Chapter 44: Weekend
It was Nate's first full weekend with his father, and he had mixed feelings about it. Sure, he loved his dad. He loved James so much. But, over the past few months, not only had he come to love Emily as a person and as his mother, but he had come to rely on her. He was confident in her ability to watch out for him and help him when he needed it.
That was why the day seemed to suck.
He woke up feeling like all he wanted to do was curl back into his blanket and snuggle with Emily as they drank hot chocolate and sat in front of the fire after a fun day skiing. It was nice then. But he didn't get that. Instead, he heard Emily frantically calling for him, obviously in the same mood, and telling him they had to hurry.
When they got to his school, he realized that he had Emily's lunch, which meant healthy green stuff that he definitely didn't want to eat. There were a series of minute, but annoying things throughout the day that just made it feel miserable. Mostly, he thought, it was because he was worried about the weekend. He didn't want his mom to be alone and he didn't want to have a disappointing weekend with his dad. He was worried about both.
It didn't help that Emily wasn't home when the bus dropped him and Jack off. His new phone, one of his Christmas presents, showed a message from her saying that she was running late. He didn't know if he should be worried about that too. Emily was always home early on Fridays. Always. Unless they had plans or she made arrangements ahead of time. But the message didn't answer the questions swirling in his mind. It just said that she wanted him to go to Jack's. Jack got the same message from his father.
"Maybe she's helping your dad with something," Jack offered.
"Maybe," Nate replied. He wasn't convinced.
The only thing he was convinced about was that something was up. Probably not a good something if history taught him anything.
"Do you know where mom is?" Nate asked Hotch as soon as he was in sight.
"She got stuck at the school," Hotch replied. "She said she'll get here as soon as she can. With the rain, traffic might be a little slow."
"Can I call her?" Nate asked.
"You don't have to ask to call her. You can if you'd like, but she might be driving, so I don't know if she is able to pick up."
Nate thought about it. "Is everything ok?"
"It is. She's perfectly fine. It has just been a long day for her."
Nate sighed, muttering, "Me too."
He had to wonder what was going on, but after everything they had been through, he also hoped that if something was wrong, they wouldn't hold back from telling him. They trusted him, with the major plot points, anyway.
"Will you tell me if she calls you again?"
"Of course."
"Do you think I'll get to spend time with her before I go to Dad's?"
"I think so."
"Good. Ok."
Jack and Nate played and did homework while they waited for Emily. She called about an hour after they came home and said she wasn't far but needed to make one more stop. Again, Hotch told her to do what she needed. He had the kids handled.
She came another hour after that, frustrated and exhausted.
"Hey, welcome," Hotch teased as she came in the front door without knocking.
It wasn't unusual for either of them to do that now.
"It has been the day from hell."
"Yeah? Take a seat. Tell me about it," Hotch offered, pointing to the dining table as he prepped dinner.
"Some idiot hit my car in the parking lot and took off. Never even stopped to see the damage."
"Are you ok?" Her wellbeing was concern number one. She didn't appear harmed, but appearances could be deceiving.
"I'm fine. I was just walking into the lot when it happened."
"Did you call the police?"
She sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day. "I filed a report. I wouldn't have if they stopped, but they had no regard for other people."
"What did they say?"
"There was a camera. Things are being handled. Despite there being no injury, it was a hit and run."
"What's the damage on the car?"
"I didn't take it to the garage yet, but there were a few issues. Some scraps and dents. The bumper isn't happy."
"How bad were you hit?"
"Somebody hit you?" Nate asked from the doorway, startling the adults who hadn't heard him approach.
"Nate, hey kid," Emily smiled and greeted him. "What, no hug for your mother?"
"Not until you answer," he huffed, searching her for injury. "Someone hit you?"
"No. No one hit me."
"But Hotch said…"
"My car was…"
Eyes bulged, he asked, "You were in an accident?" His voice sounded strained and hurt, like he was desperate for Emily to refute.
All Nate heard when he walked in was that she was hit, and he interpreted that as danger, as his mother going through something else that could have taken her from him.
"No… Just my car."
"What?" he asked.
"Someone hit my car, but I wasn't in it," she explained, hoping to ease his anxiety.
Still, he was unsettled. His eyes were searching her up and down. She looked like she had been in battle, though, maybe not so much a physical one.
