Just wanted to thank the guest reviewers for their comments since I can't respond directly. I love to hear what people think.
Chapter 31: Birthday Meltdown
"Emily, what happened?"
She openly cried now, trying and failing to hold in the sobs.
"I don't know if I can do this anymore," she cried.
"Do what?"
She let her body fall and lean against the wall as she met his eyes with a look of pure defeat. Her eyes were red, her face was streaked with tears. This wasn't an Emily that Hotch had ever seen.
"This. Any of this. Nate hates me. James hates me. He blames me for Vince's death. I can't do anything right. Why can't I do anything right?"
Her head fell into her hands as she just lost it. There was no holding it in anymore. She just couldn't do it.
Hotch, saddened by the sight, got on the ground beside her and wrapped his arms around her.
"It's ok," he said. "It's ok."
"It's not…" she choked out through the cries.
"Hey. Breathe. Let it out." He squeezed her tight in his arms, her head on his chest as he rocked with her. "Whatever happened, it will be ok."
"I can't do any of this. I can't." She shook her head into his chest. "How did I end up here?"
He didn't say anything, just let her say whatever was on her mind, and they stayed like that for a few minutes before her breathing became more hiccupped than full on sobs.
"What happened, Emily?"
"What didn't?" She sniffled, moving away from him and leaning back against the wall. "I made a mistake thinking I could do this… Any of this."
"What's this?"
"Take care of Nate… Take care of James… All of it," she claimed, her voice fueled with raw emotion. "Nate hates me." The tears were back.
"That's not true," Hotch assured you. "That kid loves you. He told Jack and me that."
"Not anymore."
"I'm sure he does."
"No… You weren't here. You didn't see what happened."
The morning started so well. Despite not sleeping well, Emily woke up happy. It was her birthday, and, while not always her favorite day, she was looking forward to having everyone together and just being around adults who would hold a conversation without yelling at her.
She could hear Nate in the kitchen clacking the pots and pans. He was never up before her, so she quickly got up to see what he was doing. Emily found Nate in the kitchen with the weekend nurse, Janelle, making breakfast.
The sight made Emily smile, especially since he had been so withdrawn the last few days, so she stood there and watched for a moment before making her presence known.
"Happy birthday," Nate yelled. "It was supposed to be a surprise."
"What was?" Emily asked.
"Breakfast. I was going to bring it to your room."
"I'd rather eat with you. That ok?"
"Yeah. We made plenty. Thanks for the help, Janelle."
"You're very welcome, kid," she said. "I'll leave you to it. Happy birthday."
"Thank you." Sitting, Emily asked, "What did you make?"
"Pancakes, but look," he said, placing a plate in front of her.
In chocolate sauce, Nate's messy scrawl, on the pancakes was written "Happy B-day."
"Wow. This is great, Nate. Thank you."
He smiled and waited for her to take the first bite to see if she liked them before eating, too. He really did do a good job cooking and Emily was happy to have him talking with her and willingly spending time with her.
But that was all before James woke up. The moment he came into the room with Janelle's help, the atmosphere changed. Before the seizures, he was able to walk with a walker and some assistance, but has since been relegated back to the wheelchair, mostly for safety, which made him miserable and the rest of them had to deal with it.
It was like the temperature of the room dropped. Nate immediately clammed up and the two stopped talking. Everyone was on eggshells waiting for the next outburst.
"Happy birthday," he managed to say, almost normally.
Then, James was calm, for the most part, while they ate. He got irritated when he had some trouble using the utensils, and when the realized, they seemed to hold their breaths, waiting. He didn't blow up, though, which put them in a false sense of security.
After breakfast, Nate told Emily that she couldn't clean up because it was her day. Emily tried to tell him she'd at least help, but he wasn't having it. It was cute, so she let him clean and went to change.
The next hour went by very uneventfully. Thankfully…
But then Emily made the mistake of talking with James and Nate at the same time. Nate, who had still been avoiding his father, had asked James if he was going to be nice at the party. James, volatile as he was, didn't like what his son was insinuating.
