Chapter 17: Madly, Deeply
April 6th, 1979
"Ok now breathe from your diaphragm," Olivia instructed as Fitz closed his eyes and took slow deep breaths, balancing a book on his abdomen while he lied down on the couch.
She heard Fitz making snoring sounds, "are you asleep?"
He peeped one eye open, "of course not, but you're making it real difficult to stay awake here, Liv." Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes at Fitz's comment. She walked over and put the book away on the nearby shelf.
The past few weeks Olivia had spent with Fitz working on his speaking for his oral exam. She spent hours in the library reading up on speech patterns and mindfulness, and worked with him everyday practicing relaxation and mediation to lower his stress, and speaking more slowly, getting him to pause when he felt stuck rather than stutter.
"I think that's enough for today. Abby and Stephen are going to be coming back soon."
"And where are we all going?" he asked. They were working together in Abby and Olivia's apartment until Abby and Stephen came back from their dinner date. They were planning on going out that night, the four of them. Olivia organized the outing, keeping it a secret from Fitz.
"Not going to say."
They turned on the TV relaxing together for the next twenty minutes or so, enjoying the food they ordered in until their friends came back.
"Ready to go?" Abby asked swinging the door open.
"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" Fitz asked frustratingly, hoping that perhaps Abby would budge for him. .
"Can't it's a surprise," Olivia interrupted before Abby could get a say. She smiled brightly at him, "But don't worry, I think you'll like it."
The four of them took a taxi over into Midtown and stopped outside a club.
"A comedy bar?" Fitz asked, staring up at the poster in the window outlining the event, and the names of various comics to perform. "What's this about?"
"Well I thought we all deserved a nice enjoyable night out, and what's more enjoyable than comedy? Plus, I thought maybe watching some great masters of public speaking could help us feel inspired. And who's more masterful than a group of people whose literal job it is to go up in a room of strangers every night and just talk?" Olivia explained. Fitz got a look a panic in his eye.
"I'm not- This isn't," Fitz stammered, worried about this being a set up for him to be doing stand up, which he had absolutely no experience in.
"Oh relax Grant, this isn't an open mic. The lineup is already set," Stephen said pointing to the poster. "And even if it was, we wouldn't let poor innocent bystanders be tortured by hearing you tell that damn fishing story."
"It's a funny story," Fitz defended himself.
"It's worth a chuckle at best…" Stephen caved a bit.
Olivia and Abby laughed at the boys' banter and walked into the club. They grabbed a table and ordered a couple of drinks and shareable food before the show began. They still had some time to kill until the show started, so they talked about their weeks until something caught Olivia's eye.
"Fitz, look!" she pointed over towards the grand piano that the pianist just sat up from. "You should go play something."
"Absolutely not."
"What are the odds?" Olivia looked at him with a serious look. They used to do this as kids to try and get the other to do something. Usually it was more for dares, like ding dong ditching Fitz's other neighbor's house.
"For real? This game?" Olivia just nodded to him. "Fine, I'd say the odds are one in…three hundred."
"Ok ready?" Olivia asked him, and he nodded before she gave the countdown. "Three, two, one."
"182!" they both shouted at the same time.
"Damn it! Seriously?!" Fitz whined. "How the hell does that happen?"
"Wow, look at you. Minds perfectly in sync," Abby observed. At this point she and Stephen were back to trying to get them together like they had been about a year ago.
"Well, it did, and you know what that means."
Begrudgingly Fitz got up out of the booth, "Livvie…you are going to pay for this later, mark my words."
"I'm so scared," she teased, "Wait," Olivia called out after him and then whispered something in his ear.
"Y-You can't be serious?" he whined even more, hearing what Olivia requested.
"Trust me on this."
Fitz slowly walked up to the piano bench, shaking his head with preemptive regret and took a seat.
"Let's go, Fitzgerald!" Stephen cheered from the table.
Fitz shot him a glare to shut up before he embarrassed himself even more. He placed his fingers on the keys and started playing just as Olivia suggested to him.
"Hey! I love this song!" he heard a drunk man in a Yankees hat call out from his barstool as he and his buddies started shouting the lyrics along.
"Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band."
One by one, everyone at the bar began joining in. Fitz chuckled to himself as he heard the entire drunken bar erupt in song before him, screaming the words of the chorus loud enough as though it was the final minutes until the end of the world.