"I'm ok," she said.
"But someone hit your car!" Everything about him was on edge.
"Yeah, and the car is ok, too… Relatively."
"What?" He was just perplexed about the situation. "How bad is ok?"
"It's nothing for you to worry about, Nate. Everything is ok. I'm ok."
"But someone hit your car," he yelled again, louder and more persistently. "That's not ok."
"No, it's not," Emily said, trying to remain calm despite her own aggravation from the day and Nate's increasing emotions. "Oh, Nate. I'm really fine. I promise."
She approached him, bending down to stand on her knees at his height. Emily took his hand in hers and squeezed.
"I'm ok."
She'd repeat it a thousand times if she needed to.
"But you were in another accident."
"No… I know you think you heard that, but it wasn't an… My car was parked at school and someone was driving around and hit the bumper. That's all. I wasn't even close to it. There's not one scratch on me."
Trying not to sniffle, Nate asked, "Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."
"I don't want you to get hurt anymore. You work at a school now. Bad things aren't supposed to happen there. Bad things aren't supposed to happen to you, ever!"
Clearly, Emily said to herself, this was about more than just a minor fender bender hit and run. She hugged Nate and promised him that she was fine. It wasn't a big deal. Though, that wasn't the right thing to say. He just withdrew into himself. He all but demanded he see the car, to which Emily agreed. She wasn't positive that was the right thing to do either, but if it would give him comfort, she'd try.
So, Emily took him down to the lot where her car was parked and showed him the damage.
"See, it's not that bad. The guy just hit the car when he was leaving. I wasn't by the car or hurt at all. There was no chance of me being hurt."
There was a battle of thoughts warring in his head, but he held it together.
"Did the guy get in trouble?"
"He will, yes. And, by the time you get back from your dad's, this will look like it never happened."
Examining it and hearing Emily seemed to have helped. He calmed a bit, but he didn't think it was that simple. He knew enough, and saw enough evil in the world to know that bad things could happen… And that terrified him.
He let it go, though. There was no use in crying over some dented metal when his mother was just fine. Logically, he knew that it wasn't a big deal. It only felt like one because of the ominous what if.
"I would tell you if something happened to me, Nate." She left out the "within reason" part of it. "But this wasn't a major deal. My car took a punch, but it is nothing that can't be fixed. You don't need to worry."
"Ok," he conceded.
"Now, Hotch invited us to stay for dinner. What do you say we go head up there, eat, and then spend the rest of the evening just the two of us?"
"Absolutely," he said, his demeanor completely changing. He wanted some mom time, especially now.
They rushed through dinner and Hotch understood why. As the passive observer, it was easy for him to see that both were struggling with the upcoming change in their arrangement, but he knew they would find their way. He also knew the two wanted what was best for each other and themselves. Emily wanted nothing more than for Nate to have the best relationship with his father again, just not at the cost of her having a relationship with him too. And Nate just wanted the same thing, but he wanted Emily to be taken care of when he wasn't around too.
That was the very reason that, as they were getting ready to head to their apartment, Hotch pulled Nate aside and promised to look after Emily while he was with James.
"You'll make sure she's not lonely and that she's ok?"
"Yes. I'll invite her over for dinner every night, too."
"And breakfast?"
"Sure."
Nate bobbed his head. "Ok. Thanks."
"Have fun with your father," Hotch said as he saw them off.
Emily made sure to sooth Nate as much as possible after the scare. They really didn't do anything exciting, but they spent time together and enjoyed it. It was what they both needed, just a little quality quiet time together. Talking and watching a movie, they fell asleep on the couch, even sleeping through Emily's phone ringing.
It was James… She was supposed to drop off Nate that night.
She woke up to a whole cache of messages from James, each more irate than the last. She cursed to herself.
"Nate. Wake up, kid." She shook him, gently peeling him off of her side.
"I don't wanna," he mumbled, squishing his face deeper into her body.
She tried again, but he just wrapped his arms around her, let out a little, adorable, grunt, and fell back asleep.
"Your dad is going to kill me," she whispered, deciding to just call and face the music. By the looks of it, he called all night. Her phone was on silent and didn't wake them.
Sighing, she pressed the call button and awaited whatever was going to greet her on the other end.
