Chapter 58: New Chapter

"I want to be selfish with you," he said, leaning forward, fervently bringing his lips against hers.

This wasn't like the chaste kiss they shared under the mistletoe, urged on by their family. It was altogether wanton and passionate, months in the making.

"How selfish are we going to be?"

"Very," Emily said, lips just barely moving away from his as she pushed him up off the couch. "I want to be very selfish with you."

He pulled her up with him, pushing her to his chest.

"We should get out of here," she said, pressing her lips against his again.

She felt him nod and wrap a hand around her waist. Like two teenagers, they giddily ran up the stairs. She paused outside of her room.

"Are you having second thoughts?" he quietly asked as they stood in the hall.

"No… Just… Not here," she said. "I want to show you something."

"Ok."

She took his hand and led him to the end of the hall and up the stairs that led to the attic.

"What are we doing up here?"

"Wait," she said, releasing his hands and walking over to the window.

She pulled the curtains aside and then the blinds up. The attic was her old playroom turned her room, though her mother didn't actually agree with that. When she was a teenager, Emily stubbornly dragged a mattress up the narrow stairs, tossed it on the ground in the middle of the room, put on a few linens, and dubbed it her room away from her room.

Emily sat on the sofa which was where her bed used to be and motioned for him to sit.

"Look," she said.

He walked over and sat beside her, looking out of the window. The night sky was dark and clouded with snow, but the moon still peeked through and a few stars popped out. The view was amazing.

"It's gorgeous," he said. "Just like you."

Emily snuggled up to his side, taking his hand back in hers, feeling the need for touch.

"I used to come up here a lot when I was younger. It was peaceful to just sit here and look out into the sky. Especially when there were events happening downstairs."

"Your little escape."

"Exactly."

"That sounds like you. Play the part as long as you had to but hide the moment you could. I bet you were cute as a teenager."

"Depended on who I was trying to be at that moment."

"Underneath the goth makeup and the different outfits, you were still the same Emily, an Emily that I'm happy to have in my life."

Emily smiled against his chest.

"I'm happy you're in mine too."

Emily moved to kiss him. It was slow and zealous, but not aggressive.

They didn't sleep together that night, even if they wanted to. The wandering hands were nice and were clearly leading somewhere, but it wasn't the right place or time. Instead, they stayed up well into the night, kissing a lot and talking a lot. The talk was meaningful and deep all leading to one real point.

"You want this, right?" Emily asked.

"I want this. I want us. I've just been waiting on you. Do you?"

"So much," she replied, nuzzling against him, breathing in his scent. "I've been thinking a lot about us recently."

"You have?"

"Yes."

"What have you been thinking about?"

"I've just been thinking back, wondering if there was always something there that we didn't realize or didn't want to."

"I've been thinking about that too."

"Come up with anything?" she asked.

"I think there was always something, but it wasn't necessarily what I feel now."

"I think that too. Like in the beginning, you were annoyed by me."

"I wasn't."

"You so were. You looked at me as someone who didn't deserve to be there, someone who used connections rather than talents to weasel my way in."

"Well, while you did earn your place and even deserve to be there, you weren't chosen based on that."

"I didn't know it at the time, and I quit the moment Strauss tried anything."

"You did."

"So you admit you were annoyed by me?"

"Never. I just told you I want this. I'm never going to tell you that you annoyed me."

"I prefer honesty, especially if you want this to work."

"In that case… You're annoying me right now," he joked.

She playfully and lightly punched him. They were acting like carefree kids, playing around with each other until they were both laughing, and she was sitting on his lap.

"Still annoying?" she asked.

"Definitely not."

Going back to being serious, she said, "About what we were talking about… I didn't… I wasn't harboring feelings for you, pining for years."

"I didn't think you were. Neither was I."