He growled, a feral sound to his son, and Emily, hearing it, tried to step in. That was when things started to go south.
"Nate, don't worry about him. Ok? We're all going to have fun and be friendly."
James yelled that he could speak for himself.
"Then do it, Dad," Nate hissed, clearly touching on a soft spot. He was so tired of his dad's crappy attitude, especially toward Emily.
But James ignored his son and looked to Emily, claiming that she turned his son against him. "He's your little pet." That was the kindest thing that came out of James' mouth.
Emily was slack jawed as he went on his tirade. If she wasn't seeing and hearing it for herself, she would have never believed that this man was her once best friend, nor would she have believed he was even capable of saying these things.
He basically said that Emily trained him well, that she wanted Nate all for herself, "And that was why you let Vince die. You did it. You let him die and me be like… Like this. An invalid." He didn't need perfect speech to get his point across. It was all out there.
He blamed Emily, like she knew he did, and he kept going from there.
"I'm surprised you didn't let the kid die too," he yelled, tossing a cup towards her and Nate, just narrowly missing, but enough to splash Nate with water. At least it was plastic. Emily learned her lesson with that one.
"Nate," Emily finally got her bearings. "Go upstairs."
"That's right. Send him away so he can't see what a monster his father is. No. Let him stay. Let him see what you made happen."
Nate didn't want to stay. He didn't want to see his father like that. He didn't want Emily blamed for anything. He just didn't want this anymore.
"I wish you never brought us here. I hate you. I hate all of you," Nate yelled before stomping away.
Emily's whole body felt like it had taken a blow as she glared at James.
"You did that," James said. "If you wanted him, you should have just let me die like you let Vince. You're a virus. You come in and infect everyone."
Again. She stood there and just took the abuse.
"He may not be my son biologically like he is yours, but you'll never be right for him. You'll never be his mother. But me? I'll always be his father…"
If Emily hadn't known better, she would have thought she was having this fight with Vince… It would have hurt less coming from him.
"I can't remember the last time I slept more than two hours a night. I can't even keep food down because I'm so stressed all the time. I'm nauseous and tired and I feel weak. I am weak…"
He knew she wasn't talking physically.
"I thought I could do it. I could give Nate a normal, happy life with James, too, but instead, I made him hate me. He's depressed. I know he is, and it's all my fault. I got his father killed and then I brought him to a house where his only surviving parent yells at us and berates me every chance he gets. Why? Why did I do this? Why can't I get it right? I try… I tried to give everyone what they wanted and all I'm doing is making things worse."
"Emily… That's not true."
"You didn't hear Nate, Hotch."
Her voice was broken and laced with such sadness. She was heartbroken by all of it, feeling like she wasn't enough.
"He said he hated me… Hated me for doing this to him. And I don't blame him. He's not happy here. I thought he was. I thought he just needed time, but it has only gotten worse. He loves his father. I know he does, but all being here has taught him is that James, the one he knew, isn't here anymore. I did that to him… I forced him to live like this… To watch me be yelled at and called names like… Like a wife being emotionally abused. What am I doing to him? God… Maybe this is why Vince didn't want me in Nate's life? All I know how to do is mess him up. How did I ever think I could be a mother to him?"
"Emily, stop." He put his hand on her back. "Look at me, please."
She couldn't. She just wanted to cry. She wanted to be left alone and cry.
"I'm his mother Hotch, and though he probably won't ever know, I still want him to care and love me. Even if he never does, I just want him to live a healthy, happy life. I've been toxic for him. I just wanted to give him everything I could."
"And you have, Emily. You have. He has been happy. He's a great kid. Yes, everything with Vince and James has been hard, but he has you. He knows he has you and you've been able to get him through."
"I don't think he would agree," she hiccupped. "Do you think things would have been better if they hadn't come to me in London? If they didn't ask for my help?"
"I think the same things would have happened, only James would be dead, too, and Nate would be raised in the mob with no one looking out for his best interests like you have."