"What the fuck, Emily?!"
"I'm so sorry," she quietly and calmly responded, trying to keep her voice down and the talk as civil as possible.
"Sorry? That's it? Honestly, Emily… What's wrong with you?"
"Please don't yell. Nate is asleep next to me."
"I'll yell if I want to. Wake him up! He's supposed to be here. With me, Emily. Not with you."
"I know… I'm sorry. We fell asleep watching a movie. I didn't intentionally…"
"I don't care. This was my first weekend with him. That was the arrangement. He was supposed to be here last night at 8. It's now 12 hours later, and he's still not here."
"He will be soon," she said.
Nate was beginning to stir just as James' anger began to reach its peak. Obviously, he was unhappy with what happened. Emily wasn't proud of it either, but it wasn't intentional, and there was no going back in time.
"You have the nerve to put all these restrictions on my time with my son, but you're truly the irresponsible one," he yelled. "I can't believe you. I want him here! Now."
His voice only got louder. Emily could hold the phone a foot from her ear and still clearly hear what was said. With Nate waking up, she didn't want him to hear and worry. They had a peaceful night that, unfortunately, led to Emily's absentmindedness, but she didn't want Nate to have to deal with the consequences. It was on her.
"James… I… He's waking up now. I'll get him fed and dressed and bring him right over."
"You better," he said. "No more than an hour. I'm not happy about this."
"I know."
He hung up on her, and she was relived. She sighed and saw Nate staring.
"Is everything ok?"
"Good morning," she responded, kissing the top of his head. "Everything is fine, but we're very, very late for bringing you to your dad's, so, up and at 'em, Kid."
"Do I have to?" he pouted, now sitting up and the blankets thrown on the floor.
Emily looked at him with kind, confused eyes. "Do you not want to spend time with your dad?"
"I do," he quickly answered. "I just don't want to not spend time with you."
"I'm not going anywhere, Nate, and you won't miss anything exciting. I'll probably be in this very spot most of the weekend just grading papers."
"That's boring… and lonely."
"I disagree. Even so, it needs to get done, and you deserve some time with your dad without worrying about me. Think you can handle that?"
He shrugged. "Maybe."
"I'll take it. Go get dressed and ready. We'll eat on the way. Don't forget your bag. Ok?"
"Ok," he conceded.
They did make it to James' in less than an hour, but that didn't make James any less angry.
"Hi Dad," Nate greeted his father, hugging him.
"Nate," he hugged him back. "Good to see you. I've got a fun weekend planned. Why don't you put your stuff away in your room?"
"Ok."
Before leaving, he ran up to Emily and hugged her. "Bye Mom. Love you."
"Love you too, Nate. Have fun, and I'll see you very soon."
He squeezed her once more before going to his room and leaving the adults alone. The moment he was gone, the temperature of the room dropped, and James gave Emily an evil glare.
"Is this how it's always going to be?"
"I didn't do this on purpose James."
"You expect me to believe that?"
"Yes, actually. I do. I have never given you any reason to believe otherwise. I want this arrangement to work. Not for me. Not for you. For Nate. He deserves both of us consistently in his life. I'm the one who proposed this."
"And now you're trying to sabotage it."
"Why would I do that?" Now her voice started to raise, but she didn't want Nate to hear.
"You want him to love you more."
"What?" she was dumbfounded. "Even if that was what I wanted, and it's not, I don't think that's possible, James. Nate loves you, and I wouldn't do anything to change that. Look, I don't want to have this conversation right now. I'm going to say something I regret. I am, sincerely, sorry that we fell asleep watching a movie and missed the drop off time. If you want, to make up for it, you can take him next Friday for the night and I'll pick him up Saturday morning, but we can discuss that later."
"That's not enough."
"Well, then you figure out what is, and we'll talk. Right now, I'm leaving because you will not yell at me while Nate is in hearing distance."
James was clearly aggravated, and he had a right to be upset, but there was a right and wrong way to deal with it. Yelling at her in front of their son was not the right way.
She walked away before he could argue more, heading into Nate's room. He tried to follow, but she shut the door behind them before he could come in.
"Nate," she said, her demeaner shifting. "I'm going to head home now, I just wanted to see you once more before I did."
He looked at her sadly. "Are you and Dad fighting again?"
