Disclaimer: Don't own anything you recognize
"Intelligence believes that Auschwitz-Birkenau is somewhere in this area of the country" Alexander pointed to the bottom area of Poland on a map. "However, we can't be sure because aerial surveillance has been done and because of that we don't know what actually is going on."
"Any chance that it will be investigated further?" Béatrice bit her lip looking over at the Captain.
He simply shrugged in response. "I'm not sure to be honest. I can bring the matter up with Phillips, but right now these camps are just whispers. We don't have proof that they are even in existence yet."
She sighed heavily and ran her hands through her hair. Ever since her father had found out what had happened to Rifka, the German had made it priority to find out as much as about these labor camps as she could. However, the problem was finding the information. There were only rumors, whispers, and no evidence as to the existence or the workings of the labor camps. Even with a response letter sent to her father for as much information as he could find out, her mind would not let the matter settle. Something did not feel right to her at all. There were more to the labor camps. Her instincts were screaming it to her.
Alexander placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, squeezing gently. "Don't lose hope. There's a chance we'll find something or your father will have another letter to you any day now. If not…." He stopped and gave her a small smile. "I think we may have found our next big mission when we go back."
Béatrice nodded her head in agreement. He was absolutely right. If there was no information that could be found, they would have to take matters into their own hands. It wouldn't be easy, but they had dealt with much harder missions in the past. "Thank you" she said quietly.
"Don't mention it" he replied. "I'm just as worried about this as you are. We'll do what we have to." With that he folded the map that was spread out across his desk back up. "So, do I dare ask how things are with Barnes?" He shot her a subtle smirk causing her to roll her eyes, yet also a smile.
"If you're asking if you're going to finally be able to punch him, the answer is no" she replied with a playful glare. "Things are….things are good. However, we're leaving soon….."
"You still haven't talked about that have you?" Alexander interjected. She simply shook her head in response. "You should probably do that. You only have a few more days let with one another."
Béatrice let out sigh. She knew he was right. They did need to talk about what would happen once his training was over. Would they just leave things the way they were and forget one another? Or would they find some way to make whatever they were work? The problem was that she didn't know what they were. She had suspicions that he did feel something for her just as he probably suspected the same, but the two of them never acknowledged anything. Every time she wanted to bring it up, she hesitated. She didn't want to ruin anything between them and she would have rather had him as a friend in her life than nothing at all. She didn't want to have everything change because she had to open her mouth and bring up any romance. She didn't know what the right answer was.
"I hope you do realize how smitten he is with you" Alexander raised an eyebrow at her, breaking the silence that had formed between the two. "It would be a shame if you ended up breaking the poor private's heart."
She shot him a look of disbelief. "One we've never talked about that sort of thing and two I'm sure he'd be able to get over it quickly with some other woman he finds when he's back in Brooklyn."
The blonde looked at his friend curiously. He was surprised at what he had just heard. "And here I was thinking that you liked him and maybe actually wanted to pursue something. What's really going on?"
She shrugged a shoulder at him, looking down. "The timing is wrong. We're heading back to Europe soon, so what's the point?"
"This again…." he rolled his eyes are her.
"Yes, this again" she snapped back at him. "Alexander, my priority has always been my family. Getting them out. I can't let anything get in the way of it."
"But that doesn't mean you have to end things with Barnes" Alexander exclaimed throwing his hands up. "You have told me everything about him. All the things you have told him and what he has said. He understands you. Better than anyone else here. He wouldn't let himself get in the way of your mission." He stopped and took a deep breath. "What I'm about to say next is something you're not going to like. Béatrice, you're full of it. You keep making excuses of timing and your mission, but I don't believe it. The truth is….the truth is you're scared."
Béatrice let out a huff, crossing her arms and shook her head. "You're ridiculous."
Her friend shook his head. "No, my dear you are" he told her, pointedly. "I think you had this plan in your head that you would bide your time with missions and get your parents out of German. That would be the end of it. However, now that you've met someone, it's thrown a wrench in your perfect plan and you have absolutely no clue what to do."
She shook her head again, dropping to the chair beside her. She placed her arms on the desk, putting her face in her hands. This was becoming too much. She couldn't handle this. She didn't know how. She took another deep breath and looked back up at Alexander. "I don't know what to do."
Alexander gave her a sad smile and sat down beside her. "That happens sometimes when you're starting to fall in love with someone. It's confusing. It's scary, but in the end it's a beautiful thing."