"I know. I'm just saying. While you were with Haley, I wasn't secretly wishing for a breakup or anything. Or when you were with Beth, I just wanted to see you happy. To be honest, I don't think I ever would have allowed myself to even consider feelings beyond caring friends and family if we still worked together."

"A boss and his subordinate canoodling, definitely not regulation."

"I'm trying to be serious and you're just poking fun."

"Because you're being so cute. We're both professionals, Emily. I know that neither of us, even if we might have felt something, would even consider trying to figure out those feelings if we were still working together or if we were in other relationships. Not then. That's just not who we were."

"So what you're saying is that you're glad I don't work under you anymore."

"Well, we don't really know how well you work under me yet," he suggestively joked.

"Soon we will. But I won't be under you," she teased right back, reaching over to kiss him, tantalizingly biting his lip.

They made out like teenagers until they were so out of breath and panting for air like tired dogs.

"Can we stay here a little longer?"

"Definitely," Emily said, resting her head on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart as her hand rested on his abdomen.

He draped his arm around her, his own hand hiding under the hem of her night shirt, drawing circle patterns on her bare hip. Holding her like that after admitting, finally, that they had feelings for each other, both ready to dive in, felt so right. Things hadn't felt that right in a long time.

"Emily?" his whispered.

She didn't respond. Her quiet breaths were shallow and slow. She had fallen asleep. He just smiled and pulled her tighter. It was late, and he was feeling tired himself, but he would stay awake forever just to hold onto the moment a little longer.

He rested his head on hers, eyes weighted until they just couldn't stay open any longer.

Emily woke up an hour later with a slight crick in her neck. Drowsily, she took in her dark surroundings before things started to make sense.

"Damn," she whispered, seeing the time. It was after 3 and the kids, no doubt, were going to wake them early.

She slowly peeled herself out of his arms, taking a deep breath and rubbing some of the sleep out of her eyes.

Gently, she reached out and put a hand on his arm. "Hotch…"

"Mmm," he mumbled.

"Wake up."

"Go back to sleep."

"It's Christmas," she said. "And we're not in our beds."

"…is okay."

"Wakey. Wakey," she tried again. "Nate's going to be waking me up early for presents."

His hand reached out and pulled her back into his lap.

"What are you doing?"

"Holding you for a few more minutes before we sneak back into our rooms and pretend."

"Pretend what?" she asked, allowing herself to relax under his touch, cheek nuzzling his cheek.

"Pretend that we aren't counting down to the moment I get to actually take you on a date."

"You're going to take me on a date?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Will there be kissing?"

"A lot if it goes well."

"Will there be more than kissing?"

"Well, now that really depends on you."

"I guess we'll have to see then."

"We will."

"Now I don't want to get up."

"Me either."

"Do we have to?"

"I suppose we do. You were the one to wake me after all."

"I don't want Nate to worry if he can't find me."

"And I suppose we don't want this to be their Christmas surprise."

"It's not like we're naked."

"We could be."

"Don't be a naughty boy Agent Hotchner. Santa won't come."

"I'm more interested in Mrs. Klaus."

"Have a thing for the old lady huh?"

"Just a thing for one lady."

"I wonder who that could be."

"Me too…"

"Come on. We really have to get up…"

"Now that I'm wide awake, you want me to go back to bed… in an actual bed… with no one to keep me company."

"Yes. Exactly."

"Not nice."

"I'll make it up to you," she whispered seductively into his ear, lips grazing his skin before jumping off his lap.

He was right. They were both completely awake now. She held out a hand for him to take and pulled him up, nearly knocking them both over. Her laugh was loud and infectious and their not so quiet, whispered shhhs as they walked down the steps didn't exactly keep their cover.

They stopped outside her door, her back pressed against the wood. Their laughs died down but their want to pursue each other further had not, hence the kissing.

"If you don't stop, we're not going to stop," Hotch told her.

"Mmm, I'm ok with that."

"Not here. Not today. That's what you said."

"Did I?" Emily coyly asked.