He sounded deflated, and it made her want to just scoop him up and run.
"We're fine. Your dad was just sad that he missed time with you, but you're here now, and everything will be ok. Have a ton of fun. Alright?"
"Ok."
"And call me tonight or at any point, for any reason. Really. I don't care what time it is, if you want to call me, do it."
"I will."
"Ok then. I'm leaving. Have fun and behave."
"Love you."
Emily kissed his cheek and walked quickly out of the apartment, just telling James to take care of him as she left. On her way home, she dropped her car off at the garage to be fixed and got a loaner for the weekend.
When she got to her apartment, Hotch and Jack were just retreating from her door.
"Hey, what are you guys doing here?"
"Emily," Jack smiled. "See I told you she'd be here any second."
"You were right," Hotch replied to his son before looking to Emily. "We actually came to see you. Thought you could use some company without Nate around, and maybe some snacks."
He held up a bag.
"Mmmm. Smells good. What'd you bring?"
"Fresh muffins and scones, plus that weird fruit stuff you like," Jack answered. "And chocolate."
"Well, I do like chocolate," she confirmed. "Alright. Come on in."
She led them in.
"You know where the plates are. Get started. I'll be right there."
Emily excused herself. She barely had time to get dressed that morning. Thankfully, she had a jacket on, but she was fairly certain that her top was on backwards. She had to take care of that before socializing.
"You look like you had another rough day," Hotch said when she came into the kitchen, Jack not in sight.
"Nate was supposed to go to James' last night… We didn't quite make it in time."
"What do you mean?"
"Nate and I fell asleep watching a movie. I was supposed to drop him off around 8, but we slept right through the night. I didn't even hear my phone ring. I just dropped him off."
"And James wasn't happy."
"No. And I get that, but I don't appreciate being yelled at and accused of things I'd never do, especially not in front of Nate."
"What did he accuse you of?"
"Oh, you know, probably the norm for every uncivil divorced couple with a custody arrangement: sabotage, buying love… That kind of thing."
"Sounds fun."
"So much," she said back.
"Do I need to have another talk with him?"
Her eyes widened.
"Absolutely not. No, seriously. He had a right to be upset. I know that. I'd just prefer that he not say anything in front of Nate. I don't want Nate to be upset with him, and I know if he heard, he would be. I realize that James, despite the therapy and tremendous effort, can't always control his emotions. He yells a lot, usually directed at me, but he's working on it."
"Are you worried about leaving Nate there?"
"Of course. Yeah, but this is what we agreed, and I'm confident that Nate will call me if James can't calm down and that things won't escalate past yelling."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes." She hoped. "In the beginning, no, but now, I am."
"Ok. Well, if you need to talk, you always know where I am."
"I know. Thanks."
Jack came back into the room and that conversation was put on hold until there was something more to talk about. Having him around wasn't a replacement for having Nate, but it made the day go by a little easier. She didn't do any of her grading, but that was ok. Having Jack and Hotch by her side was a good excuse. They kept her from constantly checking in with Nate and avoiding confrontation with James.
And they had fun.
Jack broke out the chess board for more lessons from Emily. He watched her school his father in a match or two before trying his own hand.
"Can you teach me poker next?" Jack asked with excited eyes after beating his father once again. "Spencer says you're a shark."
Emily and Hotch both laughed.
"Anytime, Bud."
"Right now?" Jack eagerly asked.
"Not right now," Hotch intervened. "It's just about dinner time. I was going to take Jack to the burger joint down the street. Do you want to join us?"
"I'd love to, but I have plans. Penelope has decided that I'm a wreck and can't be left by myself tonight, so she's dragging me out to dinner and drinks."
"That should be fun."
She rose an eyebrow. "You go out with her enough, and you know what to expect. It's always fun, but sometimes borders on too much."
"Penelope's crazy," Jack added. "But that's why we all love her."
"How true, Jack," Emily agreed.
Hotch nodded and then told Jack to clean up the game pieces. He didn't argue, but it was clear he was reluctant to leave Emily, too. Nate had told him that he was worried about his mom being lonely. Jack wasn't sure she would be but promised to look after her too.
The two had a moment alone. Hotch took Emily in his arms and held her tight for just a few moments before letting go.
