved with both of them… somehow.
They both had some kind of secret past. One I obviously wasn't privy to. Not anymore obviously.
There was undeniable chemistry between me and both of them. I wasn't an idiot, or blind.
Both of them have more secrets than any person I've met before.
I had also never been so intrigued by a man before. Let alone two. But it seemed like two totally different reasons.
Stefan was… broody, and secretive, and reluctant. I had attempted many times to talk and get to know him, in so many settings. At home, at school, here. But it seemed like it didn't matter what way I tried, he just clammed up everytime and wasn't budging an inch. I knew he cared for me, that much was plainly obvious, but the question was did he care enough to tell me the truth. It didn't seem likely.
I thought about my journal again, and the fact that he was the one to find me on the floor in my bedroom that night. How had he gotten in the house? Did he have a key? Did Jer let him in?
I wanted to rip my hair out.
It was so unbelievably frustrating to not know the truth. But I was going to try for my friends sake. I knew that they had good intentions. At least I hoped they did.
Care had laid out a deep red summer dress for me. Something I'm sure she brought from her own closet, because I sure as hell didn't have anything like this. And a pair of strappy, simple, sandals. She didn't try to fuss with my hair or makeup, thank God. I didn't feel like being a Barbie.
Around eight forty-five people started showing up, and about an hour later I was definitely feeling the liquor provided and not able to recognize well over half the people that had showed up. Most said 'Hi', or would smile and wave towards me as they made their way to the drinks, but I did nothing more than wave back to most.
I did my best to avoid Stefan like the plague. I wasn't sure why, or if it was the alcohol, but I didn't want his usual brooding nature to dampen my mood any more than it already had been for the evening. As he entered one room I would discreetly move to another, trying to not make it obvious.
Most everyone that was coming had arrived, and I had yet to see Damon anywhere. Not that I was looking, just an observation. He even said "See you tomorrow", didn't he? I tried my best not to feel disappointed and utterly alone as all of my friends seemed to be having a great time.
Guys are jerks.
And I was drunk.
I did a final lap around the party to see people drinking, dancing, and socializing. Everyone was laughing and having a good time, or at least it seemed like it. I really couldn't pull myself into the partying mood, but I knew if I drank more I'd eventually get there. So that was my plan, but by myself.
I headed back up the stairs and to the end of the hall where my parents bedroom was. Opening their door sent an unknown rush of emotions through me. Absolutely nothing about the room had changed in the past two years. I was thankful.
Dad was so obsessed with his flannel shirts one year, he bought ten of them and proceeded to wear nothing but them until the summer had ended. They still overflowed from the drawers he kept them in. Mom's perfume still sat neatly on the dresser, along with various picture frames and trinkets littering the top. Things I was never allowed to touch when I was small because she was afraid I would break them.
I took a closer look at the dresser and recognized a thick layer of dust covering everything. Like it hadn't been touched in ages.
Did we never come here anymore?
All of the things in my old room looked like they had been changed and moved around at least a little. And the kitchen and living room looked lived in recently. But not this room? What was different? My only conclusion was that mom and dad just hadn't been here in a while. A very long while.
The thought made my stomach churn so instead of investigating further, I walked out onto their balcony. It overlooked part of the water and our dock, but wasn't seen very easily from both. I wouldn't be spotted up here.
I crawled up the railing and leapt from the side to the roof like dad had taught me so many years ago. There was an amazing spot just over the peak of the bay window, nearing the center of the roof. I could still see the balcony from their room, so I would know if any one decided to come searching for me, but I knew they wouldn't.
I situated myself comfortably in the spot my dad had picked out for us when I was ten and he had brought me up here. He said the view of the sky was amazing, and it definitely didn't disappoint. He taught me all of the constellations one summer a long time ago. I couldn't begin to try and name them now.
I had spent countless hours up here throughout the years. This was the place I came when I needed everything else to feel small. When it seemed like I was well over my head in any given situation, I came here. I thought this was only appropriate for my situation now.
I listened to the party goers below. The laughing and singing done by the many classmates I had acquired over the years. Part of me wished I could let go like I was so used to doing, but I didn't feel the need any more. To make a fool of myself and dance to attract guys. It was such a strange feeling. To feel like a kid, but at the same time feel like I had lived through a lot. But not knowing what I had so obviously lived through was what made things so challenging.
I wasn't sure how to describe it.
