Chapter 35: Mama's Little Worrier

Surprised to see who was on the other side of the door, Emily leaned against the wall beside it and asked, "Hotch? What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to check on you," he said.

"Check on me? Why?"

"Nate was right. You look like crap."

"Gee, thanks." She gave him a look before realizing what he said. "Wait. Nate? When did you talk to Nate?"

"He called me a few hours ago."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"Why?" she asked as she waved him in. There was no need to talk in the doorway.

"He was worried about you. I guess I can see why," he said.

"What does that mean?"

"You don't look so hot, Emily. You feeling ok?"

"I have a little cold. That's all. Let's go back to the Nate thing. When exactly did he call you and what did he say?"

"Hi Hotch," Nate responded when Hotch answered.

"Nate? Is that you?"

"Yeah. Can you come over?"

"What's going on Nate? Is everything ok?"

"Emily's sick and she won't let me take care of her."

"Does she know you're calling me?"

"No. But she's coughing and tired and she won't let me help. I can cook dinner for us," he insisted.

"I'm sure you can. Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

Nate told him he was worried that Emily was sick and not letting him look after her. He was a big kid and could help more, he insisted.

"And now I think I'm in trouble. She wants to talk to me."

"That doesn't mean you're in trouble."

"Maybe. But still. She's not feeling good, and she won't let me help. I'm worried."

Hotch had an inkling about what Emily planned to talk to Nate about. He knew that she was starting to get a cold when he saw her the day before, but he had to wonder if it was as bad as Nate thought or if he was overreacting. Emily was right, he was clingy. He saw it himself.

"I'm still at work, Nate, but if you think I should still come after you two talk, call me again. Ok?"

"Ok. That's it?"

"I can call her to check on her if you want."

"No!" Then she'd know he called, and Nate didn't want that.

"Ok. I'll try to stop by tonight. In the meantime, just listen to what Emily has to say. I don't think you're in trouble."

Nate agreed and the call ended.

"Can we sit down," Hotch said, escorting her to the couch. Once seated, he asked, "Where's Nate?"

"We just finished talking. He's taking a moment to himself in his room."

"How did it go?"

"I don't know. It could have gone better. It could have gone worse. James told him. He told him without even running it by me. He and Vince were so adamant that Nate never find out, and then he goes and tells him. I don't understand. And now Nate's so confused." She took a tissue from the nearest table and coughed into it, then blew her nose.

"You started looking green yesterday. I see it has gotten worse. Are you really feeling ok?"

"I'm fine," she insisted. "I just need some rest."

"Ok." He'd let it go for a moment, escorting them to sit on the couch. "Then let's hear it. How did it really go?"

"James told him… James told him and didn't even bother to warn me. He just dropped this colossal piece of news on a nine-year-old's lap and said deal with it."

"You're angry with him, I get that, but you didn't say any of that in front of Nate, did you?"

"No!" she defended. "Of course not. I even covered for them. I made myself look like the bad guy for not being around, like I actually had a choice in the matter."

"He asked about that?"

"Yes," Emily said. "He wanted to know why I wasn't always around, and I gave him the best neutral explanation I could. I don't want him to be upset with James or Vince, but I don't want him upset with me either. There was so much out of my control about the situation. I had no power and there was nothing, barring kidnapping or stalking, that I could do to stay a permanent part of his life over the years."

"I know that. You don't have to defend yourself, Emily."

"To him, I do. Right now, I'm what he has. If he hates me, then it's just an uphill battle for us, and that's not fair to him."

"I don't think he hates you. The way Jack told it, Nate loves you and likes the idea of having you for a mom. He basically said you were the person he had, the one that was always helping him. Over the last few months, you've become his constant. He knows that. More importantly, he feels that."

Emily's eyes narrowed as she sat up straight, a thought crossing her mind.

"Do you think that's why he has been all over me lately? Watching me to make sure I don't fall down the stairs? Always trying to take care of me? Because he's afraid?"

Hotch shrugged and told her yes. "That's a real possibility. He's attached to you now. Even if he never found out you're his mother, he still knows you're the person who is there to take care of him when everything and everyone else is so unpredictable. One of his fathers died. The other nearly did and still isn't recovered. To top it off, he went through a traumatic experience where he watched you get hurt."

"He has been through so much," Emily said. "I need to talk to him about that too, don't I?"