The brunette looked at her friend in confusion. Was she starting to fall in love with Bucky? Could it be possible? Was she afraid because she knew she was feeling something deeper for him? She took a moment to mentally yell at herself. She should have never done this to herself. She should have stayed away, but for once in her life she listened to her heart. Her lips formed into a small smile. "And here I thought you didn't like him. That all you wanted to do was have that moment to punch him?"
"Maybe not, but in the end, it doesn't matter what I think. It's what you think. I've seen the way been since you met him. You look happier. You have hope and that's something I haven't seen in you in a very long time" the blonde gave her a small smile. He walked over to her and took both of his hands in his. "I'm not going to tell you what to do. Only you can do that, but I don't want you to do something you're going to regret for the rest of your life. Take a chance once in a while. You're capable of it. Hell, look at where you are and who've you become. The Béatrice I knew eight weeks ago would never have let herself get close to someone like James Barnes. Just talk to him. You two will figure it out."
She sat back in her chair further. Alexander was right. She needed to talk to him. She needed to talk to Bucky about how she was feeling. She didn't want to, but it was necessary. Deep down, Béatrice knew there were only two possible outcomes for this and she wasn't sure which one she feared more. Losing Bucky forever or keeping him.
As she walked through the camp, the conversation with Alexander kept repeating in Béatrice's mind. She hated to admit it, but her friend was right. She was scared of her feelings for Bucky. Terrified was the better word. She had never felt what she did for him ever in her life. The fact that she would be going back to Europe soon and be away from him made it even worse. Would she ever see James Barnes again? Would he even want to? Or would he just move on to the first girl he found in Brooklyn?
Her head began to ache with all the thoughts going through it. She stopped walking and took a deep breath. This was adding to the stress she already had. She had to focus. She had to take care of this. She needed to talk to Bucky about their future and whether or not there would be one.
The next thing she knew, she felt herself grabbed from behind and a hand covering her mouth. She gasped and struggled to get herself out of whoever had grabbed her. Within seconds, she was pulled into a nearby shed and pushed against a wall, coming face to face with no one other than Bucky.
"Hi beautiful" he smiled at her.
"Bucky, what on earth are you doing?" she exclaimed in response. "You scared me!"
He smirked and shrugged at her playfully. "I just wanted to see you doll. Sorry"
She raised an eyebrow at him curiously. "And why was that?"
"Cause I just wanted to and I had a question for you" he grinned mischievously.
She stayed silent for a moment waiting for him to ask her, however, he just stared at her. "So, ask me" she blinked.
"Would you happen to have a radio that plays music?" he said as he grabbed one of her hands, holding it gently.
She frowned in confusion. She did have one. She had one in her quarters, not that she ever used it. She never had time to listen to music and even when she did, she completely forgot that she even had the damn thing. "Yes. Why do you need it?"
He shot her another mischievous smirk. "You'll see. Just bring it tonight will you?" Before she could answer, the sound of a trumpet was suddenly heard causing Bucky to groan in displeasure. "I hate that thing" he mumbled. He looked over at the brunette. "Bring the radio tonight. I'll see you later sweetheart." With that he leaned forward and kissed her cheek, causing her to blush. He smiled at her as he pulled away.
He turned to leave, completely oblivious to the fact that her eyes were turning glassy. Béatrice felt the tears start to fill her eyes. She didn't want to leave him. Not at all. She wanted to keep Bucky Barnes in her life, but it was impossible. She let out a quiet sob. Tonight, was probably going to be one of the most difficult conversations she would ever have with him. More so than when she told him about what she did. Compared to this, that was easy. It was simple and straightforward. This was not. She had no answers nor did she know how to get them.
"I'm going to end up stepping on your feet" she groaned at him. At that moment, Béatrice was in the arms of Bucky. His left hand was wrapped around her waist and his right was in her own. Her left hand rested on his shoulder and slightly around the top of his back. When he had asked her earlier if she had a radio, never would she had thought that he needed it to teach her how to dance.
When the two of them met for their usual rendezvous, he told her, not asked her, that tonight he would be teaching her how to dance. When she responded with a huff asking how he knew she couldn't and how he was just making an assumption, he artfully went on about how she had never been on a date and been mostly to family gatherings, it made him realize she didn't know how to dance the way couples would on dates. He had been right and it shocked her how easily he was able to read her in that moment, but then again after all the time they had spent together, he had learned a lot about him. After much coaxing, she finally agreed to let him teach her.
"It won't bother me sweetheart. Trust me. Dancing is not that difficult, especially when you have a good partner like me" he flashed a grin.