"Hold me closer, tiny dancer / Count the headlights on the highway / Lay me down in sheets of linen / You had a busy day todaaayyyy…"
Feeling pretty thrilled with the excitement and energy at the club, Fitz played the song out to monstrous applause. He stood up, getting a standing ovation from all the residents in the bar. He gave them a slight wave and bow before going back to the table and reclaiming his seat.
"Nice work," Olivia smirked.
"That was the most embarrassing thing I've ever done in my life," Fitz uttered blushing.
"Oh come on, you're smiling. You loved it and you know it!" Olivia poked at him.
They continued talking and enjoying each other's company, with people coming up to their table frequently to compliment Fitz. Olivia couldn't help but notice his sincere wide grin, every time. He could have denied it all he wanted, but he was enjoying it. After another ten minutes or so, the show started and the MC came out to present the first comic.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a real treat for you tonight. You won't see him on the posters or flyers, because well…he just came here tonight and told us that he was going to perform," the MC said meekly to some laughs. "And with a man like this, you just don't turn him down. Fresh off his latest home box office special, give it up for the legendary George Tucker."
The audience erupted in an enormous amount of applause.
"Holy shit," Stephen murmured out loud. "That can't be right. That's impossible. They have George Tucker here? What is he doing in a shanty little place like this?"
George Tucker was a bit of a legend, and one of Stephen's all time favorites. Beginning his career in the 60s, his approach got raunchier and raunchier as the years went on – something that Stephen really admired.
"Probably testing new material in front of a smaller crowd for a future performance," Abby suggested.
The four watched in awe as Tucker worked up the room, gaining a grand amount of laughter from just about everyone. He was suave with his jokes, and Fitz couldn't help but notice just how comfortable he seemed on the stage in front of hundreds of others. After about ten minutes of a routine however, Tucker dismissed himself and thanked everyone for their time. The MC came back on the stage to introduce the next person. Fitz shifted out of his seat.
"Where are you going?" Stephen asked him in a whisper.
"I-I'm going to try and meet him," Fitz answered. It was a wild idea, he knew, but he felt a great need to at least try to meet and talk with him. So without another word, he crept away as to not draw too much attention to himself and left through the main door.
Fitz circled around the back of the club, hoping to find some type of backdoor. Much to his luck, he found the legendary Tucker outside the back of the club, leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette. Without so much as coming up with a plan, Fitz put his hands in his coat pockets, and approached him.
"Hey."
"Hey, piano man," said George, demonstrating that he recognized Fitz. "I saw you playing. You were good."
"Uh- thanks….you too," Fitz replied awkwardly. "I'm a big fan. My friend and I listened to your albums all day when we first got back from Vietnam."
"Thanks, that's very much appreciated," he responded with sincerity.
"Um…could I ask you something?" George looked at Fitz waiting for his question. "How do you do it every night, just go up in front of a crowd like that everyday and not get nervous?"
George Tucker smiled at Fitz and laughed subtly to himself, "You get used to it after a long while. Speaking is like music – but without the music..." he laughed again.
"It's all just a performance, just like what you were doing with the piano. The key is to pretend you're only performing for one person, because then it's less of a 'speaking to a crowd,' and more of a 'conversation you're having with someone.'"
"And that really works?" asked Fitz.
"It worked for you, didn't it?"
"What?"
"It worked when you played the piano. You weren't playing for the whole room, you were playing for your girl. I saw. You're lucky. I could tell she's special," he explained.
"Oh no – she's…um she's not- we're friends."
"I saw the way she was looking at you. Now this is far from stage fright advice, but while I'm here…may I just say, make sure you act now," he said, patting Fitz's shoulder and then walking away.
Fitz took a deep breath, knowing he was right. She was special, and he did have to act, if not now, then soon.
ooo
April 12th, 1979
"Ok, keep your eyes closed…" Olivia said, leading him into his own apartment by his hand. He spent the afternoon at the library studying; little did he know that while he was there that she, Abby, and Stephen conspired to put together a little surprise for him. Abby and Stephen left to go out together, so they would be missing out on the big reveal, but they told Olivia that she should be the one to show it to him since she was the one that paid for it.
Once he returned from studying, he found her outside his apartment building, jumping with glee and excitement as she told him to shut his eyes. She led him into his bedroom. Fitz could tell based on the direction once they were in the apartment that it was his bedroom. She brought him to a halt and let go of his hand.
"Alright, now open!"
He opened his eyes seeing a beautiful keyboard with a stand and stool sitting in the corner of his room. Olivia stood not too far away from it with her arms out, presenting the gift.