"What was that for?"
"You just looked like you needed it. Consider it part of Nate's orders."
"Thank you."
"Dad," Jack called out.
"Coming," Hotch responded. "Have fun tonight," Hotch said as he escorted Jack out.
Emily called Nate to check in before heading out and everything seemed ok, though, things weren't going completely smoothly at the Hadley household.
Once Emily left, James was still fuming. He didn't understand why Emily didn't care, nor could he understand that she did, she just wasn't going to stand there and take his attitude either. Naturally, even employing the tools he learned in therapy, it took him a little while to calm down.
When Nate came out of his room shortly after Emily left, James politely asked him to hang out in his room a little longer.
"Are you ok?" the concerned boy asked.
"I'm fine. I just… I'm…"
"I get it," Nate said before James could come up with a plausible excuse. "Mom said that sometimes you need space, especially when you're angry, and that I should give it to you."
"Well, your mother just knows everything, doesn't she?" he angrily remarked.
Nate could hear his mother's voice saying to let it go. Pick and choose battles.
"I'll be in my room," Nate said, retreating.
The weekend wasn't off to a good start. And while he was alone in his room, playing a video game that his father set up, he couldn't help but think about his mother and wonder what she was up to without him. With the way things were with his father, he wished she didn't leave. He loved his father, but Nate hated when James got into a mood. It took forever for it to stop, and he could hear James ranting about Emily. That wasn't cool.
"Damn it, Emily," Nate heard James say. "You had to spoil this for us. I had a great weekend planned and now it's ruined."
"It didn't have to be," Nate thought. If his dad would just stop being so frustrated all the time, they could all be happy. As soon as something went wrong, that was it. Fun over.
It made him miss his mom more.
Nothing was as it used to be, and he realized that the more he yearned for Emily. It wasn't even that he wanted away from his dad, but that Emily was attentive and always happy to be around him, no matter what her mood. His father was… different still. He wasn't the same man and he never would be. That was still something Nate didn't want to accept. He hoped that, with time, his dad would be who he once was.
As he listened through his door to his father ranting, Nate really thought about calling Emily. After the everything, he wanted to be close to her. That was why, when they fell asleep on the couch, he took her phone off vibrate and silenced it completely. He just… He just really needed to be by her side that night. Now, his dad was mad at her and it was all his fault.
"Nate, come out here, please."
"Finally," Nate huffed. It felt like he was holed up in his room for hours. His stomach was already rumbling with hunger.
James told Nate that he had a special day planned, what was left of it anyway. They would forgo the morning activities and head straight for the rest. Despite what Emily said, James wanted the weekend to be big and memorable. Unfortunately, a lot about his son had changed after months away from each other.
That was why when James gave him a gift he picked up the other day, an action figure from a show Nate no longer watched, and Nate wasn't excited about it, things kind of stalled.
"Don't you like it?"
"Sure," Nate lied. "It's great. Thanks."
"Want me to open it for you?"
"No. That's ok. I'll play with it later."
James was disappointed with Nate's reaction. He wanted a smiling, happy face, and he was getting nothing. He tried not to hold onto it, just moving on to the next thing, but that disappointment stayed with him, especially when Nate didn't seem to want to do much of anything.
They were supposed to go to the jump gym, which would have been amazing, what with jumping on one giant trampoline and messing around… But Nate knew his father couldn't participate. It would be him all by himself with his father watching. What was the fun in that?
"Can't we just stay home?"
Emily told Nate that he still shouldn't push his father too hard, physically speaking, but to make sure he was active. It was a reminder to still be weary of his father's past injuries and continued recovery. Now, Nate saw his father constantly trying to one up Emily and to do these big things, and Nate didn't want that. He just wanted to be around his father. He wanted them to have more of their own time together, which was finally happening… If only James would stop with the grand plans and learn how to adjust to the mood.
"You don't want to go?"
Nate shrugged. Yes, it would be fun, but it would be lonely without anyone to play with.
"We can do stuff here… together," Nate said, hoping his dad would get the hint that he really didn't want to do anything special, just to be there and acclimate to the new situation.
"But… I thought we could go have some fun."
"We will have fun, Dad."
"Did Emily put you up to this?" All he kept hearing was Emily saying that Nate didn't want or need any extravagant weekend, and now that that was what he was saying, James felt like it was staged.