She looked up at him, shooting him a look of disbelief. "Anyone tell you how modest you are?"
"It's my middle name" he smirked at her.
"And here I thought it was Buchanan" she rolled her eyes.
"Very funny Faust. Now shush" he shot back playfully. "Dancing's really simple actually. The guy leads usually, unless you have a girl who just refuses to let go of control."
She nodded her head. "Take it you know from experience?" she commented.
Bucky shrugged at her slightly. "Not every girl I danced was great, but at least I got to dance with them. That's kind of how I looked at it" he explained. "Okay, so I just want you listen to the music. It's a slow one, so just move with the music and follow me. If you step on my feet don't worry about it, okay doll?"
Béatrice nodded her head as she began to follow Bucky. The music was a slow piano tune. Something that she had never heard before. It was a very beautiful piece and something that she wished that she had been able to hear at home, but alas the Nazi's controlled everything, including the radio. She looked down at her feet trying to follow his own movement and attempt not to step on his feet. The two were smoothly moving to the music and she had to admit she was impressed with how quickly she was picking up the movement. He was a good dancer, not that she would admit it out loud.
"To be honest, I haven't been enjoying dancing with girls as much as I used to" Bucky suddenly spoke breaking the silence between them. "The reason I go on all these dates is so Steve can. I usually find a girl who has a friend and we all go out together, but like I've told you, Steve's shy and not someone girls would normally go after. It's a shame really, he's got a heart of gold, but no one will ever give him a chance."
"That's a reflection on the women then, not the man" she commented looking back up at him.
He shrugged slightly. "I'm going to spin you around now" he told her. He let go of her waist and using his right hand turn her around somewhat quickly before he pulled her back into his arms, even closer than what she had been before. It caused her lips to form into a small smile. "I just want him to have a good time, you know? He's been through a lot. But sometimes, it just gets boring. Jumping from girl to girl every other day."
"Then why don't you just find one and stick with her?" she interjected, frowning.
"Haven't found the right dame yet that I'd want to keep seeing" he explained. "I meant what I said that night I walked you back from the bar, I get tired of girls telling me what they thought I wanted to hear. Sometimes I just want a girl who different than the average one." With that he spun her around again.
"Well one day you will as will Steve" Béatrice told him as she was pulled back to him. "I like to think that there's someone out there for everyone. It just takes time to find the right one."
He nodded his head. "Yeah I feel that way too, but sometimes waiting is just too much." She silently nodded her head and soon laid her head down on his shoulder. He leaned his cheek against the top of her head and moved it slightly to kiss the top of it.
A new thought suddenly popped into his head. "You said once that you weren't even sure if you wanted to get married or have kids. How can you believe that there's someone out there for everyone if you feel that way?"
She moved her head to look up at him. "I may think that, but that doesn't mean that I can't change my mind if the right person came around. It's not that I don't truly want to get married or have kids, I think it's more of it not being a priority right now. Sometimes I feel that everyone just plans their lives around that. I knew so many girls in Germany who were dying to find husbands as quickly as possible and start a family. Me? I just wanted to live life to the fullest every day with my friends and family" she explained. "I told myself I wouldn't put a timer on marriage or kids and that if it was meant to be, it would happen when it was meant to."
Bucky nodded his head, understanding what she had just told him. It amazed him how different she was than anyone he had ever met. There was a sense of maturity in her that he had rarely seen in anyone. She was independent and was just living her life. It was different, but to him it was wonderful. He leaned closer and pecked another kiss on her cheek, repeating what he had done earlier that day. He heard the music slowly down and pulled her away from him to spin her around one last time. Only this time, instead of pulling her back in, he dipped her in his arm, causing her to smile and laugh.
As the music ended, he pulled her back up. "You're a natural at this sweetheart.
"Care for another dance?"
"Yes" she nodded her head happily.
They had danced another three times before they realized that they needed to head back to their quarters. As it had become a second nature to him, Bucky walked Béatrice back to her quarters. He couldn't wipe the smile off his face the entire time and he knew he probably looked like an idiot. He couldn't help it though. He had fun dancing with her tonight. It was something he hadn't enjoyed doing in a long time and it was all because of her.
"I had a nice time tonight. Thank you for teaching me to dance" she told him as they approached her quarters.
"You're welcome" he looked over at her, still smiling. "I enjoyed dancing with you. Haven't had that much fun doing that in a while. You're a very good dancer."
"It's because I have a good teacher" she gave him a small smirk. "But don't let that go to your head."