It was like I was a careless sixteen year old a week ago, and now I'm fifteen years older. But I don't remember aging.
It was so frustrating especially when no one is willing to give you any information.
"Elena?" I heard my name being called softly from back where I came. I looked over the peak of the window to find Damon clad in a black leather jacket and black t-shirt. I was so surprised and relieved he had come. I was even more surprised he had found my hiding spot. I quickly wondered if I had brought him up here before and what we could have been doing, but dismissed it as I flushed. From the alcohol or embarrassment, I wouldn't know.
As soon as my head poked over we locked eyes and he gave a quick smirk.
"What're you doing up there?" He sounded amused and maybe even a little impressed, his eyes shone brightly, even in the dark.
"Hiding." I whispered over, praying he hadn't brought anyone with him.
"Hiding from what?" He whispered back in a taunting tone, he leaned against the railing adjacent from me looking quite smug. A look I had unknowingly become very accustomed to.
"The party." I sighed. "I'm a drinker," I held up the now half empty bottle I swiped from the kitchen. "Not a partier. At least not tonight." I said thoughtfully, thinking back on all of the countless parties and shenanigans me and my friends used to get into.
"I'm not one to judge." He shrugged, pulling out a silver flask from his jacket and I laughed as he jumped the length between the balcony and roof with ease. I was impressed, dad spent nearly half an hour teaching me how so I didn't plummet to my death.
"I'm surprised you made it over the edge without falling." He chuckled as he made his way over to the uneven shingles to me. He sat to my right as I made myself comfortable back in my spot.
"With my track record, me too." I said gravely, remembering the accident and its aftermath.
He chuckled softly and tapped his flask against my bottle in cheers as we both took a sip.
We stayed in silence for a while. Enjoying each other's company whilst the party flitted about around us.
I was acutely aware of him next to me. His legs mirrored my own, spread out lazily and no less than an inch of space between us. Shoulder to shoulder we sat and I gazed up at the sky, trying to relax myself and failing miserably. I found myself wanting to reach for him somehow, but opting to stay in silence and as still as I could muster with the restlessness growing inside me.
I wrung my hands as they sat in my lap, bottle braced between my knees. I then concentrated on popping each one of my knuckles as I tried to look anywhere but at him. It was such a funny feeling wanting nothing more than to be as close as possible to someone but as soon as you're near them keeping distance between the both of you. He made my head fuzzy without trying.
"You're fidgety tonight." He observed turning his eyes to mine and gesturing at the knuckles I began to pop out of my agitation and habit. I flushed and looked away hoping he couldn't see the heat in my face.
"You came." I stated after a moment of pulling myself back together, trying to sound surprised and hoping to divert the conversation from myself. I made a point to turn back to him trying to seem more confident than I felt. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly at my obvious observation and met my gaze with his own. I was locked in unable to look away from the deep pools of blue.
Why does this man get under my skin so easily?
"You asked." He said, in a tone more serious than I had ever heard come from him, and shrugged.
I stared at him a long moment as he took another swig from his flask and leaned back propping his head up with one arm tucked behind it. He stared up at the sky, seemingly careless, but I could almost feel the tension his body held. Like he seemed like he was trying too hard to be relaxed.
Maybe the older brother was the one with all of the answers. Maybe I was asking the wrong one for an explanation. They both seemed like complete opposite ends of the spectrum.
Stefan was incredibly uptight, afraid of his shadow almost. Like one step out of line ever was going to send everything spiraling. And maybe it would? I didn't know. But it wasn't his job to protect me from everything. I hadn't known him for longer than two years, who was he to think that was his obligation? Even if we did date, Matt never acted like that towards me.
Damon seemed like he had more to say than any one of my other friends. Outside of school on that first day back, he had even offered to get me out of there. Like he knew something was up, before it had even happened. Like he knew me.
I suddenly was very curious. Maybe if I could skirt my way around what I wanted to know, I could get the answers I was looking for.
"So what's your story?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant and leaned back with him. I made myself comfortable against the shingles and took a swallow of the bottle.
He made a noise that sounded somewhere between a snort and a chuckle.
"It's a long one." He tried to brush off, shaking his head a little.
"I've got plenty." I held up my half empty bottle and laughed looking at him. His eyes caught mine for a second long enough to feel like the wind was getting knocked out of me.