"I've obviously not been doing a great job with that." Speaking a little calmer, the sniffling turned to muted, occasional tears, Emily finally looked at him. "I've put him in an environment where all he sees are unhappy adults and struggle. How is that in his best interest?"
"You're doing the best you can with what you were dealt. James' actions are not your fault. How he's acting is a result of his trauma and it's not fair that he put the blame on you."
"He asked me to take care of him, and I've tried, Hotch. Really. I have. I put everything into helping him get better. He has, but now, with the outbursts and the seizures… I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can keep putting Nate through this. I want him to know what happiness looks like, again. This isn't it."
"It's ok to admit that you can't do this. He shouldn't have asked you…" Guilted you, he corrected to himself. "Even the doctors said the rehab facility would be the better choice. He needed and now needs more constant care than you can give. There's nothing wrong with knowing that you can't give him that. Nate has done nothing wrong, and he needs you to be you. You're not you right now because you can't be. You're giving so much of yourself to taking care of everyone that you're burning out."
"I miss the old James," Emily admitted. "He was optimistic and fun. He made me laugh. We were… We were great together. This… this version of him is so far from what he used to be." She looked at Hotch with something akin to desperation. "I think I did this to him," she told him. "I made him this way."
"No. Stop…"
"You don't get it… It's like everyone I let in gets hurt. Everyone I try to help or protect, somehow, gets messed up. It can't be a coincidence, can it? Why?"
He didn't even know what to say.
"I just want to give up…" she sadly admitted. "I just… I can't do this. I don't know if I ever should have. I'm not good at this. I don't know how to be a mom and I don't know how to be a caretaker to a grown man with anger issues… How do I do this?"
"You don't have to. It's not on you, but don't doubt that you would and do make a wonderful mother. Nate's upset, but he loves you and he knows how good you have been for him."
"I don't think you get it. I'm a mess… I think I've always been a mess… You know… I've wanted kids… Now I know I'd have been terrible at it."
"Give yourself some credit."
"I haven't been good, Hotch. Don't lie to me."
"I'm not lying. Everything you've done, you did with Nate in mind, thinking about what was best for him."
"And this… This hell is what's best for him? Then shame on me. Shame on me for thinking I could ever be enough for him. I'm not enough. I can't do this."
"Emily. Right now, I think you're emotional and have been through a lot. Once you have a minute to really think about things, you'll see what an amazing woman and mother you are."
"I'm just so tired, Hotch. I'm so tired…"
"I –"
He wouldn't get a chance to finished. They heard the front door open and the frantic sounds of Penelope singing, "It's your birthday. It's your birthday… Happy, happy birthday to you."
"Emily?" JJ called out.
"Emily, my birthday girl. Where are you?" Penelope tried making her way deeper into the house until they found Emily on the ground and their boss right next to her.
"Is everything ok?" JJ asked, eyeing the scene.
Deep, shaky breath, Emily answered, "No… I'm sitting in a puddle… literally." She cry-laughed. "I need to change. Excuse me guys. I'll be right back."
Hotch offered her a hand and helped her up, no words exchanged. He gave the other women a look that told them not to ask her anything. He would explain.
"Ok," Penelope said as soon as they heard Emily's door close. "What the heck was that?"
"It's been a hard day for her… A hard few weeks."
"But… It's her birthday," Pen said like an innocent child.
"What happened?" JJ asked.
"I'll tell you all about it," he began.
The more he explained, the more concerned they grew. It wasn't like everyone wasn't already worried, but now Emily was visibly breaking down. Everything about her was screaming worn and beaten down. She was constantly on the go, doing this or that for everyone, and that left no time to look out for herself.
"We have to do something," JJ said.
"I think we need to confront her like we originally planned."
"But it's her birthday… We can't do it today," Penelope reasoned.
"Today is perfect," JJ said. "Everyone will be here. Us, her mom… Hell, even Clyde is coming."