"Eventually," Hotch said. "But I think it can wait. Show him that you're going to stay here with him and be safe. Let your actions speak first."

"I… I can do that."

"One way you can do that is by letting him take care of you. He wants to be useful and he wants you to know that, even if he has some… confusing feelings about the situation, he cares."

"He's nine. He shouldn't be taking care of me."

"No, maybe not, but it's what he wants and needs. I'm going to make you an offer."

"What kind of offer?" she asked skeptically.

"You're not feeling well, and you need some rest. Why don't you and Nate come stay with Jack and me? I've offered before, but now I'm pushing for it. I can help you figure things out with Nate, and he can have Jack to talk to. You can have me. It will be easier on you because you won't have to take Nate to and from school. Jack is old enough that he and Nate can walk to the bus stop without you. Nate's old enough too, and he's not new to the situations anymore," he added when he saw Emily about to interject. "You can take it easy during the day, and if you're feeling up to it, the physical therapist is closer to my apartment than this house."

"I don't know, Hotch. I know it's what Nate wants, but he also doesn't understand that it's not ok to just invite ourselves to live there, which, I might add, he has been doing."

"I know it's what he wants, and I think it's what Jack wants too. He likes having Nate around to take under his wing. Think of it this way, you'd be doing us boys a favor. The apartment has never been as clean or the food as good since you left."

"I'd be your housekeeper."

"You can call yourself that if it makes you feel better, but no. You don't need to cook or clean a single thing if you don't want to."

"It's a nice offer," she started.

"No buts," Hotch finished. "It's a good offer. We'd be helping each other out. And I can help Nate, 'take care' of you."

She gave him a pointed look.

"Within reason," he added.

"Fine. But it's still temporary. I still have a lot to figure out. Only until I'm feeling better."

"Whatever you want."

She rolled her eyes. "Want to go tell Nate? I think he could use a break from me."

"Absolutely. I'll tell him to pack a bag and then I'll come help you."

Again, she tried to protest, but he stopped her and left her to ruminate while he went to see Nate.

"Hi Nate," Hotch greeted the boy who was sitting on his bed looking at a photo.

"You came!"

"I did. I wanted to see how you and Emily were doing. I heard you had a big talk."

"You already knew," he said, not a question.

"I did. I only recently found out myself," he answered. There was no reason to lie. "What do you have there?"

Nate passed him the picture. "I found it in one of Dad's boxes. This is from when I was a baby."

Hotch looked at the photo. In it was Emily, Vince, and Nate. Given the tenuous relationship between Emily and Vince, it was probably the only one with that combination, Hotch thought. But just looking at it explained a lot. Emily was cuddling with Nate. Both had Santa hats on and Nate was resting on her chest, Patch in his lap and the head of a gingerbread man resting in his mouth like a lollipop.

Emily was smiling with such joy as she held Nate. Her eyes were so glued on him, she probably didn't notice James taking the picture. Just behind Emily stood Vince. He, too, was looking toward Nate. To any normal observer, especially to a child like Nate, Vince would just look in awe of his son, but his gaze was more focused on Emily, hints of jealousy brewing in his eyes.

"It's a nice picture."

"I never saw it before I found it in the box, but I like it."

"I like it, too."

"Do you think I look like her?" Nate asked.

"Like Emily?"

Nate nodded.

"I think that you have some physical similarities."

"Like what?"

"Your eyes are just like hers, lighter, but more the look you get when you're thinking a lot." Hotch reached out and put his hand on the boy's cheek, moving his head so that he was looking at him. "You're doing it right now." He removed his hand. "You have her smile too, something I wish you both had on your face right now."

"She's sick."

"I know. We talked, Nate, and she agreed that if you want to, both of you can come back and stay with Jack and me."

His eyes lit up. "I want to."

"Good. Then we need to get you ready, and once that's done, we can talk some more if you want."

"Do we have to?"

"No, not tonight."

"Cool."

Part of Nate that wanted to talk about it more, but a bigger part that wanted to think first. He may have known, in theory, for over a week, but it was only just confirmed. Before, whatever their relationship was, was whatever he imagined it to be or imagined it could be. Now things were real.

"Make sure you grab everything you need for school," Hotch reminded Nate as they packed.

"I will. I have the rest of my stuff downstairs."

"Ok, we can get it once we're done here."

