In the night he dreams that he's back in the barracks. Emil can feel his brothers watching, shaking their heads at him in confusion and disbelief. It was crowded with times where he couldn't hear himself think but at least it was warm and he knew the pecking order of things. He wasn't high up there, being only a common house cat like his brothers so while he tried to ignore the constant taunting each word stung worse than the last. How the others could handle the constant swears and ridicule he's not sure but eventually it became just too much. Even now as he opens his eyes the words swirl around his head.

It takes only a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, remembering clearly where he is. They had left the Kitsune quickly after the Lions found them and thankfully the priests had made sure they were not followed. How they managed that Emil's not sure but the way the oldest glared at one of the Omegas told him he wouldn't want to know anyway. All he knows is that they're moving south and that if he's not careful he'll be left behind. He had always been told the rumors about the Colorless and their ways. If he didn't agree with everything they said no matter how evil it could mean the end of him and any chances of going home. If that is there's even a home for him to go back to.

It's obvious to him by everything they do that even they have a hierarchy, and as the clan sleeps he can see the order perfectly. By the small fire sits one of the Alphas, who is carefully stoking the fire. Behind him are the Omegas and children sleeping soundly by the warm glow. Past them is his brother and Alphas and on the others side, cloaked in darkness is him and the snow leopard, though he's sure in just a few more days the Alphas will ask her to join them by the fire.

Once again he's an outcast among outcasts and it gnaws at him. "Damn..." He mutters sitting up, bringing his knees to his chest to block some of the cold. As he hugs his knees to his chest the Neko can feel the Alpha watching him so he tugs his blanket tighter around him. It's the only hope he has to be ignored and normally he would expect nothing less yet after a few moments a voice calls out from the fire ring.

"Come 'ere Lad."

For a moment he doesn't move until the wind whips by him and he scrambles towards the fire. Emil shivers again until Allistor tosses a large log on the fire. "Thank you..."

With a nod the Fox lights his nightly cigarette. "It woke yah up huh?"

"The cold?"

"The nightmares." Allistor blows smoke up towards the sky, watching the night wind carry the grey smoke away. "Yah whimper in your sleep." When Emil doesn't say anything Allistor continues. "You've been doin' it since we left and I'm sure you've been doin' it a lot longer than that."

This time Emil nods still refusing to look at anything besides the fire. "I've always seen things."

"I ain't surprised." Emil's head shoots up so fast Allistor wonders how the young man doesn't hurt himself. "Lad out of everything that's happened in the last few years I see things don't even top the list."

"That I doubt." His eyes glide to the tall Omega with kittens sleeping soundly on his chest. It's the closet he's gotten to the head Omega since they met in the room a few weeks before. He's surprised by how young the Omega is and that a half breed could have so many loyal mates. "Both our families are mystics but what makes him..." Soon one kitten starts to mew, jolting Emil back from his thoughts.

Without opening his eyes the Omega nuzzles the kitten to his chest as Abel purrs beside him. Both Alphas watch as the baby nurses, once he's done only then does Alfred sit up still mostly asleep. Part of Emil wants to reach out and touch the kitten but with the fox looking on he doesn't dare move. Once the kitten spits up back down the Omega goes and soon Alfred's snoring again. "He's skilled I'll give 'im that."

"Oh is that his mystic power?" It's out of his mouth before he can stop himself but to his surprise the Fox chuckles.

"You really are Abel's kid brother ain't yah?" He ruffles the Neko's hair before standing with a stretch. "My time's up but you're welcome ta stay 'ere and talk with the next though I suggest gettin' some sleep before the sun comes up." He smashes the remains of his cigarette under his boot before spitting into the fire. "Course the next one up is the Jackal and I doubt you two would have anythin' ta talk about but that's just me."

Emil looks over at the large Alpha curled up around his smaller Omega with their two sons in between then back at the spot he once was. While he doesn't want to go back to the spot in the dark he doesn't want to meet each Alpha in the clan so he stands up. "I guess this is good night then." Once he's back, curled up into the tan blanket he feints sleep.

"Oi, quit droolin' over everythin' and get your sorry arse up." He hears the fox say before giving a loud sigh. "I swear if yah weren't Art's mate."

"Aww relax Ginger I'm up, I'm up."

"I swear ta Mother Moon if yah call me Ginger one more time-"

Emil's about to sit up and watch what he's sure is might be a fist fight when a new hushed voice speaks up. "Stop it both of you." He turns his head slightly seeing the Omega sigh as she runs a hand through her long hair, unamused. "Dumbass the quicker you get up, the quicker you can go back to drooling all over your mate." Her eyes catch Emil's but she easily turns away without a second thought. "And unless you two want to wake up your mates and answer to them I suggest you save the mindless bickering for the morning." She turns back around and sighs. "Idiots."

Soon it's quiet again and his mind is left to wander until in the early morning hours he's able to drift to sleep. Again he's back in the barracks, his brothers in front of him staring blankly ahead. As he steps forward though each one turns away. "Wait." He reaches out only to have his hand pass through Berwald's shoulder. "I-"

"Colorless."

"No, I just didn't want to be there. I didn't want to hear it anymore."

"Colorless."

Emil shakes his head. "No, I'm still a Blue Starlight. Please!"

"Colorless."

"Emil?" The young man's eyes pop open, bolting up before feeling a hand on his shoulder. "Easy it's okay."

Panting Emil looks over at his brother, noting the concern in the older cat's eyes before batting Abel's hand away. "I'm fine." He manages, quickly standing and collecting his things. As he tries to dart past the taller stands in his way. "What?"

Abel looks him up and down before speaking. "Once I'm sure my family is safe, I'll take you home."

"Home?" It's something the younger wasn't expecting even if it's the only thing he's dreamed of since he left the clan.

Nodding Abel starts to purr, out of habit. "Yeah I'll take you back to the Blue."

"They won't take me back." He feels his heart sink low into his chest. "I left with the others, I abandoned them."

Abel slides his hands in his pockets, looking out into the distance. "Let's see here I was twelve and you were four so, seventeen?"

"Seventeen what?" Emil crosses his arms until it clicks. "Oh yeah so?"

"So," Abel starts with a smile. "Unless they changed a lot since I left you were under age and just following the others." He shrugs. "It might not be for a few more months or year but it's not like they'd say hell no. And by the time you go back you can make your own decisions."

"I wouldn't be...Colorless..." It's a thought that takes a moment to sink in.

"Only if you want to be but." Abel stops hearing something he hasn't heard in over a dozen years and while it's faint it melts his heart to hear his little brother purr even if it's only for a moment.