"You did."

"How terrible of me. I guess I should listen to myself."

She gave him one last peck, lingering for a moment, and said goodnight before disappearing behind her door. He stood there for a minute, letting the everything sink in.

She wanted to try. They were going to try. He was at peace with however long it took to truly woo her, and, despite the adrenaline that had been coursing since she woke him up, he was able to easily fall back asleep once his head hit the pillow.

It was a little harder for Emily to get to sleep again. She was happy, happier than she had been in a while. There was no more hiding from her feelings, even if she wasn't ready to shout it off the rooftops yet. It was their beginning, and she was ready to see where it took them and their family.

Blame it on Christmas spirit, but the excitement was tingling through her, and she just couldn't sleep. His kisses, their potential future, Christmas morning, their first date… It was all on her mind. So, she didn't manage much sleep and she wasn't very upset about it at all.

She stayed in bed until sometime after five and decided to beat the kids up, start some coffee, and get ready for the day. Pulling on her robe and slippers, she made her way into the kitchen. In a haze, she went straight for the coffee, surprised when a voice sounded in the room.

"You and Aaron have a nice time last night?" Elizabeth asked, knowing smirk on her face as she watched her daughter fill the mug.

"Warn a girl, why don't you," Emily hissed, heart racing. "Merry Christmas."

"My apologies, and Merry Christmas to you, too, Dear. That didn't answer me, though."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Emily responded, sipping from her mug to hide the blush creeping on her cheeks.

"Sure you don't."

"Really, I don't."

"The attic is right above my room, Emily. That was why I never worried about you when you," she added air quotes, "ran away."

"Hey. There were times I really did run away."

"Yes there were, and you always came back. But that is neither here nor there. Sit."

"I ugh… I want to get a fire going before the kids wake up."

"Sit," Elizabeth instructed.

Emily felt like a child about to get a lecture which made her even more obedient. A silent sigh, she moved and sat across from her mother at the table.

"So…"

"Don't play the fool. What were you two up to last night? Or is it better that I don't know? Should I send the cleaning staff up there first thing tomorrow?"

"Mother!"

"What? You're an adult… You can sleep with whoever you wish wherever you wish, though if you were to do it in my home, I'd really prefer it not to be in listening distance… or with my grandson right there."

"Why are we even discussing this? We didn't sleep together… At least not in the primordial sense of the word."

"You guys were awfully giggly and making a ton of noise up there."

"We were talking."

"So you both just… couldn't sleep? Is that it?"

"Please don't read more into it than there is to read. We both had the same idea. I was outside getting the last of the presents I brought, you know, the things we weren't opening yesterday. He came out to do the same. When we were done with everything, neither of us was sleepy, so we stayed up and talked. I showed him around the house a bit more. It was beautiful out last night, so I showed him the view from the attic."

"You did always love that view."

"I did."

"Are you two an item now?"

"Didn't I…"

"You can say what you like, Dear, but I will still come to my own conclusions."

"Going against the evidence… Good thing you're not in law enforcement."

"I'd say good thing you're no longer in the field."

"Hey."

"Hay is for horses, and, since there are none around, let's stay on topic, shall we?"

"I don't even know who you are anymore," Emily said.

Her mother had become more and more free spirited with her. It was like it took decades of going back and forth from civil to hate to finally reach a point of actual friendship. Emily, honestly, had no idea what to do with this version of her mother.

"Talk to me, that's what. Tell me what's going on between you and Agent Hotchner."

"Honestly, Mother, we are very good friends."

"But you're not with Val anymore."

"I'm not."

"Because of Aaron?"

"No… Because Val… he wanted more than I could give him."

"Whatever does that mean?"

"He wanted me to marry him."

"He proposed?" Elizabeth asked, posture straightening out as she leaned in.

"Yes. He proposed, but I said no because it was too soon, and we were still in a rocky place."

"What did he want that you couldn't give him?"