"And then we can eat? I'm hungry."

"Let's finish packing and go get Jack from his friend's place. We can all eat together."

"Ok."

They stuffed a duffle bag full of clothes and Nate tucked Patch into the top flap. Hotch told him to grab any of his toys he might want to take with him and make sure none of his school stuff was left behind.

"I'm going to go help Emily."

"I can do it," Nate offered.

"No," he firmly stated, "you have your own packing to do."

Hotch grabbed the full bag and went downstairs. Leaving the bag by the door, he went to find Emily. He could only laugh when he did. She was on her bed, legs hanging off, arms spread out, laying in a pile of underwear and socks, fast asleep.

"This would make an excellent blackmail picture," Hotch joked to himself. "Emily in a sea of panties."

Deciding to let her rest, he, tentatively finished packing where she left off. Having been married, it wasn't like he wasn't used to being around women's underwear, but this was Emily, so it was a little uncomfortable. Still, he did it, neatly packing the garments and whatever else she had laid out beside her.

He knew he needed to wake her up but wanted to get as much done as he could before that. The least he could do was get everything that was ready into the car before he woke her. That was exactly what he did with Nate's help. When Nate asked where Emily was, Hotch told him she was resting, so they were going to do everything they could before waking her up.

"I know where she keeps everything," Nate told him. "I can help a lot."

"Great."

The two quietly went through Emily's room, gathering everything she might need other than clothes.

"Wait." Nate stopped them, got on his knees, and moved under her bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting something."

He pulled out her safe box.

"I think it's important. I never asked what's inside, but I've seen her look in it a bunch of times. Sometimes she even wears a key on her neck that I think goes to it," Nate explained, moving to the desk and opening the drawer where he pulled out the key. "See."

Hotch nodded and thought that Nate was more observant than they gave him credit for.

"Let me take that. I'll ask Emily if she would like to take this with her. Go get shoes and a coat. We'll leave as soon as Emily's ready."

"Ok."

Nate looked back at Emily when he reached the door before leaving. Hotch saw a look in Nate's eyes that he shouldn't see in a kid. It was like there was some desperation there, but for what, he wondered. Not wanting to overthink it yet, Hotch just moved to wake Emily.

He gently shook her arm, receiving a mumbling groan. "Five more minutes, mommy."

"Well, I'm certainly not a woman," Hotch teased. "Come on, Emily. Time to get up."

"Hmmm, Hotch?"

"Yeah. Come on, sleepy. Quicker you get up, quicker we get there."

"Don't want to move."

"Are you sure about that? You can't possibly be comfortable."

"Don't care."

"You will. Come on. Up, up, up," he coached.

"Ugh," she moaned as Hotch helped her up.

She sat on the edge of the bed waking herself up, eyes still closed. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Less than an hour."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"You needed the rest and Nate and I took care of everything."

"I have to put some clothes together."

"Done," Hotch said. "And Nate thought you might want to take this." He pushed the safe toward her, getting her to finally open her eyes.

"Nate said that?" How did he even know about it?

"Yes."

Emily ran her fingers gracefully across the top. "Does he know what's in it?"

"No. He just said he saw you looking in it a few times, even at the cabin. Showed me where the key was, too." He watched her reaction and was more curious than ever. "What's in it?"

She looked up at him and smiled. "It's my Nate box. It has other things, important documents and such, but all of my letters and pictures of Nate over the years are all in here."

"How did it get here? It was in London, right?"

"Clyde," she answered. "I asked him to bring it to me and then he snuck into the cabin after everything and got it again."

"He could get in trouble for that."

"Yeah, but he won't."

Emily squeezed the handle of the safe possessively, like she was shielding it.

"Maybe one day you'll show me what's in there."

"Maybe," Emily distantly said.

"Until then, let's get you settled back at the apartment. We can take this with us for safe keeping."

"Ok," she agreed, allowing him to pull her up off that bed.

He began walking away, and Emily called out, "Hotch?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you pack my underwear?" She didn't see any of the things she left on her bed.

He blushed. "Everything is packed."

"Is that a yes then?" Emily playfully asked. "Did you at least throw in some of the comfy ugly ones?"

"Shouldn't all of your underwear be comfortable?"

"Such a man. Should, but no."

"Everything is packed," he repeated, yearning to end the conversation.