"Mom didn't do anything."
"She told you that we shouldn't go out, didn't she?"
"No. She just told me to have fun. That's all."
Grumpily, James agreed to stay in. Nate taught him how to play the new videogame they had which, James learned, was fun and good for his motor coordination.
The problem was that, despite having fun doing the simple things together, James wanted their limited time to have more excitement. He wanted Nate to be excited to come to their place. He wanted to win… He wanted to win at something that wasn't a contest. He wanted Nate to want to be with him more than Emily.
That wasn't happening though. All that was happening was James finding out just how much he didn't know about the new, older, wiser Nate. No matter how much time he spent with his son over the last few months, he still expected the child he left behind. The little man in front of him may have looked like his Nate, but this one was so different. That was hard for him to accept, so much so that he had been in denial, unable to allow more change.
He wanted his son to go back to being just his and Vince's. Mostly, he missed Vince. He didn't know how to do this without his partner. Not only that, but he had money worries and a lot on his mind. Emily, even though he didn't want to admit it, had been great. She was taking care of Nate financially and had done more for James than he deserved. Eventually, he had to figure things out for himself. That time was rapidly approaching, and he had no idea what to do.
James was feeling lost and incompetent, and that wasn't a good feeling. Neither of them was. The longer the day went on, the deeper those feelings went. At least, he managed to convince Nate to let him take him out bowling and for dinner. If nothing else, they would have good food and potential for some fun.
Bowling was… It went ok. Nate had never been, and he wasn't a natural, so he wasn't very good. It turned out that James, who was once a great player, wasn't very good anymore either. For him that was frustrating. It was, once again, another reminder of what has changed.
He pushed himself too hard the day before in PT, and now he was paying for it. He could barely roll the ball by the last set. Nate won by a small margin, neither breaking 100. Sad scores for two guys who weren't quite happy.
Nate wanted so badly to have fun, but it was hard. His head just wasn't in it, and his dad was getting more and more upset. That was never good.
"Are you hungry?"
"Yeah," Nate answered.
"Let's go get dinner."
They never strayed too far from the apartment, nothing outside of walking distance. Thankfully, it wasn't too cold out and the walk was nice. Honestly, for Nate, that was one of the best moments between the two of them. Even though he was starting to feel too old for it, he took his father's hand so that he could know right away if James was struggling. They just chatted as they walked.
It was just what Nate wanted. So, when they got to dinner, Nate expected more of that. It started out that way, great and relaxing, but then James' phone dinged a few times, as it had all day, and James muttered something about Emily.
Emily was checking in… Again. Which also bothered him. She didn't trust him.
"Why are you always so mean to Mom?" Nate asked as he worked on the last of his dinner.
James had said something under his breath, again, about Emily. It was at the point where he didn't even recognize he was doing it. He wasn't even doing it intentionally. It just came out. He knew Emily was great to both of them, but he still couldn't help but be jealous of her. She was unscathed and got a son out of everything. James felt like he lost his whole life.
"But there's still Nate," he said to himself. And that was why he found himself constantly berating Emily. He couldn't lose Nate too. Not to her.
"I'm not," James responded to Nate.
"Yes, you are."
"I'm not Nate," he said with a tone of finality in his voice.
"Fine," the boy relented. "I'm done. Can we go?"
"Fine," James agreed.
They walked silently, but Nate did take his hand again. James was happy about that.
Once they returned to the apartment, Nate called Emily, to James' chagrin, to say good night. Then the two quietly sat on the couch, doing their own things as they approached bedtime. Nate was reading. James was working on some paperwork for his meeting the next week. It seemed like, now that he was no longer hiding away with Vince and had rejoined society, his life was all about paperwork.
That, he never missed.
Part of being around Nate so freely and just the two of them, made James see how he and Vince hurt their son. They forced him into a life of solitude that kept him from really experiencing things. He noticed that since he woke up from his coma, but it was becoming glaringly more obvious how they had stunted his abilities.
Now he was free and happy… Mostly with Emily.
"I'm going to get ready for bed," Nate announced.
James looked at the clock. It was still early, but late enough that going to bed didn't mean Nate wasn't having a good time.