Crushing blue. Eyes so clear and beautiful. How was it that this was the same man Care told me had done so many awful things. None she would elaborate on, of course. But with eyes like those? There was no way.
He sighed a second later and rolled those beautiful eyes back to the sky.
"Where do I even start?" He asked rhetorically, chuckling to himself.
"The beginning is always a solid choice." I giggled, hoping that my attempt at seeming more drunk might compel him to reveal more than any of my friends had.
His eyes cut to mine quickly. I almost felt him size up my laugh. I prayed he would read straight into the lie rather than over analyze it, but after a moment he relaxed again.
"A mother that loved me, a father that didn't, and a brother that couldn't live without me." He smirked, but it didn't reach his gaze. Like it was a sour subject to talk about.
"How about the part where you and I met?" I asked, hoping to sound more intrigued but not overly. I didn't want to scare him off. I didn't meet his gaze, even though I felt it on me, sizing me up once again. Trying to figure out where to take this conversation. I prayed he didn't take a page from his brother and completely shut me out.
"We met…" He searched for the words. "The night I had come back to Mystic Falls. I actually thought you were someone else."
"Come back?" I asked, unable to help myself from prying. "You had lived here before?"
"Unfortunately," He laughed. "A long time ago."
My brows furrowed at his confession. Finally some honesty, but it only raised more questions. Before I could ask, he raised a finger to me, signalling to not interrupt. I waited patiently as he continued.
"The night of the bonfire, I was there, just passing through on my way to the boarding house. We spoke, for a moment while you waited on your parents. I mistook you for… an ex of mine. But I realized very quickly that you weren't her." His eyes became softer for a split second, as if lost in a happy memory.
"Stefan didn't know at the time that I had come home. You see, he had beat me here by nearly half a day, but I-" He stopped short, seemingly in a silent battle within himself. "I met you first."
Some unknown hurt flashed across his face, and somehow in the distant corner of my mind it rang some sort of bell. Like I had seen that exact face somewhere before.
"I don't understand." I said after a moment. So many questions raced around inside my head that I couldn't gather all of them into a sentence. He waited patiently as I got my thoughts in order.
"Home?" Was all I heard myself ask him.
"Yes." Was his short answer.
"You… grew up here?" That wasn't possible. I would have seen them at school, around the town. I would've known who they were. The Salvatore's were a founding family, I had been at functions a million times with Zack. He never mentioned having nephews, let alone living with them.
"Yes." His voice was distant and very hesitant.
I sat back and let the new information wash over me as I tried to form new questions and wrap my head around things. I wanted to word my next questions carefully. And I prayed to God that my face didn't give anything away to what I wanted to ask. I hoped it read drunk and bored more than anything.
We both took a swallow from our drinks and I laughed at our synchronization. He only smirked as he sat his now empty flask on the roof and I handed him my bottle which he had no hesitation taking.
And just like that I didn't feel the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore. I wonder how he managed to do that.
"I never saw either of you." He only shrugged in response.
"We didn't stick around for very long. I was here a couple years, Stef even less."
Oh right, military family. Or at least so I was told.
There goes your imagination again.
"What brought you back?" I asked, looking back up to him.
He paused thoughtfully.
"I was looking for someone that I thought was everything I had ever wanted." He said finally. "I was sorely wrong." His eyes never left mine, and I couldn't bring myself to break the connection.
Was he talking about me? That didn't seem possible.
"Your ex?" I asked, not really needing an answer. He only nodded.
We sat back once again, listening to the party unravel. If I wasn't so intoxicated I would be worried more about the noise or the trash to be cleaned in the morning, but my drunk brain didn't allow it.
"My turn." He sat up and readjusted to sit opposite of me. Nowhere to look but him. "Why are you so okay with the explanations being handed to you?"
Wow, way to ask subtly.
"Maybe because it seems like it's easier for everyone that way. No one wants me to know the truth and I'm starting to think it's because whatever I might've done before the accident is just - too terrible to tell." I struggled to find the words, feeling the weight of them crash down on me as I spoke them outloud. I looked down at the bottle in my hand, the liquid swirling around inside and wished that I had never gotten into that accident more than ever. I cursed myself for being in the car with Matt that night. If I had just stayed wherever I was for a bit longer, Matt wouldn't have been hurt or wrecked his car, people wouldn't feel the need to walk on eggshells around me, and I might not be in this stupid situation.
