Disclaimer: All rights belong to Nickelodeon, Bryan Konietzko, Michael Dante DiMartino, and all the men and women that created the A:TLA show, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The lyrics are from the song "Fake You Out" by Twenty One pilots

Rating: General Audiences. Warning: some scenes contain dark themes and minor violence

Chapter 3 - The Luxuries of Pai Sho

I'll never be, be what you see inside

You say I'm not alone, but I am petrified

You say that you are close, is close the closest star?

You just feel twice as far, you just feel twice as far

Zuko is leaning over a map in the control room, marking off the parts of the south pole they've already checked. With every new X, he loses more hope.

The door opens and Zuko turns to see Katara enter. She has her hair braided down her back and she's washed up, but she's still wearing her blue furs. She seems more settled and grounded than yesterday.

"What's this?" she asks, coming to stand next to him.

He quickly rolls up the map. "Just an old map. It won't help us. There are no marked Water Tribe villages."

She doesn't press. Instead she peers out the glass screen at the water in front of them. "My tribe can't be too far from where you found me, right?"

"I don't know. You have no idea how long you were asleep."

"I couldn't have been out for more than a few days. Otherwise I would have frozen to death, right? Or starved? I mean, I was hungry when I woke up but not starving."

Zuko shrugs. He's not particularly interested in solving the mystery of how long she was asleep. The only memories he needs from her is where her tribe is and if they're hiding the Avatar.

"We will search the entire pole," he promises. "If your people are here, we'll find them."

He turns and starts to leave.

"Wait! Where are you going?" she calls out.

"I have to practice," he replies, then continues walking.

Iroh is once again seated on his stool, this time playing Pai Sho with a crewman. Zuko runs through his firebending warm-ups, focusing on his stance and his breathing. The basics, Iroh had drilled into him, are essential. You can defeat even the strongest master with the simplest moves if you know them the way you know to breathe.

Zuko doesn't quite believe that, but he trusts his uncle when it comes to firebending. Iroh wasn't called the Dragon of the West for nothing. Iroh is the second best Firebender in the world - after the Fire Lord, of course. And he has trained Zuko to be the fourth best Firebender - after his little sister, the "natural prodigy" Azula.

Zuko thinks of his sister a lot when he firebends. As children, she was constantly showing him up in front of their father, their mother, their grandfather, nobles - anyone who would watch. She has a natural talent that Zuko simply doesn't have. But he's not going to give up because of that disadvantage. There's always a chance she's grown lazy. If he works hard enough, practices enough, perhaps he can defeat her one day or at least be her equal.

So every time he starts to practice firebending, he keeps his goal of besting his sister in his mind. Fire is the strongest element because, unlike the others, it's fueled by emotion. Rage and passion feed the flames and add heat to the fire. Anger gives the fire a target.

Out of the corner of his eye, Zuko sees Katara come out on deck and take a seat next to his uncle. He ignores her and continues his exercises, moving slowly and purposefully. Spouts of flames burst from his hands and cut through the frigid air.

Soon, although Zuko had been shivering when he first came outside, he has to take off his long sleeved robe. He continues working, his bare arms cold but his core and face warm from his exertions.

Firebending is the only thing that keeps him sane. Travelling the three foreign nations for the past two years on a ship is maddening, especially with only his bumbling, tea-loving uncle and a minimal crew that pretends to not know the reason for his journey to keep him company. There's no one for him to talk to, to connect with. No one to judge him for the person he is now, not the person he used to be.

But when he firebends, he remembers that he is still Fire Nation. His father can banish him, dishonor him, shame him, but he cannot take away this fundamental part of Zuko; he cannot take away the literal fire inside of him.

When his arms are shaking and he can barely catch his breath, Zuko picks up his robe and walks over to his uncle.

Iroh moves a Pai Sho tile. "I believe I win," he says casually. The crewman rolls his eyes and leaves. Iroh happily sweeps the tiles off the board.

Katara is staring at Zuko with wide eyes. "You're really good," she says. "I've never seen someone firebend like that before." She frowns. "I think. I can't remember."