"I read my whole book. It made me sleepy," the boy clarified, sensing his father's wariness.
"Ok. I have a new toothbrush for you in the bathroom."
"I know. You told me when I got here."
"Oh… Right. Well, I'll come say goodnight and tuck you in after."
Nate shrugged. "Alright."
When Nate was all dressed and ready for bed, James came into the room, ready to do their old nighttime routine even though he knew that nighttime rituals had changed.
"You don't need to read to me," Nate said, breaking his father's heart.
"No?"
"No. That's ok. I read my whole book. But maybe tomorrow if it will make you happy."
"Only if it will make you happy too."
He shrugged.
"Emily doesn't read to you?"
"Sometimes. Usually we watch a show together then she gives me a kiss goodnight on the cheek. She only reads to me when I'm not feeling well. Then it helps me sleep. That and when she sings."
"She sings to you?"
"Not all the time," Nate answered.
"Then what can I do?" James asked.
"You can read to me if you want. I have another book."
Nate didn't mind either way, and if it made his dad happy, it would make him happy too, so he pulled the book out of his backpack and gave it to James.
"From the beginning?"
"Yup."
They didn't even make it through the first few pages before Nate was asleep. James sighed and continued reading anyway. For his own sake. After a few more pages, with Nate sound asleep, James closed the book, dropping it onto the nightstand.
He couldn't help himself after that. He had to go through the old routine. He had to pull the blanket up high, move Patch so that he was right next to Nate's arms, and put a kiss on each side of his face. It was a personal comfort, even if Nate wasn't awake for it.
"I love you, Nate. So much. Please don't grow up too much without me anymore."
He left the room still feeling down. He was on his own for the whole week and he felt the loneliness of being single after such a long-term, committed relationship. He didn't like it. And now, with his son there, he was still feeling that loneliness. He thought having Nate for longer periods of time would abate that feeling. It only made him feel the loss more.
It was surprising, which made things worse.
He wasn't the only one in for a surprise that night either.
Earlier, when Emily went to meet Penelope, she got to the restaurant right on time, no PG there. After waiting fifteen minutes, she called the tech analyst.
"Where are you?" she asked.
"Oh… Dinner… Right… About that…."
"What did you do, Penelope?"
"I… You'll see. Is there someone around wearing a glittery rose looking pocket square."
Emily could see where this was heading and not thrilled about it, but she did play along.
"You didn't," Emily whimpered. "Why Pen?"
"You need to put yourself out there. Just because you're a mama bear now doesn't mean you can't wet your whistle a little."
Emily cringed. Penelope Garcia… Wordsmith…
"Pen…"
"No. You're sharing Nate now, and you haven't had a good relationship in a while. You deserve to be happy."
"I am happy."
"Well, JJ and I disagree. You wouldn't let her set you up, so I took initiative. I'm not taking no for an answer, and you're both already there. It can't hurt."
Emily's shoulders sagged. She didn't want to argue.
"Oh good, you're not fighting me. His name is Scott. I vetted him. He's good. Have a nice time."
Penelope hung up before Emily could protest. Emily took a moment to decide her next move. She wasn't exactly in the mood for this, but she was already there, and her plans were to have dinner… She was hungry. What the hell, she thought.
Gathering the courage, Emily walked up to Scott and said, "Nice flower. Very Penelope."
"What?" he asked confused. "Penelope?"
Emily would learn that Pen didn't actually know him. No, her blonde friends put her on a dating site, and after a few weeks talking with Scott, decided he might be a good fit for her.
"So, it wasn't actually you I talked to?"
"No. I'm sorry… My friends are… They're nuts. Like certifiable."
Scott, with his dark hair and equally dark eyes, was attractive. Emily would give that to her friends. They could pick good looking men, but he was a total stranger to her.
"I'm not really sure what to do here. Do you want to have dinner with me, or should we call it a wash?"
"We're both here, so, unless you're not into it, we might as well try. Never know, right?"
He smiled, and Emily wasn't repulsed, so that was a good sign. But her heart wasn't into it. That wasn't to say they didn't have a good time. Scott was easy to talk to and, as an ex-cop, they even had a lot in common. Talking was easy. So easy, in fact, that they spent a few hours together, lost in conversation, only breaking when Emily answered Nate's call. They laughed, they shared a drink or two, and they ate.
