Chapter 3. The Gang Terrorize a Trio of DILFs

Trent and Carmilla sat in the small hotel room that the blond had rented, neither of them saying anything as Trent sat with his head in his hands. Eventually, he broke the silence.

"I can't believe that I've done this."

The Assassin quirked an elegant eyebrow, her expression torn between bemusement and genuine humour. "And yet, here we are."

'Here' was the state of things outside, as the streets were covered in torn feathers and bird guts, all from the war that the Canadian had accidentally started with Semiramis' doves. It was still ongoing in some places, with squadrons of birds harrying each other and trying to go for the kill.

Trent looked up at Carmilla and asked, "What am I even going to tell the rest of the Black Faction? Seriously, I've probably caused so much havoc."

The vampiress shrugged at the question and returned one of her own. "Do you even plan on getting in contact with them? We're technically supposed to be the team dedicated to remaining under suspicion."

"…I've got it," was all Trent said in response, closing his eyes and quickly wresting control of one of his familiars. With that done, he pulled it away from the ongoing bird war and had it wing towards Yggdmillenia castle. The collection of old European buildings earned a curl of his proper lips as he watched his familiar approach them from the skies.

After flying in through a window and dodging a number of housekeeping homunculi, the familiar eventually found its way into a large hall, where Lancer of Black and his Master were quietly scheming. Trent tried to force his familiar to broadcast him clearing his throat in order to gain their attention, but only succeeded in making it caw loudly.

This action still got their attention, but it also nearly got his familiar impaled by a sudden stake, though he managed to get it to dodge out of the way in time. Frowning as best he could through the familiar, he remarked, "As should be expected from an unenlightened mudman, attacking on sight."

"You've some nerve saying that, with all that you've done in Trifas," Vlad the Impaler shot back, leaning back in his throne regally.

The pseudo-raven lifted a wing up and smartly retorted, "Honestly, you should be praising me, as I've not only disrupted our enemies' spy network, but have also created an effective smokescreen and a reason to keep the uninvolved off the streets."

The fact that he had done all these completely unintentionally didn't really seem relevant to the conversation, so Trent cheerfully ignored it. He might not have been happy to be flying by the seat of his pants, but it did help him think.

"I suppose your words do have some merit, though it was still tactless and overblown," the former ruler of Wallachia declared imperiously, even as Darnic stepped forward.

The elder magus cleared his throat and interjected, "The real question, Blackmore, is when exactly you're going to join us here in the castle. It's the ideal staging location for us when going up against the Red Faction. More than that, it would actually be better for us were you to do something useful rather than something overblown and idiotic, so why don't you start by joining us here."

"Actually, as the Master of Assassin, it's honestly more practical for me to be outside the Black's staging area, as enemies will expect us to come from there," Trent replied. "Also, like fuck I'm showing up in person before you, you actual Nazi." A vein in Darnic's forehead visibly pulsed at the reply, and his mouth had already opened to retort when the familiar obnoxiously continued, "Where's my Iron Cross for all my Race Warring? I did it better than you, you stinking mudman, SCRAWWWWW!"

It was at that point that a wooden stake flashed into existence in the familiar's head, causing it to fall to pieces and Trent to snap back to reality with a horrible headache. He looked up to Carmilla and flashed her a thumbs-up, meeting her unamused gaze. She crossed her arms below her chest and asked, "Did you have to shout that last part?"

"Absolutely necessary, had to sell the act," he replied, as he once more cradled his head, this time wishing for some aspirin.

The Assassin stared at him blandly, and asked, "That you're a crazed bird man?"

"Exactly," the Canadian answered.

Carmilla shook her head, disappointment clear on her face. "Why are you like this?"

-x-x-x-x-x-

"Wha…" Johan gaped at the streets of Trifas in unmitigated horror. When Kairi had suggested that the four of them go topside to acquire Mordred and Jekyll some casual clothing so they didn't stick out, Johan had definitely not anticipated surfacing to see the streets run red with the flesh and blood of dead birds.

Kairi, meanwhile, was more focused on the skies, his keen eyes noticing a few dark shapes still remaining in the air and battling with one another. He spat off to one side in disgust. "Blackmore." He said the name like a curse, the look on his face one of distaste.

"Oi, master." The Knight of Treachery's voice echoed out of empty air, nearly causing Johan's heart to pop out of his chest. "You know who's behind this mess?"

The necromancer let out an affirmative grunt. "The Blackmore family Magecraft, no doubt. Only those damn lunatics could control this many birds at once." He pulled a cigar out of his jacket and stuck it in his mouth, before lighting it with a rune. "Not like them to be this sloppy, though."

Johan turned to look at Kairi, his mind working. Blackmore, Blackmore...where had he heard that before?

Oh.

"When you say 'Blackmore', Mr. Shishigou, do you mean 'Gransurg Blackmore'? The Dead Apostle Ancestor?" Johan asked tensely. (Kairi had already determined that he wasn't going to convince Johan to drop the formalities.)