"He's becoming good," Iroh corrects, stacking the tiles up. "He still has much to learn."

"Perhaps if my teacher spent more time helping me instead of playing games, I would be better," Zuko says. Iroh simply chuckles.

"Don't mind his grumpiness," he tells Katara. "My nephew has yet to learn patience. Once he learns that, he might be the most powerful Firebender."

"How will patience help me in a battle? Skill will. Confidence will. Patience leads to death."

"Patience is very powerful. Why do you think I lost at Ba Sing Se all those years ago? The people were patient. They held me off for years. In the end, they were more patient than I and we retreated."

"Wait. What about Ba Sing Se?" Katara's eyes are wide.

Iroh's expression falters. "It was an unfortunate military defeat for the Fire Nation," he says. "But not important. Do you play Pai Sho, dear?"

Zuko makes an exasperated sound. "No one plays Pai Sho except old, dying men!"

Katara shakes her head. "I've never heard of it. I'd like to learn, if you would be willing to teach me."

Iroh grins. "I would be honored to teach you." He turns to Zuko. "You can always join us, my boy. It's not too late to take up an interest. Pai Sho opens many doors."

"I don't play games. I'm not a child." Zuko turns. "Can I speak with you for a minute, Uncle?"

Iroh hands Katara the sack of tiles. "Familiarize yourself with these, please. I will be back in a moment."

Zuko pulls Iroh out of earshot of the Water Tribe girl. "I told you, don't get attached," he hisses in a low voice. "We're dropping her off as soon as we find her village. And if her people are hiding the Avatar, they won't give him up easily. I wouldn't want your fondness towards her to cause us to lose my only chance at redemption."

Iroh laughs lightly. "You worry too much, Zuko. I am simply taking advantage of the new company. If you were smart, you'd do the same. When is the next time you're going to get to talk to a girl?"

"Hopefully soon, after I capture the Avatar and my father welcomes me back to the Fire Nation." Zuko crosses his arms. "I am the heir to the throne of the Fire Nation. Finding a girlfriend won't be hard."

Iroh makes a hmmph sound. "Being angry all the time doesn't help your case. But if you're so sure of it..."

Zuko watches his uncle head back to the table, where he begins to happily teach Katara Pai Sho. Zuko watches for a few minutes.

Iroh is definitely getting attached to the girl. The sooner they find her village and drop her off, the better.

That evening, Iroh retires to bed early, leaving just Zuko and Katara at dinner alone. Katara feels awkward; Zuko eats silently, his eyes down.

She's not sure how she feels about him yet. On one hand, he has this seemingly unquenchable anger that drives his every word and every action. Because of it, he's cold and sometimes cruel, especially to his uncle.

On the other hand, something caused that anger. Something traumatizing. She can see it in the way Iroh is always looking at him with sadness and regret in his eyes. She saw the peacefulness on his face when he was firebending. And she can sense it when she knows he's not always telling her the full truth.

Finding out what happened to him will unlock the reason for his ever-present anger. And it may be the way to heal him. Katara knows she doesn't owe him anything, but her heart aches seeing anyone in pain. She wants to help him. She doesn't remember much from her past, but she remembers that she was good at helping and healing people. Maybe helping him will unlock more of her own memories.

"Your uncle mentioned you've been on this ship for two years," she says tentatively, breaking the tense silence. "That seems awfully long for a scouting mission."

"Not when you're scouting the entire world."

You gotta try harder, Katara, she berates herself.

"Is firebending hard?" As soon as the words leave her mouth she wants to slap herself. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

But apparently it's a topic Zuko is more open talking about, because he says, "Yes. You can't control fire like you can control the other elements. You can only guide it."

"Well, I meant what I said out there. You are very good at guiding it."

"I've had a lot of time to practice," he replies wryly. "Not much else to do here."

"You could always play Pai Sho with your uncle, you know."

Zuko looks up, his one eyebrow raised. Katara smothers a smile. Finally, a response without any edge! She's making progress.