"When they get here, talk to them. We have a few hours, I think, before James returns. Let's give Emily some time. I need to check on the boys."
"They're here?" JJ asked, wide eyed.
"Upstairs. Nate was around when James was yelling. I sent Jack to be with him when I saw Emily."
"Go. We'll finish cleaning and set up some things."
"Yeah. I'll go get the cake from the car. Everything will be taken care of."
"Great," Hotch said, a sad smile on his face. Emily had all these people, but she always felt she needed to do things alone. He was no different, but it was sad to see her like this. It was made worse by the fact that Nate was affected.
Nate's door was closed when he got there. Emily had told Hotch that she made it upstairs on occasion, more so now that she had more use of her knee, but really, for a while it was like Nate had his own floor to himself.
"Jack? Nate? I'm coming in."
"Ok," Nate mumbled.
"Hey. How are you doing?"
Nate shrugged, so Jack answered, "He's sad… and scared."
"Can I ask why, Nate? What happened?"
"Didn't Emily tell you?"
"Yes, but I want to hear what you think. Do you believe what your dad said?"
Angry, Nate hissed, "He's not my dad. Not anymore."
"Hey. Take a minute. Relax, and then talk to me."
"Nate told me that his dad was yelling at him and Emily. He yells a lot, mostly at Emily. He's not happy with his dad."
"I don't think it's right, but Emily never yells back. Why doesn't she yell back?" Nate asked.
"Well," Hotch answered. "It's because she's a strong woman and knows that yelling back will only make the situation worse. She knows that your father is having a rough time, and he doesn't mean it."
"But it's terrible. He never used to yell. I don't like it. I don't like that he makes Emily feel bad, either. I don't like what he says."
"Want to tell me about what you heard today?"
"He said that Emily wanted him to get hurt so she could have me to herself," he quietly replied. "And that it was her fault my dad died, and he got hurt."
"Do you think that's true?"
"No," he firmly said. "Emily helped. I know she did. She got hurt too because she was trying to help. My dads didn't want to tell me everything that was happening, but I listen. I know that something bad was happening. Emily didn't do anything wrong. They got hurt because of me."
"That's not true. They got hurt because a bad man was after all of you. They tried to protect you from that, and, in turn, they got hurt."
"Emily told me the truth. She wanted me to know that there was danger, but that she would keep me safe, and she did. But I wish she didn't get hurt. I wish she was happy."
"I can tell you one thing, Nate. Emily is so happy to be in your life and to have you around."
"I'm happy she's around too," Nate said. "But I don't like the way my dad is with her…" Or at all right now. "Is it bad that I miss living with you?"
"No… I don't think it is. We miss you, too, Nate. Do you not like living here?"
"It's… I like the house, but it's not the same. My dad is different and being here is different. Emily has to work so hard to take care of me and my dad all the time, but when we were with you, she was happy. I was happy, too. Now it's hard. And I was mean to her."
"She was very hurt by what you said."
"I didn't mean it."
"I know. She knows it too, but I think she would like to hear that from you."
"I'll tell her."
The three talked a while longer. It was good for Hotch to hear all Nate was feeling. What was going on with him wasn't far off from what was going on with Emily. He was worried about her in the same way she was worried about him, only he couldn't shield Emily from the hurt like she was trying to do with him. Hotch smiled. Emily and Nate had that same protective nature. It was instinctual to always put others first. Listening to him talk so concerned for her was like hearing Emily talk about anyone important in her life.
"Is Emily's party going to be ruined?"
"No. We'll make the day special for her."
"I don't want my dad to yell at her anymore. She deserves a good day even if it started bad."
"I promise to keep your dad from doing anything that would upset anyone."
"I don't think you should promise that," Nate said. "Maybe just promise to try."
"Ok. I promise to try," Hotch assured. "How are you feeling? Any better?"
"Talking with Jack and you helped. Is Emily ok?"
"She will be Nate. I know she'd appreciate hearing everything you just told me, but she needs a moment to herself. If you're feeling up to it, let's go downstairs and see if we can help set up."