"He moved back to France to be with his daughter."

"Commendable, putting his child first."

"It is," Emily agreed. "Which is why, when he asked me to go with him, I had to say no."

"He asked you to move to France?"

"Yes. Obviously, I couldn't do that. I didn't want to do that. My life is here now. I like it here."

"The man you really want to be with is here," Elizabeth added.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Not until you tell me something," Elizabeth confirmed.

"We are going to figure things out. That's all we have right now."

Elizabeth looked into her daughter's eyes, reaching to take her hand. "You want to be with him?"

"I… Yes."

"Then be with him," she said. "You've never been afraid. You've always paved the way, broken down whatever barrier stood in your way, but this time, you're your only roadblock. All you need is to stop getting in your own way. Let it happen."

"Que será, será?"

"Yes. What will be, will be."

"That easy."

"Could be. I think, from my perspective, you two would be good together."

"Thanks…"

"But only if you stop worrying about everything."

"Why are you pushing this? You've never been a cheerleader for any of my relationships."

"Aaron is a good man, and you deserve to be happy with someone who will treat you right. I had no problems with Val. It was even nice to be able to speak with him in his language, but I didn't feel that you were completely happy with him. There was something not quite right there."

Yeah, Emily thought, I was kissing Hotch.

"But with Aaron, I see how easily you both work together, how much you care about each other's son. You make a good family…"

"Mom… this is a very deep conversation to be having before 6 am on Christmas morning with minimal coffee."

"Alright. I get it. We can save the rest for another day," Elizabeth said, getting up from the table and kissing Emily's forehead. "Go start that fire."

"Wait," Emily said. "Why were you up so early?"

"Oh," Elizabeth started. "I was worried I'd wake up to moaning…"

"Mother!"

"Right above me, Emily. I could hear things."

"So when I was in college and came home with Rinaldo…"

"I heard things I wish I hadn't."

"Oh fudge," she said, sinking into her seat.

"I pretend it didn't happen. Better for both of us, Dear."

"Kill me now."

"Much too messy for Christmas morning. Go start the fire. The boys will be up any minute. I want to have the living room toasty. We'll eat in there."

"Can we make a deal to never, ever have any kind of sex talk before breakfast… or at any point? That would also work for me."

"Where's the fun in that?" Elizabeth teased, walking away.

"Old age made her a whole different kind of evil," Emily mumbled as she sauntered her way toward the fireplace, grabbing some logs from beside it.

Talking with her mother these days was confusing. She didn't understand how their relationship had become so friendly that her mother was willing to bring up both of their sex lives… How close was too close? She didn't feel like she could openly talk about any of that with her mother, but it still felt right somehow. It was odd.

She tried to push it out of her brain. What she did know was that her mother supported her relationship with Hotch, which she appreciated. It would save them some trouble in the long run.

"Boo."

"Agh," Emily jumped up when she heard that and felt a pinch at her side.

Immediately, she turned around.

"Not nice."

"Merry Christmas," Hotch said. "Sorry I scared you. I couldn't help myself. You were in your own little world."

"Yeah, well, you would be too if your mother heard us last night and thought we were having sex."

"What?"

"Yeah. Have fun talking to my mom today. Merry Christmas."

Emily saw no one else around, kissed him, and walked away, leaving behind a very confused and concerned Hotch. He did not want to spend the day with Elizabeth thinking about her thinking about them having sex.

"You're joking, right?" he called out. "You told her we didn't, right?" He could hear her laughing.

He didn't get a chance to pursue it any further as the house began to wake. Nate came running down the steps with a half-asleep Jack straggling behind. Nate's yelling was jovial and welcomed and woke everyone right up. Soon, Dave, James, and Penelope were all joining them around the tree, Christmas music playing, and presents being passed around to everyone sitting by the tree in their pajamas.

Nate excitedly passed out the things he got for everyone before tearing into his own presents. By the end of it, there was paper everywhere and the adults were playing as much as the kids.