"Livvie, oh my god!" Fitz exclaimed, shocked by the generosity of the gift. He knew those things were pretty expensive.
"Do you like it?"
"Like it? Are you kidding? This thing must have cost a fortune. How were you even able to get it up here?"
"Stephen let me in and Abby helped me bring it up before they went on their date night," she explained.
"Livvie, you shouldn't have. This is just too incredible."
"Well, I saw how happy you were when you were playing at the comedy club last week, and I thought that you might like to have a piano – albeit miniature in size – at your place."
Fitz's smile grew to new lengths listening to Olivia go on about all the features as she vocally articulated every single reason why she bought the version that she bought. He wasn't really paying attention. He didn't care what model or version she got, or what features were included. He briefly brought up owning a keyboard to her one time in a café back home years ago, and she remembered. It was the thought that gave him such joy.
"Are you going to play?"
"What?" Fitz snapped out of his dreamland momentarily from her question.
"I asked if you wanted to try it out."
"Oh…right."
He sat down and pushed the on-switch, playing a few chords and songs from what he could remember from the old days. He realized he was going to have to go to the store to get some music books since he had given up all of his from earlier. He continued testing out the keys for a short while, doing some scales to test them out.
"This sounds beautiful. It's perfect, Livvie. Thank you," Fitz said, turning around and staring at her in her deep brown eyes. Oh my gosh, was he completely gone with this woman.
"I'm glad you like it."
Looking at Olivia, Fitz realized couldn't wait any longer. He had to speak up now. He just couldn't do it anymore and he couldn't pretend any longer.
"I love you," he said abruptly.
"Don't mention it," Olivia laughed, taking the statement as casual and putting a loose curl behind her ear.
"No, I mean I love you. I'm in love with you. You're the love of my life," Fitz said, getting up out of the seat and moving closer to her.
"Fitz…we shouldn't have this conversation…" Olivia tried deflecting, a common defense tactic that Fitz knew too well. Maya warned him about this, and it only angered him.
"Why not?" he pushed.
"Fitz, now is not the time to discuss this. Let's just focus on finishing the semester and gradua-"
"What's wrong with you?" Fitz snapped.
"Excuse me? Nothing is wrong with me," Olivia said, raising her voice, becoming heated.
"You know what your problem is?" Fitz spoke rhetorically. "You struggle with the idea that there are actual other people out there who care and love you, and so you just choose to continuously ignore them."
"Ok, I'm going to go," Olivia said declaratively, pivoting toward the door.
"See what I mean!" Fitz said, gesturing to her current state. "You do this with me, you do this with Cyrus."
"What does any of this have to do with Cyrus?" Olivia turned back around.
"Exactly that! Cyrus has been a dad to you for over eighteen years. He's gone to birthday parties, swim meets, graduations. He has done nothing but love and supported you ever since you became his stepdaughter, yet you refuse to acknowledge him as anything other than 'Cyrus!'"
Olivia took a moment to breathe. He had gotten her on there, and didn't know how to respond. She felt defensive and vulnerable. Sensing this, Fitz softened his features and lowered his voice, worried he may have struck a nerve.
"You have helped me so much these past couple of years with being a source of love for me, and I just-I don't get why you can't let anyone return the favor and let them love you? Why you can't let me love you, Livvie."
"Because you left!" she yelled, unable to contain herself any longer. "Because everyone always leaves eventually. So what's the point? My father left. My mother left. You left."
Fitz's heart broke hearing the sorrow in her voice. He didn't recognize how his time overseas still impacted her all these years later. He stared at the ground, trying to think of something to say.
"Livvie, I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"Of course you didn't know!" she replied sarcastically. "How could you have? It was just a childhood crush, right?"
"Livvie," he said, looking at her with his bright blue eyes again, wishing he could take the pain away.
"No, it was absolutely ridiculous how crazy I was about you. I waited for you, I watched for you, my whole life was you. You owned me; you controlled me. I belonged to you. And you don't have to apologize; I don't want you to. I just set myself up to get hurt there." Olivia ranted, beginning to pace in circles, getting worked up once more.
"And what about now? Do you still love me?" Fitz asked gravely, hearing her only speaking in the past tense.
"Now doesn't matter."
"It matters…I-I always loved you, Livvie – "
"Well, that isn't creepy," Olivia snickered, interrupting him as an attempt to deflect and get away once more from having a hard conversation. Fitz wouldn't allow it.