The boys nodded.
"My dad should be here soon. They only do an hour on Sundays."
"Don't worry about it, Nate. We'll make sure nothing happens. Emily will have a nice birthday."
She would. The party itself would be nice. When Emily finally came out of her room, everything was cleaned up and balloons were on the wall. There was a birthday banner hanging, and everyone had arrived.
Upon noticing her, there was a loud, collective, "happy birthday," with a lot of hooting and hollering.
It made her, temporarily, forget everything that happened. Kind of…
"Doing ok?" JJ asked when she caught Emily alone at the food table, picking at some of the snacks.
"Me? I'm fine. Just thinking that James should have been back by now."
"Oh. Yeah. Sorry, they called while you were in your room. The driver said they were running a little late. There was an accident on the road that caused a delay."
JJ lied. Hotch called the nurse and driver and asked if they could take their time getting back. He wanted to give Emily and Nate a little time to enjoy the party.
"Alright."
JJ waited to see if Emily would acknowledge what happened. She didn't. "Want to talk about what I walked in on earlier?"
"Not really."
"Later then," JJ said. "Never did get a chance to wish you happy birthday. Happy birthday." She hugged Emily.
"Another year older. Woohoo," Emily joked. "Where are the boys?"
"They'll be here soon with Will. Will's friend is in town and Will wanted Henry and Michael to meet him."
"Cool."
Emily went to go get a drink. Hotch handed her a mimosa, extra champagne. "It's five somewhere."
"Thanks. Keep them coming."
"You ok?"
She rolled her eyes. "I would be if I didn't hear that question again."
"We need to talk later. I chatted with Nate. There are some things you both should discuss."
"We will," she said. "Later. Because right now, I have an influx of people here and I need to try to enjoy this."
"Maybe actually enjoy it."
"I'll do my best." The front door opened. For a moment, Emily froze, thinking it was James. "I better greet everyone."
It was Will. Then came Clyde. Then her mother. Finally, James returned. He didn't apologize or say much at all. He quietly greeted Emily's friends, waving before asking to be brought into his room.
"Stay," Emily said. "Please, stay." She wanted them to have a good day without him hiding away. They needed to move on and show Nate that they were ok.
So, he stayed, but it was awkward for a while. Emily had yet to talk to Nate. She needed to. Nate was avoiding even looking at his father despite James' attempts to engage him. Eventually, James tried to slip away while cake was being served. Hotch followed him.
"Remember me?" Hotch asked.
He nodded.
"Good. We need to discuss how you've been treating Emily and your son."
"Not your business," James insisted.
"It is when I walk in on both of them crying." Hotch took a seat so he was level with James. "I know you are a good guy. The way Emily and Nate talked about you… They love you. But your loss and the attack, it changed you. You've been hurt, physically and emotionally. Now you have mood swings and personality changes because of your injury. But that doesn't excuse how you've been acting. Emily is worried sick about you and trying her best to keep things together for your family."
"I know."
"But you still treat her like that. She loves Nate. She loves him not just because she is his mother," James' micro-expressions and the way he squeezed his fist let Hotch know that he was unaware Emily told them that fact, "but because he is the boy you raised. Now, I know that you can't always help the way you act. It's not all your fault, but you guilted Emily into taking care of you here to spend time with Nate. How's that going for you?"
"Tough," he honestly responded. "Harder than I thought. Nothing is the same."
"I guess losing your husband hasn't helped either, which is why I'm not being harder on you."
"What's your point, here?"
"I know the doctors recommended a treatment facility. Emily declined because you wanted the chance to get better here, but all you're doing is getting worse."
James tried to interrupt.
"And it's not your fault. Like I said, I know that, but it doesn't change what's happening. You're not getting better here. Now you have seizures and outbursts. Emily is being pulled in every direction. Nate is acting out at school…"
James looked away, asking, "What do I do?"
"You need to answer a few questions for me."
He nodded again.
"Be honest. Are you happy?"