"I have something for you," James said to Emily as the rest of the adults and kids headed to the kitchen to start on breakfast.

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"I made it," he said. "Consider it another peace offering."

"We've made peace, James."

"I know, but I will always have regrets and, even if I can't completely make up for them and I can't change time, I can offer you something."

Emily took the gift.

"Open it now?"

"Yes."

She pulled the paper apart. Inside the box was a thumb drive and photo album.

"It's a scrapbook," he said, correcting her thoughts. "Of Nate… from before he came back into your life to now. On the drive, there are videos, things you've never seen, mostly. I thought… Well, I thought it was the least I could do."

"Is this going to be your thing now? Grand gesture Christmas presents."

"Call it holiday spirit."

"I can't wait to look at these. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They shared a brief hug before they were called to breakfast. Dave and Elizabeth cooked, which kind of surprised them. It was a light breakfast because there was plenty of food being prepped for their dinner. Mostly, the day was full of fun, family, and togetherness.

Nate pulled out the guitar he brought with him and sang the French song Emily taught him, finally getting to show it off. Everyone joined in when the Christmas music started flowing. A few people may have even gotten caught under the mistletoe. Seeing Dave and Penelope share a kiss was hilarious. Thankfully, at least to them, Emily and Hotch did not get caught under there again… not together anyway. Their kiss would have been a little too real if they had.

"Is this what Christmases were like when you were a kid?" Penelope asked Emily.

"No… Most of my Christmases were overseas and very…"

"Lonely," Elizabeth finished. "Unfortunately, the holidays were usually just the two of us and sometimes not even that."

"But you have me now," Nate said, cuddled next to his mom. "You have all of us."

"I'm thankful for it every day."

Elizabeth's hand went to Emily's shoulder and the two shared a smile.

The rest of the day was just very cozy. They had an early sit-down dinner that they all helped cook. There was good talk, good wine, and great company.

By the time dessert came, Emily and Hotch were feeling their late night. The kids were playing cards with the other adults while Elizabeth checked on dessert and Emily sat on the couch sipping at the last of her wine while watching the crackling fire.

Hotch joined her, sitting far enough away to not draw suspicion, but close enough that their hands fell in place right next to each other, fingers grazing like a phantom hand hold. Emily smiled and looked over to him, placing her glass down with the other hand.

"Your mother has been teasing me all day."

"Elizabeth," Emily said, "has been taken by the looney bin and given a lobotomy. She is not my mother."

"A pod person?"

"Another fine possibility. I like it… Sometimes. She's more open and playful. I feel like I can talk to her without worrying too much."

"Did you talk to her about us?" he quietly asked.

"Not really. She asked about last night, but that's it."

"Do you want to talk to her about it?"

"No… Not yet anyway. Right now, what happens is between us, and I kind of like it that way."

"Me too."

He unconsciously mirrored her position, resting back into the couch cushions, head facing hers, and hands still touching. They stayed like that, talking until the day truly caught up with them and both fell asleep.

"How cute," Penelope said. "Do you think they know they fell asleep like that?"

"Probably not," Dave responded.

"Should we wake them for dessert?"

"Let them rest. They look like they could use it."

"Fine. But we need a picture… They're just so adorbs."

Penelope did snap a picture and it was shown to them at a much later date.

Elizabeth took the initiative to wake them up threatening to pour cold water over them if they didn't. Emily joked that maybe she should have been happy her mother essentially neglected her growing up if that was what the alternative was. Elizabeth knew she was joking, but it hurt her, nonetheless.

Emily was quick to apologize.

"I'm not going to pretend our past didn't happen, Mom. There were a lot of times you weren't there for me, but you're here now, and I'm happy about that."

"Me too, Dear. For what it's worth, I am sorry. I wish I was a better mother when you needed me."

"I still need you, and you're here now," Emily said.