Bucky let out a laugh as they stopped in front of her quarters. He looked at her, admiring how beautiful she looked just standing in the night. He wondered if she realized how stunning she was. "I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked hopeful.
"You always ask that and my answer is always the same" she walked closer to him. "Of course." He gave her a small smile. He leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the forehead, something that he had always done before he left her for the evening. However, something was different this time. Instead of pulling away and leaving, he looked at her deeply into her eyes. His eyes then flicked to her lips and then back up at her. Slowly, he moved closer to her. Closer and closer, his lips made his way to her own.
"Wait" Béatrice suddenly spoke.
Bucky felt a wave of disappointment rush over him as he slowly pulled away. It was official. He was a complete idiot. He had misread all the signs and everything. She didn't see him the same way he saw her. She didn't want to kiss him. She didn't want to move things along further. "I…" he started to speak. "Sorry, I guess I overstepped."
"No" she protested, shaking her head. "No, you didn't I…I..I want to kiss you. God I want to kiss you more than anything….."
"But?" he mumbled.
The brunette took a deep breath and exhaled. "Bucky we're leaving soon" she told him shakily. "If we do anything else, it's going to change things and once we leave, where is that going to leave us?"
His face fell slightly at hearing that. He swallowed the lump that had been forming in his throat. It had finally happened. Something that had been in the back of his head that he had been dreading. They were about to have that conversation. What was he supposed to say?
He kept quiet longer than what he should have, but he needed to weigh his options. He knew what he wanted. He always knew. He didn't want to lose her. "I don't want this to end" he finally was able to manage to get out.
"I don't either" she sighed heavily. "But what choice do we have Bucky? It could be months before you get your orders and I'm not guaranteed to be anywhere near you. With the way the war is going, I could be anywhere in Europe. What if something were to happen to me…."
"Please don't talk like that" he suddenly snapped interrupting her train of thought. She looked up at him. He seemed angry almost. He took both of his hands and cupped her face. "Don't ever talk like that you hear me?" he said his voice raising. "If I lost you…." He stopped and took a deep breath. "If I lost you, I'm not sure I could bare it. I can't lose you Béatrice. In any way. We can figure this out. The war won't go on forever. We could wait until everything was over."
She looked at him sadly shaking her head. "I'm not sure I'm worth the wait."
He threw his head back in disbelief, dropping his hands to his side. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What if you were to me?" he asked her.
"Bucky you can't put your life on hold for me. It's not fair to you. I can't and won't ask you to do that" the brunette shot back.
His face fell. "So what? I'm just supposed to forget you. Forget everything that's happened in the past few weeks. Forget what I'm starting to feel for…." He stopped and shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. What he was on the verge of saying was something he never thought he could say in front of her. He was falling for her. It was true and he had been for weeks, but he could never find the right moment to tell her. He had that moment now, but on the circumstances, it would do more harm than good. He ran his hands through his hair. "I hate this" he muttered. "I wish things weren't like this. I wish they were different."
Béatrice shrugged slightly looking down at the ground. "Maybe things would have been better if we had never had met."
Bucky narrowed his eyes at her. "That's not what I meant doll. I'd never ask for that either." He walked closer to her and took her hands in his own. She looked at him and he realized that tears were forming in her eyes. "I meant that I wish that I had met you in Brooklyn. Maybe I would have seen you at a diner or out in the city. I'd come up and talk to you because you were beautiful, but you'd be immune to my charms because that's just who you are. You'd turn me down within seconds. We'd keep running into each other, but that would because I would find out who you were and where you went. I'd keep trying to ask you out, but you keep turning me down. But then one day, you'd finally say yes and I'd take you dancing. We'd have a great time and I'd take you out the next night, and the night after."
She let out a slight laugh as a few tears streamed down her face. It sounded wonderful to her. Perfect. She wished that things could have been like that. She wished that the circumstances of their meeting would have been different.
He gave her a small smile as he reached up to wipe them away. "Pretty dame like you shouldn't be crying" he breathed. He pulled her close to him again, holding her tightly.
"I'm sorry" she whispered. "I just don't know what to do." She buried her face into his chest.
Bucky rested his chin on top of her head. He didn't know what to do either. What was the right answer for them? He knew she was right. "Maybe we just don't do anything right now" he suggested. "We still have a few days together. It'll give us some time to think about things. Let's just enjoy what time we have left."
He felt as Béatrice pulled away from him and looked up at him. She nodded her head. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead, causing her to close her eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow sweetheart" he whispered against her skin. He pulled away and as he turned to leave, he felt her grab his arm again. He looked at her and his brows furrowed in confusion.