Suddenly Damon had gotten very close to me, he had gently grabbed my chin and lifted my gaze to meet his.
"None of this is your fault." His eyes were the most sincere I had seen of him. They were so deep and expressive. So many emotions swam through them like a crystal clear pool. Some of them made my stomach flop in the best way possible. We both gazed at each other longer than necessary but I definitely wasn't complaining.
The air around us seemed to thicken as we sat there watching one another. I found myself wanting so badly to close the distance between us more than anything. My eyes flashed to his lips in what I hoped was a fast enough gesture that he didn't notice, but something told me he totally did and was contemplating the same thing. I didn't dare make the first move. I wasn't sure if it was fear of rejection or what, but every nerve in my body wanted him to move first.
He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair as he sat back again, taking the bottle with him. I was embarrassed by the great loss I felt with him pulling away and sat back, not meeting his gaze.
"No one is telling you anything because they're afraid the information will be too much for your brain and subconscious to handle." He dead panned. "If they tell you the cold, hard, truth about everything, you might never… be the same. Or come back from it. The… trauma, would be too much."
My mind raced. What could be that awful that everyone needs to keep it from me? How did Stefan and Damon fit into everything? I mean it wasn't as if I had killed anyone, right? I mean two years is a long time but to have committed murder, I mean, I guess it was totally possible. So much had changed in that amount of time.
"I- don't…" My heart raced, searching for the connections where the memories should be once again. It was like playing connect the dots without having a beginning, middle and end. I felt my world begin to tilt off balance slightly and I was once again consumed with panic. The alcohol didn't help much either.
So knowing could literally ruin everything. Just my luck. How are things supposed to get back to normal now? How was I supposed to know where I was. My thoughts and actions confused me so much. All I wanted to know was where I was meant to fit into my own life.
My vision blurred from the tears that sprung into my eyes. I tried to look anywhere but at Damon, embarrassed and suddenly wanting to be anywhere else but on top of the roof with him.
He was suddenly in front of me once again, much closer than before, holding the sides of my face to stare directly into his eyes. His hands on my skin made me forget for a fleeting moment about my panic, the electric shock shooting through me like nothing I had ever felt before.
"I need you to not break." He said deathly serious, his eyes bored into mine now. Either ignoring the current forming between the two of us or being used to the feeling I wasn't sure. "You are going to be fine. Things are not falling down, I will be with you every step of the way, but you have to be the strong person I know you to be. You will survive this, we always survive."
That little phrase rang another couple of bells in the back of my mind. Like it was something he had said before, multiple times. I gripped onto that feeling for as long as I could and tried to form the memories there. Nothing came, but the feeling was more than enough for that moment and I suddenly knew that I was this strong person he saw me as.
Something in the way his eyes held mine and scanned my face made my insides turn to mush and I suddenly didn't care about making the first move.
When my lips met his, after traveling the mere inches it took to meet them, I could tell he was startled to say the least. But the pull between us was too much to ignore.
His hand cupped the side of my face and the other one went around my waist to pull me closer to him. And I couldn't find myself to even judge it as a lame guy move. It was like two magnets finding their place right next to one another finally. And I found myself unable to keep from throwing my arms around his neck in an attempt to pull him ever closer to me. His lips molded so perfectly over mine that it took my breath away.
Sparks in my mind started fluttering. Like an old movie clip, or a flickering light of a memory. I gripped tight to it and suddenly it started forming, dimly lit but it was there.
The memory consisted of some type of dingy motel, nothing I had ever seen around Mystic Falls before, and Damon was there. Kissing me. A mind blowing kiss, a kiss that I had even noted I'd never experienced before kissing him. There was no comparison to his lips on mine. He didn't just make me feel protected, but whole and loved. Like there were my missing pieces, his arms around me holding them in place.
I finally had to come up for air, and he didn't protest when I pulled back slightly to catch it. His eyes roamed over my face once again, but this time searching for what I assumed was a sign of protest. He seemed unsure, like he was waiting for me to be angry, or upset that I was the one to make the first move. I almost wanted to laugh at the thought.
I grinned at him, hoping that my face showed what I wasn't able to put into words. His eyes lit up brighter than I had ever seen. Happy. He was happy, that I was happy.
I opened my mouth to tell him just that, but before I could speak, his hand cupped over my mouth and a look of pure terror ran across his face.
And then, the loudest ear splitting scream cut through the night like a sword.