That seemed like as good a place as any to end the holiday festivities. The night was winding down, everyone was tired, and ready to call it. James, Pen, and Dave all left around the same time while Emily and Hotch stayed behind to load up their cars. Jack and Nate were inside getting the last of their things together while Emily and Hotch were by the cars.

"So," Hotch started. "What's your New Year's looking like?"

"Are you asking if I have plans?"

"Yes."

"I don't. I was supposed to be spending it with Nate, but James asked if he could take Nate to the fireworks and I said yes, especially because I'm taking Nate away for a few days."

"You are?"

"After the new year. He liked skiing so much that I wanted to take him again this year. It was my mom's gift to him. We have a cabin by Shenandoah again."

"That should be fun."

"It will be. You and Jack should come."

"We don't want to intrude on your time."

"Hotch," Emily admonished. "Nate would love it, and it would give him a chance to show off."

"Well, we can go over those details later… Until then… Do you think you can get away for a night?"

"A night? What do you have in mind?"

"It's a surprise."

"An adult only surprise?"

"Yes, Emily. I want to take you on a real date. Just you and me."

"I think that can be arranged. I have Nate this weekend."

"On New Year's Eve. Jack's going to a friend's. We'll be alone. You, me, and our date."

"You going to tell me about it?"

"No. It's all going to be a surprise. Dress warmly and pack an overnight bag."

"Oh… This really is an adult only trip," she winked.

"Nothing has to happen. It's only our first real date."

"I'm excited for it."

Hotch looked around before asking, "A kiss for the road?"

"Absolutely," Emily answered, moving closer, hands on his waist.

It was a chaste kiss, but they weren't ready for major PDA yet, so it was acceptable.

"This has been an amazing Christmas," Emily told him.

"A very good one," he agreed. "Am I going to see you later?"

"Not tonight. Nate and I have a date of our own with the couch and a queue full of movies."

"Sounds fun."

"I'll talk to him about the ski trip. You talk to Jack and let me know if you want to join us."

"I will."

Emily pulled away, saying she was going to get the boys. She sent Jack out after saying goodbye, telling him that they would see them later. She and Nate were going to stick around just a little longer. Emily and Nate waved as they took off.

"You got it bad," Emily heard Elizabeth mutter as she walked away.

"What does she mean, Mom?" Nate asked.

"Nothing. She's crazy," Emily said. "Can you get my bag from upstairs too? Then we'll leave."

"Alright."

Emily took a second to thank her mom for the lovely Christmas, saying they should keep the tradition again next year. It was nice spending time with her mother and Elizabeth took another moment to make a joke about the attic.

"Goodbye, Mom. Merry Christmas."

Emily and Nate left after that. As soon as they were home, they put all their stuff away and collapsed on the couch. They didn't want food or anything. They just started their movies until both fell asleep. It was a nice way to end Christmas together, but the coming days were busy.

They were busy for Hotch too, which made it hard for them to see each other. They resorted to late night phone calls after the boys were in bed and it had to suffice, but New Year's Eve couldn't come quickly enough.

On the day, Emily was nervous the whole morning, butterflies fluttering around her stomach. When he knocked on her door midday, she couldn't keep the giddy smile off her face.

"I would have brought flowers, but you're not going to be here to enjoy them."

She was happy just to see his face.

"I don't expect flowers, Hotch," she said, pulling him into her apartment.

She was all set to go, a small overnight bag packed and dressed reasonably. He took the time to look over her. Gorgeous.

"We finally get together, and I haven't seen you in a week," he said. "I've missed you."

"That was my intention all along. Trying to keep the spark alive," she joked.

"Already? We're in trouble then."

They laughed.

"So, am I dressed ok for what you have planned? You said jeans… Something warm."

"Are you comfortable?"

"Yes."

"Then it's perfect. And I'm ready when you are."

"I'm ready." So ready.

"Then," he held out a hand. "After you."