"No…"
"But you want to be?"
"Yes."
"And you want to do what's best for your son and Emily?"
"Of course."
"Well, to me that means doing the right thing, even if it's hard for you. I know you're a good guy. Even with the trauma, I choose to believe you can rise above your challenges and be the man they think you are, that you used to be, and who would never treat his family like you have."
James looked ashamed of himself.
"I don't want Nate to resent you and I don't want Emily to push herself to the point where she gets sick."
"Me either…"
"So, you have to stop blaming Emily. It's not her fault. None of this is. She put her life on hold, dropped everything, to fix a mess your husband created by lying. Yelling at her, blaming her in front of your son. That's not ok. Not at all. Now, you need to make a choice. Keep going the way you are, or do what you should have done before."
"What?"
"I know you'll figure it out," Hotch said. He couldn't tell him what to do beyond that, but he had to say what was on his chest. "Whatever happens next, I won't tolerate another episode the leads either Emily or Nate in tears. They don't deserve that."
Hotch walked away, allowing his words to sink in for James. James knew what Hotch was saying, but he wasn't ready to admit he was right. None of them were happy. He knew that, logically, but the pieces just weren't connecting in his head. What he did all the time, the outbursts and anger, that wasn't something he always realized he was doing. He just… He didn't know what to do. For now, all he could manage was staying away and giving Emily back her birthday.
Emily was starting to have fun. Everything was still weighing on her, but she was trying to be in the moment. Things really brightened up when Nate approached her.
"I'm really sorry, Emily."
"What for?"
"For what I said. I don't really hate you… I just – I was sad. I don't like when my dad yells at you and makes you feel bad. That makes me feel bad, too. You're so nice to him and he's always so mean. But I don't hate you. I want you to know that."
"I do know that but thank you for reassuring me."
"Remember when you said I can talk to you about stuff?"
"Yes. Of course. You can talk to me about anything."
"Well, I'm… I'm sad."
"Why?"
"I love my dad, and I love you, and I loved my other dad, too, but I don't like living here."
"You don't?"
"It was ok at first. I was scared around dad because I knew he was different than before. The brain thing, like you said, but then I was just happy to have him alive. I still am."
"Then what makes you sad? What changed?"
"He did," Nate said. "He yells all the time and treats you bad, but all you do is take care of us. My dad never yelled before and he always told me he loved me. Now he doesn't do that. We don't even talk or play. And now he has seizures and I'm scared that I might lose him. But… mostly, I'm scared I'll lose you, too, even if he gets better."
"I told you I'm not going anywhere."
"I know. But what if he hurts you? I saw him push you. That's not right. A boy's not supposed to hurt a girl."
"I'm sorry you saw that Nate."
"No…" Nate shook his head. "Dad should be sorry, but he never is. I just want him to get better, but he doesn't even try. We just pretend it didn't happen. That's not good."
"It's not. You're right."
"I miss being with Hotch and Jack. We had fun there and you weren't so stressed all the time."
"How do you know I'm stressed?"
"I'm nine, Emily, not stupid."
She laughed, brushing a stray lock off his face. "You are definitely not stupid."
"I want my dad to get better. He could, right?"
"Yes. If he tries really hard, he could."
"I want that. I want my dad back. The nice one."
"I know he'll do what he can to be there for you."
"Maybe…" He smiled as he remembered something. "I got you a present."
"You did?"
"Yeah. Hotch and Jack helped me pick it out." He reached for her hand and pulled her to the dining room where his present was waiting for her. "Here. Open it."
She carefully pulled at the wrapping paper, slipping a box out, and opened it. "Wow."
"Do you like it?"
"It's great, Nate. Thank you so much."
Inside was a simple gold necklace, but it was the charm that meant something.
"I picked the stars because you told me all about them. Remember?"
"I do, and I love it. I will put it on right now."