Kairi chuckled darkly. "They claim to be his descendants, but hell if I know if they're telling the truth. All I know is they're obsessed with bird-themed Magecraft, and their heir, Trent, is supposed to be a piece of work."

Johan blinked owlishly. 'Trent...Blackmore? No, it can't be. What kind of coincidence would that be?'

'Master?' Jekyll asked silently.

Johan shook his head minutely. 'No, it's just…someone I knew went by that exact name. It's probably just an odd coincidence.'

Jekyll gave the telepathic equivalent of a shrug. 'I would not know the likelihood of such a thing; the True Magics are far outside my area of expertise, and what happened to you certainly seems to qualify as the use of two. That said, if one soul has been displaced, who is to say another was not, as well?'

Johan looked down, eyes clouded with thought. 'Perhaps, Doctor. Perhaps.'

After a long moment, he turned back to Kairi. "Is this…Trent part of our faction? Or is he one of that Yggdmillenia snake's pawns?"

Kairi shook his head. "He's not one of ours, that's for sure. But the Blackmores are old. If he's working with Yggdmillenia, it's not to become a part of their little group. He's probably a merc, like us."

He dropped the butt of his cigar and ground it beneath his heel. "One thing's for sure, though. With how things have calmed down, he's probably near or in Trifas. He'll want to see the results of his work." The necromancer bent down and scooped up a particularly meaty giblet. "I think I'll pay him a visit."

A faint flicker of mana crossed Johan's senses. As he turned to look at Kairi, the other man asked, "You coming, kid? It'll probably be dangerous."

Johan paused. He had to admit, part of him wanted to see if this Trent was the one he knew. And that aside…

"I'm probably safer with you, Mr. Shishigou. Until I fix the problem with my circuits, I'd rather stick with you." He scratched the side of his head. "Sorry for putting you on the spot."

Kairi snorted, waving his hand dismissively. "If we're gonna team up for this clusterfuck of a war, I might as well get used to it. Just pay me back if I'm in a pinch, huh?" Johan nodded. "Right then. Follow me, kid." Kairi started waking down the street, not bothering to step over the mangled avian carcasses in his way.

...

The squishing, crunching noises that his boots were making made Johan shudder. If the guy they were going to meet was, by some contrivance of fate, the Trent he knew...well. He'd have some explaining to do.

-x-x-x-x-x-

The Master and Assassin pair sat in the quiet hotel restaurant, as most people were in their rooms, making concentrated efforts to not to look outside and upon the carnage. The food was honestly quite lovely, though Trent had some issues actually eating; still, he tried while Carmilla calmly consumed her lunch. The wait staff had decided to leave them alone for the most part, only coming by rarely to make sure everything was alright.

The Canuck eventually put down his utensils, staring at his plate in melancholy. After a few moments, he remarked, "I bet that so many wild animals and hobos are gonna be heavy with dove meat."

"Really? Right now, while we're eating?" Carmilla asked, though she didn't stop.

The blond shrugged and said, "I can't stop thinking about it. It's like someone out there decided to throw a number of bird flocks through a thresher. It's a PETA member's nightmare." He paused, then smiled. "Wait, that's a good thing. Fuck PETA."

"More and more, I'm coming to the conclusion that we're far too compatible," the vampiress sighed before sipping at her wine. "Then again, perhaps it would be better if we were more compatible; maybe then you'd not exasperate me so."

"It's a talent," Trent remarked as he continued to stare at his plate. "That and pissing off unenlightened mudmen are my two primary talents."

"Please, do find other ones to hone," she shot back with a scowl.

Trent made a whining noise and turned to look out the window, only to make a choking sound. Outside the window was one Kairi Shishigou, looming menacingly and staring them down from behind his sunglasses. Standing behind him, peeking over his shoulder was some gangly albino that Trent didn't recognize, which confused him.

They stayed staring at each other, neither moving until Trent made an exaggerated motion to indicate that he was inviting them to sit with them. This earned him a cocked eyebrow from the mercenary, but it was the least he could do.

They were out there in the dove guts, after all.

The aforementioned albino appeared to say something to Kairi, who turned to reply, gesturing back at Trent and Carmilla. The stranger glanced back their way, eyes lingering on Carmilla for a brief moment before returning to Kairi, running a hand through his hair and gesticulating.

After a few moments, they seemed to come to an agreement, and entered the restaurant. The waiter that came to meet them seemed rather nervous, likely because of how intimidating Kairi was. However, they were shown to Trent's table in short order, where they both took a seat opposite Trent and Carmilla.

Quiet settled over them as they stared at each other, only Trent was panicking internally as he tried to figure out just what to do. After a few moments of awkward silence, he cleared his throat and said, "Mister Shishigou and…his friend."

"Johan," the now-named man interjected.