"I forgot what going on a date was like," Emily said.
"Your friend said it has been a while."
Emily wasn't even surprised with that. "Well, she's not a liar, but she is into oversharing, apparently."
"She also said that you have a son."
"I do. Nate. He's nine."
"I have a son just a year older. His name's Wyatt."
"Wait… Your last name is Simmons, so Wyatt Simmons? There's a kid with that name in Nate's class."
Turned out Wyatt was one in the same. His birthday was early in the year, so he turned 10 only a week ago and was one of the older kids in the class, but he and Nate were, indeed, friends.
"That's such a coincidence," Scott said.
"It is. I'm surprised we haven't run into each other at school events."
"My ex-wife's husband and I do not get along. I go to all the school events. So does she. And when I'm around, he always comes, so I see my son and keep to myself… Away from her."
"Rough divorce?"
"It wasn't easy, but I'm sure there have been worse."
Scott shared more on that, and just as they were reaching the height of the story, Emily's phone interrupted.
"Sorry," she said. "It's Nate, and it's late."
"Answer," he responded, nodding in understanding.
Emily did, and was worried once she heard what was on the other end.
"James? Is that you?"
There was mumbling and crying.
"Nate…"
"What about Nate?" No answer. "James, what about Nate?"
"He won't stop. He won't stop. He just wants Mom. All he wants is you!" James yelled.
"What's going on?"
"He woke up screaming. I tried to calm him, but he just kept crying and screaming for you."
Nate woke up in a cold sweat in desperate need to see his mom and know it was just a dream. But she wasn't around, and he panicked. James tried to help, and, ordinarily, his comfort would have. This time, though, the only thing that would help would be Emily's presence. That was why, when James went to hug and soothe Nate, the boy pushed him away.
"I need Mommy," he cried. "I need to see her. Now. Now. Now."
It angered James, and James yelled, making the crying worse and Nate inconsolable.
Now James was desperate. He had held off on calling Emily, but now Nate was crying so hard and for so long, he was making himself sick.
"Please… I need you."
"I'm on my way."
Emily quickly hung up and explained briefly. Scott told her to go but be careful not to break too many driving laws.
"Take care of him," Scott said.
Emily only heeded some of the advice. She sped to James' place as fast as humanly possible without losing control on the roads. She was as careful as that allowed but made it there in record time. She barely took the time to put the car in part before rushing into the apartment.
She could hear Nate crying the moment she entered. James was pacing in the living room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I don't know. I didn't know what to do. He has never done this. He wouldn't stop. He won't," James rambled.
Emily brushed passed him, pushing aside the things she wanted to yell at James, particularly a pointed comment about him just ignoring his son who needed him.
"Nate?"
He didn't answer. Emily found him sitting next to his bed, hugging Patch and a frame with pictures of her and Vince in it.
"Oh Nate."
Poor kid was gagging in his blubbering cry.
"It's ok."
She approached him, offering platitudes.
"Ya… Ya… You're here," he stuttered in between sobs.
"I'm here. What's wrong, baby? What happened?"
Emily pressed his head into her chest and hugged him. He pulled away to answer.
"I dreamed that you were… That you… That you died. That… the accident was like… like last time… and you got hurt… and never woke up."
He let out a heart-breaking cry.
"You were in an accident?"
"Shut up James," Emily hissed, ignoring whatever else he said and only focusing on Nate.
"Everything is ok, Nate. I'm fine. See? Not one scratch on me. The only thing hurting me now is how sad you are. Can you look at me?"
Eyes red, warm, tear stained face… Her kid was a mess, but he listened and met her gaze.
"You could have died and then it would just be me and dad," he stammered. "I don't want to not have you around. You're my mom and I love you just like I love my dads. I can't lose you. Never. I can't," he cried, working himself back up.
Emily threw her arms around him and squeezed. "You're not going to lose me. I'm right here, and I'm fine."
She shushed him like he was a newborn cradled in her arms. That helped a little, but not enough.
Emily knew what to do though. She pulled him off the ground and onto her lap. Gently rocking them, she sang. She sang and sang until that last note lulled him, his breathing evening out, the cries stopping, and his tight grasp on her shirt going a little more lax.
"I will always be right here. I will always be your mom," she whispered.