She couldn't have imagined a more perfect gift. It wasn't that it was jewelry or even that it was from Nate, but that it was something he put thought into. He picked it because the stars meant something to them. It could have been a piece of paper with a picture drawn on and it would have meant just as much because he did it, but she loved that she could wear it and feel close to Nate at all times.
She carefully slipped the necklace around her neck. "What do you think?"
"You look beautiful."
"Thank you, Nate. You didn't have to get me anything."
"You deserve something special. I wanted you to know that I love you."
"I love you too, Nate. So much."
They hugged and then someone called Emily's name.
"We should get back before they really miss us."
"Ok."
He still held her hand as they went. Both were unaware, but James overheard the whole conversation. He stayed away for the rest of the party, feeling sorry for himself.
Emily, however, was about to walk into a completely different party. She excused herself to go grab a drink, and when she returned, Will was gone with the kids, and everyone else was sitting around the living room with a lone chair across from them.
"This doesn't look like a party," Emily said as she walked in.
"We want to talk with you," Derek started for the group.
"Oh boy…" she said. "What's this about?"
"Have a seat," Clyde suggested.
"Mother, are you in on whatever this is, too?"
"I am…"
"Alright," she rolled her eyes and took the seat she assumed was hers, "Let's do this."
"You can't keep doing this, Emily."
"Doing what, Dave?"
"You have to learn when to ask for help and know when you can't do something alone."
"What kind of intervention is this?" she stubbornly asked.
It went on like this for a while. Each of them told her something along the lines of she needed to take better care of herself and stop letting James treat her so badly.
"I can't abandon him."
"No one's asking you too," Clyde said.
"Penelope and I," Elizabeth said, "held a place at the care facility the doctor recommended."
"Why would you do that?"
"Because we can't walk in on you upset or crying anymore," Spencer said.
"You gave up your life to help them," Hotch said.
"And I'd do it all again for Nate and James."
"I know. That's what makes you an amazing friend and amazing m –" He cut himself off. "Person, but you're not helping him by keeping him here."
"It was his idea, Em. You just went along with it. It's ok to admit you can't do it and help him get to where he needs to be."
"Guys… All of this is unnecessary," Emily told them. "I gave up a lot, and it's hard, but this is something only the three of us have a say in."
"We know, but we had to let you know we were worried about you and Nate and everything that has been happening."
"I don't want to ever have to see you like I did today, Emily," Hotch said. "So please consider it. It's not giving up by admitting it's too much."
"I'll think about it," she promised.
In the end, while the intervention could be considered a success, that wasn't what made Emily decide to do it. In the end, it wasn't up to her. James came to her while everyone was mingling. He looked contrite and sad, but he made himself do it.
"I'm sorry," he told her. "For everything."
"Thanks."
"You can't do it, can you?"
"Do what?"
"Tell me that I shouldn't have asked you to move in here and take care of us."
"I'm not going to say that."
"You should," he sadly said. "I need help, Emily. You're too good of a person to do it, but you need to. I can't keep doing this to you and Nate." Now it was his turn to cry. "You need to let me go."
"I'm not giving up, James. We can get through this."
"We can, but not with me here." He sniffled. "You need to do what you should have done. I need to go to the facility. Nate was right. I'm getting worse here. I'm dragging everyone down with me… The two most important people are suffering because of me."
"James…"
"Do it, Emily. Get me in there, and live a life that makes you and Nate happy while I fix myself."
"What are you saying, James?"
"I'm making the call for you. I need to go away. I need to give you your life back, and you need to learn to say no to people you want to help but can't."
"James… I'm not making you do this."
"You're not. I know what you gave up and… I'm sorry I didn't recognize that. Not just now, but back then too."
"James."
"No… Don't be sad. This is my gift to you. It's hard for us both, but it's what needs to be done."
He started twitching. The stress was getting to him.
"As soon as we can, I want to go," he said.
"Ok," she agreed. "Ok."
Emily stayed there, motionlessly as she absorbed what just happened. It all went so fast, from theory, to maybe, to happening. Elizabeth and Penelope had a spot reserved for James whenever he was ready, so he could go as soon as the next day, but they needed to talk to Nate first and explain.