Trent nodded, somewhat surprised by the name as he knew a Johan back before he was forced into his current situation, but tried to stay cool. "Well, Mister Shishigou and Johan, what brought you to me?"

Kairi snorted. "You know damn well why we're here, Blackmore." He lowered his voice. "What the fuck were you thinking?" the man hissed, a scowl on his face.

The blond raised a finger as he retorted, "First, I never expected things to escalate as they did, it was more to try and cripple the enemy's spy network. Secondly, the old Nazi's the one who told me to make myself useful."

Johan looked at him balefully. "Please, by all means, explain how this is 'useful'. Because what I'm seeing looks like something out of Birdemic."

"Really, Birdemic? At least show some respect to the classics and cite Hitchcock," Trent scoffed as he leaned back in his seat. "Also, it should be noted that I sent them after enemy familiars, and I consider stopping my enemy's creation of a police state useful."

"To your first point," Johan began, "I cite Birdemic because Hitchcock would've been appalled at your sloppiness. As to your second…" Johan paused, seemingly in thought. "I suppose that destroying her familiars is a worthy cause, but still."

It was at that moment a voice sounded from nowhere. "Oi, master. Why're we sitting around and talking? Working with them I get, they're more trustworthy than the witch. But these two are Black Faction!"

Kairi sighed. "They invited us, my king. It's the least we can do to hear 'em out before we start shooting."

"Also, consider the fact that I honestly don't really care about the whole team thing. Seriously, it's led by a Nazi, literally a huge monster, and also has that dumb bitch Celenike on it. Sure, some of the others are salvageable, but…" The blond explained, holding out a single hand to gesticulate with. "Furthermore, I'm not going to be told off by a preteen who's too cowardly to show their face."

A sound somewhere between a shocked splutter and an enraged roar sounded, and the Knight of Treachery materialized in all her armored glory, Clarent pointed at Trent. "Wanna try that one again, bird-shit for brains?"

Kairi palmed his face and Johan stood up, hands pressed against the table. "Can we please not. This was going so well...at least, as far as meetings between Magi go." He gave a tired sigh, and slumped back into his chair. "This fucking War is gonna be enough of a mess without people getting murdered at the negotiating tables." He glanced around, presumably checking to see if anyone had seen the spat at their table. Thankfully, it seemed to be a very slow day, probably due to the race war.

"Lord knows that I don't trust that fucking priest as far as I could throw Saber; wouldn't it be better if we worked together?" Johan added with a nod towards her.

Kairi snorted. "You must be naive or stupid, kid. Working together with other Magi is a pipe dream on a good day, and with this War in the mix…" He shook his head before glancing at Mordred. "My king, his insult isn't worth staining your honor, right?"

"Despite his relative pigheadedness and poor ability to gauge the consequences of his actions, I'd ask that you leave my Master unharmed," Carmilla interjected as she dabbed at her lips daintily. "More than that, I think it would be incredibly uncouth to kill him while sitting and having a civil conversation, to say nothing of whether it would be honourable or not. Then again, given Saber of Red's temper, I'd guess that their honour's about as good as their self-control."

If Mordred had been angry before, now she was on the edge of spontaneously changing to Berserker Class. Before she could speak, a blonde man dressed in the garb of a Victorian gentleman materialized beside her and put his hand on her shoulder. He whispered something inaudible in the Knight of Treachery's ear, and whatever it was, it seemed to be sufficient to calm her down and cause her to scoff and lean up against the wall. The man then turned to regard Trent and Carmilla.

"Pardon my rudeness, sir and madam," said the man, offering a courtly bow. "I am Berserker of Red, though I may not look it."

Trent stared at the Heroic Spirit that he recognized as Doctor Henry Jekyll, screaming internally as he remembered the sheer lunacy that was needed to put down the Berserker version of Mister Edward Hyde in Prototype. He was quiet for a few moments, and then clasped his hands together. "So, I must say that an alliance would be…quite welcome, in truth. While Assassin and I can take care of a few priority targets easily enough, working together with the four of you would be quite welcome."

Johan glanced at Kairi, who was frowning, but didn't object. "I don't see why not," the younger man said. "I'll take working with someone who doesn't approve of Nazis over that serpent in a cassock any day."

Mordred scoffed, but didn't comment.

"Now, I know that you might not trust me overly…but what if I told you that I had a plan to take out Assassin of Red?" Trent offered with a wicked grin.

Mordred now looked considerably more interested in the discussion at hand.

Carmilla looked to her Master and sighed. "Master, please don't just say things like that. The last time you were so self-assured it ended up with the tableau outside. If anything, it would be wiser to deliver her head to them and then tell them that you had a plan like that."

"I'd rather have someone know to avenge me if we fail and die to Kirei's adopted gyaru-oh brother," Trent sniffed as he turned his nose up.

Johan, who had been taking a sip of complimentary water, promptly inhaled it through his nose and began choking. Kairi, on the other hand, simply pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered, "I'm too old for this shit."