"Thank you," Emily called out, laughing as he walked away.

She grabbed her purse and phone along with the safe, and then the three of them were on their way.

After stopping just down the street from the apartment to get Jack, they settled in for the evening. Emily snuggled with a blanket on the couch and the boys nearby while Hotch got the takeout ready for everyone to eat.

"Soup for you," he said, placing a bowl in front of her. "Just this once we can eat in here."

"Emily should be sick more often. Then we can watch TV while we eat all the time."

"Nice, Jack," Emily coughed.

"Not like really sick," he tried.

The adults just shook their heads.

About midway through dinner, Emily was out again, the half-filled bowl starting to teeter on the pillow's edge. Hotch took the bowl away and nudged Emily awake. He knew she needed to sleep, but if she wanted a full night's rest, it was too late to be napping.

"I'm up," she said. "Just resting my eyes."

"You need to eat," Nate encouraged.

"I am… Slowly."

Most of the evening Emily tried to participate in everything, interacting with Jack and Nate as much as she could, but wasn't really involved. She couldn't help it. As the day went on, she just felt worse. Her throat was scratchy, she was tired, and she couldn't breathe out of her nose.

Thankfully, it was late enough that she could get to bed early.

"I'm going to turn in," Emily said. "I'd hug you guys goodnight, but I don't want to get you sick. Nate, if you need me for anything, don't be afraid to wake me up. You either Jack."

"Night Emily," Hotch said, also sending the boys to their room to change.

She did sleep well that night. She didn't wake up once, she didn't dream, she just slept. The cold medicine Hotch left her probably had something to do with that. In fact, she didn't' even wake up to her alarm. It wasn't until Nate came into the room with a cup of tea and a pill bottle that she woke.

"Morning," Nate woke her. "I brought you tea and Hotch said to take these so you feel better."

Emily sat up. "You're already dressed for school."

"Yup. I wanted to wait for you, but Hotch said to let you sleep. We ate and got ready. Now it's time to go."

She looked at the clock. If she got up, there'd be time for her to dress and walk with them to the bus stop.

"I just wanted to say bye." He hugged her. "See you later. Feel better, ok?"

She didn't even get to respond before he was gone and Hotch came in. "They'll be fine walking alone. I let Jack do it all the time."

"I should go."

"You should rest. Do nothing today. I left breakfast out. If you want something else, help yourself. Just take it easy. The boys are set for the day. Jack's going to come home right after school with Nate and he has a key. I'll call to check on you."

"That's unnecessary. I just have a cold. I can still do stuff."

"Of course you can. You're Emily, but that doesn't mean you should."

"Alright, but you don't have to check on me. Really."

"It's me or I send Garcia over."

"You, please."

"Good. Take the medicine and relax. I'll call later."

As he left, the sounds of the apartment door closing, Emily sat up against the pillows on the headboard and grabbed her tea. She couldn't remember what it was like to relax. Every day since James came back into her life, her routine shifted to the point where she was constantly working. When not at Interpol, she was with them, helping and searching, and then she was on the run, continuously on guard. It just continued from there.

Then she gets a moment to breath, and her body craps out on her. Yeah, she didn't feel like getting out of bed that day. She stayed under the covers with her tea and computer, browsing listings in the area, just in case. She napped, she browsed, and that was all. Hotch called, as did various members of the team. She assured them all that she was fine, and they didn't need to worry.

They continued to check on her, even dropping in to see her throughout the week as she convalesced. Nate and Jack were particularly on top of things. Without asking, they would bring her water or juice, tea if it seemed like she was coughing a lot. Nate barely left her room. He waited on her hand and foot, brought her whatever she might need, anticipating what that might be, and Hotch even caught him sticking his hand under her nose while she was sleeping just to make sure she was still breathing.

At night, he would wake with nightmares and crawl into her bed. While she didn't want to spread her germs, she never turned him away.

"Can I stay in here?"

"Another bad dream?"

"Uh huh."

"You can stay," she agreed, lifting the covers for him to get in. "Ready to tell me what they're about?"

He sniffled, making Emily believe they were painful to even think about. "Nate, talk to me."

While the middle of the night wasn't the best time for deep conversation, Emily was feeling a little better and it was high time she addressed this. He had been in her bed every night and during the day, he barely left her side. Clearly, something was going on. Clingy was one thing, but this was a whole new level.