So, he asked Emily to do that, saying he hurt Nate enough already.
"I'll pack," he said.
"Great, leave me with the hard job," she grumbled to herself before going to find Nate.
She pulled him aside and sat him down.
"Your dad has decided to go away for a little while so that he can get better." She cut right to the chase.
"What?"
"When your dad got out of the hospital, the doctors wanted him to go to a care facility that would give him his therapies and specialized care all the time. Your dad wanted to come here so he can be with you, but now, he thinks he should go there so he can get better."
"For how long?" Nate asked.
"I don't know. It depends on his recovery," she said. "His talking has gotten so much better, but sometimes it still doesn't make sense, and he still has trouble with some of his movements. The doctors there are going to help with that and try to help with his moods."
"So he won't be so mean?"
"I know he's going to try not to be."
"Will we still see him?"
"Yes," Emily promised. "The place is only about an hour away, so we can go visit during the weekend."
"It will help him?"
"I believe it will, Nate. But I also think it will help us. It's been hard, huh?"
"A little," he shyly stated.
"Yeah. For both of us, and for your dad too. He's sorry, you know. He understands that things haven't been easy, so now, he wants to give us space and just focus on getting better… On all of us getting better."
"I think… I think it will be good," Nate told her. "But I'll miss him."
"Me too, Nate. This will be good for him and us."
"Are we going to stay here after?"
"Umm… That's something we can talk about. One step at a time, though. I'm going to take your dad tomorrow."
"Am I coming?"
"You have school, Nate."
"Ok. But I get to say goodbye, right?"
"Yes. Of course. You'll see him before school, and I'll be back by the time you're done."
"Alright," he nodded. "He is going to get better?"
"Yeah… He is." And so were they. She could already feel some of the weight lifted and relief setting in. "Go spend some time with him. Don't be angry about what happened. Don't worry about what comes next. Just spend some time with him and help him pack some of his things."
Nate agreed and went in search of his father while Emily found herself plopped down on the couch with some of her friends.
"Some party, Darling," Clyde said.
"It sure wasn't like any I've been to before," Emily agreed.
"You needed help and you never called."
"Clyde, don't take it personally. You have done a lot for me, but now you're thousands of miles away. I can't just pull you away from your life whenever I have a hangnail."
"A hangnail, no, but when you're falling apart, the least I expect is a phone call or a returned message."
"Next time."
"Let there be no next time," Clyde said, holding up his beer.
Everyone seemed to join in. "Here, here."
For a short time before the party broke up, it was nice for Emily to just talk with them about things other than medical issues and bad guys… Though there was one particular bad guy Hotch had some news about… It can hold, he thought. Emily was finally relaxing, so everything else could wait.
But, as promised, the party wouldn't last all day and it wasn't up to Emily to clean. So, the rest of them went around, picking up and putting food away while Emily, who tried to help, was relegated to the couch.
"Stay put," they told her.
Sometimes that was easier said than done, but she managed it. She was content in the moment, if not a little worried about James and how he would handle being at the rehab center tomorrow. Nate and Elizabeth were helping him pack.
Nate, though, disappeared with Henry and Jack for a little while too. The house was, maybe for the first time, a good quiet. No fighting, no yelling, no throwing… Just quiet. She felt like she could breathe.
Later, however, things would liven up again. Emily was minding her own business, trying to help a little while no one was watching, when her mother came into the room.
Elizabeth sat down next to Emily and the two talked a bit.
"Emily, may I ask you something?" Elizabeth asked once there was a natural lull in their talk.
"Go ahead."
"I know that a lot of what James says these days, especially after a seizure, doesn't make sense, but he mumbled something as I was helping him gather some of his things that made me curious."
"What did he say?"
"He said that, well what I believe he said was that you're Nate's mother… Now, I may be digging too deeply, but he didn't just mean that you are just acting as Nate's mother right now, did he?"
Emily was unprepared for that question.