"Will you- will you just give me a minute?" said Fitz, clearly frustrated, trying to figure out how best to phrase this. Olivia paused in place, allowing him to speak. "I always loved you, Olivia. I always cared about you. I may not have been in love with you, but I always loved you, and that is the truth. And now…"
Fitz took a deep breath before continuing on, "When I saw you again in Central Park, on that day almost three years ago, everything changed for me, Livvie, everything. You own me. You control me. I belong to you. My every feeling is controlled by the look on your face. I can't breathe without you. I can't sleep without you. I wait for you, I watch for you. I exist for you!"
Olivia stared at him unable to say anything. She was simply speechless, absorbing everything Fitz had told her, everything that she always fantasized about now coming true. It couldn't be real. She had to have been in a vivid dream, too vivid of a dream.
"Please say something," Fitz muttered in a whisper.
Olivia started inching closer to Fitz.
"You fell in love with me when you first saw me again?" she asked, needing verification because there was still a small part of her that didn't seem to believe what was happening could have been real. He said more than Olivia ever thought he would say to her back when she was a kid, and the last thing she wanted was to get her hopes up just to be disappointed yet again.
"Yes."
She moved closer until she was only mere inches away from his face, looking up at him right into his eyes.
"And even right now, are you still falling in love with me?"
"Madly, deeply," Fitz said without hesitation. There it was the idea of the fall. He'd fallen completely off the cliff and hoped Olivia would follow him off that cliff too. Fitz shifted his weight and then cleared his throat. "I don't know how your feelings are towards me now…I can understand that with me leaving…and Edison…that it could have changed things-"
Olivia stopped him from talking anymore when her lips came crashing against him. She gently pulled away and caressed his cheek.
"It's you, Fitz. It's always been you," she said with tears pricking her eyes.
"Yeah?" he said with a look full of love.
"Yes."
Fitz wasted no time in grabbing the back of her head to kiss her with a deep and passionate longing. Olivia graciously accepted, moaning into Fitz's mouth while she ran her hands through the back of his curls. She felt his hands go lower and lower on her back until they caressed her butt and settled on the back part of her upper thighs. With one swift move and grunt, Fitz lifted her in the air where she continued kissing him, refusing to let his mouth go. Wrapping her legs around his waist, they continued to make out without a single pause.
He had no idea how since his eyes were glued shut, but he somehow got himself to stumble to the foot of his bed and put Olivia sitting down. Only then did he break off the kiss, and Olivia knowingly lifted her arms in the air, allowing Fitz to easily remove her shirt and then bra. He paused momentarily just to take her in and kiss each breast before kneeling on the ground and unbuttoning her jeans. He pulled against the legs of her pants with Olivia bouncing her hips so the pants slid off more easily. As Fitz removed her jeans from her ankles, he felt Olivia's hands grip onto his t-shirt, taking it off over his head.
She was left in just her underwear, sitting and waiting for Fitz's next move. He stood up from the ground, and slowly pushed his arm toward her final garment.
"Liv?" he asked, making sure.
"Go ahead," she whispered, giving him permission. He hovered over her and went back to ferociously kissing her as his hands removed her underwear from her legs. Meanwhile, Olivia made use of her hands and Fitz's close proximity to work on his belt and freed his aching dick from the confines of his boxers. He moaned in pleasure. Olivia started slowly laying down onto her back, Fitz following on top of her. Fitz used his hands to balance himself over Olivia, making sure not to crush her, but bent his arms enough to make sure nothing would break the seal he had on her lips.
Olivia felt Fitz's erection sharply poking at her stomach. God he was hard. She reached for it, stroking him with both hands wrapped around his length. She rubbed him up and down, adding a twist motion much to his pleasure.
"Gahh," Fitz finally pulled back his mouth from Olivia's, moaning at the stimulation. His eyes remained shut and his lips apart at the feeling. It had been too long; not since ten or eleven months ago when he first started his internship in DC, back when he was in his first fight with her. He didn't want to think about that though, not when he was with Olivia. This was different. Becoming intimate with Olivia felt like becoming intimate for the first time again. He was worried he wouldn't last, and with the way Olivia's hands were working him right now, he couldn't.
Olivia loved seeing Fitz's body react so intensely to her. She continued to jerk him off until his moans told her he was practically there. Her thumb went up and pressed against the sensitive head, rubbing in circles, which did it for him.