"He would really appreciate it, you know."

For a long time, there's silence. Zuko stares unmoving at the surface of the table. Katara watches him with a held breath, worried she's gone too far.

Then, "I know."

She releases her breath and continues eating. The silence isn't so tense as it was before. Katara is patient; she's willing to make slow progress.

Zuko finishes and stands up. Before he leaves, he says, "If things were different, I might be willing to sit around and play Pai Sho with him. But my life has never afforded me such a luxury. You wouldn't understand."

And then he's gone. Katara sits alone for a long time, trying to figure out what he means. But she's trying to solve a puzzle she doesn't have all the pieces to.

That night, she sleeps restlessly. She drifts into dreams that border on memories, but as soon as she wakes up she can't remember them. She twists and turns, wrapping her fists around the sheets in frustration. Why can't she hold onto her memories?

Her frustration leads to anxiety. What if she can't ever get her memories back? What if she doesn't recognize her family when they find the village?

Katara is a patient person, but even she can't stave off the fears that rise with the nighttime.

Sokka's head clears for a few minutes. It isn't long, but it's long enough for him to remember that in the chaos, he had grabbed a bag. He doesn't remember what he put in the bag as he ran, but maybe he had supplies.

He manages to pull himself into a sitting position. His bag is slung around his shoulder and rests on his opposite hip. He blinks away icicles that have accumulated on his eyelids and uses a cold, shaking hand to open the bag.

The first thing he pulls out is his boomerang. He loves his boomerang. It always comes back to him. The sight of it makes him smile and he holds it to his chest for a moment before putting it back in the bag and pulling out the next item.

It's a fancy flask, shaped like a crystal. He shakes it. The splashing water inside is comforting. He might starve, but at least he won't die of dehydration.

But as he starts to pull the top off, he remembers that this isn't ordinary water. It's water from the spirit oasis, in the North Pole. He remembers Princess Yue telling him about how when she was born with birth defects, her parents had laid her in the water to heal her.

Princess Yue. Sokka suddenly feels very sad. He looks up at the moon forlornly. He still remembers the night she became the new moon spirit. The Fire Nation had attacked the North Pole and had killed Tui, the original moon spirit, in an attempt to permanently cripple the Waterbenders. But Yue had taken over as the spirit, thus restoring balance - at the cost of her own life.

After the attack in the North Pole, the Southern Water Tribe knew the Fire Nation would return to finish what they started - and they also knew their own pole was at risk. So Sokka had returned to the South Pole. Before he had left, the waterbending master had given him this vial to give to his sister, Katara.

"She will need this," Master Pakku had said. "Tell her of it's special healing properties."

At the time, Sokka had been too upset over the death of his girlfriend to really pay attention. He'd returned to the South Pole, given the vial and the message to his sister, and then had returned to mourning.

His sister. Sokka's eyes, which had been drifting closed, open wide. Where is Katara?

She had escaped with him, he remembers that. She had given him the vial to hold while they ran. What happened next?

The last thing he remembers is fleeing with her. Everything after is a blur of white snow and black smoke. Until he woke up on this iceberg, of course.

He looks sadly at the vial. She must have not made it out. He remembers struggling to hold her hand - her blue eyes staring at his, wide in panic and shining brightly through the smoke. And then they'd been torn apart. That is the last thing he remembers before everything had gone black.

They'd been separated, and he'd survived but she didn't.

He still can't bring himself to drink the water in the vial. He puts it back in the bag next to his boomerang.

Next he pulls out a waterskin filled with normal water, which he appreciatively drinks from. It's partly frozen, but there's enough liquid to wet his mouth. Digging deeper, he finds a small bag of jerky. Although the memories of Yue and Katara weigh heavily on him, he can't help but smile.

He knows he's going crazy on this iceberg. He's slowly freezing to death and starving and his head is foggy and he can't think straight. He knows that he can't fully comprehend the sadness inside of him right now.

But he also knows that he has a small handful of jerky, and that gives him hope to make it through another night.