"Can you stay with me tonight?" she asked him. His eyes widened at the question, but he felt his head nod involuntarily. The next thing he knew, Béatrice Faust was taking his hand, leading him back into her quarters for the rest of the night.
The sound of an alarm at four in the morning from the clock on the bedside table cause Bucky to grown loudly and hit it with a fist. Turning back over on the bed, he let out a sight and opened his eyes. Letting them adjust to the darkness, he suddenly remembered where he was. He wasn't in his bunk in the quarters. The warm body beside him was evidence of that.
Turning over, he blinked at Béatrice's sleeping form beside him. He had to admit, he was taken aback when she had asked him to spend the night with him. But he knew he couldn't waste an opportunity to spend more time with him. He knew going into it that it would not involve his usual routines of spending the night with a girl. That typically included sex and then him leaving early in the morning with the intention of either calling or not calling whoever he fell into bed with, but he didn't care. He didn't want to put her in an uncomfortable position and considering his assumption regarding her lack of experience, he figured she'd just want his company more than anything.
The two of them had spent a few hours talking before sleep over took them. He told her more stories about his life and his friendship with Steve while she told him about her growing fears with her friend Rifka. She also had told him about the conversation she had with McPherson and how it was possible that her next mission could involve these mysterious camps, which had brought up their earlier conversation of where they would go from here once training ended.
There was a hesitation between them. Neither of them knew what the right answer was. There had to be some way for the two of them. There just had to. He wouldn't accept defeat so easily when it came to her.
What he did next was something he knew he shouldn't do, but he quickly put his hesitations to rest. Leaning forward, he placed a gentle kiss to her exposed neck. Then another. He soon moved his way up her neck, still continuing to plant a trail of kisses on it. Her skin felt soft under his lips. With every kiss, he found himself wanting to keep doing it more and more. Part of him wanted nothing else than to kiss her on her lips, but he stopped himself, knowing that he wanted her fully awake for when he did that. When he reached her face, he slid his hand up to her face, resting it on her cheek, continuing to brush kisses on her face, until he felt her stir.
Slowly, Béatrice opened her brown eyes and looked directly in his blue ones. She sighed in content, giving him a small smile. She placed her own hand on the one that rested on her face. "You're leaving?" she asked quietly.
He nodded sadly at her. Honestly, he didn't want to leave her like this, but his training called. He moved his hand and took the hand that laid on top of it in his own. He gently brushed a thumb over her knuckles before he leaned forward to kiss the back of her hand. He then turned it over to kiss the palm of her hand. He took a deep breath and looked back up to see Béatrice just starting at him quietly. He wondered what she was thinking in that moment, but decided not to asked. He placed another kiss on the back of her hand. "I'll see you in a few hours" he whispered against her knuckles.
Bucky finally let go of her hand and got out of the bed. He put back on his boots and his jacket as the brunette stayed in the bed just watching him. He noted how beautiful she looked just lying there. She was perfect and he wondered how he had gotten so lucky to have someone as special as her in his life. He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't even hear her get out of the bed and walk over to him.
Her arms were crossed more than likely due to the temperature in the room as she watched him finish getting himself together. Once he was finished, he looked over at her and sighed heavily. He didn't want to leave and she knew it. She walked closer to him and put her arms around him. He pulled her closer to him, hugging her as tightly as she could handle almost as though he had no intention of letting her go. Not that she truly wanted him to. If it was up to her, she'd want him to never let her go.
He pulled away from her, but just barely so that he could look at her. His hand reached up to her head, running his fingers through her curly dark locks. "I'm going to miss seeing this face every day" he told her.
Béatrice pulled away from him further and looked back up to look at him. "You still have a few more days to see this face, so enjoy it" she breathed smiling brightly. He smiled back at her and placed a quick kiss on her forehead. "Go. Before you get in trouble" she said as he pulled away from her. He nodded at her and placed another kiss on her forehead, letting his lips linger on her skin longer than they had before.
Begrudgingly, Bucky pulled away from her completely, giving her one last look. He walked away from her towards her door, opening it, and went off into the night.
As Béatrice stood in her dark quarters alone, she wondered what the future would hold for Bucky Barnes and herself. Maybe things would work out. Maybe they were doomed. Her life was starting to become something that she never expected at all, but maybe that was what life was supposed to be. Full of the unexpected. Laying back on her bed, she stared up at the ceiling wishing that the warm body that had just left her was still beside her.
Read and review!