"Shit!" He panted, and came onto Olivia's stomach and breasts. He turned over onto his back, laying next to Olivia. He wasn't sure if he should have apologized for cumming on Olivia. "Fuck."
Putting his tension at ease, Olivia enjoyed that she was covered in his essence. Slowly, she dragged her finger along her flat stomach, and sucked on it, making sure he was watching her ever move, as she seductively, licked another finger. Fitz lifted his head and stared at her as she continued. Holy fuck she was sexy. He had to have her. He had to taste her.
Fitz turned over, going back to kissing her, however this time he drew a line of kisses down her body. He stopped at her nipples, taking each one into his mouth and playing tricks on them with his tongue until he got her to scream his name. He then proceeded down to her warmth.
His wicked tongue went into her sex, eating her out ferociously. Olivia squirmed under his touch. She could feel every single movement his mouth made. The tickling and sucking sensations brought her closer and closer to the edge. She jerked and thrusted under his touch. She had never gone over this quickly, but she felt a fire forming in her groin, and her toes started to curl. She couldn't hold out much more.
"Oh my god….Oh my god!" she hollered. He moaned into her approvingly, the vibrations felt throughout her entire body. He placed a thumb on her clit and rubbed until she became undone, her body shuddering.
Fitz tasted her essence, lapping his tongue up and down. It was so sweet. He crawled towards Olivia's face, which was panting, and kissed her as though he could bring breath into her through his own lungs.
"That was-I don't even know how to describe it" she exhaled. Fitz gave her a smirk.
"That wasn't even my best."
Before she had time to ask what he meant, he demonstrated, kissing back down her core.
"Oh shit," Olivia screamed. She completely understood what he meant now, and she wanted more. The things he was doing. He was sucking and kissing in all the right places. Using his voice to send vibrations through her. Olivia didn't even try to fight it this time around when she came. She fully surrendered herself to him. She shook and shook, riding out her intense orgasm.
Fitz sat up on his knees from between Olivia's legs. After hearing her moan and cuss, he was rock solid once again and ready to be inside of her.
"What?" she asked, noticing a look in his eye.
"Nothing. I'm just trying to figure out how I want you first."
Answering for him, Olivia turned over on her stomach and used all her strength to lift herself onto her hand knees. Fitz was dripping in anticipation and shot up a prayer. He fell short just before entering.
"Shit!" he cursed.
"What?" Olivia cranked her neck to look at him.
"Condom. They're in the nightstand."
"I'm on the pill," she informed him.
"What?" Fitz had never had sex with someone on birth control, at least as far as he knew, he couldn't be so sure with his previous lifestyle in his college days. But he was eager for the feeling of Olivia without any kind of barrier.
"I'm on the pill. If you still want to use one, I get it."
"No, no I trust you. I've just, um, never done it without one before." He aligned himself and went into her from behind, feeling every muscle in her womanhood wrap around him. His earlier thought of it feeling like the first time again was now true more than ever. He let out a long moan, braced himself.
The first thrust made Olivia tingle in ecstasy. He felt absolutely perfect within her. She felt him as he kept thrusting into her, each thrust more rapid than the last, getting faster and faster.
"Right there! Yes! Right there, Fitz! Oh!" Olivia shouted as Fitz reached places inside of her that she had never been touched.
Fitz kept thrusting his hips, grunting. He could feel his impeding orgasm rising, but was determined to try and hold off as long as he could.
"God Livvie, you feel so good," he muttered. He was about to cum, but worked a few more strokes until he felt Olivia shake and shudder from another intense orgasm and her walls started gripping him like a vice. He shouted and released into her.
Olivia collapsed onto the bed face down afterwards. Fitz took a spot beside her, daintily kissing her back up and down her spine. He noticed the way she reacted particularly when he made contact with her lower back. He wrapped his arms around her and heard her murmur under her breath.
"I love you."
"Hmmm?" asked Fitz, unable to completely hear the mumbling.
She turned around in his arms to face him and cupped his cheek. "I love you. I don't think I said it yet to you out loud, but I love you too. I am madly and deeply in love with you too."
She kissed him, stroking his top lip with her tongue. He kissed her back and steadily moved down her jaw to her neck, peppering her with love bites. He loved hearing her hum and whimper whenever he kissed a more delicate spot. After a few minutes he looked down at her.
"Can I?"
Olivia nodded. Fitz took a deep breath and pinned her down for yet another round of crazy, passionate lovemaking. This time going slow, and dragging on until they were both completely exhausted.