"I can't," he whispered.

"Why not? What's going on?"

"I don't want you to be sick," he said.

Offering assurances, she was quick to respond, "I only have a cold. It happens sometimes. It'll go away soon. I'm already feeling better."

Nate wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed.

"Nate? What's wrong?"

Face buried in her side, he let out a mumbled cry, "You can't leave me. You can't be sick or die or leave me like my dads. You can't."

"I'm not going anywhere, Nate."

Nose running, tears falling, Nate said, "You have to promise. You can't leave me alone. My dad is dead, and Dad doesn't want to see me anymore. I don't want to be alone."

"Nate, look at me," Emily urged, trying to pry him from her side to meet her gaze. "Please look at me."

Slowly, his downtrodden eyes met hers, both pairs glassy. His little lips trembled.

"I am not leaving you. I promise, Nate, that I am fine. Everyone gets a cold sometimes, but in a few days, I'll be back to normal."

"I want you normal now," he insisted.

"I know… I know you do. I want that too. You think I want to sound like a squeaky chipmunk? I can't wait to be all better, but it takes time."

"Everything takes time," he angrily grumbled. "It takes time for Dad to get better, but he never did. He got worse and left," his voice rose. "How do I know you're not going to get worse and leave too?!"

She wanted to scream with him, to get through to him that she would be there forever, god willing. She would never choose to leave him, and, if life permitted, she would take him with her wherever she went.

"Oh Nate," she said, her heart in tatters. "I'm not your dad. He left to get better because he was hurting us by being there. He didn't make you happy and he knew that. So, he went to get help so that he could, one day, be the father you deserve. I know it's not fair. You've lost so much, but I'm not going anywhere. I will get better and I will always be here for you."

Again, he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her side. "I love you," he said. "I think I might like having a mom."

"I think I might like having a son," she whispered back, laying down with him in her arms, trying to stop the overwhelming emotions they were both feeling. "Everything will be alright."

Soon, they both fell asleep in that position, and that was exactly how Hotch found them in the morning. When Jack came out of the room without Nate, Hotch asked his son where he was. Jack shrugged, still in his just woken up fog. He knew Nate wouldn't go anywhere outside of the apartment, so he headed straight for Emily's room.

He peeked inside and saw them both huddled together on the bed. Quietly, he walked into the room, laying a gentle hand on Emily's shoulder.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Morning. What's he doing in here?"

"Another bad dream," she answered.

"Are you ok? Your eyes look a little red."

"Long night," she sighed before looking at Nate. "Maybe I should keep him home. I don't think he's been sleeping well."

"That's your choice. I can have Jack pick up any homework for him."

"Please," she nodded.

"We'll talk when I get home?"

"Yes." She needed someone to talk to about things and she knew he was worried, too. "We have a lot to talk about, I think. There's something I want to run by you."

"Ok. I'll call if I'm going to be late. Take care of each other."

"Always."

Emily stayed in bed, listening to Hotch and Jack move about their morning routine, all the while running her hand through Nate's long hair. They would have to do something about that soon. She couldn't help but stare as he slept. He was growing before her eyes, probably an inch taller than when she first laid eyes on him again.

It fascinated her how much he was growing and maturing in such a short span of time. He was coming into his own, learning to live a life like any other kid his age would, but it was also being hindered. She worried that she was part of the problem. There was so much change, and maybe she didn't address it properly, so now it was messing with his head.

Hotch mentioned that he was clinging to her in fear, and last night confirmed that tenfold. She didn't, at first, know what the fear was and hoped Nate would come to her and express what was bothering him, but he hadn't. She knew now. He was afraid of losing her and telling her that, he thought, would upset her, too. He was a child. Never should he have to fear that he'd end up alone with no one, no adult to love and care for him.

Though she had little idea what Nate had truly experienced in the years between the first and second time she was in his life, she knew he had been mostly sheltered. He went from that to experiencing everything, including some of the hardest things life had to offer: death, disease, injury…

Emily was honestly surprised that Nate didn't associate those bad things with her. She was happy he didn't, but hoped it wasn't because he felt she was all he had. She hoped she provided him with the same support system she had with all her friends and family. Hell, even Elizabeth was taken with him and that was before she knew of their blood relations.

Thinking about Elizabeth made Emily's thoughts wander a bit. They talked over the phone a little more about the situation. Elizabeth sounded sad as Emily talked with her, but surprisingly understanding. It was like she knew it was hardest on Emily and there was a sense of sad pride in her daughter. Emily just promised her mother that they would try to see each other more, all three of them, and work on being a family. She just needed to work on being a mother before she could work on being a better daughter. Elizabeth understood. They were already much better off.

Nate woke sometime during her internal drifting, almost frantic when he saw the time. Emily explained that she thought he needed more sleep and decided to keep him home.

"But I'm supposed to learn."

"You will, but you can't learn when you're sleep deprived, and I thought we could use a day for just the two of us."

That perked him up. "To do what?"

"Is there something you want to do?"

He thought about it. "I don't know. You're sick. Shouldn't we stay home?"

"I'm feeling much better Nate. We'll take it easy, so no extreme sports, but we can go out."

He decided that he wanted to go to the movies, which Emily figured he picked just because he didn't want her to do too much, despite her assurances. Still, it was a fun day. After the movie, they went to lunch. Emily took Nate to the museum for a short visit. It was just what they needed. It made Nate forget his worries temporarily, and it made Emily feel better.

They returned home just in time for Jack to get back from school. Nate was feeling better about things. Emily talked to him a little without bringing it up. She was showing him she'd be there rather than telling him. That was what she needed to do. Words were great, but it would take work and continued action to prove it to him.

Hotch arrived shortly after Jack. The boys were off doing their homework and Emily was starting dinner.

"You're home early," Emily said when she heard him come in.

"Yeah. And you're looking better."

"Thank you. I feel better, too."

"Need any help with dinner?"

"I don't think so. Everything's done. It just needs to bake now. The boys are going to set the table once we're ready to eat."

He nodded and took a seat at the table. Emily joined him.

"Want to talk about Nate?"

"He's… worried."

"About?"

"About me," she answered, "About being alone. He's been through so much in just a short amount of time and I think that has messed with his head. He's terrified that something will happen to me and he'll be left with no one."

"Even if something did happen, and I hope nothing else does, he wouldn't be alone. Not anymore," Hotch said.

"I know that. I just wish that he did."

"We'll help him see that. Maybe I can take him and Jack on a guy's day. Let him know that he'll always have us. He's part of my family too."

"That would be nice. He loves living with you guys. He likes having the male energy, I guess, and he likes having someone his own age around all the time. Jack's more fun than us old people."

"And he talks to Jack. I think he likes having someone in his age bracket who also experienced some of the things he has."

"You and Jack have been amazing to us, so thank you."

"Trust me. Having the two of you here is partly selfish. Jack and I ran out of things to talk about," he winked.

"I'm wondering if Nate should see a psychologist. There's one at the rehab center that works with families. It might help him see that, while James is struggling and not physically with us right now, he didn't abandon him."

"That's something to consider. Have you talked to James?"

"No," she snapped. She was angry with James still. He had been avoiding her and now she was also avoiding him, but it was counterproductive. Sighing, she continued, "I was going to go there and see him before I got sick. I still need to do that. There are some things we need to… discuss." More like things she needed to get off her chest and that he needed to hear.

"You should do that. I'd be happy to drive you if you needed."

"Actually, the doctor said that now that my brace is off, I can start driving again. Even with a few setbacks, my knee's healing. I'm not ready for a marathon, but I'm allowed to do some light jogging starting next week and can drive once I'm feeling better."

"That's great."

"But that brings me to my next thing. I need a favor."

"Name it."

"I need you to watch Nate for a few days after Halloween. I have some things I need to take care of, and I don't want to have him miss school."

"Where are you going?"

"I need to go to London. I know the timing is terrible. It's going to mess with Nate's head, but I need to go there to figure some things out. I can't keep putting it off."

"I'd be happy to watch him," Hotch answered, putting his hand on hers across the table letting her know he supported her. "Do what you need to."

"I'll give you more details once I have them… I just… I need to go there."

She needed to go there to either put her career with Interpol and her life in London to rest or plan a long-distance move with Nate. At that moment, she wasn't sure where she was leaning or what was best not just for her, but Nate too. For Nate, going there could be a fresh start or a nightmare. For her, leaving there would put an end to something she worked so hard to reach, but maybe continue to lead her in a direction she only dreamed a possibility.